Healthcare Circle Jerking 101 (1776 hits)
Category: GeneralLabels: healthcare_tales
Rating: 1.95 on 23 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by A Forensic Girl (View user info) at 2005-05-06 20:37:06 EDT
Upon arriving at work today, I overheard some exasperating news; our hospital is broke. I should probably give you some brief, nut shelled background first. My "hospital" is part of a 2 hospital/4 satellite clinic corporation and we are in competition with two other healthcare multi-facility corporations. To keep our edge, we were approved two years ago for a butt-load of improvement construction. It was all very exciting; my location was chosen to house a state of the art emergency room, a neonatal intensive care unit, an expanded family practice center, and a YMCA on our campus.
Then THEY came, or rather I should say THEY finally took off the mask and showed themselves for what they truly are; Corporate Whores. Apparently besides sucking off God knows how many city government officials, our administration decided it would be a fine idea to sign a deal with both McDonalds and Starbucks. Our sister hospital in the inner city houses a McDonalds and our more suburban located hospital houses the Starbucks.
In case you missed it; I work IN A FUCKING HOSPITAL!! Believe me when I say that only a perfunctory examination of our lower SES bracket clientele will convince you that the last thing they need is a triple caramel whatthefuckever with extra foam and a side slab of brownie. To make matters worse, they subcontracted with........are you ready for this?......Ben & Jerry's! So now our lower income, morbidly obese clientele can grab a triple caramel whatthefuckever with extra foam, a slide slab of brownie, AND a double scoop of Cookie Dough B&J while they wait to see their doctor. This is of course if they have any money to spend; cigarettes and lotto tickets cost money too, but that is what food stamps are for, right? The administration assured us that the extra money that will come from McDonalds and Starbucks will come in handy and all funds will of course go to the construction fund.
Back to our being broke. Apparently the funds weren't handled as well as they could have been. We supposedly have enough money to finish construction but not enough to fill all these new clinics and nursing units with medical equipment. One (just one) neonatal monitoring bed costs approximately $100,000.00. Our neonatal ICU was supposed to have six of these beds. Our ER was to expand 10 more beds (we already have 21+). Even my department (lab) was slotted to expand and get new (faster) analyzers. According to my boss, administration doesn't know if we will get this stuff now and if we do, we'll be operating in a deficit for several years after.
Oh but Starbucks and McDonalds at the downtown location is going strong! And lest we forget the 1,000 gallon aquarium that our CEO just had to have! But that is another rant for another time.
How the fuck did this happen?! Ok, rhetorical question because I know the answer but still, how the fuck can shit like this go to hell so quickly?! I really really really want to give our CEO a Starbuck's triple caramel whatthefuckever with extra foam enema, smear brownies and Ben and Jerry's Cookie Dough ice cream all over his naked body and then run him through the corridors on a Monday when our morbidly obese diabetics have their maintenance check ups. The mental image of 30, 275 + lbs., hungry (because they have to fast overnight for their lab work), hefties chasing our white-washed Black CEO to eat sugar off his ass just gives me an evil joy!
Ahhhh! I wish I could say that I feel better......but I can't because I don't.
Thank you for listening. I hope Loki reads this; I'm sure she has thoughts on this subject.
Signed,
Forensic-can't wait until I'm done with my degree so I can get the fuck outta here-Girl3
User Reviews
Submitted by Rads_wife (user info) at 2005-06-14 00:25:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/68315
WINNER!!!
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-06-02 17:22:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Also in the Healthcare industry
You'll never get enough nurses for all the new units
Submitted by BigDaddyV2.0 (user info) at 2005-06-02 16:54:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Jungle_Jimanee (user info) at 2005-06-01 08:42:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by transhuman (user info) at 2005-05-30 23:27:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
good
Submitted by Ich (user info) at 2005-05-14 01:58:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm surprised that people didn't make more attacks against my friend Susan. She's a great girl. Thanks for the vote.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-05-09 12:55:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-05-09 12:48:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
So now our lower income, morbidly obese clientele can grab a triple caramel whatthefuckever with extra foam, a slide slab of brownie, AND a double scoop of Cookie Dough B&J while they wait to see their doctor.
______
it's called 'increasing the client base'.
Submitted by Saxon (user info) at 2005-05-09 00:13:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I like your mind.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-05-07 22:26:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Heh. We have a Pizza Hut Express in one of our hospitals here. Beat that!
Submitted by clumeister (user info) at 2005-05-07 10:01:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-05-07 07:31:18 (#)
Ranking: 2
Welcome to the brave new world. (pssst -- the brave new world sucks ass)
I second that emotion :P
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-05-07 09:34:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow. I was expecting a story about illegals straining the system to the pint of collapse and got a story about plain old-fashioned American greed and mismanagement instead. Good one.
Submitted by FuckTheArmy (user info) at 2005-05-07 09:31:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It doesn't make any sense, until you remember management are making money out of it, so why should they care if the service is provided?
Submitted by Santa_Claus_ (user info) at 2005-05-07 09:27:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Why not call a newspapaer and complain?
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2005-05-07 08:14:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
God damn Im pleased I dont live in america.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-05-07 07:31:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ever see Supersize Me? It's a great documentary. In it he briefly comments on the absurdity of having a McDonalds in a hospital.
Welcome to the brave new world. (pssst -- the brave new world sucks ass)
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-05-07 07:09:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That's terrible, but your diabetics would still eat bad fod whether the Maccy D's was there or not. Still only a few more months, eh?
Submitted by Lunch_Pail (user info) at 2005-05-07 01:30:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
yeah thats fucked up. the excessive greed of corporate america is truly fucking us over very slowly. i gotta figure out a way to stop it.... aw fuck it ill get drunk instead!
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2005-05-06 22:43:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ahhhhhhhhhh
Don't ya just love the "private sector".
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2005-05-06 21:58:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2005-05-06 21:45:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sounds like the Cleveland Clinc to me. The ultimate assrapers.
You should get a job at the VA, like me.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2005-05-06 21:43:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Kansas City, Missouri
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2005-05-06 21:36:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hospital construction is costly, I know, I do it. Where is this healthcare business you speak of?