Italy or My Yer-a-peein' Vacation (648 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.5 on 7 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Cunning Vision (View user info) at 2005-05-05 18:05:48 EDT
For those who have noticed, I've been gone from Uber for about a year. I was travelling Europe and what not. During that time, I made it a personal goal to have sex with a girl from every country I visited. Needless to say, I didn't do them all, but came across and on my fair share.
First off was Italy. Lovely country. The food is delicious, especially if you hit those places that are off the beaten path. The wine is fantastic, the gelato is dreamy, and the women ... well, the women are goddesses.
But they're dirty, dirty goddesses.
Oh yes, you didn't know? You need only say, "Ciao bella. Tu hai gli'occhi come la stella," and they drop their panties quicker than you can say Holy Cannolli. And in bed, most of these girls make the starlets of "Cum Dripping Sluts 6" look like the cast of "Sister Act."
So, I meet this raggaza Eva in Rome. I was writing by the Colosseum and she was handing out cards to go to some pub crawl. I struck up a conversation and we met that night. She seemed normal at first, albiet a little more physical than your normal first date.
As the wine flowed on through the night, our little peck kisses turned into a drooling, slurping make-out session. I think I heard Rusty Griswold saying, "He's gonna pork her, Dad!"
We go back to her place. The make-out turns to dry humping turns to nekid olympics. Then the strange happens.
"I am going to the toilet," she said.
"Okey dokey," I replied, trying to remember where my hostel was.
"You come with me," she said, smiling slyly.
I thought this was a question. "Nah. You go right ahead."
"No you come with me. I want to try something."
I sighed and got up. If you've read some of my stories before, I am not new to this little thing called fornication. Hell, the Triple Lindy is mine, as is the Oscar the Grouch manuever. But something didn't seem quite right.
We went into the small bathroom (what the hell is up with bidets in every home?). She squated for a moment, smiling at me. I shifted on my feet uncomfortably, and One Eyed Willy shrivled with fear. Then Eva stood up and stepped into the shower.
"Oh thank God," I thought. "Just a shower."
Eva smiled at me, looking shy, and asked a question. "Will you pee on me?"
It took a minute to register. I had never heard a question like that before. It went something like this in my mind:
"What did she say? 'Will you ...' O.k., she wants me to do something. She's hot. I coudl probably do something for her. ... 'pee' ... Pee. Hmmm. That's when I void my bladder. She wants me to void my bladder. Why? 'on me' ... On me. Not me. Her. She wants me to piss on ... her? WTF, mate?"
So I says, "NO."
She says, "Please."
My lips press together and my face bears an expression of apology as I shake my head no. But that hot Italian accent was wearing on me.
"Please Cunning Vision, piss on me." She did some thing where she rubbed herself, and I finally agreed. Don't you fellow men hate the power women have over what we do?
Now, I have what some people call "Stage Fright" when peeing. If you don't know what that is, I have a difficult time pissing in front of other people. I hate going to the trough at baseball games. I have to stand there and do mathmatical exercises to get myself to urniate.
You can imagine, then, my difficulty with peeing ON person, not just in front of them. Eva's trying to say sexy things, she's touching herself, licking her lips, and I have to keep thinking, "2 plus 2 is 4, 4 plus 4 is 8, 8 plus 8 is 16 ..."
I was up to 2048 when the first tinkle came out. I pushed at my bladder and increased the flow. My eyes were closed, because a. I had to concentrate on peeing and b. I was peeing on a girl.
Eva was moaning now, and I was close to finishing. I thought I might get out of this with my sanity intact, when I heard a sound like rubbing your thumb against Tupperware. Before I could open my eyes, my litte Italian urinal cake had slipped on my lemonade and fell with a thud into the bathtub.
"Merda! Porko dio!" That's Italian swearing.
"Shit! Are you all right?"
"Bastardo!" Guess what that means.
"Do you need a doctor?" I didn't know what the fuck to say.
"Help me up."
"But you're covered in piss. I know it's my piss, but ..."
"Bastard! Help me!"
I grabbed a towel and helped her piss soaked ass up out of the tub. The smell of urine, even my own, was making me gag. She was holding her arm, so I helped her get a robe on and we took her car to the local hospital. I helped her inside and they took her into some back room to check out her arm. The nurse looked at me with a wary eye.
Now, this may seem like a dickhead thing to do, but I jumped on the next bus and went to the train station. I didn't want to get busted for breaking a girl's arm with urine. How American would that be?
I was off to Holland. Amsterdam to be exact. But that's another story.
User Reviews
Submitted by Duke_Diggler (user info) at 2005-05-06 02:20:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
heh
Submitted by strider (user info) at 2005-05-06 00:28:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
disturbing...
Did you get to see any of this while you were there?
http://www.ubersite.com/m/56035
Submitted by CunningVision (user info) at 2005-05-05 22:02:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Made up? Well, her breaking her arm was made up for dramatic effect. But, beyond that ... no. And as for teenage fantasies, well, this is not a fantasy of mine (peeing on a girl? Not for me). And I'm not a teen. So, wrong on all counts.
Submitted by freebie (user info) at 2005-05-05 21:42:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I like teenage fantasies, it's all like, made up and junk, ya know?
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-05-05 19:39:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2005-05-05 18:40:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
oh my...
"words can not express how uncomfortable I am at this moment" - HSR
Submitted by yermom (user info) at 2005-05-05 18:34:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHAHA! Sweet.