I ain't no holla back girl (3624 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 1.32 on 38 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by antiLemming (View user info) at 2005-05-04 11:52:04 EDT
Today as I was driving in some shitty peak hour traffic, listening to the radio, I heard the song 'Holla back girl' by Gwen Stefani.
So anyway, I had one of those moments where you cut someone off in such an amazing display of contempt that you get real excited. You know, you just made some poor lady's heart skip a beat as she jumped on the brakes to avoid a serious car crash and you're feeling pretty pumped... so I did what seemed the most logical thing at the thime: I leant out my window and shouted "FUCK!" as loud as I could at her.
That poor woman, she must have been awfully confused as to why I cut her off then swore at her. I think the lesson everyone learned was "it's okay to be different."
That, or "I am a complete asshole."
On with the story:
The next thing that ran through my mind (as I tailgated a pregnant widow with an orphan in the back seat) was the following: what, exactly, is a 'holla back girl'?
More to the point, why is Gwen not one of said holla back girls?
Does this mean if I were to 'holla' at her, she would not holla back? The rude bitch. I don't understand music these days, all this complicated lyrical madness. Give me good old fashioned rock any day. I mean, even drug-addled perverts like KISS got it right by repeatedly chanting "I wanna rock and roll all night and party every day". That is a simple mental image: wasted musicians trashing hotel rooms, banging groupies and then rocking out on stage with fireworks and huge amplifiers and everyone is just totally fucked up on drugs. Simple.
Music used to tell us that sex drugs and rocknroll were a given thing; now I have some stuck up whore telling me she's better than me, then spelling out 'bananas'? Fuck. No.
From now on I'm only listening to music made by people who have been photographed while injecting drugs into their eyes. I will accept nothing less from my rock gods. We need to get the message out to the people; no more Creed, no more simple plan, no more self-righteous bullshit music. I'm talking meth-induced psychosis and on-stage overdosing, pyrotechnics and really tight pants, loud guitars and even louder hair.
Jesus said "you don't have to be a great man. Just be a man." To all of you I say: you don't have to be a rock god. Just rock.
User Reviews
Submitted by FartSmeller (user info) at 2005-05-05 17:25:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Coincidentally, I'm not a holla back girl either.
Submitted by antiLemming (user info) at 2005-05-05 12:51:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Why do I feel like the only people who rated this poorly haven't written anything tolerable?
Also, for what it's worth, this is the first time in a while I've posted and the first time I wrote anything worth reading. I got a +2 from Kristen and Apollo, whose work I've read for about 2 years now. Those 2 ratings cancel out all the -2's for me.
Submitted by Totally_useless (user info) at 2005-05-05 08:13:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Gwen is a hot piece of poon.
Those itty-bitty titties get me engorged.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-05-05 08:13:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
very, very amusing.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-05-05 07:52:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
So you cut someone up and swore at them. Classy.
This song is nothing more than manufactured trash. Quite frankly the whole ;churning out music' thing is rather orwellian. Dosn't really bare thinking about really.
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2005-05-05 04:38:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Quagmire: Hey there Gorgeous, how old are you?
Connie: 16.
Quagmire: 18?
Connie: Mom!
Quagmire: I Like where this is goin'!
I love Gwen.
Submitted by ToxicNarcotic (user info) at 2005-05-05 04:14:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"To all of you I say: you don't have to be a rock god. Just rock."
that was lame but everything else was high class.
Submitted by hobbs (user info) at 2005-05-05 03:58:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
FUCK YEAH!
Submitted by pushedbyboredom (user info) at 2005-05-04 22:16:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
2 because you yelled simply fuck, not fuck you, not fuck off, just fuck.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-05-04 21:59:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I want to rock and roll all night and part of every day.
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-05-04 21:37:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/53013
Linkwhore comulsary +2
Submitted by mikethescottish (user info) at 2005-05-04 21:24:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
As long as there's, you know, sex and drugs, I can do without the rock and roll.
Submitted by rollerboognish (user info) at 2005-05-04 21:13:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This made me laugh, especially this line: "Does this mean if I were to 'holla' at her, she would not holla back? The rude bitch."
Submitted by IkesApt (user info) at 2005-05-04 18:35:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
yo i think a banana is a racist term.
ie. yellow on the outside, white on the inside.
and if you see the music video, its all asian girls pretending their white?
i dunno my girlfriends asian and thats what she says.
stupid song.
it sucks.
now for my first ever hit whore attempt:
http://www.ubersite.com/m/65666
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2005-05-04 15:52:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
DAMNIT DAMNIT DAMNIT
I WAS FUCKING DOING THIS!!!!!!!!
