Manufactured Friends (737 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.18 on 22 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Targa (View user info) at 2005-05-10 03:24:29 EDT
So I work at a coffee shop.
Under normal circumstances, this wouldn't be such a bad job. It's a little mundane, but since I don't have to do too much, I dick around most of the day drinking the product and making arts-and-crafts creations using cups, straws, and anything else I can get my hands on without too many people realising what I'm doing. The customers are friendly, and generally calm and boring with a few belligerent alcoholic exceptions. It is for these exceptions that I base my days.
Now, it's not a bad job. But there I go everyday, driving to work, listening to my three cassette tapes that still work in my horrible little tapedeck, with the idea in my head of stirring up some fun. Alcoholics can be fun, I realise... I run a red light in an effort to get there faster.
I've spent the last three weeks trying to get together a militia of men made from coffee cups with straw arms. They're like little protestors, and stand on the fridge with their signs and sandwich boards proclaiming things like "Congratulations on Saturday!" and "Turkey Today!" and "Forever Hannukkah!"
They're useless. They're ugly. They take up precious space. and MAN do they freak out the alkies.
Someone keeps throwing them out.
One by one, the little bastards are going missing.
Each day, I make one or two more, but I can't keep up with this anonymous garbage-collector who has taken it upon himself to rid our store of any and all attempts at fun. I can't decide if I should try to keep up, or if I should bother planning another method of attack.
I just hope they're not eating after midnight.
User Reviews
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2005-05-19 19:17:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
yes... pictures, please!
Submitted by dwype (user info) at 2005-05-19 18:39:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
bet you can't make a giraffe out of paper cups and straws
Submitted by Targa (user info) at 2005-05-11 03:23:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Despite the fact that Behind Blue Eyes was originally done by The Who, I'll give it to you for at least coming up with the correct lyrics.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-05-11 02:22:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-05-10 16:26:49 (#)
Ranking: 2
do this and take a picture.
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Her pictures are funny enough without all this crap.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-05-10 16:26:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
do this and take a picture.
Submitted by wanderingsharps (user info) at 2005-05-10 10:18:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
not bad. I liked it.
what the hell is chanukah? isn;t that the name of the round sharp thingie
that Athena, warrior princess used?
I'm a little confused.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-05-10 09:06:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
"Why is everything a federal case with you? That's right, I said it."
-- Master Shake
Submitted by Flash (user info) at 2005-05-10 08:55:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was funny. It put a smile on my face, which of late has been missing.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-05-10 05:08:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
On a side note:
I love when a psudeo-intellectual thinks he knows something, then proceeds to correct someone using the information he thought he knew, only to find out either:
1. What he knew did not apply in the situation at hand.
2. What he knew was incorrect.
Then to go on and proceed to open their mouths to change feet.
I know I have done it on enough occasions, it's refreshing to see someone else do it for a change.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-05-10 05:05:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Hanukah" is a common misspelling or typo
"Hanukkah" is a common misspelling or typo
http://www.websters-online-dictionary.org
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-05-10 05:00:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by lordofduct (user info) at 2005-05-10 03:53:14 (#)
Ranking: 0
But they still did spell it wrong.
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Submitted by lordofduct (user info) at 2005-05-10 03:52:13 (#)
Ranking: 1
It was cute!
And actually smack stick. There are three accepted and CORRECT ways to spell Chanukah. Those are Hanukkah or Hanukah and Chanukah. Research it deusch bag.
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+2 because of this moron making me laugh.
What a DOOSH BAG
(everyone laugh at my wit)
Submitted by Fabit (user info) at 2005-05-10 04:50:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good post, Are you american?
Submitted by Death_Metal_Dude (user info) at 2005-05-10 04:15:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-05-10 03:49:49 (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm not nice.
No one knows what it's like to be the bad man,
to be the sad man,
behind blue eyes.
FRED DURST KNOWS
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2005-05-10 04:12:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked
Submitted by SilvrWolf (user info) at 2005-05-10 03:59:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Don't let rad lie to you. He's nice...
on Tuesdays...
that fall on leap years.
I need a beer.
Submitted by lordofduct (user info) at 2005-05-10 03:53:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
But they still did spell it wrong.
Submitted by lordofduct (user info) at 2005-05-10 03:52:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
It was cute!
And actually smack stick. There are three accepted and CORRECT ways to spell Chanukah. Those are Hanukkah or Hanukah and Chanukah. Research it deusch bag.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-05-10 03:49:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm not nice.
No one knows what it's like to be the bad man,
to be the sad man,
behind blue eyes.
Submitted by SilvrWolf (user info) at 2005-05-10 03:35:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
There we go. I smiled at the Gremlins reference.
Two things to keep you from getting ripped here in case you don't know about the many unwritten and unenforced (unless you count -2s) rules here:
One post per day. Some people post more just to piss folks off. Whatever floats your boat, but you will get thrashed for it.
Please don't start a post with "So," - There are some who get peeved by that. I only tell you this because you seem to be a capable writer, and 'cause it seems to irk me a little, too; I don't know why.
There are many others and a lot of people here aren't very nice. With any luck, you previously knew all these things and are cleverly using them to annoy the masses. I like you already.
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2005-05-10 03:32:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You needn't post so much. We're only 3 1/2 hours into the day.
Submitted by Ducky (user info) at 2005-05-10 03:28:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I just hope they're not eating after midnight.
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heh.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-05-10 03:27:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You aren't so interesting that I needed to hear from you again.
And you missspppeeellleedd chanukah.