Serious Writers Forum (1154 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: blog
Rating: 0.42 on 26 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Corn Nugget (View user info) at 2005-05-16 16:04:01 EDT
Okay Uber... I'm done fucking with your minds.
I would really like to continue with my shenanigans... but I wont. Even though it was the most fun thing I've done in months!
To show you that I'm on the path to recovery, here is some serious writing:
After a few days of begging and whining on my part, Midu agrees to take me to see the pyramids. My whole life has revolved around this moment. I have always had a passion for everything Egyptian, and now I finally get to see the Great Pyramid. I have spent hours upon hours reading books and watching films about Egypt. I found some papers from when I was in grade school that specify my dream occupation as an Egyptologist. I even dated and later married Midu, who had spent his entire life there. Now that's dedication to a country!
It's hot outside, so Midu suggests that I just wear a light dress and sandals. I ask if I should wear sneakers but he says it's not necessary. I rush him out the door, and we hail a taxi. If you plan on traveling to Egypt, let me give you a pointer or two about taxis. Number one, negotiate the price before you get in. As a tourist you can expect to pay more than a local would. As someone at the hotel what the rate you should expect. Number two, they don't usually speak English. Get someone to write down your destination in Arabic before you go. If the cabbie gets mad at you and starts bitching, don't worry. One time we had a driver throw our money back out the window at us after we paid. He eventually got out and picked it up after we walked away. If you feel like your getting ripped off, you probably are.
As we drive down Sharea El-Haram (The Pyramids Road) my eyes are locked onto the horizon, I can see the Pyramids from here! When we get to the Giza Plateau I jump out and pull Midu over to the Pyramids. Okay, I won't lie... I was disappointed. I was trying to psych myself up by thinking about how old they were and how big they were... but it was a definite anti-climax to my life long dream being realized. Don't think for a minute that I don't have the same love and passion for the country, but now I focus less on the Pyramids and more on the Ptolemaic reign.
Why the let down? Because it's a tourist trap. As you stand there (in supposed wonder) at these great monuments, you stand next to a group of Chinese tourists and a German family. Everyone is talking too loud and bumping into you.
We pay the guy at the booth for tickets to go inside the Great Pyramid (Khufu). They won't let me take my camera unless I pay them, and I was not in the mood to walk back over to the booth to pay another ridiculous amount for a few pictures. I had to give my camera to an old guy at the door.
We step inside and climb up some weird passage (not easy to do in my sandals). I think to myself that this is pretty cool- then we get to the ascending passage. It goes up at a 45-degree angle, and is about 3 feet wide. It's a plank with little pieces of wood nailed to it for traction. There are railings on each side of the passage for you to hold on while you climb up. It's a long passage (don't look behind you). Okay, I tell myself. No need to panic, are you panicking? Why are you sweating so much? Shaking, too? I can't breathe. Breathe. Yeah, leave it to me to have a panic attack inside Khufus pyramid. I started crying. Don't laugh. I've never before had a panic attack or cried in public. Midu laughs at me. Some lady is asking Midu a question in Spanish (or maybe it was Italian), and Midu points at me and says, "Corinne, you speak Spanish, what is she saying?" I speak Spanish? Midu pulls me over to her and expects to here some conversation coming out of us. I say, "Ah... No intendio el Espanola." Midu gives me a weird look, so does the woman. I say, "Yo Americano, no hablo espanol". They both stare at me some more. I still don't know why. Why did Midu think I knew Spanish? One year of high school Spanish doesn't get you too far!
We reach a platform. You can either go straight into the Queens chamber or up a little more into the Kings chamber. The passageway to the Queens chamber is about 2 feet high, and there's no way my panicking ass is going to crawl anywhere in a dress (and sandals). So we opt up. We climb just a little further (amazingly we were alone) and enter the chamber. This is where I become awe stuck. It's maybe 8 feet wide and 12 feet long (I could be off on the measurements). The walls and floor are smooth and cool to the touch. On our right sits a stone sarcophagus with no lid. I walked over and peeked in. There's nothing in there and perhaps there never was. I could have stayed inside the chamber all day. It was a touch cooler then the air outside, but not much. I was glad that my panic attack had subsided.
The End.
User Reviews
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2005-05-18 19:42:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
oh Fabit... I'm sorry. Shall I paypal you the money for an abortion? ;)
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-05-18 18:46:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I like culture, without actually having to go there.
Submitted by Fabit (user info) at 2005-05-17 04:26:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
This isn't exactly where I'd like to air my dirty laundry... but I dont know what else to do. I've tried emailing and calling, as you fuckig know, and I'm not sure you're getting my emails or calls, and I'm at the point where I can't fucking stand to call or email again.
