The Awesomeness of Randomness on a Thursday Afternoon - Part 2 (1540 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: RandomThoughts
Rating: 1.44 on 20 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Tom Sorrell - sorrelltr.at.hotmail.com (View user info) at 2005-04-28 14:36:31 EDT
I am officially addicted to The Office. There's not a better character on television right now than Dwight (played by Rainn Wilson). His line last week about the purse saleswoman was priceless. "She has everything I look for in a woman. Nice hair, soft skin, and wonderful breasts... Those aren't for me, they're for my children. The Schrutes are notoriously thirsty babies."
To the girl driving the gold Sebring on the highway today: I AM GOING TO DEVOUR YOUR SOUL LIKE SHANG TSUNG, YOU STUPID LITTLE INCONSIDERATE WHORE.
For the record, I'm not a Star Wars nut, I'm merely a casual fan; however, I could not possibly be more excited for this movie. Seriously, only War of the Worlds has me this hyped. The preview with the following exchange is awesome:
Emperor: "Lord Vader?"
Vader: **rising up on a platform** "Yes, master?"
It's rumored that there's an alternate version of that commercial goes like this:
Emperor: "Lord Vader, is that Freedom Rock?"
Vader: **rising up on a platform** Yes, Master."
Emperor: "Well turn it up!!!"
Staying with the Star Wars theme, if you want to get even more hyped for the flick, check out Kevin Smith's review over at http://viewaskew.com/news/sith. Be forewarned, this review contains spoilers, but honestly, if you don't know what happens in the series by now, why would you even bother watching Episode 3?
When your phone rings and you ask me to answer it for you and tell the person on the other line that you're busy, be prepared for me to tell them you're in the bathroom with a case of diarrhea. At the very least, don't act surprised when I do so and for God's sake don't complain to Brian about it, ass. Brian doesn't like you.
There's a guy in my office who has a serious case of halitosis. He's a nice enough guy, and I know it's not his fault that his breath smells like he just ate the ass out of a dead raccoon, but that doesn't change the fact that it does, indeed, smell that way. Because of this, I avoid any direct contact as much as possible, and when he approaches my desk, I stand up and move back a few feet. You see, this guy likes to use words with "H" sounds, so he's blowing that shit-smelling foulness into my face three times in a two-second time span when he asks a question such as: "HHHey. HHHow's it going over hhhere?"
I got a raise today, which is surprising after some of the shit I've written about my place of employment and the things I have done here. The lesson for all of you out there is: you can surf the internet all day and take 10 coffee breaks, and as long as your boss likes you, you're fucking GOLDEN.
Since I've mentioned work, I had an e-mail conversation today that I might as well share with you all:
To: Tom Sorrell
From: Jenni
Subject: hey!!!!!
Can I get a file folder from you? I'm out.
--
To: Jenni
From: Tom Sorrell
Subject: re: hey!!!!!
Yea, I have a few extra, I'll bring one back.
HEY!!!! What about this mad cow disease? I hope I never get it!! Here's a question, if you had the choice of a getting file folder or mad cow, which would you pick?
--
To: Tom Sorrell
From: Jenni
Subject: re: hey!!!!!
What?
--
To: Jenni
From: Tom Sorrell
subject: re: hey!!!!!
It's a simple question Jenni, would you rather have a file folder or mad cow disease?
--
To: Tom Sorrell
From: Jenni
Subject: re: hey!!!!!
Obviously I'd choose a file folder.
--
To: Jenni
From: Tom Sorrell
Subject: re: hey!!!!!
Oh good, I was afraid you'd pick mad cow.
--
To: Jenni
From: Tom Sorrell
Subject: re: hey!!!!!
What????? Why?
--
To: Jenni
From: Tom Sorrell
Subject: re: hey!!!!!
I guess I'm just a worrier. That's why my friends call me "Whiskers."
--
To: Tom Sorrell
From: Jenni
Subject: re: hey!!!!!
No one calls you whiskers... What are you talking about?
--
To: Jenni
From: Tom Sorrell
Subject: re: hey!!!!!
