Just One Moment (479 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesRating: 1.5 on 11 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by yermom (View user info) at 2005-05-18 14:55:37 EDT
As Jeremy walked down the street that day, he thought to him self that the air smelled like the sea, there was a hurricane that had blown inland earlier in the week, and he was sure that it had created the salty aroma in the air. As he walked down High street, he saw the new society building being erected, and took a moment to watch as the steel workers tottered precariously on the beams being lifted high into the air. While the thoughts drifted slowly in and out of his mind, he wondered to how they could go to work everyday and be so close to death.
Jeremy was on his way to the bank, when he got there, he waited and talked to Cheryl, a beautiful girl in her mid twenties, straight dark hair that went just below her ears she had the most beautiful blue eyes and a gorgeous smile that curled in just enough for her to bite her lip when you said something funny. The two had talked so many times before, you could always tell that he wanted to ask her out, but that he was always being held back by something, what exactly you couldn't tell.
Had he only known what was to come that day, maybe he would have waited just a little longer, maybe he would have asked her out, maybe just enjoyed the moment for what it was, a moment. One good moment in a lifetime of forgettable ones, one shared smile, one shared glance, it was nothing more, but so much at the same time. It just wasn't meant to be.
Jeremy died that day, stabbed by a thief, over the lousy ten dollars in his pocket. As he slumped to the ground holding the knife in his chest, all he could think about was that one moment, the moment that he wished he had back, and for the countless other moments, that he would never have again, in pain alone and dying, he wasn't scared or sad, he was happy with that one moment, the one shared smile, the one shared glance, and then it was over.
User Reviews
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2005-05-25 13:52:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2005-05-18 22:28:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Not bad. Nicely done. Ended a little quickly.
Submitted by mikethescottish (user info) at 2005-05-18 22:10:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sad, but to-the-point and poignant. Thanks.
Submitted by mysterious.adventure (user info) at 2005-05-18 21:50:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This brought tears to my eyes, along with the memory of a moment I once shared.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-05-18 20:46:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Not bad, but I come to Uber to be "uplifted". And to masturbate.
I can read enough sadness by picking up the fucking newspaper.
Submitted by jumpinjellyfish (user info) at 2005-05-18 17:44:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by hoover (user info) at 2005-05-18 15:49:45 (#)
Ranking: 1
very well written
+1
Submitted by Girlwithaclue (user info) at 2005-05-18 15:52:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Short and sweet, I liked it!!
Submitted by hoover (user info) at 2005-05-18 15:49:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
very well written
+1
Submitted by yermom (user info) at 2005-05-18 15:35:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks guys I appreciate the feedback, this isn't normally my style.
Submitted by SiskelandFatboy (user info) at 2005-05-18 15:27:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Pretty good writing
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-05-18 15:01:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
So good. And so sad.