Under Aged Sex, Drinking, Just Another Wizard Of Oz Play (2392 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 1.74 on 31 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Shark25 (View user info) at 2005-04-28 13:59:37 EDT
Just this past Friday my wife forced me to go to a 7th and 8th grade presentation of The Wizard of Oz.
YEAH!
WOO!
SLOW DOWN THE FUN TRAIN!
These are all the things I was not thinking. Who besides the parents of the kids involved and the friendly neighborhood pedophile would want to see this goddamn play?
See if you can follow this my wife's best-friends 13 year old daughter was in the play and she had one line and was only going to be on stage for 3 minutes.
Super now I have to sit thru an hour and half of drivel before I go home and get shitty drunk. And all attempts to sneak my flask into the play were halted by my wife. I also had to go an hour and a half without a smoke as being on school property it would have been illegal to smoke outside.
I thought this was going to suck.
I was wrong.
What I saw Friday night was the most beautiful display of how bad things have gotten in today's public schools. I have never laughed as hard in my life as I had Friday. It may have been the greatest moment in school theater history.
First what you must understand and what I found out is that the play is nothing like the movie. The play is like the retarded cousin of the movie. And this particular play was the retarded cousin who was sexually molested and beaten by its drunken father.
We all sit down my wife; her friend, her friend's husband, and I were all on the front row waiting for the show to begin.
The stage was set up with two gigantic card board walls on either side, so the audience could not see the kids waiting to get on stage for their part of the play which is stupid because they have two big assed mirrors in back so you can see behind them and there was a back drop of OZ and the yellow brick road. Now the major roles like Dorothy, Scarecrow, Tin Man, Lion, Good and Bad Witch, and the Wizard were all played by 8th graders and the secondary roles such as Guards, Munchkins, and Servants and such were played by 7th graders.
Now all that all the set up is done lets get to the good shit.
Now this is opening night for the kids and they are all nervous but in the opening sequence the kid playing Uncle Henry is suppose to just say that there is a twister coming and run off stage.
This kid gets up there and he is in his overalls and straw hat and he is just staring at the audience with fear in his eyes. Then out of the blue the kid starts pissing himself. And I don't mean a normal piss but like you just drank five pitchers of beer piss. There was a puddle I swear it!
And it gets worse.
I felt bad for the kid but I also know that I was going to burst out laughing so I ran out of the "theater" and into the boy's bathroom and began a 10 minute session. As I was laughing I could hear some kids in the handicapped stalls. I saw four pairs of little feet, one wearing red slippers, and whispers that were saying "put the schnapps back in your overalls and hurry". Then the producer's voice came from the hallway.
"I need Dorothy, the good witch, and munchkins ready."
Just then Dorothy and the good witch with Scarecrow, which was a girl, and Tin Man in tow come running out. I wondered what happened to the Lion but then I need he was a cowardly little bitch and probably would narc on them.
I get back into the "theater" and they are still setting up for the munchkin land scene whoop de fuckin do!
Alright skip ahead to when Dorothy and Scarecrow find Tin Man. They all make it thru the scene with a lot of slurring and stumbling. People are starting to whisper and my face is turning red from trying to hold the laughter in. My wife looks at me with a very unapporving look and continues to watch.
Now they have set up the forest scene where they find the lion however we never will make that far.
As the trees are sing a song we can hear giggling from behind one of the card board cut outs that are next to the stage we all looked into the mirror behind the card broad and we see Dorothy, Scarecrow, and Tin Man all TRIPLE KISSING! Dorothy and Scarecrow were all over Tin Man. My only thought was that this kid knew how to work the ladies better than I did when I was his age or my age now.
At this point I am trying to punch myself in the leg to increase pain in hopes of decreasing laughter. People there all turn they're cameras to the mirrors so in a sense they are filming underage porn. The next to me is pissed off. He sees me failing at holding in my laughter.
Dad: That's my daughter!
Me: Well she will make some little boy or girl happy someday.
As the words left my mouth my wife looked at me as did her friend and her friend's husband. The husband busted out laughing as did I which pissed the dad off even more.
