Adventures in Buddy Pic Sites Volume One: Blowjobs, Cemeteries, Zelda, Swallowing Kittens, and more (860 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: -0.17 on 8 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Rick (View user info) at 2005-05-15 19:55:42 EDT
A current trend among today's youths is going to "buddy" websites. These websites often contain pictures of people you can comment on, miscellaneous information about them, and sections where they can write journals about their life. These websites often contain shallow self-absorbed sluts desperate for attention. I despise these websites a lot. I'm a hypocritical asshole because I go on to myspace.com and livejournal.com a lot. But it is indeed a good tool for meeting hot bitches.
One of my friends would constantly go to this stupid site called Buddypic.com (and now MySpace.com). He would put up little emo pictures of himself, and constantly be obsessed with his how others would rate his appearance on that website. He would then engage in instant message conversations with girls from many states thousands of miles away (which he still does). So I was bored one afternoon, and I figured "What the hell, lets have some fun!" I found a similar crappy buddy picture site and found a girl living in the same city as me. Looking at her info I could tell she was into emo trash aka scene kids. For those of you fortunate enough not to know what a scene kid is, you can find out here if you want to know: http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=scene&r=f
I despise scene girls a lot, but for some odd reason I like the look, and I want to fuck the shit out all of them. I want to blow my load in their face, call them the stupid whore that they are, and leave them alone to cry and be emotional.
So I had picked out a victim. My first task was to create an AOL instant messenger screen name to talk to her with. I thought of the stupidest screen name possible, "Punk Pink Perfect". Scene girls love boys who wear pink. I started off by trying to convince her we had met at a party, both gotten really drunk, and exchanged screen names. She really didn't buy into it. After awhile I fessed up and admitted I had seen her on a buddy pic site. It was right before Halloween when I first started talking to her. When she asked for pictures of me, I lied my ass off claiming and I didn't have any, and instead described myself as the typical scene boy. I said I had long black hair that covered my face and almost went down to my eyes. I had piercings, tattoos, and so on with the typical trendy bullshit these homos engage in. Later on I would admit I looked nothing like that.
I joked about me dressing up as a vampire, giving her a hicky on her neck, sticking a cross in her pussy, and a wooden stake in her ass. I would continually joke about different weird sex activities. I would say the most offensive and bizarre comments trying to fuck with her and get a negative or offended reaction. She would usually just "laugh out loud" in response to the things I said. I recall one time joking about dressing up as a lumberjack and fucking her out in the woods, giving her the "lumberjack slam" and then afterwards having her make me pancakes and bacon.
"People like you are why people like me need tharapists
lol
im just kidding"
It turned out she was bi-polar. Bi-polar girls love risky, kinky, hot sex. She was definitely a horny girl. I had just planned on fucking around with her head for like a few days, but it went on for weeks. She wanted to meet me, and do more then just talk. I was reluctant at first, but then I grew some balls. A hot horny girl wants to meet me? Why not?
I drove to her friend's house in the middle of nowhere out in the boonies. She lied in her buddy site on where she lived. She didn't live in my city, she lived 30 minutes away in some hick town. Anyways I picked her up and we drove around and talked for a while. At one point these two supped up cars were racing and flew by us. Even in stupid farm towns you can't escape the lame Too Fast Too Furious shit. At some point in the conversation I mention this little paranormal investigation group my friends and I had started at the time (see http://www.ubersite.com/m/48730). Suddenly she gets all excited and wants to go to a cemetery. We drive to some cemetery and it was extremely late at night. I have to admit; it was a little creepy at first being in a cemetery at around 1 a.m. in the morning. I stop the car and put the eerie thoughts in the back of my head. It wasn't long before I start groping her, cuddling, and making out.
At some point I mentioned the story I heard of a local teenager who assaulted a horse with a broomstick. She went on to tell a story about some guy from the state who swallowed newborn kittens and gagged them up. She was definitely an odd character. One thing I didn't like about her was that she claimed deep down all men are bisexual. That's a load of crap. After awhile we leave, and drive around the boonies some more. I stop on the side of the road onto this field near a farm and I decide its time for more action. We get in the back of my car and cuddle and kiss some more. She told me a story about how when she was sucking off her ex boyfriend, he ejaculated earlier then expected... and it went right up her nose. After awhile of feeling up her rack she notices my boner and gets excited. She starts feeling up my crotch and putting her hand down my pants. The girl undoes my belt and pants and starts going to town. I thought it was funny I was getting a blowjob in a Legend of Zelda shirt. My man Link never lets me down...
Whoever says a tongue ring adds sensation to a blowjob is full of shit. A piece of metal being dragged over and over against your penis doesn't feel the greatest. And she wasn't doing that great of a job. It had to been over an hour that she was sucking on the damn thing. I put my hands down her shirt and caressed her nipples. Eventually a car starts going down the road. She stops but my goose is still hanging out of my pants. Luckily the car doesn't stop. I tell her to keep going to town. I had to really lift my pelvis up and really get it all in her mouth, but eventually I blew the load. She swallowed like the good little slut she was. I felt her wet crotch. She said something along the lines of "I didn't expect or imagine I'd be giving you head at 4 something in the morning" as it was the first time we had met. Head? I had intentions of screwing her. All along I had two dozen condoms in the glove compartment in front of her. Well it was 5 a.m. and I decided it was time for some sleep. I dropped her back at her friend's house and headed back home. On the trip home I looked at the convenience store sign saying, "BJ MARKET" and I couldn't help but laugh.
User Reviews
Submitted by TrickyRicky (user info) at 2005-05-16 20:50:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
"Sounds like you had the problem, not her."
Its not my fault she had about as much technique as a girl with down syndrome. My left hand could have done a better job...
Besides, lasting an hour is better then lasting the two minutes you did last night with my grandma. You're a lucky man. Even after you prematurely ejaculate, she still bakes you Toll House cookies.
Submitted by jumpinjellyfish (user info) at 2005-05-16 11:45:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
You need to find a nice girl and settle down!
Or not...
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2005-05-16 11:26:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I don't know what the fuck's wrong with everyone. This was a decently entertaining story.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-05-16 10:33:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Hour?
Sounds like you had the problem, not her.
Submitted by ellsmall (user info) at 2005-05-16 01:37:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
"buddy sites"? Jesus F'ing Christ, the terrorists are right Western Civ. is totally fucked.
Submitted by NocternalDragon (user info) at 2005-05-16 00:23:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I dident read all that, but id fuck her.
Submitted by MrWillard (user info) at 2005-05-15 22:20:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
An hour...comeon. You should have fucked her up the ass for giving you a shitty blow job.
Submitted by Degreeless_Capibara (user info) at 2005-05-15 21:25:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
WTF im not reading all that