Shlongy's Strategy on Cleaning Up Ubersite (6569 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.06 on 372 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by I'm Shlongy, Dammit (View user info) at 2005-05-02 20:33:14 EDT
I think we can all agree - and even if we don't, like I give a good shit - that UberSite is in danger of becoming obsolete. The reason many found this shithole so fascinating in the beginning was...
1) There was lots of interesting stuff to read here and it was a place to post stuff that YOU yourself wrote
B) It was a great place to kill time at work.
It may help if I share a brief history of UberSite with some of the newer registrants.
- bart started it
- Some good writing happened and was posted
- Morons then discovered it
- Pedophiles started spamming and learned how to type "-2" un til their fingers bled
- MickGinny somehow, for no apparent reason, got good ratings and a bunch of hits
- photoshop, hate posts, MSPaint, no content posts, and WTH posts took over from actual stories
- A bunch of retards treat it as their own personal blog
- Poetry made an appearance and 97% of it stank
- Teenage smartasses abound
- It now smells like ass
- Stalkers and internet tough guys permeate the ship
- There's too many alters
- And that pretty much takes us to where we stand today.
Over time, Uber evolved and not necessarily for the better.
Well, as someone who wishes to be "part of the solution and NOT the problem", Shlongy, after a great amount of thought and an even greater number of drinks, has come up with a 5 point plan (could be a 6 or 7 point plan; depends when I get tired of typing) to help cleanse this place of the filth and idiocy that is in danger of turning what was once one of the best internet web sites out there (As voted by "I'm a Geek" magazine readers in November, 2004), into just another Aryan Youth Hate Site.
Here's what I propose, and I am open to all suggestions, comments, love letters, money and hummers from the Uber broads:
1) BAN ALL FOREIGNERS - They seem to be a big part of the problem around here. Think about it...they post primarily when us Americans, who RUN the site, are sleeping...or SHOULD be sleeping.
They speak in "languages" that many of us don't "really" truly "understand", using "words" like "mate", "bloke", "pence", "queue" and "dolque" or "dole". A lot of them also have bad teeth, which kinds of puts a damper on the whole Uber Directory deal. Now, I realize this blanket banning has the potential to eliminate some of the seemingly normal foreign contingent - like your Davros, your MrWolf, and your Soleys - but it is well worth the risk when you consider that we lose Caulincourt, kai, and all of the Australian fags. Personally, I'm willing to allow foreign chicks to stick around, if they e-mail me pictures of themselves naked, but that's because I'm an understanding bloke. I mean, guy.
2) BAN ALL RETARDS - This catagory is also meant to include all of our autistic friends as well. This faction tends to post early and often and many times, not very coherently. They also tend to post things using MSPaint, which is annoying, computer graphics, and bad photoshopping. Cartoon penises spw forth from this grouping like those geysers in Yellowstone Park. Or is it Jellystone Park. Whatever. You either "love 'em or hate 'em" but personally, I hate 'em. I think Habbeb has had two comical posts over the last 278 efforts. Yeah, we'll lose Habeeb, Electro, frap/Sergio and a few of the other retards, but I think it will be well worth it. I never thought I believed in "ethnic cleansing" until I "met" these dipshits on Uber but it doesn't seem like too bad of an idea right about now.
3) BAN ALL TEENAGERS - Let's face it. NONE of you that are over the age of 21 would be hanging out with these teenagers in a bar - that wouldn't be cool - so why should you have to hang out with them in cyberspace? Besides, teenagers, in addition to their shitty complexions, dress like complete dipshits these days; Whoever told them that baseball caps worn sideways, baggy pants where the crotch hangs down below their knees, 7K gold chains and "Allen Iverson" NBA throwback NBA jersey was either cool or would help them with the chicks, was a lying asshole. Or a retard (See Point #2). Adults don't do blunts - we do one hitters - we don't drink "40's" because most of us AREN'T BLACK - and we don't listen to Good Charlotte, Sum 41, nelly, Fiddy Cent or Ashley Simpson. They are ALWAYS on the cell phones that their mommies pay for, which REALLY pisses me off. Probably because cell phones weren't invented when I was a teenager. But I'm not jealous. NosirreeBob. We really don't have anything in common with these wasters of oxygen at all, other than being carbon-based lifeforms, so if they disappear out of Uber - hell, off the planet is even better - I think our life, as "adults" improves dramatically. We'll lose approximately 14,000 Uber users but really, are any of you gonna miss CanucksFan?
Who?
Exactly.
These teenagers seem to be among the bigger haters, as a collective demographic, of Shlongy and I figured it out. It's because of "jealousy" and their brains haven't eveolved enough to understand "satire", "irony" and "subtle humor". OR grammar and spelling, but now I'm making an indictment of our educational system and I'm really getting away from the point. That's based on the assumption that I had one.
4) BAN ALL HOMOS - I think we probably have already clipped most of them with catagories 1,2 and 3, but you can't be too careful these days. These Uber mos tend to be extremely bitter for some reason - probably because in addition to striking out with girls all through Junior High, they're now striking out with ghey menz, too - and I'm, quite frankly, sick of the Uber mos auto -2's for all Shlongy posts. Apparently, they're extremely jealous of Shlongy's success with the ladies, although I don't know why this would impact them at all. So say goodbye to that fruitcake Zoidberg. At least now I won't be catching any of that there AIDS from reading one of these rump roaters posts.
5) BAN ALL FATGUYS - What this does is leave a few more megabytes of Hostess products for the rest of us. And God knows I love my Suzy Q's. I realize there's a bit of redundancy here- a lot of our Uber Fat Guys are also foreigners and retards - but I'm just covering all the bases here. Fat Tony will be an exception to this rule because even though the fat fuck REFUSES to spell check, he's been pretty free with the tips on how to "beat the system" and has written some pretty entertaining stuff. Between bites of his Big Mac's. If BigMike plans on sticking around, and lately, he's been on my nerves a great deal, he'd best start hitting the gym. Or it's "sayonara" to you. I wonder where that lardass MickGinny will post his stupid fucking red-haired chick pictures now? Boy, those posts sure are deep, eh?
6) BAN ALL CAMPERS AND SHIT POSTERS - Goodbye WhatTheHell.
7) BAN ALL EMO DWEEBS AND DEPRESSING POSTERS - There's this group of posters who post nothing but depressing stuff, on a weekly basis. I don't want to "name names", but of course, I will. It's your Lojopes, your ainkiras (sp), your other severely depressed posters...like by "letting it out" in a "room full of mostly strangers", they will suddenly "feel better". But what about me? I always feel worse after reading about your broken hearts and your dead relatives. Or pets. Well, at least until I minus 2 you. Then, it's like the weight of the world has been lifted off of my shoulders. So you actally HELP me get happy, but the abuse I get for minus twoing some broads 18th consecutive story about how the moon makes her sad, because she then thinks about her ex- boyfriend, who left her because of her depressing moods, due to her dreams about her dead Aunt Edna while she longs for her cat, which passed away when she was 6....See what happens? I lost my train of thought. But I think I've made my point, too. Probably. That sure is a lot of words to type and I'm not going back and reading all THAT.
8) BAN ANYONE ELSE THAT SUCKS THAT I MISSED - This is where my fans and listeners, and fellow people who really care about UberSite, come in. Feel free to toss some ideas out there on who YOU would like to see banned. And it's too easy to say "Shlongy" so let's just leave that "joke" in your holster, if you catch my drift.
OK...my fingers are tired. So is my brain. And I'm out of Cheez-Its. This is one of my longer posts so I'd better see some +2's for the effort because it's clear to me, that I care about Uber and am only suggesting these changes for the betterment of UberSite, for YOUR web site enjoyment, and for hits and a positive rating.
Thank you for listening...drive through.
User Reviews
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-12-17 12:02:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I make the rules, shitforbrains.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-12-17 11:52:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
6) BAN ALL CAMPERS
---
Doesn't that pose a bit of a conflict for you there captain campypants?
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-12-17 11:38:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
yeah but but, im a special case.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-12-17 11:18:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Aren't you a foreigner, EI?
BuhBYE!
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-12-17 10:57:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i do like this, even if i wasnt name dropped
king of the ding a lings, shlongy.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2008-12-17 10:55:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Honoring a great piece of literature.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-12-17 10:50:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Even truer today....
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-05-07 20:10:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I agree. B @ W bart, ya fuckhead ya.
Submitted by St_Jimmy (user info) at 2008-04-23 20:53:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
B@W
Submitted by Ltap (user info) at 2008-02-23 13:26:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-02-11 21:53:11 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
KEEP ON RUNNING YOUR FACE, DIPSHIT ltap....
Everything you ever wanted to know about Ltap
User id: 32531
Registered on or around: 2007-11-20 12:23:07 EST
# Messages posted: 9
# Reviews written: 421
# Times these posts have been reviewed: 411
# Hits: 5429
Average rating of all messages: -0.49
============
you goddamned idiot.
--------------------
Reading, not posting.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-02-11 21:53:11 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
KEEP ON RUNNING YOUR FACE, DIPSHIT ltap....
Everything you ever wanted to know about Ltap
User id: 32531
Registered on or around: 2007-11-20 12:23:07 EST
# Messages posted: 9
# Reviews written: 421
# Times these posts have been reviewed: 411
# Hits: 5429
Average rating of all messages: -0.49
============
you goddamned idiot.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-02-11 21:50:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Ltap (user info) at 2008-02-12 02:48:04 GMT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow, you saw this coming 3 years ago, nice. Now I think the battle is pretty much over, your Hurtys and Bubbas and countless random alters have pretty much degraded the place beyond recognition (I started reading Uber in 2006).
============
STFU, n00b, you haven't got a clue.
Submitted by Ltap (user info) at 2008-02-11 21:48:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow, you saw this coming 3 years ago, nice. Now I think the battle is pretty much over, your Hurtys and Bubbas and countless random alters have pretty much degraded the place beyond recognition (I started reading Uber in 2006).
Submitted by HandZon (user info) at 2008-02-11 21:27:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Terrific writing - I don't know any of them but I agree by your account alone -
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-01-25 17:21:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
This one is hard to resist.
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2008-01-25 16:32:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Dammit, I didn't want to like this.
But I did.
Fuck off.
Submitted by loopdeloo (user info) at 2008-01-25 15:57:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You sure did.
My name is Natasha not toots, thanks.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-01-25 14:57:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It's pretty sweet, isn't it, Toots?
I went all out on this one.
Submitted by loopdeloo (user info) at 2008-01-25 14:47:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-01-25 13:41:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/114572
----------------------------------
Case in point.
My first link!!! Wow
By the way this "stupid bitch" did read that post...
When it was first on the front page!
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-01-25 14:36:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
EXACTLY. That stupid bitch did not read this post.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-01-25 13:41:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/114572
----------------------------------
Case in point.
Submitted by Socialist_Joe (user info) at 2008-01-25 13:22:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
you could just force the undesierables to read me posts, eh?
Submitted by SkullBiter (user info) at 2008-01-25 12:55:09 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Nice idea fuckhead.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-01-24 20:35:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Shlongy is like a fortune teller, only with better hygiene.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-08-17 20:14:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
sorry...I couldn't resist :)
ps my email's plastered all over my posts.
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-08-17 19:57:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-08-17 16:32:04 PDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-08-17 15:52:27 PDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Let's plow.
----------
are you Duckie Dale?
======
That was just mean...
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-08-17 19:41:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
WTF I NEVER READ ALL THAT BEFORE
Is this the longest Shlongy post ever? I'll admit, I laughed a bunch, even though I'm sure I should be banned for some reason.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-08-17 19:32:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-08-17 15:52:27 PDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-08-17 12:28:49 PDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-08-17 11:47:36 PDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Eperima - I'm visiting CA for a week this December. I was going to see old friends, probably conveniently organized into one place with some kind of party, but an ex-girlfriend that I really don't want to see...ever, happens to be dating a guy that I know would be there.
I thought for sure she wouldn't meet any Riverside folk all the way in Redlands (mild sarcasm)
So, since I'm going to avoid all of those bastards for fear of seeing the evil woman, I'm granting you ONE NIGHT ONLY to have your way with me.
Better accept now, because by the next time I visit CA, you might be too old for me.
This is all assuming you haven't been tainted by Shlongy.
------
um. can you rephrase this pls? I'm confused a little...
========
Let's plow.
----------
are you Duckie Dale?
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-08-17 18:55:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-08-17 12:49:53 PDT (#)
Ranking: 2
For a sniff of your panties, I'm sure he'll be filling the tank with hi-test, as soon as he gets off of his shift at the Drive-Thru.
========
Hmmm, I DID just make manager, but...I'm still gonna need some gas money if all I'm getting is one sniff.
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-08-17 18:52:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-08-17 12:28:49 PDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-08-17 11:47:36 PDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Eperima - I'm visiting CA for a week this December. I was going to see old friends, probably conveniently organized into one place with some kind of party, but an ex-girlfriend that I really don't want to see...ever, happens to be dating a guy that I know would be there.
I thought for sure she wouldn't meet any Riverside folk all the way in Redlands (mild sarcasm)
So, since I'm going to avoid all of those bastards for fear of seeing the evil woman, I'm granting you ONE NIGHT ONLY to have your way with me.
Better accept now, because by the next time I visit CA, you might be too old for me.
This is all assuming you haven't been tainted by Shlongy.
------
um. can you rephrase this pls? I'm confused a little...
========
Let's plow.
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2007-08-17 17:55:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Still Shlongtastic.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-08-17 17:44:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2007-08-17 16:34:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-08-17 14:21:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That's so nice of you to spend a dollar for me on my birthday but you could have saved your money for something important to you and just given me a birthday hummer instead.
But that's a beautiful gesture.
-------------
I think I can afford a dollar.
At least I'm pretty sure.
Besides, this needs to be resurrected every so often.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-08-17 16:26:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Allow me to demonstrate on you and your thong...
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-08-17 16:00:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I know nothing of this "sniffing" you mention.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-08-17 15:49:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
For a sniff of your panties, I'm sure he'll be filling the tank with hi-test, as soon as he gets off of his shift at the Drive-Thru.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-08-17 15:33:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
redlands and riverside are pretty far from burbank
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-08-17 15:28:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-08-17 11:47:36 PDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Eperima - I'm visiting CA for a week this December. I was going to see old friends, probably conveniently organized into one place with some kind of party, but an ex-girlfriend that I really don't want to see...ever, happens to be dating a guy that I know would be there.
I thought for sure she wouldn't meet any Riverside folk all the way in Redlands (mild sarcasm)
So, since I'm going to avoid all of those bastards for fear of seeing the evil woman, I'm granting you ONE NIGHT ONLY to have your way with me.
Better accept now, because by the next time I visit CA, you might be too old for me.
This is all assuming you haven't been tainted by Shlongy.
------
um. can you rephrase this pls? I'm confused a little...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-08-17 11:31:27 PDT (#)
Ranking: 2
experima- I'm having an orgy tomorrow evening at my house.
I supply the booze, the baby oil, the towels and the Cheez-Its.
You're invited. RSVP.
Regrets only.
-----
If I still lived in Asheville, I'd be packing my bag. Have a good time, birthday boy.
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-08-17 14:47:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Eperima - I'm visiting CA for a week this December. I was going to see old friends, probably conveniently organized into one place with some kind of party, but an ex-girlfriend that I really don't want to see...ever, happens to be dating a guy that I know would be there.
I thought for sure she wouldn't meet any Riverside folk all the way in Redlands (mild sarcasm)
So, since I'm going to avoid all of those bastards for fear of seeing the evil woman, I'm granting you ONE NIGHT ONLY to have your way with me.
Better accept now, because by the next time I visit CA, you might be too old for me.
This is all assuming you haven't been tainted by Shlongy.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-08-17 14:31:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
experima- I'm having an orgy tomorrow evening at my house.
I supply the booze, the baby oil, the towels and the Cheez-Its.
You're invited. RSVP.
Regrets only.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-08-17 14:29:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHLONGY (tomorrow)
!!!
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-08-17 14:27:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
but the abuse I get for minus twoing some broads 18th consecutive story about how the moon makes her sad, because she then thinks about her ex- boyfriend, who left her because of her depressing moods, due to her dreams about her dead Aunt Edna while she longs for her cat, which passed away when she was 6....See what happens?
=====
That gets a +2.
I'm only 20 years of age, but I don't wear any of the horrible things you described in the post. I pay for all of the things I own (which number few), and don't live in my parent's house, nor do I live in the same state as ANYONE in my family.
I own five waist coats (aka vests, no, not gay sweater vests, the nice ones that go with suits) and wear them regularly, with other old fancy crap. I'm an accounting clerk (when I'm not unemployed and living off the money I've saved up), which means without me, accountants wouldn't be able to do yours and all of your "friends'" taxes.
I guess what I'm saying is, I don't get banned on account of my many characteristics that could only be described as, awesome...even though these are your rules.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-08-17 14:21:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That's so nice of you to spend a dollar for me on my birthday but you could have saved your money for something important to you and just given me a birthday hummer instead.
But that's a beautiful gesture.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-08-17 12:36:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Thank you...I wish we lived closer to each other so we could make out for my birthday.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2007-08-17 12:33:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Happy Birthday, Shlongy!!
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-07-25 15:40:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I'm not sure why I like Ghola, either.
Oh yeah...I REMEMBER why now.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/91892
Submitted by ikari_shinji (user info) at 2007-07-25 15:21:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This guy gets it. Not sure why he likes Ghola, but apart from that he's dead on.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-07-25 15:03:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
huh, somehow I seem to have missed this. +1 for the post/reviews
+1 for the picture.... funny stuff.
Submitted by barnaclebill (user info) at 2007-07-25 14:21:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Auto +2 for a shlongy post longer than 3 sentences and not strictly devoted to someone else's jealously of his luck with the ladies
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2007-07-25 14:16:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"Poetry made an appearance and 97% of it stank "
99% but other than that spot on.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-07-25 14:06:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Why wouldn't you agree with it, Rad?
You've lost weight.
You can stay.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2007-07-24 05:17:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I agree with it though
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2007-07-24 05:17:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I've never read this.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2007-07-24 05:14:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2005-11-25 08:54:10 GMT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
---
This post has grown on me a lot in the nearly two years since I last read it.
I'd buy Shlongy a drink.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-07-24 03:40:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-07-23 18:15:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
We SHOULD NOT DELAY IMMEDIATE IMPLEMENTATION OF THIS "CODE OF HONOR" FOR UBERSITE.
I mean, look what's happened to Uber the last few years while we've sat on our hands instead of taking action.
Take Rob_Berg for example. He wouldn't be allowed here on Uber if we had just did what had to be done two years ago.
Uber would be much better off.
We also wouldn't have Oathmeal and his 47 alters.
---
You love me, and you know it.
You crusty old geezer you.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-07-24 03:01:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Then again im thinking I wouldnt of been let on here either............
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-07-23 18:15:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
We SHOULD NOT DELAY IMMEDIATE IMPLEMENTATION OF THIS "CODE OF HONOR" FOR UBERSITE.
I mean, look what's happened to Uber the last few years while we've sat on our hands instead of taking action.
Take Rob_Berg for example. He wouldn't be allowed here on Uber if we had just did what had to be done two years ago.
Uber would be much better off.
We also wouldn't have Oathmeal and his 47 alters.
Submitted by Zeglamancer (user info) at 2007-07-23 17:34:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Do you still feel this needs to be taken into affect immediately?
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-07-23 17:09:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
So basically Uber hasn't changed in two years shlongy?
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-07-23 17:05:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
hit.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-07-23 16:44:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
61 more hits for this classic, please.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-04-03 18:23:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Those "groups" will be dually noted in Part II, coming to Uber sometime around June, 2008.
Submitted by Snare (user info) at 2007-04-03 18:19:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
BAN THE FOLLICALLY CHALLENGED.
BAN STD SUFFERERS.
BAN JELLY WRESTLERS.
BAN HORSE WHISPERERS.
BAN PEOPLE WHO WEAR SLACKS ON THURSDAYS.
...if this keeps up we'll have ourselves a religion....
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-04-03 17:55:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I'm surprised that link (see below) didn't constitute Ih8u2man's next post.
Submitted by ih8u2man (user info) at 2007-04-03 17:51:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
http://www.wayodd.com/funny-pictures2/funny-pictures-crazy-man-0Xz.jpg
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2007-04-03 17:51:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Everyone has to be good at SOMETHING, right?
Being an asshole is as good as anything else.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-04-03 17:46:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Nahhhh...they're mostly past all the "alter" business".
They've settled on plain old "asshole" now, which I find rather conforting.
Submitted by Plus2 (user info) at 2007-04-03 17:36:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I like how you brought up cell phones as an argument against teenagers. When I run around the city (exercising), my favorite activity is to look at what drivers are doing. At rush hour, about 90% of drivers are middle-aged desk jockeys. I would say that at least HALF or more are on their cell phones. So get with the times old man, it isn't just teens anymore.
