The Case of The Alien Bitch Queen (1011 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: crap:fiction
Rating: 1.95 on 24 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Circe <fickle.muse.at.gmail.com> (View user info) at 2005-04-30 08:53:52 EDT
He had the kind of face that's just begging to be slapped. You know the type - greasy, smarmy, arrogant, and he believes he's God's gift to everything that wears a skirt and has big boobs. I could hear the annoyance in my secretary's voice when she buzzed through to tell me he was here; she only sounds like that when some client has been offering to show her how to follow his yellow brick road.
That tone was enough of a warning to make me button my blouse right up to my chin before I asked him to come in. I ran through the mental "don't bother trying to fuck me" checklist as I heard his footsteps in the hallway: hair pulled back, check; glasses on, check; no makeup, check; dressed like a schoolmarm, check. Only the most dedicated Lothario would bother trying to get into my sensible brown trousers, or think about having my no nonsense loafers on his shoulders while he nailed me like a railroad spike on my desk.
When he opened the door I stood up and extended my hand, offering him my most businesslike smile as I assessed him briefly; expensive shoes and well cut hair, and those two things are really the best indicators you can have of a man's financial and social standing.
"How can I help you, Mr Trent?"
He oozed geniality and charm as he looked me over and dismissed me as a potential fuckbuddy in the same short, derisive flicker of his mud colored eyes. "Please, just call me Josh."
"Okay. What's your problem, Josh?"
He took a picture from his wallet and slid it across the desk. I glanced at it and saw a smile and a stylishly tomboyish haircut. I guessed her to be no more than sixteen.
"Your daughter?"
"My wife, actually."
He must have caught my stunned disgust because his face reformed itself into a longsuffering 'not this again' glare and his voice took on a defensive edge. "She looks younger than she is, alright?"
"Whatever you say... Josh. So what do you want me to do?"
I was already writing the case notes in my mind. She'd left him for the gardener, some young stud named Miguel, and he wanted me to bring his wayward waif home. I was halfway through envisioning the end of the case, which would involve a tearful Miguel begging her not to go back to her "steenking husband" and she claiming she had to for the good of her unborn child when he interrupted me.
"I want you to bring her home."
Well, duh. "Where exactly is she?"
He met my eyes steadily. "Preparing to welcome the new alien masters of earth. She's in a commune in the Nevada desert and she believes she's the chosen bride of the alien leader, K'lut'yong."
I raised an eyebrow. Contrary to popular opinion, I quite like being wrong sometimes. It keeps me on my toes.
"Take a seat, Josh. Mind if I take some notes?"
(to be continued)
User Reviews
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-05-13 12:12:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
great start to a story. don't think i rated it.
Submitted by Ainkara (user info) at 2005-05-13 10:44:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Jungle_Jimanee (user info) at 2005-05-13 10:37:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2005-05-10 18:10:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Woo!
Submitted by Soley_Trinity (user info) at 2005-05-01 05:12:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Can you find Miguel for me? My flower bed needs a good seeing to... what?
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2005-05-01 04:32:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Damn you, you know I have a weakness for sci-fi in just about any form.
Too bad about the no-nonsense clothing though, I'm even more of a sucker
for big boobs and a scantily clad, gun-toting heroine.
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-05-01 03:36:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://artpad.art.com/?ifsvsh1iumng
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2005-05-01 00:13:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Right on baby.
I miss you.
Submitted by transhuman (user info) at 2005-04-30 19:35:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is GOOD. Reminds me of Janet Evanovich or something.
Submitted by MoonStone (user info) at 2005-04-30 15:14:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
hmmm....lets see where this goes...
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-04-30 14:58:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Excuse me? EXCUSE ME???!!!!?!!?
This had better turn out to be about me, because we all know that that's MY official title.
PS- You left out the 'of the Merpeople' bit from 'Alien Bitch Queen of the Merpeople'. GET IT RIGHT!
Submitted by SilvrWolf (user info) at 2005-04-30 14:51:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Badass.
Next...
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2005-04-30 13:29:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The beginning of a series?!
YES!
Please enter Madness again. I think I'm going to and it wouldn't feel right unless you did too.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-04-30 12:37:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I love your writing. It flows so amazingly well.
Taking a break from bouts of unusual Dutch sex to get back into writing, eh?
Submitted by DonovanMD (user info) at 2005-04-30 11:58:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Look forward to the sequel, well done.
Submitted by TheSunGod (user info) at 2005-04-30 11:23:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
this could be a lot of fun. or really weird. we'll see.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2005-04-30 11:23:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
nice
You can tell a lot about someone from their watch too, but the shoe thing works.
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2005-04-30 11:01:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Rubbish!
Well ok it was your usual perfection, but it was fun to say... here let me say it again: Rubbish!
Submitted by choc_bongo (user info) at 2005-04-30 09:59:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Santa_Claus_ (user info) at 2005-04-30 09:42:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-04-30 09:41:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good stuff so far.
I hope it gets the attention it deserves, being the early hours of a weekend and all.
Submitted by Feijuada (user info) at 2005-04-30 09:04:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
AAAGH WANT MORE!
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-04-30 08:59:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
And I shudder to think that anybody from Ubersite is involved in anything to do with relationship counselling.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-04-30 08:57:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Don't judge him yet, you haven't heard his full story.