Raccoon Payback (My Way) Part 1 (1460 hits)
Category: Science & EnvironmentalRating: 1.63 on 13 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by joedaddy <zippadeedoodaa.at.aol.com> (View user info) at 2005-05-05 05:45:49 EDT
Before I get started, 3 things:
#1 If you are a "PETA", go away. There is nothing here for you. You Have Been Warned.
#2 If you are a member of law-enforcement and are still pissed off at me for something I
did in the past,; this is just a story ,so try to prove otherwise or "bugger off".
#3 If you are a criminal that has had the pleasure of my acquaintance...see #2 and
remember; I can probably put you right back with that "Shot-caller" in prison. Yeah, the
one you held onto the back of his pants for all those years.
The Players:
#1 Me (still somewhat dangerous).
#2 My Mom (a person who will "pull my finger" if asked, knowing that it will put a smile
on my face no matter how brief it lasts).
#3 My "friends" item (who has left the country with all his personal effects and
Belongings).
#4-#9 The raccoon family (past tense).
My turtle had not committed a "bad act" to any living thing for 50 years.
I consider this an above average record for anyone, man or animal.
My parents had fed the raccoon family for years. They ate better than some people
I see on the streets. They received more food than they could possibly eat when they
visited the backyard at my parents house
Thus, their activity was not "hard-wired" by hunger or survival, but was just plainly
mean spirited with what they did to my 12" Desert Tortoise, Lucy.
Bad choice in "family values" Mr. Raccoon, you have just pissed off a "meat-eater".
I decided to spend another week at my parent's house(mom's house now) to make sure
everything was going to be OK, but mainly to do some "recon", which in itself, was not
"new territory" for me. To be truthful, nothing I was planning was new territory.
My parent's house lies in the hills. A creek wanders, from the park above, all the way
down to the bay. It is "day lighted" everywhere, except where it goes underneath each
street. It is the de-facto game corridor for all the animals in the city and they heavily
use it. When I was a kid, all my friends and I would play and explore in it everyday.
On the third block down from the house the creek remained in a 3' pipe for half the block,
after going under the street. This allowed about 200' of steep incline to which we would
place skates on plywood boards, lay flat, and Kamikaze down the tunnel till the creek took
a hard turn and we crashed. This was done years before skateboards were even a reality.
In back of my parent's house the founder of Wham-O lived. So we were the first in the
world to have Hula-hoops. (stolen from his back yard). He had also designed these long
blow-guns (one-half of a hula-hoop straightened out) including a solid piece of plastic
to use as a projectile. Needless to say, even in my time, that little item was too
dangerous to market! But my little gang made good use of them; FE BE MU CHAMBA
Motherfucker! FAA WAP!..........ouch. No one fucked with my gang ......or our
Flexi Flyers.
Sorry I'm getting off the subject here, and I know you don't want to hear an "old man"
reminiscing and that's OK ........It's your loss. So.............
From my old upstairs bedroom window, I could follow the creeks path ,twisting and
turning between the houses below, all the way to the bay. In the middle of the 4th block,
down the hill from my mom's house, I saw what I needed.
A subsequent walk in the neighborhood and a closer inspection showed me it was the
perfect spot for what I had in mind. An old Bay tree branch overhung the creek.
Many animals used it to cross the creek when it was running high .
40' to the rear of the tree the creek took a hard left, which provided a perfect backstop
in case I was a little "off".
So now, it's a GO.
I'm not going to "shit" in my parent's backyard. and,
I am not going to go to prison behind this. so,
I am not going to leave any evidence.
I am highly motivated.
I got the "tools".
All I need is a fast moving creek and a "hide".
User Reviews
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2008-06-18 21:59:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2008-06-18 21:40:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i was wondering, what's it like having a professional baseball team come to your town and kick your ass?
nevermind, you can watch an instant replay in about 2 mins
----
OH YEAH?!
Submitted by Jungle_Jimanee (user info) at 2005-06-27 06:48:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Submitted by QueenSkye (user info) at 2005-05-05 15:26:18 (#)
Ranking: 2
stupid racoons tried to eat my kitten, a week after they killed a dozen chickens for the hell of it- didn't eat them, just killed them... "
Fair play for revenging lost pets. I must point out to the above responder that foxes are commonly accused of doing the same as racoons in that they will kill all the chickens available, but only take one.
It seems cruel, but the idea is to kill them all, take one and then come back for the rest.
Submitted by matnotharry (user info) at 2005-06-02 20:02:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by QueenSkye (user info) at 2005-05-05 15:26:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
stupid racoons tried to eat my kitten, a week after they killed a dozen chickens for the hell of it- didn't eat them, just killed them...
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-05-05 13:28:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
fuck those raccoons up good!
Make sure you take their tails as a trophy (and a warning)
Submitted by DonovanMD (user info) at 2005-05-05 10:13:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by jumpinjellyfish (user info) at 2005-05-05 09:48:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Raccoons aren't the cuddly little creatures Walt Disney would have us believe. I have one that gets in my back yard and scares the hell out of my wife. I went out into the yard one night and yelled at it to get it to run off and it just turned around and looked at me with an attitude, like "Who the fuck do you think you are". In short, I'm reading your post with great interest to see how you're going to deal with the problem. Maybe I'll copy your method.
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-05-05 09:09:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-05-05 08:56:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Have a 0 for instalment 1.
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2005-05-05 07:33:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Thorpe, I agree with you 100%, it did not bring lucy back.
And I do respect that "truth".
But to condemn me before you read the second installment is unfair.
Submitted by Fabit (user info) at 2005-05-05 07:05:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Me and a woodpigeon had a similar disagreement. I got him when he was sleeping in a tree. I think it was the same one. They're like chinaman - they all look the same
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-05-05 06:34:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Hurting raccoons will bring Lucy back.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-05-05 06:05:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You're Mark Fuhrman, aren't you?