+2 because I enjoyed your humor. It is surprising that some people think you are an alter.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-04-03 17:06:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Spooner- If you check the date of this post, you'll see I "wrote" this before Carlos Mencia had a TV show ( I believe) and was known, outside his stand up niche, by mainstream America.
I never consider Mencia when doing any of my Uber "Schtick" - I like to think of myself as an uncouth, foulmouthed, Dave Barry.
SURELY, you think HE'S funny.
I think Mencia's a fucking hack.
Submitted by Spooner (user info) at 2007-04-03 16:52:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
You see, what I did, when Ubersite stopped being entertaining, was I stopped coming here and reading posts.
It's remarkably effective.
It turns out there are a lot of other websites, and a lot of them happen to be pretty entertaining. And the amazing thing is that if those stop being funny after awhile then I can leave those websites, too, and find newer, better ones to spend my time at.
But then again, I guess you have a niche here, as the requisite "cantankerous older person," and have a shtick of saying offensive things for effect of shock humor, and so I understand why you stay. You have an audience and some people just happen to need an audience, you know?
But take it from me, there's nothing you can really do to fix Ubersite. All the people you don't like aren't going to leave, and considering your brand of humor and the role you fill here, that's certainly not a bad thing for you. Without the endless line of dweebs, faggots, and people willing to give into your need for drama, you'd have to adapt to a new purpose or style of posting. Or the site would, ironically, stop being entertaining for you and you'd leave.
Either way, this isn't really my favorite kind of humor. Too easy and little payoff. Plus it's the same shtick I see everywhere else I go on the internet. You need something clever behind the shock, or else you're basically just Carlos Mencia.
And you don't want to be Carlos Mencia, right?
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-03-31 22:02:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 snow cock-n-balls
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2007-03-31 21:30:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The best possible way to do whatever you were talking about is for everybody to emulate me. I got really bored, because it seems you only ever say the exact same thing without fail. sure, what you're saying isn't horrible, it's just gotten repetitive.
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2007-03-31 20:01:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
psssh! alter.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-03-31 19:08:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Can I bang her before you two tie the knot?
Submitted by drgoatcabin (user info) at 2007-03-29 17:05:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I will not stoop so low as to kissing ass. So I will give a plus two and a promise that my fiance likes older guys.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2007-03-29 16:52:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
At the time, I was a teenager, but I'm a big kid now, so I fully approve. Mostly. Spooner and Axolotl can stay.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-03-29 16:50:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm also coming up with a post on "Strategy to Clean up Your Vaginas"...
Stay tuned.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-03-29 16:33:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
gold
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-03-26 17:25:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
And while we're enjoying that drink, I'd be sliding my hand up your skirt, searching for Nirvana.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2007-03-26 17:05:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ah! One of my all time favorite Shlongy posts!
He did a great job on this one.
It's like sitting, having a drink with him and listening to him philosophize.
Submitted by retrospect (user info) at 2007-03-26 17:02:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
why's that sad, daddy?
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-03-26 16:58:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Retro's a fag...It's SOOOOO sad.
Submitted by retrospect (user info) at 2007-03-26 16:44:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by moneyshot (user info) at 2007-02-26 16:54:34 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
You are a sad middle-aged failed punk wannabe that has the writing talent of a two year-old. Your so called "rage" and "sarcasm" is tired and pathetic. You are no different than the mall punks knocking over trash cans and calling it "punk." Thanks for hanging out and reminding us just how sad an aging punk like yourself can be. By the way punk died an ugly death years ago, shouldn't you?
lol
Submitted by no1hasdis (user info) at 2007-03-26 16:43:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This should be updated and reposted annually.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-03-26 16:21:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'll say.
Submitted by St_Jimmy (user info) at 2007-03-26 15:52:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This should probably have a permanent spot on the front page.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-03-26 15:00:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Put this on Uberboard...Uber needs a cleansing, today.
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2007-03-26 14:31:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
More relevant now than ever, I say.
Submitted by moneyshot (user info) at 2007-02-26 16:54:34 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
You are a sad middle-aged failed punk wannabe that has the writing talent of a two year-old. Your so called "rage" and "sarcasm" is tired and pathetic. You are no different than the mall punks knocking over trash cans and calling it "punk." Thanks for hanging out and reminding us just how sad an aging punk like yourself can be. By the way punk died an ugly death years ago, shouldn't you?
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-11-27 22:22:09 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No question that Bart should have honored Shlongy- SOMETHING for my 28,00 reviews - by posting this on B @ W.
Maybe I will update this...that saves me from having to come up with a "new idea".
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-10-06 13:24:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Shlongy could USE a "B @ W" on his Uber resume.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-10-06 13:19:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Cool.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2006-10-06 13:19:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This should be on boredatwork.
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2006-10-06 13:18:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't have time to read this so I only had time to read the stuff in all caps. I agree with that crap. I'll read the rest later. Here's a +2 because I'm in a really good mood.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-10-06 13:15:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I stand behind my original plan.
If you have a problem with that, take it up with my lawyer.
I think you know where to find him...Under "J" in The Uber Directory.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-10-06 13:13:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ban all teenagers? Prick.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-10-06 13:07:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I forgot how funny this one was.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-06-01 21:38:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is one of the best posts ever in the history of Uber.
The Shlongster RULES!!!!!!!!!!!
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2006-05-30 13:40:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by MrSparkle847 (user info) at 2006-02-25 22:28:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
- Morons then discovered it
___________________________________
Hey, everyone! He's talking about me!
Wait a sec...
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-02-25 22:06:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
THIS is what a good post looks like. . .
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-02-23 15:01:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
A friendly reminder what a GREAT post used to look like around here.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2005-11-25 03:54:10 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Dead_0hi0_Sky (user info) at 2005-11-20 23:55:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
that gook bastard raped her and stuck her body in the sewer.
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2005-11-20 23:44:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
sometimes, going back into the archives pays off
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-10-30 15:14:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Heat. Old heat.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2005-10-29 10:12:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by missedthepoint (user info) at 2005-10-29 09:47:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
snow cock ..... + 1
Australian (who doesn't putt from the rough) applying for golf clause?
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-10-29 09:00:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-10-28 13:15:50 (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't think my reviews are that full of "hate".
----------
I wouldn't say 'hate' more like 'honesty'.
How are you studly?
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-10-28 17:39:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
More hits: For sale.
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2005-10-28 13:22:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice!
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-10-28 13:15:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't think my reviews are that full of "hate".
I truly believe that they're honest observations full of pointers on "how to improve oneself" (i.e."kill yourself, fucktard" comes quickly to mind), and that the reviewee really learns and prospers as a result of my expert opinions.
Submitted by SkinnyKenny (user info) at 2005-10-28 13:09:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Looking forward to some good old fashioned hate reviews, Shlong.
Submitted by RandomJose (user info) at 2005-10-28 13:08:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuck. While reading this, I was hoping I'd fit into one of the categories. It'd give me a reason to stop wasting my time in this internet cesspool.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-10-28 12:59:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-10-28 12:46:53 (#)
Ranking: -2
The "Brand New Shlongy" is working on his stalker-related issues and concerns and will be returning to the regularly scheduled shitpost programming in the very near future.
Thank you for your patience and in the meantime, please enjoy previous posts from the Brand Old Shlongy, found in the Shlongy archives on UberSite.
----
I love you. So hurry up you old fart.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-10-28 12:46:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
The "Brand New Shlongy" is working on his stalker-related issues and concerns and will be returning to the regularly scheduled shitpost programming in the very near future.
Thank you for your patience and in the meantime, please enjoy previous posts from the Brand Old Shlongy, found in the Shlongy archives on UberSite.
Submitted by Dreg (user info) at 2005-10-28 12:32:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You need to do more stuff like this, this brand new Shlongy is a little too passive for my tastes.
Submitted by ozzy (user info) at 2005-10-28 12:27:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is pretty good, and that picture is fucking priceless.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2005-10-28 12:25:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You're a fine man, Shlong! This was a great plan. Pity it didn't get put into practice.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-10-28 12:15:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Bringing it back to life...even temporarily.
Submitted by Danzxc (user info) at 2005-07-28 23:53:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You still suck dick -2 bitch
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2005-07-11 21:53:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
how did i miss this?
fucking priceless.
Submitted by TheGirlWithoutATitle (user info) at 2005-07-11 06:20:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 because you're Shlongy.
Submitted by jack0173 (user info) at 2005-07-11 04:59:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I just stumbled onto this, it's some funny shit. Although you want to ban shit-posters; aren't you the self confessed original shit-poster?
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2005-06-27 22:05:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-05-14 19:49:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
All of my comments generally make SOMEONE laugh...besides myself. You're welcome.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-05-13 12:20:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you made me laugh here http://www.ubersite.com/m/66233#1323545
thank sweetie!
Submitted by MrSparkle847 (user info) at 2005-05-07 11:54:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Yeah, you're right - the way to clean up Uber is to post meaningless bitchings, because people will actually take advice they find on the internet.
http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/youare.php
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-05-06 15:02:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
CanucksFan is a retalitory -2er...That's all you need to know about the little fag.
"Warning: The following may contain irony, satire, or ill conceived attempts at making you laugh, and should not be taken seriously. The views of this author do not necessarily reflect the views of the author".
Submitted by Santa_Claus_ (user info) at 2005-05-06 14:50:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice post.
Submitted by Feijuada (user info) at 2005-05-06 13:56:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-05-05 22:13:30 (#)
Ranking: -2
I cannot figure Fagjuada out. Nor will I bother trying to. But thanks for the + anyway.
---------------
I actually rate based on content and don't consider who the poster is. There are a few exceptions, of course, mostly CanucsFan. I hate him.
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2005-05-06 13:54:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Why don't you clean up your face first, start with a nose job, Mr' penis snout!
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-05-06 13:48:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
30%? You apparently need to eet mor dik, asshole.
Submitted by Hairsphincter (user info) at 2005-05-06 01:33:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-05-05 10:23:20 (#)
Ranking: 0
I wonder how long this will remain Top 5 Most heated material? It's definitely running out of steam...but it enjoyed a nice ride to the top.
Translate:
I wonder how long I can keep propping up this half witted post where I have contributed 30% of replies. I'm definately running out of steam... but I enjoy riding my own cock.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-05-05 22:13:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I cannot figure Fagjuada out. Nor will I bother trying to. But thanks for the + anyway.
Submitted by Feijuada (user info) at 2005-05-05 22:06:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Funny.
Submitted by kai070169 (user info) at 2005-05-05 12:04:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
here, have some more heat, since it means so much to you.
poor guy. get through today, that's all ya gotta do!