The three little drunk tards looked around and realized people could see them and ran into the back. Then the teacher who was in charge of this train wreck came out.
Teacher: Due to unfortunate circumstances we can not proceed with the play. I will need to see the parents of Dorothy, Scarecrow, and Tin Man please. And will the parents of the good witch please come to the girl's bathroom as I believe she is sick.
Lights, Camera, Good Times.
User Reviews
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-07-16 03:31:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
why are there words missing in this? Just seems really odd and you must live in one fucked up place!
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-07-15 23:29:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 fun train
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2008-07-15 22:41:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Just this past Friday my wife forced me to go to a 7th and 8th grade presentation of The Wizard of Oz.
YEAH!
WOO!
SLOW DOWN THE FUN TRAIN!
____
Well, that alone is +2. Ty whoever dug this up.
Submitted by Ejryuu (user info) at 2008-07-15 17:50:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy crap that's awesome!
Submitted by BobSandwich (user info) at 2008-07-15 17:12:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by congo (user info) at 2008-07-15 16:31:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This needs to be re-read often.
Submitted by Girlwithaclue (user info) at 2005-04-28 19:48:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That was fucking hilarious!!!
Submitted by GreenRiver (user info) at 2005-04-28 19:27:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
haaahaaaaa!
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2005-04-28 18:23:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Mirrors can be a bitch sometimes
Submitted by ubern00b (user info) at 2005-04-28 17:52:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
junior high kids make me laugh
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2005-04-28 16:41:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Tastycat (user info) at 2005-04-28 16:40:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by ess-arr (user info) at 2005-04-28 14:21:36 (#)
Ranking: 2
I went to the front page, found nothing, so I came back a read this again...
and here's some useless information:
I played Roger in Grease in grade 9, and got no booty. Damn that Tin man!!!
---------------------------------------------------------------
What will get you less booty than playing Roger, you ask?
Tevye from Fiddler on the Roof. Even my girlfriend wouldn't kiss me with the beard. Limey cunt.
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2005-04-28 16:13:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
the tin man is the mac daddy of all time.
Submitted by Hands_Rambone (user info) at 2005-04-28 16:09:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Where can I get tickets?
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2005-04-28 15:59:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I am so afraid to have a daughter.
Submitted by nrduncan (user info) at 2005-04-28 15:40:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome
Submitted by Wyellbee (user info) at 2005-04-28 15:22:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahahahaha! Brilliant.
Middle Schoolers have no talent whatsoever. FACT.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-04-28 15:15:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hah funny
Submitted by mbstateside (user info) at 2005-04-28 15:09:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Really good. I don't care if it is true or not you made me laugh
Submitted by mles76 (user info) at 2005-04-28 14:45:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by icepigs (user info) at 2005-04-28 14:30:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Funny. Would have been better if it were true.
Submitted by ChristPuncher (user info) at 2005-04-28 14:22:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
GO SHANIGANS WOO!!!
Submitted by ess-arr (user info) at 2005-04-28 14:21:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I went to the front page, found nothing, so I came back a read this again...
and here's some useless information:
I played Roger in Grease in grade 9, and got no booty. Damn that Tin man!!!
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-04-28 14:20:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh hell yeah, best post in a long time.
Submitted by SiskelandFatboy (user info) at 2005-04-28 14:18:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh, this is good.
Submitted by wtf_is_going_on (user info) at 2005-04-28 14:15:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This was great. It brings back memories of our school
plays. Bravo!
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-04-28 14:12:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I would not have been able to hold my laughter either.
Submitted by Slighty_Obnoxious (user info) at 2005-04-28 14:11:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I was masturbating behind the curtain. Glad you didn't see me.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-04-28 14:07:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is the best thing that I've read here in weeks.
Submitted by ess-arr (user info) at 2005-04-28 14:07:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This sir, is a thing of beauty. I have to go see some more high school theatre...
Submitted by mockidol (user info) at 2005-04-28 14:03:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment