Fuck Nancy Grace, and fuck CNN! (5218 hits)
Category: SportsRating: 1.18 on 15 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by dodahdave (View user info) at 2005-05-07 19:11:42 EDT
Through an evil confluence of factors (cosmology, biology, socioeconomics) I typically end up at my local gym around 5:00 in the afternoon. The fact that it's crowded as hell doesn't really bother me, I'm not there to exercise my right to personal space - I live in Vancouver: the worst crime you can commit in this city is to step inside some hemp-eating soy milk-drinking Lululemon-sporting KitsBitch's three feet. So gym time isn't really
No, the part that makes me insane is the shit that they play on the televisions stationed every 10 feet around the gym. Apparently, with the NHL and NHLPA on a protracted quest for their collective anus, there are no other forms of sports on TV worth watching.
So what do we get? Fucking CNN.
That wouldn't necessarily be a bad thing, except that in my time zone 5pm is the hour at which the professional penises at CNN unleash Nancy Grace.
If you've never had the pleasure of being strapped to a chair with your eyes forced open while Ms Grace barks and growls at her panelists, then I say "Fuck you, you lucky sonofabitch!"
Nancy Grace is a new 'personality' on CNN. She was a "legal analyst" for CourtTV for a while, according to her bio.
I guess her abilities as a legal analyst caught the attention of CNN, so they gave her a show devoted to the same thing, only this time she gets to control the flow of discussion from her evil Throne of Bitch-Doom.
Every single goddamn show is about sex offenders and the possibility of more sex offenders. It doesn't matter what's happening in the judicial world, the show centers around some 8-year old missing in Florida who may have been abducted (AND POSSIBLY MURDERED!!!!!1!eleven) by whatever local sex offender they can drag up.
Don't get me wrong, I think registration and monitoring of sex offenders is a good idea. I'd like to know if a convicted pervert is living in the same neighborhood as my eight-year old (hypothetical) daughter. If a child goes missing, I'm all for rounding up the offenders and checking whereabouts etc.
My problem lies in the fact that Nancy becomes this rabid dog within 5 minutes of introducing her panelists, accusing the offender-of-the-week of every twisted sex crime known to humans.
And the panelists aren't much help. She always has some equally rabid prosecutor on to egg her on, getting Nancy into a frothy meringue of self-righteousness stiffened by the cream of tartar that is sexual innuendo. The token public defender they get to argue for due process is always the most ineffectual, slimy-looking piece of shit lawyer they could drag up.
Every show has a 'dialogue' that can be boiled down to this:
Nancy: Mr Prosecutor, would you agree that this sicko is a worthless piece of human refuse that may have violated innocent little Johnny in his peepee or bumhole before decapitating him in an ecstasy of homoerotic-pederastic murderous rage?
Prosecutor: Absolutely. I think these people should be rounded up immediately and neutered and/or spayed.
Defender: Hold on, there. I'll point out that Johnny has only been missing for three hours, and he has a history of running away.
Nancy: Ms Defender, how can you stand up for this human turd?
Defender: No crime has been shown to have occurred here, and furthermore I'll point out that even if a sex offense was committed and a suspect arrested, that suspect must be treated as innoce-
Nancy: Yes, well, I'm certainly not arguing for the summary execution of sex offenders, although I wouldn't be the only one.
Prosecutor: I just asphyxiated one while masturbating!
Nancy: Excelsior!
You get the idea.
I guess the introduction of shows like this is to be expected given the fact that Fox 'pecidat' and 'irrumat' (http://www.ubersite.com/m/65833) CNN on a regular basis. I can only hope that Nancy will suffocate on her ball-gag one day and I won't be subjected to her nasty face anymore.
I just have one final question for Nancy Grace: did you sodomize Mr Justice Scalia again last night?
User Reviews
Submitted by DTII (user info) at 2009-02-19 06:19:47 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
"Don't get me wrong, I think registration and monitoring of sex offenders is a good idea. I'd like to know if a convicted pervert is living in the same neighborhood as my eight-year old (hypothetical) daughter. If a child goes missing, I'm all for rounding up the offenders and checking whereabouts etc. "
That statement shows exactly what is wrong with this country.
FACT: 95% of all sexual crimes committed against children in America are done by people they know. Friends, relatives, etc. That leaves 5% of strangers.
SO, the American "for the children" logic is to deprive them of their liberties. Unlawful imprisonment. Not so, you say? Then why are sex offenders rounded up every Halloween until the festivities end?
I say this you you "Sex Offender Registry" supporters; Wouldn't you like to know if a murderer is living next door? You neighbor could have killed his last neighbors, went to jail, and got out. He doesn't have to tell you.
But he paid his debt blah, blah, blah.
Fuck you. FUCK YOU! So did the "offender".
FACT: In America, you can be put on the sex offender registry by being ACCUSED of SEXUAL HARASSMENT. Just the accusation is enough in some states. Surely, a rapist and a guy that mentioned a co-workers ass are on the same level.
Americans are uneducated retards that just hear the media or government say something scary and yell "WHAT FREEDOMS DO I NEED TO SURRENDER TO FEEL SAFE AGAIN?" or "HOW MUCH MONEY TO MAKE THIS GO AWAY?"
Fuck you. You want the registry, you are no better than that cackling terror-whore Nancy Grace.
Submitted by eGot (user info) at 2009-02-19 04:36:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'd imagine this story was considered shocking to some when it was first posted, but here we are almost 5 years later and this commentary is still so accurate it's frightening.
More please! ;)
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2005-08-22 16:35:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i am randomly entering numbers, and this came up.
sweet post.
Submitted by dodahdave (user info) at 2005-05-08 19:20:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You said it, munkey.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-05-08 18:48:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/64197
she gives these people fuel.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-05-08 16:44:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
great, she's riling up the vigilante groups.
help us all...
Submitted by CunningVision (user info) at 2005-05-08 14:54:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Excelsior!
Submitted by jwlmar10 (user info) at 2005-05-08 03:55:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
God I hate that beotch. She always acts like she's so personally involved in these cases, like it is her child that is missing. Normally that might not be a bad thing but the way she debates with people it's like she can't think straight and is always on the verge of crying or shouting in anger. She makes it impossible for anyone to talk sense.
And like you said, when someone defends the legal process instead of applying the scarlet letter to some sad pervert that the police just drug out for questioning, she acts like that person disgusts her. "Defending our country's legal process?! YOU DISGUST ME!!" Man that bitch sucks.
Submitted by dodahdave (user info) at 2005-05-08 02:07:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-05-07 20:02:55 (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't know... she's annoying, but that accent really gets me going.
If I was in the shower I wouldn't mind hearing that voice say, "Haa theyere, freyend, you want me tuh suuuck on thayat, buh-dy?"
---------------------------
<shudder>
You're a complicated man, Jack.
Submitted by bklyn65 (user info) at 2005-05-07 21:47:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Excelsior! Damn Im still laughing
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-05-07 20:02:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't know... she's annoying, but that accent really gets me going.
If I was in the shower I wouldn't mind hearing that voice say, "Haa theyere, freyend, you want me tuh suuuck on thayat, buh-dy?"
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2005-05-07 19:47:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Pap, and more pap, and still more pap
for the hungry masses.
<sigh>
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-05-07 19:38:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
She's one creepy looking broad. And for me to say that...a guy who used to bang a local anchor broad back in upstate NY, and someone who is in love with almost 67% of all female anchorchicks, well, that really means something.
PS. Also, who the fuck told her that SHE should have her own show?
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2005-05-07 19:23:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Nice try, dude, but it just didn't flow for me. But isn't her show on that Headlines News channel, not the regular CNN stream?
You should've just changed the channel to The Score. I'd rather watch baseball highlights than that garbage. Unless it's breaking news or some 'documentary' then the shows on CNN are not worth watching. Larry King drives me up the fucking wall. I couldn't change the channel to CNN all day Thursday because that mother-fucker Jiminy Glick (played by that fucktard Martin Short) was hosting Larry King. The promos for that episode made me want to drive a railroad spike into my head. I hate that fat cunthole and I hope that Martin Short dies while in the fat suit so he'll have to be buried in it. Then the church is burnt down by a 'mystery' arsonist....
I'm done. +1 for giving me a venue to rant about that fucker Jiminy Glick. Die you fat fuck. DIE
Submitted by dodahdave (user info) at 2005-05-07 19:16:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Fuck, I suck.
Meant to say "gym time isn't really Dave's private time." That comes later.