Submitted by Ducky (user info) at 2005-05-05 11:56:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-05-05 10:23:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I wonder how long this will remain Top 5 Most heated material? It's definitely running out of steam...but it enjoyed a nice ride to the top.
Submitted by kai070169 (user info) at 2005-05-05 03:16:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2005-05-04 12:26:07 (#)
Ranking: 1
"If BigMike plans on sticking around, and lately, he's been on my nerves a great deal, he'd best start hitting the gym."
As soon as you change your name to "Gym", I'll consider it.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-05-04 22:42:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Of course you're right.
There's DOUBLE irony here.
I wrote the post "as satire".
Then, the minions proved me right by bitching and moaning and "getting all serious" about it.
So in essence, it's not really satire any longer.
It's the fucking truth.
I deserve a Nobel fucking Prize for this work.
Submitted by PissedOffRightWingerWithAGun (user info) at 2005-05-04 22:21:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 because I agree with you for the most part although I would be gone under the rules because I barely fall under rule 3 and possibly 8 depending on your feelings.
Some of the comments just serve to emphasize your point, especially about the stupidity and those with mentalities of children. Many of them would be lucky to even understand some of the words used in this comment.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-05-04 20:26:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Ummm, Thank You...I think.
Submitted by U927 (user info) at 2005-05-04 19:56:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-05-02 20:42:41 (#)
Ranking: 0
All "Lurkers" are invited to stay.
----------------------------------------------------
Sweet. That means I'm exempt, except for the part of me being a teenager.
You are bitter, selfish, arrogant, cruel, a womanizer, a drunk, and an all-around asshole. But you are a SMART asshole, and a smart asshole gets a check in my book.
Submitted by G-prime (user info) at 2005-05-04 19:08:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
linkwhore and a +2
You see, there are people around here who would linkwhore without dignity. When you linkwhore, you should pay respect to the post on which you whore. Pay respect with +2. No matter how bad the post is.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/65607
I'm glad you at least read my post this time, Shlong. It's an improvement. Unless you didn't read it, but an unfounded +1 for a frenchman from Shlongy is, well there is no such thing.
Submitted by tuesdaydelay (user info) at 2005-05-04 17:34:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Ban Bart.
Submitted by dodahdave (user info) at 2005-05-04 16:10:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by The_Fan (user info) at 2005-05-04 00:29:11 (#)
Ranking: 2
Good start, buy you could simplify things by just banning all Canadians. That would get rid of at least half the morons on this site, since statistically, Canada makes up 50% of the world's moron population. Let's review your choices:
1) BAN ALL FOREIGNERS - Canadians are foreigners. Heck, most of them are foreigners in their own country.
2) BAN ALL RETARDS - Again, this one is covered by "BAN ALL CANADIANS"
3) BAN ALL TEENAGERS - The smartest Candians have the intellect of a teenager. A retarded one, but a teenager nonetheless.
4) BAN ALL HOMOS - Canada is currently legalizing gay marriage, so that means they are all gay.
5) BAN ALL FATGUYS - Again redundant if you go with the BAN ALL CANADIANS. Have you ever seen a fit Canadian that hasn't already moved to the US?
6) BAN ALL CAMPERS AND SHIT POSTERS - Canadians like to camp. And post shit.
7) BAN ALL EMO DWEEBS AND DEPRESSING POSTERS - Canada is the most depressing place in the world.
8) BAN ANYONE ELSE THAT SUCKS THAT I MISSED - All Canadians suck, but really you won't miss them when they're gone.
--------------------------------------------
HURRRH HURRRRH HURRRHH!!!
Fuckstick.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-05-04 15:32:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Ass kissing will only get you everywhere.
Submitted by wtf_is_going_on (user info) at 2005-05-04 14:51:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ok, I'm a teen but I'm 19 and my birthday is coming up
in a few days. Can I still stay! I love your work
and I'm sure that I always give you +2!
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-05-04 14:04:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
That's me. Clever, witty...and humble.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2005-05-04 13:30:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-05-04 12:52:30 (#)
Ranking: 0
I was wondering when you'd show up to take your bow. You should be happy that I acknowledge you. Everyone else is. Glad you kinda liked it.
Happy that you acknowledge me?
That's funnier than anything else you've written to date.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-05-04 12:52:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I was wondering when you'd show up to take your bow. You should be happy that I acknowledge you. Everyone else is. Glad you kinda liked it.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2005-05-04 12:26:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
"If BigMike plans on sticking around, and lately, he's been on my nerves a great deal, he'd best start hitting the gym."
As soon as you change your name to "Gym", I'll consider it.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-05-04 07:29:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I realy enjoy the "reviews" of the fucking retards who took this post seriously.
Who's "funnier" and more of a dipshit: This chipolette moron or "revolutionman"?
It's a toss up.
Oh, and CanucksFan...your mommy has been yelling at you to take out the garbage now, for hours.
Submitted by Saxon (user info) at 2005-05-04 01:27:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Shlongy your a worry but you know how to play em man.
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2005-05-04 01:08:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2005-05-02 21:44:57 (#)
Ranking: 2
Schlongy puts all of you dipshits to shame.....when he bothers.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
You only say that because he is simply ANOTHER one of YOUR alters.
BAN ME WOO!
Submitted by Quasiplasmohedron (user info) at 2005-05-04 00:58:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
*ahem* there's only one shitfuck....
Submitted by Revolutionman (user info) at 2005-05-04 00:45:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Im 17, I havent worn one item of the clothes you listed off, or listen to any of the music.
English class taught me of satire and irony
............wait
why the fuck am i wasting my time on this website like all the other shit fucks?
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2005-05-04 00:33:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
'Teenage' was SO nine years ago.
For me anyway...
Take it easy on those kids man, not everyone under the age of 21 is an idiot or a lost cause.
But most of us over 21 usually are.
Submitted by The_Fan (user info) at 2005-05-04 00:29:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good start, buy you could simplify things by just banning all Canadians. That would get rid of at least half the morons on this site, since statistically, Canada makes up 50% of the world's moron population. Let's review your choices:
1) BAN ALL FOREIGNERS - Canadians are foreigners. Heck, most of them are foreigners in their own country.
2) BAN ALL RETARDS - Again, this one is covered by "BAN ALL CANADIANS"
3) BAN ALL TEENAGERS - The smartest Candians have the intellect of a teenager. A retarded one, but a teenager nonetheless.
4) BAN ALL HOMOS - Canada is currently legalizing gay marriage, so that means they are all gay.
5) BAN ALL FATGUYS - Again redundant if you go with the BAN ALL CANADIANS. Have you ever seen a fit Canadian that hasn't already moved to the US?
6) BAN ALL CAMPERS AND SHIT POSTERS - Canadians like to camp. And post shit.
7) BAN ALL EMO DWEEBS AND DEPRESSING POSTERS - Canada is the most depressing place in the world.
8) BAN ANYONE ELSE THAT SUCKS THAT I MISSED - All Canadians suck, but really you won't miss them when they're gone.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-05-04 00:18:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
mickguinny has some great posts AND he is a pretty decent person.
Submitted by chipolatte (user info) at 2005-05-03 23:57:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
This was said a month ago.
This was said six months ago.
This was said a year ago.
I've been here for coming up on two years now, and they said it then.
No, it's not on the verge of being obsolete.
Submitted by CanucksFan (user info) at 2005-05-03 23:02:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm the one that needs to grow up? Yet you're a grown man whose 'handle' is SHLONGY.
You patrol this site about 18 hours a day, picking fights with everyone, and are still clinging to some bullshit 80's rock band fantasy while you waste your life away playing poker and telling us stories about the good ol' days and 'Mrs Shlongy'
Try to be more original...trying to insult me because of my age really isn't cutting it.
and before you say it, my complexion is just fine thanks
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-05-03 21:34:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hey, no changing the ratings, asshole.
Are you EVER gonna grow the fuck up?
Christ, I'm going to call your boss at Burger King and get you shitcanned, if you keep this attitude up.
Submitted by CanucksFan (user info) at 2005-05-03 21:22:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-05-03 20:49:48 (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks for the link! I'm sure our Teenager Uberites out there- those we haven't kicked the fuck out of here yet - will appreciate you thinking of their problems, shitfuck.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
The ones you've 'kicked the fuck out here'?
WHOA HARDCORE
Shlongy you seem to hate teenagers and everything that goes along with them...
were your high school years tough on you?
I bet puberty hit ya like a ton of bricks
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-05-03 20:49:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks for the link! I'm sure our Teenager Uberites out there- those we haven't kicked the fuck out of here yet - will appreciate you thinking of their problems, shitfuck.
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2005-05-03 20:34:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.jackinworld.com/qa/qagirls.html
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2005-05-03 20:12:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
U-uh, Hidden?
Submitted by Nator (user info) at 2005-05-03 20:08:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You entertain!
Submitted by Degreeless_Capibara (user info) at 2005-05-03 19:00:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You're like the Jewish Eichmann.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-05-03 18:27:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
That WAS a good line from me, CanucksFan...I'm glad you had your mom explain it to you so you could have a good laugh.
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2005-05-03 18:08:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
WAIT!!!!!
domenad is a fat ass.
what about him shlongy?
Submitted by CanucksFan (user info) at 2005-05-03 18:06:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Except for the cheap shot, this actually wasn't bad shlongy.
Your first ever positive rating from me!
Submitted by Girlwithaclue (user info) at 2005-05-03 17:35:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-05-03 16:58:36 (#)
Ranking: 0
Yup. Now tell me all about it. In detail. Please.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
I have been told it's like sunshine on a cloudy day,
when it's cold outside I've got the month of May!!
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-05-03 17:07:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Yup...you're in.
I'll even give you a "title" of some kind if you blow me. How's that sound?
Submitted by canadia (user info) at 2005-05-03 17:05:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm very happy to be a citizen now, that means I'm still in.
Wait, I have boobs... so I'd be in anyways.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-05-03 16:58:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yup. Now tell me all about it. In detail. Please.
Submitted by Girlwithaclue (user info) at 2005-05-03 16:53:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I have a vagina, I get to stay!!
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2005-05-03 16:48:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That last one should have been a -2.
But I can't.
I liked this.
-Dave
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2005-05-03 16:46:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
yeah dog... can i stay? my bro plays pro soccer, that's gotta count for something, right?
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-05-03 16:46:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It's just another case of the ol' in-out, in-out, Alex.
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2005-05-03 16:38:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh fuck I'm out.
-Dave
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2005-05-03 16:37:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 cos I'm in it.
-Dave
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-05-03 15:05:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
It's official. I'm erect.
