hahaha SHUT UP (888 hits)
Category: NewsRating: 0.18 on 30 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by DJMattB241 (View user info) at 2005-04-29 10:33:43 EDT
Does anyone want to have my baby? No, really. Do any uber ladies want to have a little DJMatt?
I ask because... well... judging from what I saw yesterday... I need to hurry up and start reproducing. It appears that, in the whole Nortwest Indiana area (Motto: Crossroads of America, and boy does it smell like it!), I'm the only one left with an actual functioning sense of humor.
Now, it's not that everyone else is always walking around angry, or pissed off... even though they should be... because they live in Northwest Indiana... no no. They're all smiles. But the THINGS coming out of these people's mouths... well...
So I'm at work yesterday. I work at the UPS Store (motto: If we didn't pack your box, you better buy insurance), and nine times out of ten, I love my job. The atmosphere is laid back, the boss is pretty funny (for a complete nerd; one that puts me to shame... which is quite a talent), and the coworkers are mostly easy to get along with. Yesterday, however, one customer ruined my entire day.
So my ex is helping this guy do whatever it is he was doing, filling out a form or something. (Yes I work with my ex, and it somehow STILL manages to be laid back) While they're doing that, the mail lady shows up to, you know, drop off the mail. Her and I always shoot light-hearted comments back and forth, which are always at least mildly amusing.
The first time she came in, she banged her leg on something or other, and the second time she came in, I hit my arm on something going up there to take the mail from her. So I made some comment about us being bad karma for each other, and she came back with some comment about how we couldn't ever hang out because the death toll might be too high. Like I said, not exactly Harvey Birdman, but hey, it gets us through the work day.
So apparently, our light banter gave the guy filling out his form an advanced degree in humor/wit. I've never understood what it is about being around funny people that makes other people feel like comedians, but it happens all the time.
I walked into the back with the mail, where (thankfully) the guy up front couldn't see me, and he says the following, and i quote:
"You have to watch her when she leaves... she might go... POSTAL!"
Have you ever heard something so stupid, it made you mad? This guy had just uttered the 9/11 of jokes. My reaction was the same. Shock... then horror... then disbelief... then seething anger. My jaw fell open and i just stared blankly at the wall between us. Then I shook my head and put my hands on the counter, trying to wrap my head around what I just heard. "Did I just hear that? No one is that stupid. I must have heard that in my head. There's no WAY someone said that. Maybe it was all the crack." After that, I looked up with a look so intense, I'm surprised holes didn't burn through the wall and eat his soul. Not that anyone saying that line can have a soul anyways. God has a sense of humor, but he's not THAT depraved.
Amy, on the other hand, was in plain sight by both myself and the customer. Now, I will admit, even to this day, she retains most of the sense of humor that I liked back when we dated. So it's not like she took this easily. Reminding me, for just a moment (and ONLY a moment), why I used to love that girl, she let out a laugh, without any sort of choking and/or coughing involved. As he was leaving, she shot me a look that, after 5 years of knowing this girl, I knew to mean "MY EARS!!! MY VIGRIN EARS!!! THEY HAVE BEEN FOREVER DEFACED!!!"
I thought that might have been the end of it, but no. Since that moment, I have not been able to get that guy out of my head. The more I think about that line, its horrible delivery, its bad timing, its... complete and total unfunnyness (not unlike this post), the angrier I get. Everyone I talked to for the rest of the night got to hear me ranting about it. It completely ruined my night, and so far, it's ruined today too.
I'm going to keep a couple rubberbands on-hand today. If someone so much as kills ONE JOKE, they are going to have the flying circles of rubber to answer to.
And I'm a fucking mean shot.
User Reviews
Submitted by Didier (user info) at 2005-06-21 17:48:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
rapist are disgustin
Submitted by Rads_wife (user info) at 2005-06-13 23:12:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/68315
LOOSER!!!!
Submitted by Feijuada (user info) at 2005-05-21 13:25:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I rated this already, but I don't understand why this dosen't have AT LEAST a +1.00
Submitted by Wiggles (user info) at 2005-05-21 13:08:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Fuck you, you frail piece of shit.
Submitted by Lisa (user info) at 2005-05-17 04:06:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I know you're mad at me for some reason, so I Googled "Smiley Face" just for you. Just for you...gootchie-gootchie-goo, Matt. Here's what I got: http://fogarty7.lockergnome.net/_photos/smiley%20face.JPG
COME ON, LOOK AT THAT FACE!! HOW CAN YOU NOT SMILE? ISN'T SHE CUTE?? Okay, so she looks kind of deformed and I don't really know what's on her chin, but hey, it's the thought that counts.
