LAZARUS (Part 4) (555 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesRating: 1.9 on 12 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Yes (View user info) at 2005-05-11 12:52:44 EDT
"I was haunted nightly by Jesus' words and the incident in Nazareth. I brooded constantly on all of it. I'd never seen him as he'd looked that day, standing before the maddened crowd. He'd always been a small, unassuming man. But in that moment, he'd become someone else. He was taller, he was stronger, he was more real than the world around him.
"For nights on end, I brooded. Sometimes I would go for a week with no more than four hours of sleep. And it was during this time that I was confronted with the seriousness of my illness.
"In addition to the blood in my stool, I now suffered from intense pain in my belly. Sometimes eating was impossible. Mary and Martha felt I was working too hard, and I let them think so. It wasn't that. I was sick. And now I was forced to entertain the thought that I might be dying. I told no one.
"Mary knew.
"Jerusalem was only two miles away, and I rode my donkey in every day and tried to sell spices. Sometimes it seemed like everyone in town was selling spices and no one cared if mine were a shade better than theirs. That day, at my stall in the market, I was assaulted by purple waves of pain that rolled up from my gut and made even my teeth cry out. I was forced to return to Bethany midway through the selling day.
"Mary was waiting for me at the door.
"I pulled myself painfully from the back of the donkey and stood there for a moment, leaning on the uncaring animal for support. I took a few shallow breaths as I tried to keep from vomiting.
"I looked up and saw Mary coming toward me and gave an inward cringe.
"She touched my flank and looked up at me. 'Lazarus, what is wrong with you?'
"'Nothing,' I answered.
"'Are you ill? How long has this gone on?'
"'A few days only; it will pass.'
"'Lazarus, you've lost weight. You're thinner than Jesus. This thing has lasted more than a few days.'
"I snatched my arm away from her. 'Woman, why do you persecute me?' I protested. 'I am the head of this household, and my word will not be questioned.'
"'That is precisely why your word should be questioned in this matter,' she told me stonily. 'What will become of us if you die? Have you ever thought of that? Both Martha and myself left without a husband? What will we do then?'
"'I said I'm fine,' I wheezed. 'Leave me alone.'
"'A message arrived from Jesus while you were gone,' she told me. 'He wants to see you down South. He has something important to tell you.'
"'No. I won't see him. I don't want to see him anymore.'
"She was surprised. 'Lazarus, he's your oldest friend.'
"'He is not,' I answered. 'He has become someone else. He purposely angered the men of Nazareth—and they were so proud of him. He surrounds himself with men who deify him and hang on his every word. He is not my friend, he is a 'great prophet.''
"'You sound so bitter,' she observed with a shake of her head. 'You feel he's left you behind?'
"'Yes! No... He hasn't. He asked me... he asked me to leave the two of you and follow him. I couldn't.'
"'Of course he didn't expect you to...?'
"'Why shouldn't he? He lives in a different world from mine. He walks into a room, picks out a man and says 'you there, leave your life and follow me,' and that man does. As if he holds the keys to heaven. Why wouldn't he expect me to leave my life behind?'
"Mary was aghast. 'You shouldn't speak of him so, Lazarus. He's a good man. He heals the sick and feeds the hungry. He cures lepers and makes the lame walk again.'
"'Have you seen any of the people he's cured?' I asked. 'Have you seen their eyes? They've been touched by something they can't possibly understand, and often, it destroys them. He knows this—or he would, if he ever thought about it. Did he ever entertain the thought that God meant for those people to be afflicted so? Maybe it's the natural order of things that he's trifling with. Maybe every cure is a sin!'
"I didn't feel the slap until it already burned hotly on my cheek. Mary stood there and glowered at me, her hand shaking at her side. I stared at her reproachfully. 'If you were a true friend, you would say these things to him instead of shouting them at me like I'm deaf. Go to him.'
"'No,' I answered simply, and lumbered into the house.
"Jesus sent for me again a few days later. I didn't answer the summons. It was time he learned that some things change. He was not the lord and master of all, even if his followers let him believe he was. He was as much a man as I was, and I wouldn't allow him to pretend differently. In truth, I resented him and the hold he'd always had on me. When would I get what I deserved? When would he acknowledge all the beatings I'd saved him from? When would he simply thank me for being his friend?
"He didn't care. He didn't care about me. He cared only for his glorious heresy. About angering the Pharisees and flouting the edicts of Caesar. He knew nothing of the pain in my gut or the blood in my stool, or the shadows that gathered around me. I wished I could bring myself to hate him.
"Eight days after the last summons, I could no longer get out of bed. I hurt all over, and movement was beyond my means. I drifted on a sea of dark images and lies, and once in a while, I would see Mary or Martha leaning over me and asking questions. Worrying.
"Jesus stayed in my mind. Where was he? Why was worry so alien to him? What was he? Did he understand my pain any better than he understood the passage of time? And if he didn't, what did it mean?
"I entered a brief period of lucidity on the third day of my confinement to bed. I still didn't eat or drink—the hell in my gut prevented it. Mary was there, and so was Martha. Martha slept in a chair by the wall.
"'Lazarus,' Mary whispered. 'Lazarus, are you awake?'
"'...Yes...'
"'Lazarus, I'm sending for Jesus. He can make you well.'
"'No. No. You can't let him touch me,' I insisted. The thought of Jesus coming in here and seeing me in my illness filled me with dread. I didn't want his dirty, bony hands on me, wielding power dark and ancient beyond ancient. In the city, I'd seen some of those he'd touched. I'd seen a blind man to whom he'd granted sight... and madness.
"After my plea, I drifted back out of consciousness. I was beyond speech. By the fifth day, I felt myself submerged in a warm, dark pool. Mary and Martha spoke to me from very far above, calling down comfort and concern. Their voices were faint and frayed at the edges. They sounded like the inside of a drum.
"I realized after a time that I was slowly sinking into the pool, but it didn't bother me at all. The pain was gone, and the peace I felt was a thing of beauty. If I was sinking down to Sheol, it didn't bother me at all. By the time only the tip of my nose was above the water, I felt a deep relief. Jesus hadn't come yet, and I could rest. I'd seen and heard much since I'd known him, but as far as I knew, he'd never raised the dead. Thank God."
Both men were silent for a long time. "...So... you didn't want Jesus to cure you?"
Lazarus shook his head. "No. I wanted to die. I wanted an end to all the questions and the pain. I didn't want him to come."
"Others have said that he tarried where he was after your sister's summons reached him. That he knew you were dead when he left there."
"I don't believe it," Lazarus answered. "As I said before, Jesus didn't understand the passage of time. He was shocked when he arrived in town to find me dead. This, he had not forseen. I know some of you believe that he knew and saw all things—perhaps sometimes that was true—but my death was a heavy blow to him. He blamed himself."
"How do you know?"
"I saw. I heard. From the Other Side."
User Reviews
Submitted by Yes (user info) at 2005-05-14 11:49:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks for reading...
Part 1: http://www.ubersite.com/m/65868
Part 2: http://www.ubersite.com/m/65966
Part 3: http://www.ubersite.com/m/66052
Part 4: http://www.ubersite.com/m/66099
Part 5: http://www.ubersite.com/m/66155
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2005-05-12 14:20:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
So perfect.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2005-05-12 12:25:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Jebus is on CPT
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-05-12 12:18:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"About angering the Pharisees and flouting the edicts of Caesar." -- Woe to those who flout my edicts.
Great addition. Lazarus, you stubborn bastard! I really like the personalities you've given these people.
Submitted by peckerhead (user info) at 2005-05-11 22:52:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
so far so good
Submitted by Flaahgra (user info) at 2005-05-11 22:34:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
There's no comment worthy of such writing.
Submitted by miss_tila (user info) at 2005-05-11 14:03:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Pleae go on, I'm at the edge of my seat. Very well written.
Submitted by pantsarestupid (user info) at 2005-05-11 13:19:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is killing me. I'm glad to see i'm not your only follower.
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2005-05-11 13:16:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It's a good thing you wrote this here and now. Because if you wrote this a few hundred years ago, you'd have been killed.
Submitted by homeslice (user info) at 2005-05-11 13:15:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
that's nuts dude
Submitted by Yes (user info) at 2005-05-11 13:05:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
oops:
Part 1: http://www.ubersite.com/m/65868
Part 2: http://www.ubersite.com/m/65966
Part 3: http://www.ubersite.com/m/66052
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-05-11 13:01:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
please continue...