Miss Loren just gave Shlongy a +2. Alert all media outlets.
Now, let's make out.
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-05-03 15:04:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
your best work in awhile.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-05-03 14:56:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Someone please tell MickGinny the answer is "A". (It could have been "B" if he had just said "45 year old chronic masturbator")
Thank you.
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2005-05-03 14:55:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was pretty funny, (and futile) especially coming from someone with a 5-digit user ID number.
+2 for effort rarely seen.
Submitted by Lechuga (user info) at 2005-05-03 14:34:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well Shlongy I'll give you a 2 for effort, however, I mist disagree with you on some points.
Banning all forigners would get rid of some great posters, Davros, Comicbookguy, etc. So I think we should ban the ones with ratings in the toilet and who do nothing but hitwhore. Tuesdaydelay comes to mind.
Banning all the retards sounds good to me. Does Electro deserve special treatment because he's autistic? Sure, a little bit. On Uber, when he makes shit-posts on a daily basis? Definitely not.
Banning all teenagers should have some strict exceptions. After all, I'm technically still a teenager. At 19, I've contributed a lot of material to Uber, and have a decent rating to prove it. But morons like Williamson and thorpe should go.
Zoidberg needs to go.
Banning all fat guys: Where do you draw the line? Evereyone's a bit heavy these days.
Ban all campers and shit posters. No explanation necessary.
All Emo fags and depressing posters need to go. I fully agree. They can stay as long as they promise to never ever post that bullshit again.
So Shlongy, for the most part, I agree with you. There ARE way too many alters, and way too much shit to dig through. So, all in all, good post.
Submitted by MickGinny (user info) at 2005-05-03 14:16:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-05-03 13:38:25 (#)
Ranking: 0
Lick my pole, Lesbo.
________________________________
yet another glaring indication that shlongy is either:
A) A socially stunted jack ass
or-
B) An 18 year old chronic masturbator
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-05-03 13:38:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Lick my pole, Lesbo.
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2005-05-03 13:15:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
For the love of god, man, just be quiet.
Submitted by mxc_jwebber (user info) at 2005-05-03 13:00:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well, just present me a name and I'll see whether they meet the criteria.
Submitted by mxc_jwebber (user info) at 2005-05-03 12:58:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh well I see the PFF stance. I wouldn't miss him if he disappeared.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-05-03 12:57:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Wow...I should have added mxc_jwebber to my advisory committee. He's nailed it.
Well done...whoever the fuck you are. Maybe I'll toss a +2 your way some day, if you ever post something that gets my attention.
Submitted by Draqus (user info) at 2005-05-03 12:56:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I guess I'm fucked by one or more of the aforementioned categories, but at least I can use the English language, and speak coherently.
Probably.
Submitted by mxc_jwebber (user info) at 2005-05-03 12:55:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hear hear. Another Shlongsterpiece.
1. With a few exceptions the foreigners here BLOW ASS. Their slang is too confusing. This isn't Top of the Pops, dammit. Anything to get rid of Kai.
2. I think I can live with losing the essence of dead brain cells that is Habeeb. As to your comment about him only having one or two funny posts, even a broken clock is right twice a day. Its just retard luck.
3. I appall(sp?) the teenagers you describe here. Any time I see one of these MTV-worshipping, English-language-demolishing, cell-phone-using twits I tell them to pull up their fucking pants and get a job. They're making the decent, intelligent teenagers look bad in the process.
4. If I wanted to hear gay people bitch about something I'd go see their fucking parade.
5. It seems like(with the exception of FatTony) the higher the body fat percentage, the lower the IQ on these people. Give 'em das boot.
6. These fuckers build a fire and pitch tent to defend their shit posts all day. I curtailed my shit-posting by NOT posting.
7. Emo kids should be smashed in the face repeatedly with a spiked object.
8. What about professorfuckface? What's the stance on him? And will I be saved from the big ugly axe of doom?
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-05-03 12:51:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
All excellent points and suggestions, which will be analyzed, scrutinized and then discussed to death by me and...
...well, probably just the voices in my head, before we forget all about them, say "fucki it", and go on conducting "business as usual" here on UberSite.
PS. Lojope is right. I love everyone.
PSS. Except professorfuckface
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-05-03 12:45:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
don't forget to ban all the wiggers too - I'm not sure if they got covered under 'teenagers'.
Submitted by Bizdorph (user info) at 2005-05-03 12:33:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I think there should be a physically imposed limit on how much a person can post per day. Since the time and date of every post is already recorded when submitted, it seems pretty easy to just not allow a repost until after midnight.
I don't know about the foreigners thing. While the people don't have to be, I thought the site was supposed to be neutral.
An age limit would be senseless, because anyone can lie about their age. Unless you get the feds involved with a birth-certificate search program upon registering, I don't think you can ever get rid of teenagers. I'm one of these, but I don't dress like a twat and I don't think I behave too badly.
All this banning sounds like an awful lot of trouble. Perhaps we could just leave it up to a committee of five members, each one from a different country, to cruise the site when they're on. If they find three posts in a row from the same person that all suck ass, ban 'em. As long as we're discussign imperialistic banning priveliges, why not go all out?
Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2005-05-03 12:10:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow. I got put on the list BY NAME. Admit it, Shlongy dear, you love me! If nothing else, some of your funniest reviews have been in response to some of my saddest posts. If I was gone, you wouldn't have anywhere to shine. :o)
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2005-05-03 11:52:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I can't say I disagree with points 3 & 6.
Actually, it might be good if you banned all foreigners because I might be able to focus during the day and get some work done at a decent pace.
Submitted by WhatTheHell (user info) at 2005-05-03 11:28:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/65562 <---- A RUBUTTAL!!
Submitted by SiskelandFatboy (user info) at 2005-05-03 10:31:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was well done Schlong. Insightful, funny, direct and comprehensive. I applaud the effort.
i just as many of you post elsewhere's I do also.
This line is one of the reasons we need to follow your advice........
Submitted by mbstateside (user info) at 2005-05-03 10:10:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Wow! I only fall into one of those categories unless you want to put me into number 8 too (which I'm sure you will Mr Shlong but that's just part of your charm and I know you don't mean it really).
The point about teenagers really is a good one too. The Most anoying type of post for me on uber is the hate post. Sure their are a few that are done well with plenty of Irony and synascism but on the whole they're just the work of prepubesent dicks complain about how their mom wont buy them the latest game for thier Xbox.
Submitted by congo (user info) at 2005-05-03 09:52:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Amen.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-05-03 09:48:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Soley_Trinity (user info) at 2005-05-03 04:51:47 (#)
Ranking: 2
Bart should ban everybody including himself. The picture of me naked, hitting a hole in one on the 9th is on its way to you.
I seriously doubt that I'm the only person that got semi-erect reading this review.
Submitted by clumeister (user info) at 2005-05-03 09:38:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Curious, by the time I get around to finding someplace cool its not cool anymore...
...Or is it just me :P
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-05-03 09:38:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Australian teenager reckons this was a good post.
Hurry up and have your midlife crisis so you can get a really tripped out van.
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2005-05-03 09:37:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Shlongy's best post so far.
Submitted by WhatTheHell (user info) at 2005-05-03 09:21:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't think the behavior was all that unusual actually. If you look at it from a "stalker mentality" I think you will find that it's very typical for it to progress this way. First an individual becomes a fan of another, and thus begins the first stage of admiration. Second, that individual who is now consumed with the perceived idol, attempts to "become more like" the object of their affection, and typically fails, leaving him or herself dejected and disillusioned. Once this realization hits home the "stalker becomes obsessed with bringing justice to their "fallen idol" anyway they seem appropriate, and thus brings the FINAL and most terrifying stage, full hatred and loathing and possible physical violence towards the idol, all in the name of justice and retribution towards the fallen idol.....AKA: John Lennon/David Chapman, etc...
The list is a long one, and MOST idol worship scenarios end tragically with the untimely death of one or both of the subjects involved.
Uhm, I mean.... what the fuck are you talking about dumbass?
Submitted by Mr-Boo (user info) at 2005-05-03 09:20:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Holy camping out on your post Batman! Get a fucking hobby already.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-05-03 09:16:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-05-03 08:48:42 (#)
Ranking: 1
Sometimes I wish I would get banned. That would give me an excuse to stop coming here.
---
No shit J. If I couldn't log on, I'd get much more accomplished
at work.
Good post wiener man!
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-05-03 09:06:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
WTH - You were one of my earliest and only fans. Something happened to you later on that cannot be explained by mere mortals.
Perhaps your last labotomy didn't "take".
Submitted by WhatTheHell (user info) at 2005-05-03 08:53:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was actually good, bravo you hook nosed miniature retard.
But seriously.... without ME, in your "early days" you would be NOTHING..... admit that at least Mr. Smork.
The most "ironic" part is the Jgreenturd reviews... this lard eating fatass just doesn't get it does he?
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-05-03 08:50:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Geez, no surprises on THIS post!!!
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-05-03 08:48:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Sometimes I wish I would get banned. That would give me an excuse to stop coming here.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-05-03 08:44:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
The REAL irony is that when Europe hit Ubersite around 3am EDT, they took this post for what it was worth - yeah, there's those two words "irony" and "satire" once again - and laughed about it. Unlike the American idiots who slammed it and minus 2-ed it.
Maybe I have to rethink my philosphy and consider banning all Americans and leave the foreigners alone.
I'll get back to you on that...right after I take my morning dump.
Submitted by funk_boy (user info) at 2005-05-03 08:32:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-05-03 06:52:09 (#)
Ranking: 0
you missed out those with large heads.
funniest thing about this post was this review.
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-05-03 08:29:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm for it as long as someone gets crucified
Submitted by MichaelJackson (user info) at 2005-05-03 08:12:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I moonwalk in this posts honor
Submitted by hairycoo (user info) at 2005-05-03 07:05:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Funny shit
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-05-03 06:52:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
you missed out those with large heads.
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2005-05-03 06:15:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Soley_Trinity (user info) at 2005-05-03 04:51:47 (#)
Ranking: 2
Bart should ban everybody including himself. The picture of me naked, hitting a hole in one on the 9th is on its way to you.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Mine too... And thanks for the shout! I hope my naked golfing picture is enough, otherwise I'll have to move to America, I can't get through my shitty work day without Ubersite!
Submitted by SilvrWolf (user info) at 2005-05-03 05:44:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
lordofthehippyhippyshake:
I love it when people say they don't care about something yet come rushing to defend it if anyone says otherwise. You cared enough to do it in the first place and you cared enough to come back and do it again.
Here's your sign, twinkle-toes.