And I woldnt- past this point... but Im fucking pregnant and I havent had sex with anyone but you in 5 months, so guess what?
You've got a lot of explaining to do.
Fabit
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2005-05-16 23:00:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Needs way more slut.
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-05-16 22:49:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Degreeless_Capibara (user info) at 2005-05-16 21:25:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't want to take a stance on the issue anymore, so I'll just say good post.
Submitted by OneCheapGeek (user info) at 2005-05-16 21:23:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Oh, the whore that started the lastest round is now making jokes...
Fuck off.
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2005-05-16 21:14:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I guess you haven't traveled very much, and that's OK.
But the Pyramids?
It seems to me, to go somewhere, where people have;
Urinated
Defecated
Fornicated and
Espectorated for thousands of years, is not on the top of my "to-do" list,
anymore.
That being said.........
BTDT....................and
PeeeeeeeeeeU!!
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-05-16 20:10:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
cheers mate.
glad we cleared that up.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-05-16 18:54:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Apollo- It is. Don't fret it, EnormoDome.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-05-16 18:49:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-05-16 16:32:22 (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by WhatTheHell (user info) at 2005-05-16 16:13:45 (#)
Ranking: 0
WHOA ..
Shlongy and ADAM teaming up for the insult...
Nice teamwork there guys, although I woulda said "spork".
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-05-16 16:11:59 (#)
Ranking: -2
with a spoon
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-05-16 16:11:29 (#)
Ranking: -2
Eat my ass.
What a powerful Uber triumverate. I feel you can get more negativity accomplished in fewer sylables when you apply some teamwork. """
Wow and I thought MY head was enormous.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-05-16 17:22:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by WhatTheHell (user info) at 2005-05-16 16:13:45 (#)
Ranking: 0
WHOA ..
Shlongy and ADAM teaming up for the insult...
Nice teamwork there guys, although I woulda said "smork".
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-05-16 16:32:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by WhatTheHell (user info) at 2005-05-16 16:13:45 (#)
Ranking: 0
WHOA ..
Shlongy and ADAM teaming up for the insult...
Nice teamwork there guys, although I woulda said "spork".
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-05-16 16:11:59 (#)
Ranking: -2
with a spoon
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-05-16 16:11:29 (#)
Ranking: -2
Eat my ass.
What a powerful Uber triumverate. I feel you can get more negativity accomplished in fewer sylables when you apply some teamwork.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-05-16 16:27:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i still would love to go there.
Submitted by BillsSBChamps (user info) at 2005-05-16 16:22:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-05-16 16:11:59 (#)
Ranking: -2
with a spoon
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-05-16 16:11:29 (#)
Ranking: -2
Eat my ass.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Awesome work guys, this +2 is for the insult tag-team.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-05-16 16:22:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by UrbaneMischief (user info) at 2005-05-16 16:21:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i'm still upset that you won't have my baby
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-05-16 16:20:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i liked you more when you were pregnant
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2005-05-16 16:14:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Indio... right on. The only thing I was telling myself, to justify the egyptians and their scams, was "I make so much more money than them... It doesnt hurt me to give a little". Then I walked through the stables at the base of the pyramids, and I got So pissed off.
The horses were neglected, diseased, skinny, etc... You know those particular egyptians are making a ton of money from the tourism in the area, yet they still treated their horses like shit. I immediatly thought "Maybe it's a cultural thing... maybe they dont know better", but then we went to some stables across town, and those horses were treated normally.
The guys at those stables were quick to voice thier discontent for the people who had the stables near the pyramids. So, no, it wasn't cultural, it was greed.
Funny that.
Submitted by WhatTheHell (user info) at 2005-05-16 16:13:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
WHOA ..
Shlongy and ADAM teaming up for the insult...
Nice teamwork there guys, although I woulda said "spork".
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-05-16 16:11:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
with a spoon
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-05-16 16:11:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Eat my ass.
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2005-05-16 16:10:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
You forgot to mention the garbage covering everything, and the cops that ask for money to park there(even though there are signs in arabic saying the parking is free), the guys on camels asking you to take a pic then demanding ten bucks, and the number one reason the pyramids in egypt suck, all the egyptians.
Submitted by WhatTheHell (user info) at 2005-05-16 16:07:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
HAR HAR, PEENER!!
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-05-16 16:07:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Pyramids kick ass.
Submitted by strider (user info) at 2005-05-16 16:04:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
shenanigans!
http://www.ubersite.com/m/62155