Tonight, Pentameter, We Take Over the World! (1259 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 2 on 28 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by CookieLass (View user info) at 2005-05-18 13:25:05 EDT
The nation was no longer democratically sound. The Demonic Puppet President had weaseled his way into the parliaments, presidencies, and monarchies of every profitable nation. Something had to be done to break the hold of the Union of Evil. Someone must step forward... someone with the craftiness, the fortitude, the brains, the gigantic cojones, to rule the entire world, and one day... the UNIVERSE!
The person must be suave and charming, so as to con nations from their leaders, yet ruthless and iron-fisted, so as to retain those countries. That person must have the reflexes of a mongoose to avoid the many attempts at assassination that would doubtless be... uh... attempted! They must be beautiful and innocent(seeming) to win the hearts of the human race. Unfortunately, no one person fit the bill for such a ruler. No, not one. Two people did! And so, the dynamic duo of CookieLass and Pentameter formed their own union... the Slightly Less Evil, Though Quite Diabolical Coalition (SLETQDC).
It was startlingly easy to overthrow the Demonic Puppet Prez. All the girls had to do was pose as pizza-ladies and sneak into the White House. That done, they located him quite easily. Though he was kept under close guard as a general rule, 3 times a day he was allowed to make his own way to the restroom. Early attempts by the Gestapo Service to escort him were met with screaming temper tantrums and declarations that the president could "go potty all by himself!" After plotting his route to the toilet, the girls had only to throw a lollipop on a string directly in his path. Squealing with delight, the Demonic Puppet President reached for the candy, and as Pentameter dragged the string down the hallway, over the lawn, and into the Washington Monument's reflecting pool, Cookie stole into the oval office.
The Demonic Puppet President followed the candy (and therefore Pentameter) into the reflecting pool and underwater. Here, he tragically drowned, forgetting that only fish can breathe under water, and not presidents. Especially not stupid presidents.
Meanwhile, Cookie, who was a world-renowned mimic, was busily calling the entire cabinet of the Union of Evil and, using the voice of the Puppet, resigning from office. The Union would NEVER be able to find a new puppet as effective as the old in time to sham the world! The current Puppet had been groomed from birth to the role that he had filled until his untimely death.
The world was now at the mercy of Pentameter and CookieLass, and they declared themselves The Empresses of Infinite Oblivion! (cue creepy thunder)
They began to fill out their cabinet, thus far appointing DonkeyOnTheEdge as King General of the Army of Doom, which consisted of a million murderous midget mimes (small, silent, and vicious), and Master Officer Tinactin as Right Hand Man (and deliverer of diabolical decrees, whether he likes it or not.).
TREMBLE BEFORE US, OUR HENCHMEN, AND THE SLIGHTLY LESS EVIL, THOUGH QUITE DIABOLICAL COALITION! (SLETQDC)!!!!
User Reviews
Submitted by NetProphet (user info) at 2005-06-04 16:56:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Girlwithaclue (user info) at 2005-05-24 14:08:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I will so be the Henchwomen of Pain....
Buuuwaaahhhaaaaa.....
Submitted by MickGinny (user info) at 2005-05-24 10:35:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
puter power
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2005-05-23 16:15:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
*lick*
Submitted by PokeyPecker (user info) at 2005-05-23 13:52:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah Cookie, I already read this one. It was way cool and I was sad I couldn't rate it when it came out.
Submitted by DanielH (user info) at 2005-05-20 00:46:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was confetti hitting the fan, a little explosion of creativity. Not big, not like big cajones hitting the fan, but still, creative as Virginia Wolff left alone with a bong and MS Word. +++
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-05-18 20:53:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Jonny and Zak, we're a package deal. You don't have a choice whether you swear allegiance to us or not... we're dictators who have overthrown the government in a pseudo-violent coup. We're just cuter than most dictators, therefore rendering you powerless. And I still don't know what the fuck your problem is with me Zakalwe. I've never been mean to you.
Girlwithaclue, unfortunately, there are no Queens in our heirarchy. Just Pentameter and I and our lackeys/minions/henchmen. You can be the Henchman (henchwoman?) of pain, though. But first, you must prove yourself. And I mist discuss things with my co-empress.
Submitted by Saxon (user info) at 2005-05-18 20:31:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahaha this is awesome but please, i didnt want the mental image of you and pentameter having big cajones.
<runs away crying> say it isnt soooooooooooooooooooo
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-05-18 20:05:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'd quite happily have Pentameter as my Queen. Still don't like you though.
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-05-18 19:48:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-05-18 17:13:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Can I pledge allegiance to you two!
I'll do anything Pentameter wants me to!
Submitted by Girlwithaclue (user info) at 2005-05-18 16:39:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I want to be the High Priestess of Pain.....
Pleaaaase oh pleaaaaase!
Submitted by BillsSBChamps (user info) at 2005-05-18 16:24:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
President Bush goes potty all by himself 5 times a day and makes at least 83% of his urine and feces in the bowl.
With numbers like that how can you call him dumb?
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-05-18 16:17:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
it's a parody, Dookers. If it were another president, or I were in Europe or something, I would have made fun of those world leaders, too.
And if there's enough interest in this, Pentameter and I intend to work it into a series wherein we'll make fun of EVERYONE. It will rule.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2005-05-18 16:15:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
And to you Sir Donkey.. I say NIH!
GOod Jaaaaaaaaaaaaeeeeeeeeeeooooooorb Cookie...someday, I wanna take over the world too.. can I be an Intern so that I can learn things from you?
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Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2005-05-18 14:09:12 (#)
Ranking: 2
I resign and commision myself General of Fluffy Animals That Look Cute Until They Use Their Incisors To Bite Through Your Jugular And Drink Your Fucking Blood.
That is all.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-05-18 16:15:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Hadooken (user info) at 2005-05-18 15:52:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
normally i blast people who contiually pile on the president, as it has gotten beyond old. but this made me laugh.
Submitted by Mr-Boo (user info) at 2005-05-18 15:41:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
From the title, I was expecting to see a Pinky & the Brain picture.
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-05-18 14:42:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
hahahahaha
Inky, I will confer with my co-empress to decide that.
Calvin, Donkey's resignation is null, so therefore, no promotion for you. a) you can't promote yourself, and b) it would have been a lateral move with far more work involved.
Oh yes, and c) you don't get to go near the midgets. You scare them.
Submitted by InkyFingers (user info) at 2005-05-18 14:35:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Can I be in charge of the insult cannon?
..
. .
. .
.
.
.
"Your momma so fat, she has to roll
over twice in the bathtub to get wet"
.....
Evidence suggests there were no survivors.
Submitted by tinactin (user info) at 2005-05-18 14:19:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm promoting myself to head of military with donkey's resignation. That is all.
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-05-18 14:16:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You talk to Pentameter about your resignation. Ask her to describe the fringe benefits of your position.
I think you'll find that the contract you signed, in blood, might I add, will keep you from any resignations.
We're evil, see.
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2005-05-18 14:09:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I resign and commision myself General of Fluffy Animals That Look Cute Until They Use Their Incisors To Bite Through Your Jugular And Drink Your Fucking Blood.
That is all.
Submitted by ess-arr (user info) at 2005-05-18 13:46:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-05-18 13:44:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-05-18 13:37:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Name Shlongy to the position of Rear Admiral.
huhuhuhuhuh...i said real admiral.
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-05-18 13:30:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
yes, but you have to name him yourself. My brain hurts from coming up with witty monikers and trying not to laugh out loud at them as I sit at my desk.
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-05-18 13:29:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I was born to do this.
MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Can I have a Mini-Me?