How I Played Show and Tell, before Making out with Paco. (1320 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 1.27 on 33 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Ally <AllyJeans.at.gmail.com> (View user info) at 2005-05-19 11:18:43 EDT
When I was a kid, a boy came over and asked to see me "thing." He had the wide-eyed glory of innocent youth and a sappy grin to match. Standing there, he scuffed his foot back and forth across the sidewalk, as if he was trying to polish the concrete.
I hesitated, playing with my hair and glancing around at neighbor's lawn (it had a big wheel and a slip and slide). I shook my head.
"Sorry, but I don't have time. I have driver's ed. before first period."
He ended up leaving me shortly after that. He found another girl to play doctor with—someone who signed up for the full exam. I have no regrets. In the years to come, I would learn that my one time beau had some issues with his anatomy.
What issues you ask? Apparently, his pecker was so curved that the head was 180 degrees to starboard. The ladies (and the guys as well) took to calling him "corkscrew."
I never ran into another boyfriend like corkscrew. Guys like him are a once in a lifetime opportunity--as is Meningitis and Ebola. I guess I'm happy I've missed them all.
Since then my relationships have been short lived. The kind that begin with a rush, coast along for a while, then crash like the Titantic. If you want a character study, I can tell you that painters enjoy their models, chefs don't cater to your needs, and Greco Roman Wrestlers...let's just say they spend too much time coming to "grips" with their sexuality.
All in all, I can't complain. I have a nice place, a nice job and I'm just past my mid twenties.
Oh yeah, and I have a buzzing friend named, Paco. He never fails to comfort me.
User Reviews
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-09-05 13:30:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by spamtrap50 (user info) at 2005-08-30 18:37:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2005-08-10 18:35:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i was going to +2 this too but didn't cause I bumped another.
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2005-08-10 17:14:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2005-06-14 04:25:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wonderful
Submitted by AllyJeans (user info) at 2005-06-02 23:11:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2005-06-01 11:11:40 (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked the begining... quite funny. Go with that, leave out the triteness at the end.
Or leave it in. I didn't like the end, though.
....
What part specifically? The painters/models critique, or everything after "Submitted by Ally <AllyJeans.at.gmail.com> [Authenticated] (View user info) at 2005-05-19 11:18:43"
Haha.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2005-06-01 11:11:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked the begining... quite funny. Go with that, leave out the triteness at the end.
Or leave it in. I didn't like the end, though.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-06-01 07:38:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Decent first post. I like the way you think.
With your brain, that is.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-05-20 18:01:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2005-05-19 17:27:58 (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-05-19 14:00:50 (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2005-05-19 12:13:21 (#)
Ranking: 1
not horrible. not great. somewhere in between
-----------------------
You'll get better.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-05-19 20:01:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
w00t.
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2005-05-19 17:27:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-05-19 14:00:50 (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2005-05-19 12:13:21 (#)
Ranking: 1
not horrible. not great. somewhere in between
-----------------------
You'll get better.
Submitted by Totally_useless (user info) at 2005-05-19 16:44:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Let's get some ecstasy and I'll give you oral pleasure.
Or let's get some weed and you can do the same for me.
(Same stipulation is in effect from last comment...)
Submitted by AllyJeans (user info) at 2005-05-19 16:30:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Simple, we're both new to this site. We should band together, drink spirits, and go to raves. we should not battle each other in such a fashion.
However, test my resolve, and you will end up with a jockstrap shoved so far down your throat that your burps will taste like ball sweat.
Not pleasant enriching, Ken Griffey Jr. ballsweat. No. More like nausiating, loathsome, Abe Vigoda ball sweat.
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2005-05-19 14:07:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
apparently, my "peers" genitalia
don't allow:
fuck you die.
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-05-19 14:00:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2005-05-19 12:13:21 (#)
Ranking: 1
not horrible. not great. somewhere in between
-----------------------
You'll get better. And I have a friend named Paco as well. I wonder if it's the same guy?
Submitted by Totally_useless (user info) at 2005-05-19 13:37:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Forgot to rate...
Dur.
Submitted by Totally_useless (user info) at 2005-05-19 13:36:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Great story!
Please continue the tradition here at Ubersite as new members post stories with pictures of their genetalia.*
Your cooperation is greatly appreciated.
*ONLY IF YOU ARE AT OR ABOVE THE LEGAL AGE OF CONSENT.
Thank you.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2005-05-19 13:32:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
welcome
Submitted by jumpinjellyfish (user info) at 2005-05-19 13:09:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Dammit, Paco gets all the fine chicks!
Welcome to Uber!
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2005-05-19 13:07:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Some cultures rub noses, some break plates ... Uber tells you to SHOW US YOUR TITS!
In other words - welcome. Oh, and - do show us your tits.
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2005-05-19 12:40:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I have never heard of a girls...um...love aid, being called paco before.
I guess you like our wetbacked friends.
Submitted by AllyJeans (user info) at 2005-05-19 12:37:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm going to go play some basketball. Thanks to anyone who bothers to read this!
Submitted by missflibble (user info) at 2005-05-19 12:31:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
this is random, I like random.
welcome.
Submitted by yermom (user info) at 2005-05-19 12:23:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Welcome, thank you for not posting total garbage.
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2005-05-19 12:13:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
not horrible. not great. somewhere in between
Submitted by AllyJeans (user info) at 2005-05-19 12:04:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks Jungle--Thanks Darko :)
This is an Awesome site.
Submitted by mysterious.adventure (user info) at 2005-05-19 11:57:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
"Guys like him are a once in a lifetime opportunity--as is Meningitis and Ebola."
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-05-19 11:56:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Keep writing like this.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-05-19 11:55:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
True, it's be like me going out with a bearded lady. You could grab her sideburns to get better penetration but it'd just be weird. Besides you can add attatchments to any woman with simple pritt stick
Submitted by Jungle_Jimanee (user info) at 2005-05-19 11:54:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Welcome to Uber, here is your first +2.
Submitted by AllyJeans (user info) at 2005-05-19 11:53:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You're right, Berty. The title is misleading. Also, there is the off chance that the curves of corkscrew's ungodly penis might have sent me to the moon and back
But hey, what's does that get ya, if forever thereafter you're known as crooked dick's main squeeze.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-05-19 11:34:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
So in fact you didn't play show and tell. Also if you've never seen his peener, never touched it or stroked it or tasted it or ridden it like a bitch from hell how will you ever know what you may or may not have missed out on?
That said after spending night after night alone with 'paco' I've no doubt you no longer care.
Submitted by funk_boy (user info) at 2005-05-19 11:22:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
randomnoushness