Lil’ Stevie’s Report on Honesty (1387 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: bestofsteve
Rating: 1.94 on 38 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Steve's House of UBERMADNESS Pancakes (View user info) at 2005-04-30 22:31:02 EDT
Being honest is very important. If you tell a lie no one will like you.
But sometimes lies can be good. Like when my dad ran over and killed my dog. He told me that he was just too old and needed to be put to sleep. That was a good lie because then I would have wanted to see the body.
Lying to protect some one is important. In order to keep people from having hurt feelings, you have to lie to your friends all the time. Everyone talks about everyone else behind their backs. Lies keep friendships together. Having a balancing act of lies will keep you out of trouble, until some one finally figures you out. This is when you tell a really big lie and everyone leaves you alone. If you say that you are dying, this will work because people are honest with people who are dying. That's because dead people can't rat you out. Friendship is often built on a foundation of lies.
Lying hurts other people. That is why it is good to be honest. If your mom looks fat in a dress, you should tell her she looks fat. Then when you tell her that you were just being honest, she will tell you that sometimes lies are good. This is when you blackmail her for candy and toys. Parents don't like it when you're smarter than they are.
School is not a place to lie unless you have to. If a teacher asks why you didn't do your homework, you'll have to lie to keep from getting in trouble. The punishment for lying is often not as bad as lying to get away with something. Teachers don't know how email works. Tell them that you emailed it to them and your server is really slow. Tell them it should show up soon. Teachers don't know anything about computers.
Lying to people at work is bad. If some one tells you to do something, and you don't do it, your boss will be looking for some one to blame. If you blame some one else, this isn't a lie. Stretching the truth isn't a lie because you need to keep your job so you can keep buying things for your girlfriend, even though she's probably cheating on you. Cheating is a form of lying unless you win. If you cheat and lose then you are stupid.
Liars go to hell. But what if some one was lying when they told this? Then it's probably wrong. History is full of lies and big fat liars. If everyone were honest, there would be no history because no one would fight. That is why lies are important to keeping the timeline from breaking when you accidentally travel back in time using your friend's bike and some rockets and that thing your dad told you not to touch in the basement.
Girls lie more than boys. Girls have more to lie about because they do more important things than boys do. If a boy tells a lie, his reasons are probably stupid. If a girl lies, it's because she has a lot going on in her life and doesn't have time to worry about things like telling the truth.
People who lie too much have a disease. People who tell the truth too much are called assholes. Would you rather be sick or an asshole?
The newspapers print lies all the time because the people that work there are stupid. A mistake is a form of a lie. Even if you don't know you're lying, then you're lying anyways. Ignorance is not an excuse for being a stupid liar.
My doctor is a liar.
That is the end of my report on honesty.
User Reviews
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-06-24 03:40:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ladies of Deja Vu. What can I do, to get with you? I got a roll of twenty's burning my pants, and there's this little question that I'd like to ask. CAN A NIGGA GET A TABLEDANCE!
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2006-04-03 03:41:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
That is why lies are important to keeping the timeline from breaking when you accidentally travel back in time using your friend's bike and some rockets and that thing your dad told you not to touch in the basement.
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What in the HELL was I talking about here?
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2005-05-02 02:03:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
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Everything you ever wanted to know about stevie_says
User id: 10125
Registered on or around: 2004-07-08 20:07:52
# Messages posted: 65
# Reviews written: 1843
# Times these posts have been reviewed : 1403
# Hits: 50003
Average rating of all messages: 1.41
...I wonder how many of those hits are just me looking at my posts over and over again?
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2005-05-02 00:43:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Come on...like 20 more hits and I'm at 50,000 mu'fuckin' hits....
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2005-05-01 22:08:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yum.
Submitted by PoTtY (user info) at 2005-05-01 21:30:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by lordofthedance (user info) at 2005-05-01 20:45:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Cheating is a form of lying unless you win. If you cheat and lose then you are stupid.
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Hahahahaha. Yes. It's true. I find it funny that when people tell a lie and get caught they are really sorry and contrite. If they don't get caught they don't give a shit. Ergo....they're really just sorry they got caught. However, now your report has clarified for me that they are in actually just sorry that they got caught because getting caught proves they are stupid.
Cheat = not caught = happy.
Cheat = caught = stupid = not happy.
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2005-05-01 20:23:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
So I guess honesty also makes you a ghey menz...how about that...
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2005-05-01 19:37:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-05-01 14:36:04 (#)
Ranking: 2
"If your mom looks fat in a dress, you should tell her she looks fat."
See? This is why I always take fags with me when I go shopping. They have no soul and therefore have no compunction against telling you how awful you look. This is why compliments on your looks from a fag are more valuable than a diamond meteorite dipped in gold, more diamonds, and a thin candy shell.
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She's got a point! I have a couple of gay male friends whom I love to shop with. They're wonderful! They'll shout from across the store "OH MY GAWWWWD GIRLFRIEND! YOU LOOK LIKE A TROLL IN THAT! GREEN IS DEFINITELY NOT YOUR COLOR!"
Submitted by rollerboognish (user info) at 2005-05-01 15:09:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wazza is a fucking genius.
