My Red Line Experience (1729 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.6 on 23 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Confuzitron (View user info) at 2005-05-07 12:27:07 EDT
(In response to this post: http://www.ubersite.com/m/65819)
I was hanging out around campus with some of my friends before class a couple weeks ago, showing off my new, obnoxiously bright sweater, which has every color you could imagine stitched into it. It looks like one of those sweaters Bill Cosby would always wear. That morning, my buddy Mike brought 12 8oz. cans of Red Line with him.
All over the can, it says "Rapid Weight Loss Technology" "Fat Incinerator" and "Watch the fat drop off with ease." But, if you look at the warning label (yes, it needs a warning label) it says "Do NOT use for weight reduction." It has 370% of your daily Vitamin C requirements. It also says not to consume more than half of a can in any given 4 hour period, and no more than a can in any given day. That morning, I made the mistake of drinking two within a five-minute period.
During my first class, I started sweating profusely. My face was incredibly red, and it looked like I was about to explode. After the sweating stopped, I became all jittery, and the professor noticed. He asked me to step outside, because I was disturbing the class and his lecture, and not come back until I was able to control myself. Big mistake!
I ran across the entire St. Louis U campus screaming, because I had so much energy that the only way I could burn it off was by running myself ragged. I screamed at total strangers, and made a general fool of myself. This one girl was coming into her class late, and I ran up to her and screamed "THEY'RE DEAD! THEY'RE ALL DEAD! THE HUMANITY!" and then ran off laughing loudly. I could only imagine her confusion, seeing a guy wearing a Bill Cosby sweater run up to her screaming that random crap for no reason.
The buzz carried on for a good 4 hours after that. I had 3 professors total tell me to stop disturbing class, and one of them even thought I was stoned out of my mind, and made jokes at me because of it. Random people I've never even met came up to me and decided that it would be fun to mess with me, since drinking that much Red Line caused me some paranoia. The warning label also says "Consult a physician if your family has a history of depression." Now I understand why they had to put that there. After the high caused by two cans of Red Line, there's a real low point, and it really makes you want to kill yourself.
Later that day, I went to GNC to stock up, because I was going to need that stuff when finals came around. When the guy working the register asked me why I needed so much of that stuff, I told him this story. When I told him I drank two full cans in 5 minutes, he stopped me and said "Dude, your heart should have stopped beating. You're lucky you're not in the hospital." Looks like I've got a new goal in life.
User Reviews
Submitted by clevekid1 (user info) at 2007-10-15 11:05:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
The only thing more retarded than this dude are the few dumbass Boston tards that thought this post was about a subway. Like the only "red line" exists in your backward ass, one-way street, losing baseball team town!
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2006-01-11 18:31:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by minimumdino (user info) at 2006-01-11 17:27:07 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Everything you ever wanted to know about Confuzitron
User id: 18057
Registered on or around: 2005-04-12 12:45:21
# Messages posted: 6
# Reviews written: 1202
# Times these posts have been reviewed : 147
# Hits: 2947
Average rating of all messages: 0.99
Submitted by minimumdino (user info) at 2006-01-11 17:25:04 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
wow this post looks like someone has multiple personality disorder
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-01-11 16:53:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HO HO HO!!! SANTA VOLTAGE IS HERE TO GIVE YOU A +2 TREAT!
Submitted by minimumdino (user info) at 2006-01-11 15:21:33 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
wow you drank an energy drink? that takes some crass!
Submitted by minimumdino (user info) at 2006-01-10 19:45:45 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
you pussy, i drank four redlines to drive from mass to florida non stop
eat a dick maybe u'll sprout one
Submitted by trent_nz (user info) at 2005-10-26 17:52:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
loL!
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2005-07-27 17:02:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ah, nostalgia.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-07-27 16:49:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2005-06-23 12:12:25 (#)
Ranking: 2
I thought this was going to be about the subway in Boston.
Submitted by kissmyarse (user info) at 2005-07-11 13:31:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
People like you are retarded. Grow up.
"hehehehe! Yeah man, I totally just drank two red lines, and im flllllipppin out dude! Omg. I'm gonna go run around like a fucking dumbass right now, and completely ruin my chances for ever finding a worthwhile characteristic trait. Burn brain cells, Man! Right on."
Submitted by HateFist (user info) at 2005-07-11 13:08:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2005-06-23 12:12:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I thought this was going to be about the subway in Boston.
Submitted by Confuzitron (user info) at 2005-05-09 23:07:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I just drank two Red Lines again today. My chemistry professor is actually working on an experiment that involves me overdosing on the stuff. YAY!
Submitted by B-Nizzo (user info) at 2005-05-07 20:23:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah, I know the feeling. Painful BM's, dude. It hurts just thinking about how it feels after drinking two of them.
Submitted by Confuzitron (user info) at 2005-05-07 19:55:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah, I know Mario. I really shouldn't have done that, and I paid some consequenses for it. I'll spare you the details.
Submitted by Mario (user info) at 2005-05-07 15:34:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You dumbass...people like you are the reason ephedra was banned.
But this was fucking funny.
Submitted by CoreaPeekay (user info) at 2005-05-07 15:10:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
im going to take my next paycheck and buy out the entire store.
Submitted by B-Nizzo (user info) at 2005-05-07 14:37:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I like your description of the warning label. Reading the Red Line warning label is a high-quality moment of fun.
Submitted by Satanica (user info) at 2005-05-07 13:46:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice! Gotta get some of that stuff.
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-05-07 13:29:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Confuzitron (user info) at 2005-05-07 13:08:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah, ain't that something. An article that links to another article. Someone needs to link this son of a bitch. Keep the ball rolling.
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2005-05-07 12:45:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Okay, you wrote an article that links to the Red Line post that links to my Red Bull post. This is starting to look like a fad! =) uh-oh