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2005-04-29 18:28:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"Everyone I talked to for the rest of the night got to hear me ranting about it. It completely ruined my night, and so far, it's ruined today too"
And you're sure it's "you" that is the only one left w/a sense of humor?
Ever consider medication?
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-04-29 15:59:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
The post was meh
the pic was funny
+1 for Toothpaste for Dinner
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2005-04-29 14:22:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I'm sorry, but this was just stupid.
Submitted by mbstateside (user info) at 2005-04-29 14:21:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by DJMattB241 (user info) at 2005-04-29 12:23:18 (#)
Ranking: 0
mbstateside, i'm currently taking your advice, she's coming over tonight, and we're... um... discussing our options... hm.
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Cool man, good luck
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2005-04-29 13:19:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I don't understand why you got so upset about this.
Submitted by DJMattB241 (user info) at 2005-04-29 12:53:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
munkey: added.
also, just so we're all on the same page here, method claims to have some inside information that he will not reveal to anyone, despite pleas by everyone including myself to do so. if i had private information about someone, and knew it was true, and it was proof that that person did something bad, and they ASKED me to please reveal it to the public... i would.
we report, you decide.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-04-29 12:37:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i am not on today but here's my info.
aim munkeypants1
man munkeypants.at.hotmail.com
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2005-04-29 12:27:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It's not my place to spill the beans on someone.
But then again, he IS a rapist, so maybe this is an exception to the rule.........
Submitted by DJMattB241 (user info) at 2005-04-29 12:26:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
munkeypants: dunno and/or IM me.
Submitted by DJMattB241 (user info) at 2005-04-29 12:23:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
mbstateside, i'm currently taking your advice, she's coming over tonight, and we're... um... discussing our options... hm.
Submitted by mbstateside (user info) at 2005-04-29 12:14:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
The world is full of Dicks*! Deal with it
*By Dicks I mean people who really should do the world a favour and just kill shoot themselves. Either that or move to Canada (Sorry Candians I counldn't resist that one) Not the male appendige although the world is full of them too.
I liked your story though. Did you come to any conclusions about your new/potential chick after your last psot by the way?
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-04-29 12:09:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
what's method talking about?
Submitted by DJMattB241 (user info) at 2005-04-29 12:08:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Herpes (user info) at 2005-04-29 11:55:05 (#)
Ranking: 0
If Method keeps calling you a rapist just to get some people to thinking that he has information the rest of us do not, it's worked.
SPILL THE BEANS METHOD, OR I'LL GO POSTAL UP IN THIS MUTHA!
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by all means. tell them everything you know method... shouldn't be more than maybe a paragraph anyways.
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-04-29 12:01:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
YOU are a funny guy? Wow. Quite a claim from someone who has never posted anything humourous.
ps: the world does not need more people like you. Do not reproduce.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-04-29 11:59:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Sounds like YOU'RE about to go postal yourself, there, Cowboy.
Submitted by Herpes (user info) at 2005-04-29 11:55:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
If Method keeps calling you a rapist just to get some people to thinking that he has information the rest of us do not, it's worked.
SPILL THE BEANS METHOD, OR I'LL GO POSTAL UP IN THIS MUTHA!
Submitted by Jungle_Jimanee (user info) at 2005-04-29 11:49:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-04-29 10:56:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The 9/11 of jokes.
Damn. That's bad.
Submitted by DJMattB241 (user info) at 2005-04-29 10:56:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-04-29 10:43:03 (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't know. I kind of like the idea of the word HEART, rather than some pansy little <3 thing.
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well i was just asking so i'd know which ones to order...
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2005-04-29 10:45:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm sure there are laws against rapists fathering children.
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-04-29 10:43:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't know. I kind of like the idea of the word HEART, rather than some pansy little <3 thing.
Submitted by DJMattB241 (user info) at 2005-04-29 10:39:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
would it say the word HEART or would there be... you know... a <3?
Submitted by Feijuada (user info) at 2005-04-29 10:39:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That picture decsribes a few of my friends. And on weekends I have a tendecy to wake up around 4 in the afternoon.
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-04-29 10:36:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I want to get a bumper sticker that says: "I HEART DJMatt."
Oh sure, no one will know what it is, but I'll know, and knowing's half the battle. You take the good; you take the bad; you take them both and there you have: my review of this post.
Sit Booboo, sit... good dog.
God I need my Family Guy fix...
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2005-04-29 10:34:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
the pic is funny