Thanks for protecting me from Mexico. I appreciate it. (3461 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 1.41 on 31 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Tom <theubertom.at.gmail.com> (View user info) at 2005-05-02 03:59:47 EDT
"I don't know what the big fucking deal is" can be applied to too many things in the United States now. Am I stupid or are we scaring ourselves to death? A couple days ago I said something here about the fact that we far too rarely tackle issues that actually matter to the people who are more concerned about living comfortably than how we can impose what we think on everyone else. For instance, I like beating people to death with my testicles, but that doesn't mean I'm going to make any of you do it, though that would be awesome. I'd rather take initiatives to do things like teach realistic sex ed or get Dog the Bounty Hunter off the air before it hurts anyone else.
So, envy of the world. Actually, ladies and gentlemen, I can see that. We've got some rockin ass shit, guys. We have big honkin libraries and buildings and even huge ladies holding torches. Holy shit, America rocks. We even have gays, legally! That's something. There are a lot of nations where homosexuality isn't even legal. (Heh, take that one on, ACLU. Don't worry. Tommy still wubbles u.) But let me compare the United States to my semi-functional toilet, if I may.
Toilets kick ass. I mean, think about it. It just flushes away things you hate to leave lying around. Poopoo, tampons, kittens, just about anything. Toilets make life rock even harder than it already does, and if you're me, well life can't rock much harder. However, sometimes, while in the process of flushing my tampons away, something goes wrong on down the line and tampon water spills all over the place.
This is how I feel about America. It does a fair job of getting my tampons gone but it messes up sometimes. Instead of getting my nasties away, it lollygags and messes with other things, which causes a huge backup in what is really needed and it gets messy, and I hate cleaning up bullshit that my toilet refuses to get around to. The toilet is a good system in itself, but why doesn't it work sometimes?
Because of the media, that's why. The media keeps my toilet preoccupied with homosexuals, fat people, and abortions. So all those huge issues are getting pushed back, like AIDS, religious supremacy, inefficient healthcare systems (don't start me), and of course my nasty tampons.
So how does my toilet get around to the real issues? The water droplets stop being stupid. You are a water droplet in my toilet. You each carry an issue, whether it be terrorism, homosexual marriage, white power, or stem cell research. After you've flushed through, you go back into my toilet bowl with a new issue to flush through the system. Sometimes, more people hold one issue than others, and they're trying to pass through the extremely narrow pipes all at the same time. It takes a long, long time to pass all of that. Kind of like eating a block of cheese, but not really. We, as a nation, must learn to prioritize what we want to get done. Which is more important? Quelling the homosexual agenda or making sure people with bad ideas don't walk onto busses with bombs?
Which is more important to you? The well being of our nation or controlling the social aspects of it?
We are a nation of diversity. There's white people, black people, Mexicans, Arabs, and the city of Detroit. Face it, there's a lot of junk in this nation that we've all learned to cope with and live with. It's pretty easy if you ask me. I mean, xenophobia and homophobia are the two most useless things you could do with your time. They're not any more dangerous than you. A Muslim is just as likely to go off the rails as a Christian. Believe me, they are. Don't think so? Pick up a history book. It's well documented. Up until recently, I see only the Jews managing to keep a nice, clean slate. You either have to look at the present or waaaay far back to see openly violent acts coming out of the Jewish population. As far as I know at least.
Sometimes I don't feel like I can blame them though.
But I am building up for a story. There are some billboards in Los Angeles now advertising Mexican news or something, because a lot of Mexican people enter the United States and need some directions.. You could say that it's mostly illegal, but...wait a second. Here, little water droplet. I have a spare stem cell research issue. You can have it. Seriously, get over it. Even taking off the illegal count, there's still a lot of Mexicans coming in. Most second or third generation Mexicans acclimate to the US cultures. And how are Mexicans so different from the regerler white folk anyway? They're crazy and like to dance, and I see a similar trend out of us.
Back to my billboards, some people are defacing them with graffiti, and for the sake of saving myself from arrest, one of these acts of discouragment/patriotism was putting an American flag over the word "Mexico" (leaving the M and O exposed, but hey, I'm not going to judge. The flag just wasn't long enough. Someone did their homework, though I can't expect some xenophobic water droplet to walk up there a previous evening with a tape measure.) I am quite amazed that one of the lines used to describe this was "Patriots have taken Los Angeles back from Mexico". La dee da.