Steve is pretty awesome too.
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2005-05-01 15:05:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
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Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-05-01 14:50:33 (#)
Ranking: 2
twice. DOn't make me have to dock you rankings.
fag.
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Teehee, yes ma'am! *rubs oil on self and runs around* Well, I'm off to the mall!!! Tah tah!
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2005-05-01 14:54:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Damn....
I'm a sick asshole
But wait...
I knew that!
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-05-01 14:50:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
twice. DOn't make me have to dock you rankings.
fag.
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2005-05-01 14:48:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
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Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-05-01 14:36:04 (#)
Ranking: 2
"If your mom looks fat in a dress, you should tell her she looks fat."
See? This is why I always take fags with me when I go shopping. They have no soul and therefore have no compunction against telling you how awful you look. This is why compliments on your looks from a fag are more valuable than a diamond meteorite dipped in gold, more diamonds, and a thin candy shell.
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Um...I noticed the word 'fag' in there alot...
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-05-01 14:36:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"If your mom looks fat in a dress, you should tell her she looks fat."
See? This is why I always take fags with me when I go shopping. They have no soul and therefore have no compunction against telling you how awful you look. This is why compliments on your looks from a fag are more valuable than a diamond meteorite dipped in gold, more diamonds, and a thin candy shell.
Submitted by Ejryuu (user info) at 2005-05-01 08:31:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Wazza (user info) at 2005-05-01 06:42:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Excuse the spelling, etc ,at this time of night here, like 9 pm .i am a little pissed ,, anyway . onward ever onward .
Submitted by Wazza (user info) at 2005-05-01 06:38:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
From a poem i once wrote........
Answers are most important now,for in this state i am, to find the meaning of it all,
althogh my head is in a jamb.
Cor-ordination is out of site within this sphere of me,the mind and heart so all confussed ,the eyes are behind they cannot see.
Oh- Hell has broke upon me now ,vibrations when i'm drunk my soul cries out for a stronger hand oh- how far my soul has sunk.
and it goes on...............
Submitted by Soley_Trinity (user info) at 2005-05-01 05:20:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm an asshole most of the time.
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2005-05-01 04:57:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It's thoughts like that that keep me out at night. Like, would you kill a hundred men to find the one that has the cure for tens of thousands?
Is it the thought that moves the hand or the hand that creates the thought?
If you know what's going to happen, and stop it from happening, does it mean that it was really going to happen?
Submitted by Wazza (user info) at 2005-05-01 03:51:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It's a fine line that separates the two brother,loike brilliance and insanity is the same fine line.and i guess only discression is the greater part ....
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2005-05-01 03:34:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I agree with that, Wazz. The consequences of telling the truth are often greater than lying. The world is so heaped in lies and censorship...but we have to protect people from themselves. I dunno. Fucked up world.
Submitted by Wazza (user info) at 2005-05-01 03:13:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yep, i go along with this,most people are scared of life that's why they have to talk lies.But then again i get into heaps of shit for speaking my mind.( fucked if i know).
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2005-05-01 02:46:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Come on, peeps, let's get me to 50,000 total hits, so I can feel complete! COMPLETE ME!!!!
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2005-05-01 01:19:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
That's a real quandary you've got there, rad. A really, really milky quandary.
At least her snatch wasn't leaking milky fluid....that would be far, far worse.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-05-01 01:13:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I was at that strip club one day, when this dancer started lactating and licking up her own milk.
I didn't know if I wanted to ejaculate or vomit.
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2005-05-01 00:57:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I give myself an A. Not an A+. Just an A. Maybe a B+. Yeah. Just a B+.
Submitted by Or_ (user info) at 2005-05-01 00:51:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Excellent report.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2005-04-30 23:42:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
perceptive.
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2005-04-30 23:19:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
People who lie too much have a disease. People who tell the truth too much are called assholes. Would you rather be sick or an asshole?
that clinched it
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2005-04-30 23:08:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Fuck man. Everything I say is a lie. I'm lying right now. This one time I thought I parked my car in this one spot and when I came out it was gone. We spent hours looking for it.
It was one street down.
...I was high at the time.
Submitted by whiskey_jack (user info) at 2005-04-30 23:04:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
How do I know your not lying right now? But if you are this must be one of those good lies you lied about.
Submitted by Kale (user info) at 2005-04-30 23:03:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2005-04-30 23:02:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It's all lies, man.
The government lies to me. The prime minister lies to me. The weather man, he says it will be sunny on one channel and then rainy when I watch another channel. It's all lies, man. All lies. It's a web of lies. I'm fed take and I just can't take any more....
If they lie about Brad and Angelina, then they can lie about anyone....
Lies, man. Lies.
Submitted by Dead_0hi0_Sky (user info) at 2005-04-30 22:55:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
meh.
not great, but not too bad either.
Submitted by PeanutButterJellyTime (user info) at 2005-04-30 22:52:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh Steve, You Never Disappoint Me.
Submitted by SPECIALk (user info) at 2005-04-30 22:42:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you speak the truth
Submitted by SiskelandFatboy (user info) at 2005-04-30 22:33:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome............