Have You Seen Me? (759 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesRating: 2 on 14 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by someone (View user info) at 2005-05-02 19:18:06 EDT
The Eastern sky is a great sweep of black, with small stars scattered about lying lazy and idle and blinking very dull and quiet. The month is May, but it's cold, very cold. Cold but clear. Yes, that sounds about right, and this cigarette is keeping my face warm and illuminating my red cheeks that have been painted by the western wind. It's burning awkward, and the paper is flapping against the wind while the tobacco blows amber underneath, making for a very ugly cigarette. Gosh, it sure is cold, and...was that rain? Rain drops started to fall making evening meditation--where I stare at the stars and smoke in utter silence, riding a high that consists of a joint and a few gin and tonics--very hard, and I think of dropping the whole meditation nonsense and going back inside warm and dry, mixing up a few more gin elixirs and write everything down because this moment just stoppped existing.
That was yesterday, written from memory, but lacking in experience and forgotten as a meal two days ago--what the hell did I even eat two days ago anyways--and beautiful moments where you and the world realize that you both are exactly the same thing and wink at each other, are so few between because reality sets in and any understanding you two may have had will hide behind classrooms and freeways for a while.
Inside it is dusty and artificial with lightbulbs and carpet and gray walls and computer screens, but thankfully I've got about a half bottle of Tanguray with lime and maybe enough pot for another joint, Dharma Bums on the ground beside my small study and stacks of homework to forget about for the moment and pick up last minute rush for a modest grade from understanding professors.
After the joint and gin and Kerouac I'm getting this crushing feeling similiar to being trapped inside a cramped elevator where no one talks and stares straight ahead and in the back you squirm and scream inside and swear you're the only one alive, so I decide I'd rather spend hours with rain soaking wet and whisper back a litte bit to the wind, liqour euphoria. The bliss never came, I stood-then sat, for about fifteen minutes in a raised patio out on the backyard and smoked in utter peace with the rain falling around me, for I was protected by a forest green awning with bug netting so I could see everything and nothing all at once and not be eaten alive by forest bugs or catch cold from harsh rainfall. I waited for the world to give me that blink, so I could feel total hope knowing that nothing exists in the world beside the mind, and therefore all pain and suffering could be totally suppressed and then self-improvement isn't just saved for classroom lectures but can leech into every moment of existence, even at work with a customer complaining about a parking space. She didn't wink, I snubbed my cigarette out on the sole of my black sneakers and blamed myself, for it wasn't that she didn't wink but rather that I didn't see the wink, because it was omnipresent and timeless and the only thing to blame would be the clouded and ignorant mind.
Today is today and yesterday is yesterday, but I feel now that yesterday can come even at this moment, because when I walked from class to my car and the sky changed right before my eyes from a sunny afternoon with mini skirts and budding flowers and green leaves to clouds and rain and wind again--I saw a great third eye blink at me from inside and I whistled happily in the rain.
User Reviews
Submitted by SPECIALk (user info) at 2005-05-29 04:02:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by AnotherStupidUsername (user info) at 2005-05-03 11:11:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I like you.
Submitted by someone (user info) at 2005-05-03 10:24:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Didn't mean to plus two.
Submitted by someone (user info) at 2005-05-03 10:24:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yes, yes we should.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-05-03 09:43:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2005-05-03 09:23:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Prying open my third eye.
Submitted by ThineJericho (user info) at 2005-05-03 00:58:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Kinda trippy, kinda introspective, enjoyed reading it.
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-05-02 20:22:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You rock. Utterly. Relentlessly. Unspeakably.
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-05-02 20:03:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
We should do drugs together!
Submitted by someone (user info) at 2005-05-02 19:33:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh my dear shitfuck-- Just please don't totally conform. You kick too much ass and are an amazing writer..... fuck I'm depressed right now.
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2005-05-02 19:30:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Not nearly as much. But when things slow down at work I'm pretty sure I'll relapse.
It's too much fun not to.
Submitted by ruthless (user info) at 2005-05-02 19:30:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by someone (user info) at 2005-05-02 19:22:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Do you still smoke at least?
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2005-05-02 19:20:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sensual, and I'm a sucker for drug references now that I don't do them anymore.