My question is, why not make life a little easier for those who want to acclimate into our society? Ever been to Mexico? Notice how hard it can be to understand or know what's going on around you? Yeah, well that's probably how they feel too. In time, they will become Americans, just with brown skin. America isn't just English you know. Just be patient, and don't freak out. Have a beer and think about how we're going to combat a future pandemic due to the evolution of viruses.
So what I'm saying is that we all need to choose your battles a tad more wisely, because I want to flush my nasty tampons so I don't have to worry about them anymore, and you people are making it difficult. Stop it. I want to get on with my life and not have to worry about the super flu, terrorists, or Dog the Bounty Hunter.
Come on! Everybody dance now!
User Reviews
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2006-03-06 10:41:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Tom (user info) at 2005-05-02 12:07:16 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-05-02 07:13:55 (#)
Ranking: -2
SO you WON'T be complaining when your taxes go up to cover hospital and school closings due to a financial overload from illegal immigrants who aren't paying into the system? You won't complain when your kids are exposed to an education that does less for them every year beacsue the teachers spend so much of their time simply trying to communicate with students who can't read or write the English language? You won't complain when you have to wait and wait for treatment in an emergency room because illegals realize the law demands they get treatment after which they can just disappear even though you will have to pay because you as a citizen can be tracked down (and remember those higher bills, covering your expenses and theirs) and you won't complain when you get tuberculosis from some illegal coughing on you in the supermarket?
This was about as realistic to me as getting gay germs from brushing up against gay people. If you ever think there will be a time in America's history where there are so many illegal Mexicans here that my education, or anyone else's for that matter, will suffer, you have even less faith in my toilet than me. Two words: America adjusts.
By the way, I never said get rid of border security. I'm about to say fuck it and build a 10 foot brick wall between America and Mexico. We do need to speed up the process of immigration though.
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Where so you live Tom?
You realize that estmates put the illegal immigrant numbers (from the mexican border alone) at around 11 million. They are also normally concentrated in pockets, if you don't think they affect schools I suggest you look at small town with big unskilled labor needs, like say Liberal KS. Legal population of around 20k (I think it has been a while) you throw a few thousand illegals in the mix, and it does hurt the system for everyone paying taxes.
What about Claifornia where illegal immigrants get in stste tuition at state colleges. That isn't hurting the education for the people who paid money to go there?
Yeah America adjusts and it should adjust by putting up a fucking wall and stop letting illegals in. I am not saying stop immigration, I am not saying no brown people, but to think that millions of people living here illegally doesn't hurt the US is idiotic.
Submitted by angryrob (user info) at 2006-03-06 09:58:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 the mexicans are taking over, are you prepared?
Submitted by MrWillard (user info) at 2005-07-12 05:35:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Ingsoc (user info) at 2005-07-05 17:15:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
One must remember which jobs are in question if you wish to open that can of worms. "Those" jobs are minimum wage, generally unappealing labour or something else like that. In a sense, someone (living there illegally) could be given the job so that the company can save money. It's the same reason why there are American auto plants in Asia; General Motors assembly line workers in China and one of the Koreas can build cars for less money than their American counterparts. That's what we're talking about. Illegal immigrants working for less money than their citizen counterparts. However, legitimate immigrants are out of bounds for this accusation because as citizens they are entitled to the same wages as someone living their legally previous to them.
Submitted by alragusa (user info) at 2005-06-25 00:09:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
People who are fine with Mexicans coming into the country illegally are insane.
They take jobs which Americans (with no skills/teenagers/homeless/those on welfare) should be doing.
They bring in disease (TB for one which was almost totally gone).
They send money BACK OUT OF THE COUNTRY. We're talking billions.
CLOSE THE BORDER!
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2005-06-18 02:07:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Mentor (user info) at 2005-06-18 01:39:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Let me get this straight. There are people....who think illegals are....STEALING....our jobs? Dude. WTF? The illegals come in and do cheap menial labor to keep food in the grocery stores so you can drive your Suburban to your cushy job where all you do is worry about the stock market or the figures on a research paper that you didn't even research yourself! If the illegals were actually stealing our jobs, they'd be mugging us outside the office and showing up in the morning as "Ted Smith, the random employee who checks in every now and then and speaks Spanish."
Tuberculosis? A shitty education because of illegals? Holy fuck! This is some of the funniest shit I've ever heard. That's right--all illegals are riddled with disease. All illegals come to America to ruin our education system. All illegals have a secret agenda to ruin the country. That's right. A wall will solve our problems....until they buy a plane ticket to Toronto and flood in from the North. Yeah, that's right. Mexico has Orbitz.com where they can get tickets to anywhere in the world cheap. The internet doesn't stop at the Rio Grande, you know.
In closing, this is a +2 because I love it so. It is also a +2 because of some of the Republican spoon-fed, xenophobic rhetoric that some people replied with. In summation, it should be a +4. But Uber is stuck in Binary mode-plus-one with only zeros ones and twos.
Submitted by G-prime (user info) at 2005-06-18 01:12:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Are you really only 15 years old? I feel so... Used...
Submitted by Kazzerax (user info) at 2005-05-17 22:46:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-05-02 06:23:22 (#)
Ranking: 2
but Tom....
THEY TUCK OOOOR JERBS!
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I see you watched South Park.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-05-06 00:56:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The real Mexico you need to be protected from is Ron Mexico.
Submitted by pantsarestupid (user info) at 2005-05-02 16:09:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/65502
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-05-02 15:59:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
You lost me right around "semi-functional toilet."
Submitted by Tokerson (user info) at 2005-05-02 14:01:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well done.
Submitted by myredmirage95 (user info) at 2005-05-02 13:42:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You kept my attention, which is really saying something since I've been awake for less than an hour and I have to go to work in...SHIT! 5 minutes ago!
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2005-05-02 13:15:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Actually, illegals are paying into the system through payroll taxes the benefits of which they will never see.
not that the rest of us will either but they definitely won't
just thought I would share that
I think that a large part of the problem is one of short attention span. There will be a big news story and we'll get flooded with it and then it just goes away. The issue is still there, just not the news coverage. We can't be bothered with real issues right now because we're all wrapped up in the story of the bride who faked her own abduction or hey have you heard the one about the kid who had a wicked huge burrito at school for a marketing project and someone saw it, freaked out, and it led to a school lock down.
All much more important and far reaching than the war in Iraq, we're all bored with the war now so it must have gone away.
Submitted by Tom (user info) at 2005-05-02 12:07:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-05-02 07:13:55 (#)
Ranking: -2
SO you WON'T be complaining when your taxes go up to cover hospital and school closings due to a financial overload from illegal immigrants who aren't paying into the system? You won't complain when your kids are exposed to an education that does less for them every year beacsue the teachers spend so much of their time simply trying to communicate with students who can't read or write the English language? You won't complain when you have to wait and wait for treatment in an emergency room because illegals realize the law demands they get treatment after which they can just disappear even though you will have to pay because you as a citizen can be tracked down (and remember those higher bills, covering your expenses and theirs) and you won't complain when you get tuberculosis from some illegal coughing on you in the supermarket?
This was about as realistic to me as getting gay germs from brushing up against gay people. If you ever think there will be a time in America's history where there are so many illegal Mexicans here that my education, or anyone else's for that matter, will suffer, you have even less faith in my toilet than me. Two words: America adjusts.
By the way, I never said get rid of border security. I'm about to say fuck it and build a 10 foot brick wall between America and Mexico. We do need to speed up the process of immigration though.
Submitted by Yes (user info) at 2005-05-02 11:56:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
DEY TERK UR JEEERBS!
Submitted by SkinDiver (user info) at 2005-05-02 09:46:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-05-02 07:13:55 (#)
Ranking: -2
SO you WON'T be complaining when your taxes go up to cover hospital and school closings due to a financial overload from illegal immigrants who aren't paying into the system? You won't complain when your kids are exposed to an education that does less for them every year beacsue the teachers spend so much of their time simply trying to communicate with students who can't read or write the English language? You won't complain when you have to wait and wait for treatment in an emergency room because illegals realize the law demands they get treatment after which they can just disappear even though you will have to pay because you as a citizen can be tracked down (and remember those higher bills, covering your expenses and theirs) and you won't complain when you get tuberculosis from some illegal coughing on you in the supermarket?
I'll check back on you in ten years.
___________________________________________________________________________________________________
Just make them naturalized citizens then they have to pay taxes. Anyway the mexicans i know work harder and are generally awsomer than everyone else at work.
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2005-05-02 09:15:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-05-02 07:13:55 (#)
Ranking: -2
SO you WON'T be complaining when your taxes go up to cover hospital and school closings due to a financial overload from illegal immigrants who aren't paying into the system? You won't complain when your kids are exposed to an education that does less for them every year beacsue the teachers spend so much of their time simply trying to communicate with students who can't read or write the English language? You won't complain when you have to wait and wait for treatment in an emergency room because illegals realize the law demands they get treatment after which they can just disappear even though you will have to pay because you as a citizen can be tracked down (and remember those higher bills, covering your expenses and theirs) and you won't complain when you get tuberculosis from some illegal coughing on you in the supermarket?
I'll check back on you in ten years.
Here's a +2 because Jack's President is the one letting this happen. GO ILLEGAL IMMIGRANT FARM WORKERS WOO!!!
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-05-02 08:04:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Solution: Invade Mexico. No more illegal aliens. Make them all learn English.
Seriously, it can easily be done - their army is like Paco, his two buddies, a donkey, and a cannon that they stole from The Alamo.
Submitted by Ainkara (user info) at 2005-05-02 08:00:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I like you.
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-05-02 07:54:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-05-02 07:13:55 (#)
Ranking: -2
SO you WON'T be complaining when your taxes go up to cover hospital and school closings due to a financial overload from illegal immigrants who aren't paying into the system? You won't complain when your kids are exposed to an education that does less for them every year beacsue the teachers spend so much of their time simply trying to communicate with students who can't read or write the English language? You won't complain when you have to wait and wait for treatment in an emergency room because illegals realize the law demands they get treatment after which they can just disappear even though you will have to pay because you as a citizen can be tracked down (and remember those higher bills, covering your expenses and theirs) and you won't complain when you get tuberculosis from some illegal coughing on you in the supermarket?
I'll check back on you in ten years.
--------------
Or, for those who don't want to read that much:
"Close the borders, fuck 'em all."
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-05-02 07:27:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 to balance out McCallum's frothing at the mouth.
I gave this a -1 because it was weird and rambling, not because I disagreed with it in the slightest.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-05-02 07:13:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
SO you WON'T be complaining when your taxes go up to cover hospital and school closings due to a financial overload from illegal immigrants who aren't paying into the system? You won't complain when your kids are exposed to an education that does less for them every year beacsue the teachers spend so much of their time simply trying to communicate with students who can't read or write the English language? You won't complain when you have to wait and wait for treatment in an emergency room because illegals realize the law demands they get treatment after which they can just disappear even though you will have to pay because you as a citizen can be tracked down (and remember those higher bills, covering your expenses and theirs) and you won't complain when you get tuberculosis from some illegal coughing on you in the supermarket?
I'll check back on you in ten years.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-05-02 07:07:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Kind of lost me during the toilet analogy, but this was an awesome post. It really is a shame that the media and the public sensationalise so many issues that should really be non-issues, or minor concerns at best. Do I really need a paparazzi to travel the ends of the earth and harrass hundreds of people just so I can see a picture of Brad Pitt playing with Angelina Jolie's son? No I do not. Of course, other people seem to need that, as evidenced that said picture sold for 2 million dollars to US Weekly, or some such magazine.
Jesus people. Stop feeding the fucking fire. There are people starving in your home town.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-05-02 06:23:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
but Tom....
THEY TUCK OOOOR JERBS!
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2005-05-02 05:59:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
The problem with "cock-blocking" our borders is that along with the normal flow of
illegals that provide the oil to keep the machinery going in the service job/agriculture
and labor areas, we also block the best and the brightest that are comming from many
other countries besides Mexico.
Now after 9/11, if you are brown(Arab/East Indian/"Packi"/Etc.) you are "ass-out" if you
want to come here. The USA is a defacto "no-go" zone.
Iwould rather have these individuals here/starting companies here/paying for our
infrastructure/paying taxes, than starting companies in their own countries that will
soon become more than competitive than ours due to a much cheaper labor pool.
We will learn within this decade that our leaders really fucked up on this call, but
of course it was in the interest of National Security!
Isn't that amazing!
Fucking Idiots!
<bad language included for impact>
Submitted by Banga3386 (user info) at 2005-05-02 04:50:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Tom (user info) at 2005-05-02 04:18:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
And yes, I know, I am really pushing my luck by posting this sort of thing. Don't remind me.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-05-02 04:06:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
politicians pick on immigration because it scares people- it gives them a scapegoat. the big flaw in all the immigration arguments is that immigrants usually do all the low paid jobs people don't want- fruit picking, cleaning, murdering, etc.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-05-02 04:06:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
What the hell was all that??