Submitted by lordofthedance (user info) at 2005-05-03 05:29:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by SilvrWolf (user info) at 2005-05-03 05:04:31 (#)
Ranking: 2
Awwwwwwwwww, look. It's so cute...
lordofthedance has been considerate enough to cycle several of your posts through the MRR. I think you have a true fan there, Shlongy. These morons will never learn that they're giving you exactly what you want, will they? The irony is that if one of them does, there are two more idiots to fill their spot.
+2 for proving that if you give a retard enough rope, they'll hang themselves every time.
=========
The problem with your argument is that I don't actually care. He can have all his posts on MVA, MRR, YMCA or whatever.
Fanboy.
P.S. That's not actually irony. Thanks for playing.
Submitted by thinning_temples (user info) at 2005-05-03 05:07:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You know, there's a book I think you'd really enjoy - it's called "Mein Kampf" ...
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2005-05-03 05:06:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hilarious.
Although I am offended you didn't include me in your list of good English posters. I obviously need to up my game.
Submitted by SilvrWolf (user info) at 2005-05-03 05:04:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Awwwwwwwwww, look. It's so cute...
lordofthedance has been considerate enough to cycle several of your posts through the MRR. I think you have a true fan there, Shlongy. These morons will never learn that they're giving you exactly what you want, will they? The irony is that if one of them does, there are two more idiots to fill their spot.
+2 for proving that if you give a retard enough rope, they'll hang themselves every time.
Submitted by Soley_Trinity (user info) at 2005-05-03 04:51:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Bart should ban everybody including himself. The picture of me naked, hitting a hole in one on the 9th is on its way to you.
Submitted by lordofthedance (user info) at 2005-05-03 04:45:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I know....how about this....anyone who rates this with a +2 should be banned from this site. That way we can get rid of all the sycophantic fanboys.
Submitted by Bellebrown (user info) at 2005-05-03 04:39:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Can I vote for you in the general election?
I agree... except for the foreigners - we supported your president in the war damnit - surely the brits can hang around.
A pic of me semi naked can be found here: http://www.ubersite.com/m/57564
Submitted by Ignore_the_Small_Print (user info) at 2005-05-03 04:15:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Someone else has probably already mentioned this but do you not fit under "6) BAN ALL CAMPERS" being as it is that you've been replying to almost every review of this post.
So I guess it's goodbye to you too, oh well
Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m (user info) at 2005-05-03 04:07:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fair point. As I fit into one of those categories (thank fuck it's the fact that I'm British) and still relativly new on Uber, I agree with almost everything you said.
Submitted by phuzzygish (user info) at 2005-05-03 03:41:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm foreign, but I'm funny, and not from Europe or Oz, so I get special dispensation.
I can also spell dispensation. And understand satire.
This was funny.
Submitted by CLAIRE1 (user info) at 2005-05-03 03:13:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I actually fit the Uber demographic. I have to agree with some of your points. But a few are way off.
Submitted by Flying_buttmonkey (user info) at 2005-05-03 03:10:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You're sort of camping on this aren't you?
You're bitching about no one getting irony or satire then banning all the foreigners? Hmm, haven't thought too much through here.
Good post though. I agree.
Submitted by kai070169 (user info) at 2005-05-03 02:46:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
PROOF even Mrs. Shlongy agrees with this post: http://www.bitoffun.com/Vids/OceanofMotion.mpeg
OH the APPLAUSE!
Submitted by XII (user info) at 2005-05-03 02:30:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by The_Grammar_Nazi (user info) at 2005-05-02 20:48:37 (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 because "Ethnic Cleansing" is my favorite verb, Especially when applied to inanimate objects:
"I had to ethnically cleanse my hard drive, so I have no more lesbian porn."
-------------------------------------------
thats funny
oh and i would go 'cause im from Aus'
am i a lurker though? only 3 posts. ever.
Submitted by kai070169 (user info) at 2005-05-03 02:09:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
And how did a plaster cast of my dick get in the back of that truck???
Submitted by ugaly (user info) at 2005-05-03 02:05:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I enjoyed the post and agree with you for the most part.
But, by the rules you set forth you are hereby BANNED FROM ÜBERSITE
6) BAN ALL CAMPERS AND SHIT POSTERS
..............^
..............|
..............|
..............|
..............|
Right there. How many reviews do you have on this post? I would count but I'm lazy.
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2005-05-03 00:51:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
You got fired didn't you?
That or you've got a dead crack dealer in the basement and pipe burns on your lips.
Submitted by The_Yellow_Dart (user info) at 2005-05-03 00:44:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-05-02 21:05:36 (#)
Ranking: 0
Golfers get a pass, of course.
You said it.
Submitted by NocternalDragon (user info) at 2005-05-03 00:41:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You have ap point, I promise to only post good things now or not post at all.
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-05-03 00:27:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm calling the cheez-its line as a minor shout-out. Do I get to stay, Shlongy? I'll post my emus really quietly in the corner....
Submitted by Herpes (user info) at 2005-05-03 00:11:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yay! I get to stay!
And, the all-powerful Shlongy has rated me positively overall. I think I'm going to go masturbate with my pencil sharpener. That always keeps me in a great mood.
Submitted by Rawrg (user info) at 2005-05-03 00:10:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
So what if you post some of everything like me? Do I get banned on all accounts?
Submitted by kai070169 (user info) at 2005-05-03 00:07:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-05-02 20:37:31 (#)
Ranking: 0
you'd certainly be the first to go
Submitted by thehauntfest (user info) at 2005-05-03 00:03:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Boring with a lot of whining. Post something funny next time.
Submitted by MoonStone (user info) at 2005-05-02 23:54:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Not bad, but a little too complicated I think. With all the rules you layed down, you would get rid of a lot of the good posters.
I would just say to ban all the shit posters, simple and effective.
Submitted by Dead_0hi0_Sky (user info) at 2005-05-02 23:43:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ubersites done, get over it. move on to the next website.
Submitted by Lunch_Pail (user info) at 2005-05-02 23:42:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Im with you for the most part here shlongy. I must also say I have started to enjoy your shit a little more lately. Number one group that has to go are the emo fucks. Holy shit.Now as far as fat guys go what is the cut off? Im no fat guy but Im also not slim by any means. Tony is an all time uber classic no way he is going anywhere. Teenagers gotta go for sure. I do love 40s and blunts though and yes I am white as most of you know. Shlongy- whats wrong with blunts and 40s? they get you fucked up same as martinis and hitters.
Submitted by ThineJericho (user info) at 2005-05-02 23:32:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuck it, why not add some heat.
I "like" the "humor" "in" this post.
Submitted by Stabkill (user info) at 2005-05-02 23:29:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Shlongy , I don't blame you that's for sure. All the "old guys" talk about the wonderful, great old days...but to me it looks like a bunch of bullshit spam type stuff "GET YOUR FREEBIES HERE!" take up every other post over the course of a year or two. There are some days where NOBODY posted even ONCE. Woooo. That's fuckin' great.
I recommend everyone go back and read the posts and you'll think twice before ever saying anything about uber's first couple of years in existance.
Submitted by notoriousbrett (user info) at 2005-05-02 23:29:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Clause 3 is really killing me at the moment. But my fake i.d. says otherwise.
And hey, I've had some low scoring posts, but this +2 is pretty much me declaring servitude. How about you letting me make first cuts?
Submitted by MickGinny (user info) at 2005-05-02 23:28:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Here we have a guy that assumes he can chronologically explain the unexplainable illogical phenomena that is ubersite.
There is no definable reason why ubersite grew to what it is today. And before your eyes glass over like stimpy gazing at a heap of ear wax let me center you.
The phenomena that is ubersite is only a phenomena to those of us that frequent the site with regularity. When you compare this sites activity and number of registered users to the literally billions upon billions of people perusing the net, ubersites 20k registered users and hits per minute is about as impressive as David Duchoveney's movie career.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2005-05-02 23:26:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm 18 and I...wait
no, I'm 19. I forgot how old I am. I was going to list all the reasons I should stay, but just for that I'm sure I'll get the boot. Shit.
If it means anything, I play baseball, Dave Barry is my favorite author of all time, and you are the only person who can give me a -2 and have me convinced that it was all my pleasure.
Submitted by lordofthedance (user info) at 2005-05-02 23:22:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2005-05-02 23:08:46 (#)
Ranking: 2
well said mr schlong. well said.
========
The irony of you saying that is hilarious. Fanboy. As for Shlongy's "comeback"...more grade A witticisms from the guy who continues to style himself as the "greatest reviewer ever". Don't stop fingering yourself.
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2005-05-02 23:08:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
well said mr schlong. well said.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-05-02 23:01:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
eet mor dik, gayboy.
Submitted by lordofthedance (user info) at 2005-05-02 23:00:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
"Pedophiles started spamming and learned how to type "-2" until their fingers bled".
That's a pretty accurate description of you isn't it.
Mach II
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-05-02 22:57:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You might be if you break out with some +'s.
Submitted by Genko (user info) at 2005-05-02 22:54:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hmm. I'm techically a foreigner, but I did live in Chicago for a while. I'm staying, yes?
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-05-02 22:51:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Well, I'm gonna go smoke...I'm crossing my fingers holding out for a "number one" heat ranking by tomorrow when I awaken from my slumber.
And if you know me at all, you know that I do not give a fuck about that. So I guess I DID just lie.
Can't wait until the Euros drop by...should be fun! Thanks for playing!
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-05-02 22:50:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuck 'em all.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-05-02 22:47:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't think you fall into any of the bannable offenses catagories.
Submitted by nitty34 (user info) at 2005-05-02 22:41:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm going out on a limb here and assuming that I'm SAFE from the downsizing.
Shlongy digs my rap
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-05-02 22:39:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I haven't been baneed.
Nor will I be banned.
This is supposed to be an "Autistic Free Zone"...I'm telling bart bart.
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2005-05-02 22:38:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-05-02 22:22:57 (#)
Ranking: -2
joedaddy- Why the change of heart?
Did you come to your senses?
Or did you run up to Home Depot and have them extract your head out of your ass...via forklift?
==========================
No, as I remember,
You were begging me for air.
Submitted by Electro (user info) at 2005-05-02 22:34:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Am I glad that you (might get/have been) banned... ;)
bart earns a +2.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-05-02 22:34:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
But alas, that you cannot do, Tommy Boy, for I am, and forever shall be known, as "Best Reviewer" or whatever the fuck it is that I was voted.
In fact, my ratings should count MORE than the average poster...if you ask me.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-05-02 22:29:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
But have you ever seen bart and Method in the same room at the same time?