...
HEY!!! I know the moon isn't made of green cheese, but what if it were made of barbecue spare ribs? Would you eat it then? I know I would. Heck, I'd have seconds! Then I'd finish it off with a tall, cool Budweiser.
--
To: Tom Sorrell
From: Jenni
Subject: re: hey!!!!!
WHAT!?!?
--
To: Jenni
From: Tom
Subject: re: hey!!!!!
Forget it.
User Reviews
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-04-29 15:30:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Become mute. Or comatose. Stay away from the goth. You don't have the build for that look.
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-04-29 09:12:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Shlongy, would you rather I write poems about darkness, pain, and suffering? Shall I become goth?
The Macho Man played baseball? I mean, is there anything this man CAN'T do?
Actor
Rapper
Wrestler
Baseball Player
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2005-04-29 02:49:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
For the Caray exchange.
Submitted by m0ke34 (user info) at 2005-04-28 15:56:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
good shit
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-04-28 15:55:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I have some stories about Randy Savage - from him- that would leave you laughing. He played some professional baseball in his day and I had the, well, I guess you could call it the pleasure of meeting him, a long time ago.
As an aside, why would we, you or anyone want to "rule Ubersite" - you need to set some loftier goals for yourself there, Sparky.
Also, whether you've noticed it or not, I work alone.
I guess some days you just irritate me with your eternal optimism, peppiness and cheerfulness. So knock it off.
Submitted by Danzxc (user info) at 2005-04-28 15:39:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for bringing back the email!
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2005-04-28 15:34:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Despite what Shlongy has to say, I think you're hilarious Tom
Not like my opinion means anything around here.
Can I have your boss? Mine is KILLING me with idiocy today...
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-04-28 15:27:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
The Eastman, you've made me laugh my ass off twice now... that means a +2 for you on your last post.
Submitted by TheEastman (user info) at 2005-04-28 15:26:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Wrestlemania V: The Mega Powers explode!
Will Shlongy's Flying Elbow put him on top? Or will Tom Sorrell's Leg Drop of Doom prove to be the difference maker?
Order today on PPV!
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-04-28 15:19:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
See, Dicky, here's what I don't get about you:
We're very similar, you and I. We have the same taste is sports (football, baseball, and golf), we're both assholes at times, and we're both stubborn as a mother fucker. Together, we could rule Ubersite with an iron fist and leather glove. We could be like Macho Man and Hogan in the '80s. Two distinct personalities with simliar traits team up and absolutely dominate everyone around them until that bitch Elizabeth came between them...
Come to think of it, you sort of look like The Macho Man, only he had what we call a "human nose" instead of a toucan beak.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-04-28 15:17:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I'm glad you don't talk to each other in your office.
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2005-04-28 15:16:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You should check out the BBC original version of the office, great stuff, but the two are different enough you can watch both of them.
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-04-28 14:57:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by AwesomeJohnson (user info) at 2005-04-28 14:53:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Stand clear of mad goat too. Just a fair warning.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-04-28 14:53:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-04-28 14:45:21 (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey! If you were a hot dog, and you were starving, would you eat yourself?
I know I would! First, I would smother myself with brown mustard and relish.. I'd be so
delicious!
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-04-28 14:48:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I mean, I LOVE the Farrell/Caray thing...I think I once actually wet my pants while watching a clip of it for the 31st time.
But our "author", by overusing the shtick, is killing it.
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-04-28 14:47:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Penisy, you're entitled to your opinion, but that doesn't mean you're right. : )
Submitted by TheEastman (user info) at 2005-04-28 14:47:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I came across that girl in the gold Sebring earlier today.
*rim shot*
Get it? Came across?
Man, fuck this crowd.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-04-28 14:45:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey! If you were a hot dog, and you were starving, would you eat yourself?
I know I would! First, I would smother myself with brown mustard and relish.. I'd be so
delicious!
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-04-28 14:42:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
This just in....
You're officially "not very funny".
Nothing personal, buddy. Seriously.