AHHHHHHH
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2005-05-04 15:43:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice Rant!
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2005-05-04 15:38:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I do not know of this song, but it sounds lame.
Submitted by fudgepacker (user info) at 2005-05-04 15:36:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
b-a-n-a-n-a-s
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2005-05-04 15:28:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
(i do of course mean the radio edit version)
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2005-05-04 15:25:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by wtf_is_going_on (user info) at 2005-05-04 14:32:47 (#)
Ranking: 0
You obviously don't understand the meaning of the song.
And she doesn't spell out bananas! She starts to spell it out
but then it turns into something else.
No, dude, she spells out bananas. "This beat's bananas, B-A-N-A-N-A-S!" Trust me, I hear it approximately 2579 times a day. It's horrible.
Gwen, on the off chance that you somehow stumble onto Uber and read this, know that I am very disappointed in you.
Submitted by ChristPuncher (user info) at 2005-05-04 15:24:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I hear ya man
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2005-05-04 15:17:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Yep, works for me.......
except the driving part.
Submitted by tuesdaydelay (user info) at 2005-05-04 15:09:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Aye, you tell her that her milkshake's fucking disgusting, man.
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2005-05-04 14:32:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
wasted musicians trashing hotel rooms, banging groupies and then rocking out on stage with fireworks and huge amplifiers and everyone is just totally fucked up on drugs
Submitted by wtf_is_going_on (user info) at 2005-05-04 14:32:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You obviously don't understand the meaning of the song.
And she doesn't spell out bananas! She starts to spell it out
but then it turns into something else. She's one of the
bigest pop stars around. But I do agree that KISS's songs
should come on the radio more often. They're legendary!
Submitted by lordhamlett (user info) at 2005-05-04 14:14:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"So anyway, I had one of those moments where you cut someone off in such an amazing display of contempt that you get real excited. "
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I lol'ed at this.
Submitted by Hucklebery8 (user info) at 2005-05-04 14:04:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 only for the fact that you cut a woman off then yelled Fuck at her, nice.
Submitted by urbaneruralite (user info) at 2005-05-04 13:55:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-05-04 12:47:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by canadia (user info) at 2005-05-04 12:41:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by TheEastman (user info) at 2005-05-04 12:23:17 (#)
Ranking: 0
All I know is that at some point she spells out banana, or bananas.
Clearly a "holla back girl" is a woman that has no appreciation for potassium, lowering the risk of high blood pressure and heart disease, electrolytes, or natural antacids.
Which you'd think she'd be into, as bananas would be a handy source of energy for a girl that's spending all of her time choking down cock while listening to the latest hip-pop trash that's popping its festering sores all over the airwaves.
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+2 for this comment. (only because I'm a science nerd)
The story was funny too.
Submitted by TheEastman (user info) at 2005-05-04 12:23:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
All I know is that at some point she spells out banana, or bananas.
Clearly a "holla back girl" is a woman that has no appreciation for potassium, lowering the risk of high blood pressure and heart disease, electrolytes, or natural antacids.
Which you'd think she'd be into, as bananas would be a handy source of energy for a girl that's spending all of her time choking down cock while listening to the latest hip-pop trash that's popping its festering sores all over the airwaves.
Submitted by clumeister (user info) at 2005-05-04 12:19:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
That, or "I am a complete asshole."
+1 for superb form while cutting someone off
:P
Submitted by antiLemming (user info) at 2005-05-04 12:17:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
The song goes: "This shit is bananas, B-A-N-A-N-A-S", on and on for a while.
Submitted by professorfuckface (user info) at 2005-05-04 12:13:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I heard that song come on the radio today, and I don't usually use the word cunt a lot, but I used it a lot today.
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2005-05-04 12:10:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I've never heard the song because I live under a rock, but does she really spell out bananas?
Submitted by CanucksFan (user info) at 2005-05-04 12:03:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by funk_boy (user info) at 2005-05-04 11:58:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i like that new chip munk song.
"lonely, im soooo, lonely"
well, i kinda like it.
I'm utterly confused as to how a group of people can decide that it's good. surely one person along the line somewhere must of said, look, it sounds like chip munks singing. we'll be a f'ing laughing stock. but no. Astounding.
that gwen thing can suck my brown eye
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-05-04 11:55:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHAHA...a friend and I have this back and forth banter with
that song. I hate it. But it is funny nonetheless.