Them "alter" guys sure are tricky.
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-05-02 22:29:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-05-02 22:19:05 (#)
Ranking: 0
bart might ban you for THAT, Tommy.
I know I would.
---
Nah, Bart and I are cool (I assume). He could have banned me after photoshopping him into a gay sex picture, but he +2'd it and went on about his business.
And something tells me you'd ban 18,100 of the 18,400 users on the site, so I'm not too worried about what you would do.
Incidentally, Penisy, I wouldn't ban you, I'd just take away your rating ability.
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2005-05-02 22:28:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
no, ive met method.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-05-02 22:27:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
bart = Method.
I think. Probably.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-05-02 22:22:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
joedaddy- Why the change of heart?
Did you come to your senses?
Or did you run up to Home Depot and have them extract your head out of your ass...via forklift?
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2005-05-02 22:22:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
i wonder if bart does have any alters?
Submitted by jack11058 (user info) at 2005-05-02 22:21:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you can be pretty goddam funny when you want to.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-05-02 22:21:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Death Metal Dude - With those qualifications, if you would just get a vagina, I'd probably marry you.
Yeah, you can stay.
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2005-05-02 22:21:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Here ya go /\ !
That's for reminding me to have my "asshole" detector serviced and reset.
Thanks for the "heads up"!
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-05-02 22:19:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
bart might ban you for THAT, Tommy.
I know I would.
Hell, he might ban ME for that. Thanks alot.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-05-02 22:17:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I missed a LOT of points, but didn't want to spend the next 5 hours pontificating on why teenagers today are assbags, for the most part.
They don't go outside...hell, they don't play sports.
To a lot of teenagers, EA Sports and SEGA IS sports.
Let's not get me started...there are some good "kids" in this room...but they are overshadowed by the ignorant dipshits. You know, those teenagers who -2 me. Those ones.
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-05-02 22:17:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 because I've finally figured out whose alter you are! It's so simple, I can't believe I didn't see this before.
You are the alter of:
Bart.
Submitted by Death_Metal_Dude (user info) at 2005-05-02 22:16:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm a teenager of 19, but I play golf and like Glen Livet, am I in?
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-05-02 22:16:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
+2 because I like this and agree with it.
-1 becuase you say we should ban all campers, then proceeded to review this approximately 2,847 times.
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-05-02 22:15:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Let's face it. NONE of you that are over the age of 21 would be hanging out with these teenagers in a bar - that wouldn't be cool - so why should you have to hang out with them in cyberspace? Besides, teenagers, in addition to their shitty complexions, dress like complete dipshits these days; Whoever told them that baseball caps worn sideways, baggy pants where the crotch hangs down below their knees, 7K gold chains and "Allen Iverson" NBA throwback NBA jersey was either cool or would help them with the chicks, was a lying asshole. Or a retard (See Point #2). Adults don't do blunts - we do one hitters - we don't drink "40's" because most of us AREN'T BLACK - and we don't listen to Good Charlotte, Sum 41, nelly, Fiddy Cent or Ashley Simpson. They are ALWAYS on the cell phones that their mommies pay for, which REALLY pisses me off. Probably because cell phones weren't invented when I was a teenager.
-----
+2 for this, but I think you missed a key point in your anti-teenage ranting: Would you have been wasting time posting shit on the internet once you got your drivers license if they had the internet when you were younger? I know I wouldn't have. Kids today don't go outside.
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2005-05-02 22:15:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
1) BAN ALL FOREIGNERS - Cleveland Ohio, born & raised!
2) BAN ALL RETARDS - <performs complex algebraic equation> see! i'm a friggin' genius!
3) BAN ALL TEENAGERS - <checks ID> nope! 22 this month!
4) BAN ALL HOMOS - <masturbates to Jenna Jameson and friends> straight as an arrow!
5) BAN ALL FATGUYS - hmmmm... 6'2" - 170lbs? fat? i think not.
6) BAN ALL CAMPERS AND SHIT POSTERS <ahem> i've had a few good posts here and there...
7) BAN ALL EMO DWEEBS AND DEPRESSING POSTERS - nah, mine are cheery and immature
8) BAN ANYONE ELSE THAT SUCKS THAT I MISSED - do you miss me? didn't think so!
WOO uber!
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-05-02 22:09:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hey, these are just suggested guidelines.
Let's not all go sign off permanently.
Well, unless you really suck. In that case, knock yourselves out.
Submitted by algermetiphist (user info) at 2005-05-02 22:08:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Go Shlongy. Although this bans me too. Oh well, I need to get a life anyway.
Submitted by freebie (user info) at 2005-05-02 22:07:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Gnight shlong. Happy dreams chasing that big dick you posted...zzzzzzzzzzz
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-05-02 22:05:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Bear in my mind that most of the "heat" my posts generate are that of extreme negative energy.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-05-02 22:04:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Didn't mean to imply that that *was* what you were going for, but that *is* what came out of it.
And my mis-spell was on purpose.
Contrived controvery = Contriversial
I should stop using words I use in real life that have no meaning.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-05-02 22:03:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It's weird...
I wasn't going for "controversial"...Nor was I going for "heat"...
I can't really take the time to post from work and this "idea" about all the bans lately has been cruising around in my head - when I wasn't thinking about lunch or pussy - and tonight, I decided to lay down some tracks.
Just thought I was being witty. I may be wrong.
But I doubt it.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-05-02 21:59:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Should I bow to your heat-getting prowess now, or should I wait until everyone else gets what you said here...
And WTH, *THIS* is how ya do it.
On your best day, you couldn't wish to be this "contriversial".
OF course, neither could I, or just about anyone else here...
But that's neither here nor there.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-05-02 21:58:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yes, bob...Good lie. You pull off the whole "teenager" thing better than most.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-05-02 21:56:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Why is that, Jack? For being an "alter" of myself?
I got one guy thinking I'm smooching bart's ass...and I got another guy thinking I'm denigrating him.
Based on THAT alone, I'm not convinced that everyone that visits this room can even READ, much less comprehend.
Anyways, as far as I'm concerned, that would be Uber's loss.
In theory.
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2005-05-02 21:56:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
As an 18 year old Australian retard, i agree completely.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2005-05-02 21:54:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I have to say, I was missing the Shlongy tribute posts.. perhaps this will start it back up again.
ANd here.. I forgot to rate last time..
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-05-02 21:53:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
stabkill- So I "generalized". Fuck, I wasn't here back then. Sue me.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-05-02 21:53:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You realize that you've asked for a self-imposed ban, don't you?
Submitted by freebie (user info) at 2005-05-02 21:49:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Listen shrivel dick, I read it, I'm not a teenager and I still don't "get it". Everyone should leave and let you and your buddies "be" ubersite? Keep sucking bartbarts dick, you'll get a special prize soon.
Submitted by Quasiplasmohedron (user info) at 2005-05-02 21:47:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
What about depressed, fat, homosexual, retarded teenagers from Belgium?
Submitted by Slighty_Obnoxious (user info) at 2005-05-02 21:45:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I think that I can comprehend quite a bit more things on here than most my age. If i don't get it I don't bother rating it (if I read it in the first place). I guess you can say I'm more "mature".
Oh wait, fuck it. My name is slighty_obnoxious.
Almost forgot!
(Holds up a crudely written cardboard Shlongy fan sign)
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2005-05-02 21:44:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Schlongy puts all of you dipshits to shame.....when he bothers.
Submitted by Stabkill (user info) at 2005-05-02 21:43:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Some good writing happened?!?! Some good writing happened?!?! Did you ever go back and actually take a LOOK at the first few thousand posts? It was complete trash! I don't know where the talent came in, but it sure wasn't a place to showcase decent writing in the beginning.
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2005-05-02 21:39:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
so shlongy, do i get any special exemption?
eh? eh?
http://www.ubersite.com/m/65529#1302153
Submitted by FunnyAsCancer (user info) at 2005-05-02 21:39:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Kiss ass? Why, I'd love to! Everyone knows I'm Ubersite's most hated sycophant!
PLUZ TOOS 4 LYFE 4 SHHHHLONGIE.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-05-02 21:36:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
freebie- make up your mind, dipshit.
Christ, teenagers are, for the most part, idiots.
Except the ones who can read, and consequently, "get it".
Submitted by freebie (user info) at 2005-05-02 21:34:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Oops..-2.
Submitted by freebie (user info) at 2005-05-02 21:33:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Graypubes, you used to be funny. now it's just sad.
Submitted by EternalDragon (user info) at 2005-05-02 21:33:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
excellent hate post...but I fall in category 3, therefore only +1
ah hell +2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-05-02 21:31:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Nice knowing you, Zoidberg. Why are your lips always so chapped, anyway?
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-05-02 21:29:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
funnyascancer- but you can plead your case by kissing some ass with some + ratings here, buddy.
Submitted by Zoidberg (user info) at 2005-05-02 21:28:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
I have yet to see you post anything of any redeeming value
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-05-02 21:27:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I wonder what made sword- who's not anyone of any importance whatsoever - get THAT angry at this hilarious post, enough to type in a big "fuck you"?
Was it because he's banned because of all 7 catagories?
Eet mor dik, bud.
Submitted by FunnyAsCancer (user info) at 2005-05-02 21:27:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Dammit, I'm gone if this happens. Numbers 3 and possibly 7 destroy me.
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2005-05-02 21:26:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
haha.
ill meet you half way...
and oh yea, im a 27 year old business advisor living in New York City...pulling in $450,000 and fucking every hot ass that has two legs (ive even made an exception, but oh man she had such a rack i titty fucked that shit all night)
Submitted by howto (user info) at 2005-05-02 21:26:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Once again you've overestimated yourself, old man. Wipe those tears and forget about what the mean strangers on the internet said about a post you worked so hard on, you are a very special individual with many unique talents and large wealth. All of which may or may not exist. Scratch that. All of which do not exist.
Submitted by sword (user info) at 2005-05-02 21:25:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
fuck you
Submitted by freebie (user info) at 2005-05-02 21:25:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
That's it almond sack?? Bitching about -2's. You must be drunk and broke from the last round of putt-putt.
Submitted by proofofpurchase (user info) at 2005-05-02 21:24:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
WTF - I'm not reading all that, however, I like the snowman picture!
I have a short attention span and would rather read your reviews not your posts.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-05-02 21:21:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
My fans...you GOTTA love 'em!
The only chance I have for a highly rated post - and THIS post, if written by 43.8% of all other posters would be that highly rated one - is if I posted my "retirement from Uber" speech.
And even THEN you'd have shitforbrains like joedaddy- who quite frankly, I never heard of - and freebie giving out the usual -2's.
