Elemental 20 (683 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 2 on 21 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by kre8rix (View user info) at 2005-05-18 14:06:41 EDT
If this doesn't make any sense, chances are you missed Part 19: http://www.ubersite.com/m/66483
Necrolem.
The word sent a wave of both optimism and fear through the small group of Watchers. A Necrolem could turn the tide of the war. As proven by the conflict with Dara, they were not creatures that were easily defeated.
The Necrolem of old were fierce creatures, Elementals who willingly commited ritual suicide, sacrificing themselves to undergo the process. It had been considered a great honor to become Necrolem. Undergoing the Golem-Shift increased their abilities twenty-fold; they were faster, stronger and more powerful than the beings they had been. When their task was complete, they willingly submitted themselves to a sort of trance-like sleep; locked away in a place very few knew about. The Creation of the Necrolem was a rare practice, only used when all other resources had been exhausted; and only under the careful eye of the council. They had been the saviors of the planet countless times through the ages, until the Elemental race fractured.
When the Watchers made their first Necrolem, it had not been a willing participant. He was an Elemental named Pearson; nearly two hundred years old, but still very young by Elemental standards. He had been very powerful and wildly ambitious; he was up for review to join the council. He probably would have been accepted, but the Watchers got to him first. They lost three of their number before bringing him down. Erik had been to one to deliver the killing blow; punching through his back while he was distracted and ripping out his heart.
Erik had brought the body to Phinaes. He was still fairly new to the necromantic arts; his body not yet twisted by the evil magic he used. Erik had been the one chosen to control the new Necrolem, his ability to control the normal Golem was unsurpassed. When he was first resurrected, it seemed to have been a success; he was more difficult, but not impossible to control. His free will had been stripped from him as Erik forced him to do his bidding; hunting down and destroying the Elementals as he saw fit. It wasn't two months before the problems started. He became listless, unwilling to listen to the commands of his master and in the end the Necrolem went berserk, its mind shattered by the attempt to control it. It had destroyed half a city before it was brought down for good in an uneasy and short-lived alliance between the Elementals and the watchers. There had been Two Necrolem since then, and the Watchers had used them only when they wanted to create unparalleled chaos.
No one had known about the plans Aaron and Phinaes had made to create another. Now he stood before them, terrifying in stature and breathing heavily as the Watchers stared.
"Have a seat," Aaron said, gesturing to a chair.
The Necrolem complied, shuffling toward the chair as Dara quickly moved out of his way.
"Are you crazy?" Spencer yelled incredulously as the Necrolem sat, "What the hell are you doi..."
He was interrupted by the strong hand of Aaron clamped around his throat.
"If you ever question me again, you will be dead before you knew there was a conflict,"
Aaron casually threw Spencer against the wall and walked over to the now conscious Michael.
"Tell me," He said as he sat down, "What happened here?"
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Eirnin and Jaythen held fast to their positions against the far wall, watching Jess suspiciously for any sign of flame.
"He...He's listening to someone. There is fear. There is something in the room with them. Something...wrong," Jess Stammered, her eyes clenched shut.
Seamus and the others listened to her intensely, hanging on her every word.
"It's big, I can feel it."
"Jess," Seamus interrupted, "What of the Watchers? Can you see who's there, or where they are?"
"No, it's more feeling than seeing. There are three of them, but all are overshadowed by this...being,"
She jerked her eyes open as a small tingle in her head began building to a sharp pain. Bright blue flame wreathed her red eyes.
"He's trying again," She spat through clenched teeth, "You guys should leave,"
"The three of you. Leave. Now." Seamus ordered.
The two young Elementals were eager to comply, but Erin remained where she stood.
"Erin, you should get out,"
"I'll be fine, Seamus. She can't hurt me; besides, I've stayed at her side this long, I'm not going to leave her now."
-------
"Focus Michael," Aaron encouraged, "Imagine every limb, every muscle as an extension of your own."
After hearing Michael's story, Aaron had suggested that he try once again to take over Jess's mind. This was unprecedented territory, as no one living had ever had a control stone implanted before. He decided that if need be, he would be able to help Michael gain control. They sat legs folded and facing each other; Michael's eyes closed and the stone in his head glowing brightly.
-------
"Get him out. Get him out!" Jess yelled, tears steaming in the flames in her eyes. Her whole body had been encompassed in flames as she fought her mental intruder.
"Calm down Jess, concentrate," Seamus encouraged, "Don't let him take control,"
Her body absorbed the flames that had slowly been spreading out from her body until only her eyes remained alight.
------
"She's...too...stubborn..." Michael stuttered, "Can't...get...hold"
Aaron reached out and placed a hand on each side of Michael's head.
"Let me help," He said as he closed his eyes.
-------
Jessica's scream pierced the dark room; dark blue flames danced across her skin.
"Jess!" Seamus shouted, "Hold on! I know you can do this, Fight him!"
"I'm trying," She cried, balling her hands into fists, "Seamus, help me,"
------
"Not this time," Aaron said him himself, "You belong to us now,"
------
The explosion launched Erin and Seamus across the room; the walls and floor instantly incinerating as the spherical wall of flame radiated outward. Wave after wave of white-hot flame surged uncontrollably out of Jessica's body, liquefying the concrete foundation of the building. She opened her eyes painfully and saw Seamus and Erin; mercilessly barraged by the current of flame.
-------
"That's it girl," Aaron smiled, "Destroy our enemies,"
------
"You...will...not...win," Jess said, raising her voice to a defiant scream.
Jessica's voice resounded through the air as she floated above the ground. The flames slowly reversed their flow, wave by wave absorbing into Jessica's floating form.
"Not this time," The room went dark as Jessica soaked in the last of the flames.
-------
This time the scream sounded from Michael, his eyes rolling up in their sockets. Aaron jerked his hands back at the sudden surge of heat emanating from Michael's now trembling head. He pushed himself away from Michael as the tremors worked their way through his body. With a final shriek, flames shot out from his eye sockets. His body froze briefly before the flames incinerated his skull from the inside out. It was a matter of seconds before his head was nothing but ash; the wall behind him scorched black.
-------
Jessica fell to the ground hard, exhausted from the effort. She could no longer feel Michael's presence and knew she had won. Her relief was short lived as she saw Seamus' charred body lying thirty feet away. Fear engulfed her and she was by his side in less than a second, carefully turning him over to look at his face. He looked up at her weakly with his one good eye, the other scorched beyond recognition. Pieces of charred flesh flaked off his cheek as he smiled at her.
"You...you did it,"
"Yeah Seamus, I did it," She replied, stifling the tears welling in her eyes.
"You...can win this, Jess," He coughed, "You can...end this war,"
"Seamus, I can't do it alone. I need your help"
"You...you never...needed my help."
Seamus' breathing grew shallow; his voice weak.
"Remember...Jess...I will...always...be close...use...Mindgate."
"Seamus...I..."
"I have...something for you...Jess. You...use it...well."
A final breath issued forth as Seamus' body went limp. Jessica could no longer hold her tears back and she pulled him close to her, sobbing heavily. A small wisp of glowing, ice-blue smoke issued forth from Seamus' mouth and hovered purposefully in front of Jessica's face. She looked at it through blurred eyes, and watched it slowly moving toward her face. With an involuntary inhalation, the puff of smoke flew into her body. She felt the ice cold smoke fill her lungs, and project outward, flowing through her entire body; turning her skin a light shade of blue.
"Thank you Seamus," She whispered silently, "I won't waste it."
Erin slowly approached Jessica from behind as she cradled the lifeless body of the only father she had ever known.
User Reviews
Submitted by Alter (user info) at 2007-09-26 22:28:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No, Comment.
Submitted by Kre8rix (user info) at 2005-06-21 15:05:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Part 21: http://www.ubersite.com/m/69005
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2005-05-23 14:11:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Kre8rix (user info) at 2005-05-18 16:32:39 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2005-05-18 16:02:11 (#)
Ranking: 2
Great stuff, please don't let low reviewership stop you. continue on.
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I'm not too worried about it.
I don't get reviewed all that often, especially if the title ends with a number. (i.e. Elemental 20)
I went through the same thing when I wrote my series. Keep it up, it's good stuff and the loyal readers definitely enjoy your tale.
Submitted by DanielH (user info) at 2005-05-22 23:01:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm still not past #10, plan to read much more tonight when I get home. I've been looking forward to it. (Did read 11, but need to read again before reading rest. Love it so far). Later d +
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2005-05-22 22:43:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I just can't tell you how much I love this series. It really absorbs my attention and I am glad to see you back at it. Damn that real life stuff!
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-05-19 09:34:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah, I can tell you're kind of a writing-by-the-seat-of-his-pants kind of guy when it comes to this series. It has its pros and its cons. I find I can't write without having some idea as to where I'm going, it drives me nuts. So, more power to ya.
Submitted by algermetiphist (user info) at 2005-05-19 00:39:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesomeness as always.
Submitted by DanielH (user info) at 2005-05-18 22:37:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Like catching a great movie after it started. Going to read back later tonight. Well written. You write a lot like Poppy Z. Brite "Lost Souls" "Drawing Blood"- she's from New Orleans, and not much older than you. I miss so much here. Glad I saw this. +++
Submitted by Kre8rix (user info) at 2005-05-18 21:35:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
And part 17 is where the Necrolem idea was first introduced.
Just in case you were wondering...
Submitted by Kre8rix (user info) at 2005-05-18 21:32:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I think my favorite part about writing like that is that I can write it, post and then read it and be like 'damn, that's pretty fuckin' cool'
Submitted by Kre8rix (user info) at 2005-05-18 21:25:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
caes, I know what you mean.
I tried to hint at the Necrolem's power earlier on, but didn't go into too much detail until this one.
I have a bad habit of typing stuff as I see it in my head and so it makes sense to me when I write it because I fill the gaps in automatically. I forget that that doesn't work when other people read it.
And I don't plan my plot turns at all. In fact, I don't plan any of this. That's the weird thing about it. I never planned on having this draw out this long, and I have no idea how long it's going to be. I sort of get an idea in my head and write until I think the point is made. That's why it sometimes takes me a while to post and at other times I can throw out 4-5 pages every day for a week.
None of this story is planned, I have no idea where it's going what's going to happen in the meantime or how it's going to end.
I think it'll tell me when it's done.
I was also/am also brainstorming an Elemental/ATP crossover, but in order to do that I need to figure out who's going to be alive and who's going to be dead by the end of this.
Or I may just introduce a new one, I haven't decided yet.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-05-18 20:36:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I feel your pain about the reviewing thing.
I really liked the struggle between Michael and Jess, and the necrolem history.
A couple of observations. Perhaps its a function of my reading these spaced pretty far apart, or a function of you writing them that way, but sometimes it seems like you don't plan for your plot turns. Example: this necrolem stuff. There was nothing in previous installments (that i can recall, keep in mind it was a while ago) that hinted towards the significance and power of the necrolem. The way it's organized in your story, the weight of the necrolem seems tacked on -- like, 'he gets turned into a necrolem, so on and so forth, and by the way he's really fucking powerful now'. Know what I mean?
Secondly, I had no idea Seamus was even seriously hurt until he died. I think that scene would have benefitted by somehow letting the reader know how much danger he was in, or that he was injured...these elemental types get tossed around so much it's hard to know when they get hurt or when they're okay.
As usual, great story, just offering criticism because I know you appreciate it, no arrogance or preaching intended, etc etc.
Keep it up dude.
Submitted by Remission (user info) at 2005-05-18 17:26:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good stuff man. Nice to see you writing this again.
Submitted by Kre8rix (user info) at 2005-05-18 16:32:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2005-05-18 16:02:11 (#)
Ranking: 2
Great stuff, please don't let low reviewership stop you. continue on.
=======
I'm not too worried about it.
I don't get reviewed all that often, especially if the title ends with a number. (i.e. Elemental 20)
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2005-05-18 16:10:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
More more more
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2005-05-18 16:02:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Great stuff, please don't let low reviewership stop you. continue on.
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2005-05-18 14:28:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
haha, i dig
Submitted by Kre8rix (user info) at 2005-05-18 14:27:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
wait, no it wasn't...nevermind
Submitted by Kre8rix (user info) at 2005-05-18 14:26:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It only got two. One was mine linking to part 18
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2005-05-18 14:22:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
nice job.
i can't believe your last only got 3 reviews.
poor uber...where hast thou gone?
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-05-18 14:22:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
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