How To: Endear a nun (819 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -0.1 on 22 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by How To (View user info) at 2005-05-05 10:18:42 EDT
The following is a How To guide, and is to be used for educational purposes only. In this case, it could also be used as an informative explanation as to how somebody would go about diarrheaing on a nun's clit.
1. Go to your local Sunday Mass and stake out the joint for a couple of weeks. Take an inventory of nuns, priests and gods.
2. Choose the relatively hottest, youngest nun from all the herd. You don't want her: you want a nasty old mothbally skank, so cross that babe nun off your mental checklist and choose the nun that most closely resembles a snowman constructed from dog turds.
3. When you are ready, go to the church and grab the pre-selected nun by the neck and push her into a secluded area away from perverted Christian eyes.
4. Shove cotton wool into her mouth until she stops wailing, then run your tongue up and down her face in broad licks.
5. Ring Ring Ring. Wow! That is the craziest ringtone I've ever heard. Don't you know it, bro. Where did you get such an amazing ringtone? I got it from http://www.jamster.com/ dude, they are really great. They have amazingly revolutionary ringtones in tru-tone, polyphonic AND midi, as well as dozens of animated screensavers, wallpapers, games, programs and more! Wow that is just fucking amazing. Yes.
6. Make sure you've overdosed on laxatives before you came to church, because if you were forgetful you are going to have to hold a gagging nun down for over an hour until they kick in.
7. Pull down your already wet underwear and lift up your nun's cloak or robe or whatever. Spread her shaking legs and turn around so you are crouching over her vaj.
8. Get your dripping asshole as close to the nun's slit as possible, you don't want to waste a drop. When you are ready, diarrhea all over the entrance then while still crouching/shitting: reach back and spread her poon-lips with your hands so she "fills up".
9. Before you flee the crime scene take off your shitsoaked underwear and throw it on her face, then pull your pants up and crouch down so your mouth is real close to her ear. Shout as loud as you possible can, directly into her eardrum: "YOU'RE AN A-GRADE CHOCOLATE CHRISTIAN MILKSHAKE GRANDMA, ANY TIME YOU WANT AN ENCORE, YOU JUST GIVE ME A CALL."
10. Of course, don't really give her your contact number. She would probably do something sneaky like hand it to the police.
11. As usual: just get the fuck out of there.
User Reviews
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-05-06 11:46:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by howto (user info) at 2005-05-06 11:21:50 (#)
Ranking: -2
copyright infringment
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You can't copyright a lexical clause, dumbass.
Uber is full of posts based on other posters' ideas.
Oh and thanks for ruining my +2 streak, also.
Submitted by prozacaddict (user info) at 2005-05-05 21:46:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Dildo.
Submitted by CunningVision (user info) at 2005-05-05 21:39:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
I feel dirty.
Submitted by lordofthedance (user info) at 2005-05-05 21:38:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
and choose the nun that most closely resembles a snowman constructed from dog turds.
Hahahaha. It's funny.
Submitted by Feijuada (user info) at 2005-05-05 21:37:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
A-fucking-mazing.
Submitted by Quasiplasmohedron (user info) at 2005-05-05 21:28:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Helmut_Cat (user info) at 2005-05-05 16:51:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
*RAM*
Submitted by will72 (user info) at 2005-05-05 15:10:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Sums it up the best
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Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2005-05-05 12:33:27 (#)
Ranking: -2
You make me fucking sick. I have never had a problem with morbid humor, I actually tend to get a kick out of it. If it's good. However, nothing that you write comes close to being entertaining or intelligent in any way.
You might think that your little "shock" posts are ever-so-clever and risk-ay... well, they're not.
They're nothing more than shallow, talentless attempts of a hormon-ridden teenager to get attention.
What's the matter? Did your daddy not love you?
You suck.
Submitted by clumeister (user info) at 2005-05-05 13:10:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
>Shove cotton wool into her mouth until she stops wailing
Have you tried Steel Wool? In Your mouth?
Oh, so that's whats wrong with you.....
+1 but a
-2 for the freaking hamster ring tone ad.....
= -1 :P
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2005-05-05 12:33:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You make me fucking sick. I have never had a problem with morbid humor, I actually tend to get a kick out of it. If it's good. However, nothing that you write comes close to being entertaining or intelligent in any way.
You might think that your little "shock" posts are ever-so-clever and risk-ay... well, they're not.
They're nothing more than shallow, talentless attempts of a hormon-ridden teenager to get attention.
What's the matter? Did your daddy not love you?
You suck.
Submitted by AwesomeJohnson (user info) at 2005-05-05 11:58:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
how I would do it http://www.ubersite.com/m/65716
Submitted by TheEastman (user info) at 2005-05-05 11:55:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Wow. And not in a good way.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-05-05 11:54:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-05-05 10:26:51 (#)
Ranking: -2
Fucking horrible.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-05-05 10:56:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
This could be a fuckface alter so I'll have to test the waters.
Submitted by snarf (user info) at 2005-05-05 10:42:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
you're goin to hell for sure.
Submitted by Mr-Boo (user info) at 2005-05-05 10:35:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
wrong.
Submitted by fudgepacker (user info) at 2005-05-05 10:31:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
For using "diarrhea" as a verb. I love when people do this.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-05-05 10:27:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Have a -1.5 for the ringtone advertisement though.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-05-05 10:26:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Fucking horrible.
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-05-05 10:24:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sick and disturbing. Me likey!
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-05-05 10:23:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
!
Submitted by congo (user info) at 2005-05-05 10:20:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy crap.
[drum fill]