Submitted by freebie (user info) at 2005-05-02 21:18:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You on tour searching your gray pubes for that earthworm dick to suck? Yeah, I'd pay to laugh at that.
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2005-05-02 21:16:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Scratch that. Just me.
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2005-05-02 21:15:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
How about those assholes who review other's posts and provide nothing at all.
Oh yeah. That's you and me.
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2005-05-02 21:15:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I see.......
its one of these posts the author can have it "both ways" in his quest for success.
How droll.........
Submitted by howto (user info) at 2005-05-02 21:11:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
There you go again shlongy. Always with the lies. You just can't help yourself, can you.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-05-02 21:09:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2005-05-02 21:07:41 (#)
Ranking: -1
Piss off....
Learn what the word "Uber" means first,
then create a new name for the site,
if/before you try to change it for your
own purposes.
I guess joedaddy, who obviously has the brains of a beanbag, was absent from school the day they tauight "satire".
Probably a teenager. Definitely a fucking idiot.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-05-02 21:07:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hey dipshit...if I could suck my own dick, you think I'd be hanging around THIS fucking web site?
I'd be on tour, entertaining obvious homos like you.
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2005-05-02 21:07:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Piss off....
Learn what the word "Uber" means first,
then create a new name for the site,
if/before you try to change it for your
own purposes.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-05-02 21:06:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I get the sense that not enough Uberites read Dave Barry...
Submitted by freebie (user info) at 2005-05-02 21:05:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You've managed to suck your own dick and kiss bartbarts ass in the same post. The small hope I had for this site just got pasted into roadkill pancakes.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-05-02 21:05:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Golfers get a pass, of course.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-05-02 21:05:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Dammit- I forgot to ban cowards like HowTo.
Funny Howto, none of the posters who I've met or spoken with seem to think there's any lying going on.
But I'm doing quite a bit of traveling this next 6 months...if you'll just let me know where you reside, maybe we can get togetherI can answer any questions you might have about Shlongy...and then punch your fucking teeth down your throat.
Think about it...OK pal?
Submitted by peckerhead (user info) at 2005-05-02 21:04:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+1 for a funny and entertaining post - including a hilarious pic!
+1 for the Poster... Hey Shlongy, I'm not an American but I am a golfer so can I stay? Could you modify your criteria so that golfers get an exemption from one ban? I'd like to stick around.
Submitted by rollerboognish (user info) at 2005-05-02 21:04:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
bah. I know this is all facetious. Still, you wrote it with just enough seriousness that people will argue and get this on most heated. You squeezed a decent amount of comedy out of this topic for an oldster.
Truth be told, between a Beeb post and a Shlongy post, you've got about the same odds of being entertained. You didn't hear that from me.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-05-02 21:02:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
darko...you're as in as I am.
Of course none of these catagories fit you. You seem to have a brain.
Submitted by howto (user info) at 2005-05-02 21:01:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I think we should ban compulsive liars
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-05-02 21:01:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Well, bob, 0 ratings certainly aren't gonna help your case.
Where'd you learn the art of negotiation...from Saddam Hussein?
Break out with some 2's aand petition the court.
Or, lie about your age. That would probably work, too.
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2005-05-02 20:59:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
3) BAN ALL TEENAGERS - Let's face it. NONE of you that are over the age of 21 would be hanging out with these teenagers in a bar - that wouldn't be cool - so why should you have to hang out with them in cyberspace? Besides, teenagers, in addition to their shitty complexions, dress like complete dipshits these days; Whoever told them that baseball caps worn sideways, baggy pants where the crotch hangs down below their knees, 7K gold chains and "Allen Iverson" NBA throwback NBA jersey was either cool or would help them with the chicks, was a lying asshole. Or a retard (See Point #2). Adults don't do blunts - we do one hitters - we don't drink "40's" because most of us AREN'T BLACK - and we don't listen to Good Charlotte, Sum 41, nelly, Fiddy Cent or Ashley Simpson. They are ALWAYS on the cell phones that their mommies pay for, which REALLY pisses me off. Probably because cell phones weren't invented when I was a teenager. But I'm not jealous. NosirreeBob. We really don't have anything in common with these wasters of oxygen at all, other than being carbon-based lifeforms, so if they disappear out of Uber - hell, off the planet is even better - I think our life, as "adults" improves dramatically. We'll lose approximately 14,000 Uber users but really, are any of you gonna miss CanucksFan?
_________
This hurts me because i do nothing that you speak of and yet you want me kicked out.
That hurts shlongy, deep down, it hurts.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-05-02 20:58:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I like this post, though that may be because I managed to miss all of your entertaining general guidelines.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-05-02 20:58:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Really? Only 2 posters left?
Well THAT certainly sucks. What fun would THAT be? Are you sure you're not forgetting all the Uber broads who I've basically given a "free pass" to?
PS. I'd end up killing bart in a coup.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-05-02 20:57:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Of course my son Brendan should be unbanned. He's an upstate New Yorker as I was for a long time. And one of my few fans. I believe that I'm on a perfect +2 average with Brendan.
Believe me, there's not many of them.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-05-02 20:56:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
According to my calculations, your policy of elimination would result in an Uber population of 2: You, and Bart. Now THAT is hell-on-Uber.
Good points here, Shlongster. I think your policies are a little too extreme though -- I'd settle for booting out anyone who's a dumbass. You could stay though Shlongy, for your rage and bitter disposition is amusing.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-05-02 20:55:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Well, because you have a vagina, I will indeed, let you slide.
Speaking of sliding, slide that little ass on over to Shlongy's lap....
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-05-02 20:54:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Not at all. I already called bart a dipshit, among other things, at LEAST 43 times because of the bannings.
What part of "irony" and "satire" are the masses not getting here?
I thought that this post was crystal clear. You really think someone with MY horseshit reputation would want someone banned? Besides professorfuckface, I mean?
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2005-05-02 20:54:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well, TECHNICALLY, I go under #3, since I'm only 19. But I'll be twenty next month, so I'll give you a preliminary +2 on the basis that I assume you'll be letting me slide on this one.
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-05-02 20:52:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You approve of bart's little crackdown recently, wiping hits and banning indiscriminately?
I think it blows. Brendan should be unbanned.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-05-02 20:50:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by PeanutButterJellyTime (user info) at 2005-05-02 20:46:53 (#)
Ranking: -2
Not all Black people drink "40's" and blunts and all the dumb shit you think. Grow up, it's 2005. Stop promoting ignorance.
Oh, and let me add....I WAS DIRECTING THIS AT THE WHITE KIDS IN THIS ROOM, you stupid fucker.
TEENAGERS...did I mention NEGROS, DOTHEADS or MARTIANS anywhere in this post? Didn't think so.
You must be what, 18? Go fuck yourself, you self righteous ignorant retard.
You're banned as soon as I get the switch hooked up.
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-05-02 20:49:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by PeanutButterJellyTime (user info) at 2005-05-02 20:46:53 (#)
Ranking: -2
Not all Black people drink "40's" and blunts and all the dumb shit you think. Grow up, it's 2005. Stop promoting ignorance.
----------------------
If you lived with a black person as I do you would know godamn good and well that is all that they do. Bow to Shlongy.
Submitted by Mr.Brightside (user info) at 2005-05-02 20:49:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ahem. yes they do, and you cant drink a blunt. dumbshit
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-05-02 20:48:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I'm promoting "humor" and "satire", you stupid fuck.
Let me guess- TEENAGER!!!
Get the fuck out of here, dipshit.
Submitted by The_Grammar_Nazi (user info) at 2005-05-02 20:48:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 because "Ethnic Cleansing" is my favorite verb, Especially when applied to inanimate objects:
"I had to ethnically cleanse my hard drive, so I have no more lesbian porn."
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2005-05-02 20:48:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Wow... imagine that.. I somehow managed not to fit into any of Shlongy's catagories.
I must say I'm impressed.. that was an incredibly large brush you used!
Submitted by PeanutButterJellyTime (user info) at 2005-05-02 20:46:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Not all Black people drink "40's" and blunts and all the dumb shit you think. Grow up, it's 2005. Stop promoting ignorance.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-05-02 20:46:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Ashlee- I should get a bonus +1 from you because I think I'm letting you stay, based on my parameters.
That would equal +2.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-05-02 20:45:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Z- I didn't miss Fetish...he got an early call.
- bart started it
- Some good writing happened and was posted
- Morons then discovered it
- Pedophiles started spamming and learned how to type "-2" un til their fingers bled
Line 4
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2005-05-02 20:44:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
You get a +1 for that picture.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-05-02 20:44:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Bummer, Z...and this whole time, you rarely irritated me.
I was going to put in a provision about "renouncing your citizenship" or singing "America the Beautiful" three times, aloud, but forgot about it in my zest to get this mess over with.
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-05-02 20:43:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
also, you failed to mention the one man cancer that was I_Have_A_Kristen_Fetish.
he is to blame for much of the hitwhorage and general low standards around here, having inspired most of it.
Submitted by lush (user info) at 2005-05-02 20:42:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Agreed. Unless that means I have to go, too..........
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-05-02 20:42:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
All "Lurkers" are invited to stay.
Speaking of Lurkers, I used to really love that band, 26 years ago. I want to say they were from Manchester but I'm probably off base there. I know I have three of their singles and one LP.
Submitted by DonovanMD (user info) at 2005-05-02 20:41:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
- Stalkers and internet tough guys permeate the ship
- There's too many alters
--
These two are good points.
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-05-02 20:41:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
no, I'd be out under provision 1, you xenophobic fuck.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-05-02 20:41:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Sure Habeeb...those -2's are REALLY gonna help you stick around when I get out the Uber ax. You're going first, just for that.
Submitted by shadowofthedivine (user info) at 2005-05-02 20:40:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
But this means I'm screwed on two counts, I'm English, and a teen
but I agree, the current trends in music and 'fashion' are a pile of
bullshit.
And I haven't posted yet, so no mopy pathetic shit.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-05-02 20:40:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Z- You might be left...unless you're gay. Or a foreigner.
Submitted by ChristPuncher (user info) at 2005-05-02 20:39:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
NO DON'T BAN ME ASSHAT
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-05-02 20:38:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
For the last time...I'M NOT AN ALTER!!! Jesus, there's noone else even in Shlongy's CLASS of poster, for chrissakes.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-05-02 20:37:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
you'd certainly be the first to go
Submitted by Duke_Diggler (user info) at 2005-05-02 20:36:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
heh. an alter is telling us how lame alters are.
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-05-02 20:35:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
so...who would be left?
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-05-02 20:34:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I like this post. I think it's good.