The Atheist Committee. (485 hits)
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Submitted by Sofa_Ace (View user info) at 2005-05-19 20:11:27 EDT
They called it the "Atheist Committee", but all they really did was bash the bible. It was started by a couple of kids from Clearmont High school getting together in their parents basements to bitch about Jesus. One of the fathers found out about it, though it was a good idea, and kind of headed it after that. It now had about 50 members of all ages who met once a week in an old warehouse down in the industrial district. They met on Mondays because the air wasn't as smoggy, and there was less of a chance that the speeches would be interrupted by loud coughing from the members who hadn't burned the cilia off their lungs from years of tobacco smoke.
The warehouse had a couple of wooden crates that had been pushed together and covered with plywood to make a makeshift stage. Kanin, the father that headed it, had stepped up and become a pretty good speaker winning his son instant popularity amongst the group. Another kid, who had tried to start a punk band but failed, donated his P.A. system, so they could denounce the bible even louder. The shabby warehouse was adorned with lawn furniture, folding chairs, old sofas and anything else that people could sit on, though people rarely sat. Lighting was provided by halogen lamps that were known for overheating and causing fires.
"The bible has made two prophecies, that Jesus would die for our sins, and that there would be an apocalypse. They predicted a man would die, and that the earth would end. These aren't prophecies, ladies and gentleman, they're guarantees. Now, allow me to prophesize. I declare that every single person in this room is going to die. I'm not going to say when, or how, but it'll happen."
The attention of the crowd was drawn from Kanin when the doors to the warehouse opened. The man standing in the doorway was tall with black hair and black eyes. His dark features were contrasted against his freshly pressed white shirt, white Dockers pants, white Doc Martin shoes, and the white briefcase that swung at his side. He walked slowly into the room, effortlessly parting the crowd as he made his way to the stage. A tense air had fallen amongst the group, not that they were shy of newcomers, but only because the well dressed man stood out against the dingy background. If it weren't for the crowd's disbelief in the supernatural, they might have believed him to be the devil himself.
The man walked right up to the stage, until he was face to face with Kanin, who could only manage to stare into his deep, dark eyes. After a few seconds of this staring contest, the man in white finally spoke.
"Is this the Atheist Committee, I've heard so much about?" The man's voice was gentle, almost soothing. The trance that had held Kanin broke, and he remembered his manners.
"It sure is, brother. Sorry for the inhospitality. My name is Kanin. On that table over there are some chips, dip, water, and some fresh-made Kool-aide, We don't provide alcohol, but if you want to bring your own no one will object as long as you don't get rowdy. Don't worry about sitting in another persons seat, there aren't any names on..." The man in white interjected.
"I'm not here for refreshments, thank you. I'm a business man, and I have a business proposition for you."
"Well partner, whatever it is can probably be discussed at another time. We're not here for business, we're here to show the fallacies of the bible. Now are you aware..."
"I believe this would be the perfect time to discuss such matters. You see, I'm interested in purchasing from you something that might be of value to me, but you don't even believe you have."
Kanin looked around the room, all eyes were now on the conversation he was having with this strange man. "I'm no good at riddles, if you want to buy something from me, I'm sure you could swing by the house later on..."
"I'm interested in buying your soul. I'll give you five hundred dollars cash."
Kanin again looked around. He enjoyed being respected at the Atheist Committee, and was willing to do a lot to keep that respect. His mouth was parched, and he found it hard to talk. After a few seconds he managed to croak, "Well," he cleared his throat, then continued "I can't sell you something that doesn't exist."
"Oh, of course you can. It's actually quite commonplace to sell nothing. That's what stocks and bonds are. Nothing is actually being traded, just selling nothing back and forth to each other. Besides, all the risk would be on me, if you look at my contract here," the man opened his briefcase, removed five one hundred dollar bills, and a single piece of paper "It clearly says I would be paying you whether or not your soul exists. And since you don't believe in a soul, your making easy money."
Murmurs rushed through the crowd. "Easy money" and "It doesn't even exist" could be heard from the people standing closest to the stage. Not a single eye wasn't fixed on Kanin, who reluctantly took the piece of paper and read it. Kanin wasn't a lawyer by any means, but he didn't have to be. The contract was written in plain English: One soul for five hundred dollars. The man in white took a white pen from his breast pocket and handed it to Kanin. All I need is your name, phone number, address and Social on the top, sign here, and initial here. He waved the money a little bit, so Kanin would remember the reward.
Kanin looked at his crowd of followers then quickly wrote his information, initials and signature, and handed the paper back to the man, who handed over the money.
Kanin had expected to feel the life being sucked out of him when he lost his soul, he had at least expected to feel different. And, from some of the looks he was getting, others had expected the same. Finally, after he realized nothing was going to happen, he spoke up. "Easy money" he said, and the crowd cheered.
"See," the man in white continued, "Now who else wants some easy money?"
The man in white walked out of the Warehouse fifteen grand lighter. He pushed a button on his keys and the doors unlocked on his white Mercedes. He opened the passenger door, put the briefcase inside, and walked around to the driver's side. He removed a small white Motorolla phone, and held the 4 button until it started dialing.
"Jerry? Hey I've got some information for you ... no, no account numbers ... I've got names, phone numbers, addresses and socials ... Yea, I know it'll be enough ... No, I want fifteen hundred a piece, you'll make ten times that much off of these suckers ... alright a grand a piece, you drive a hard bargain ... I'll be there in ten minutes."
He hung up the phone, and started the car "Easy money" he said, as he pulled away from the warehouse.
User Reviews
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-05-25 17:27:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sofa_Ace (user info) at 2005-05-25 17:26:35 (#)
Ranking: -2
They could pull it off if they drop the halfback to defense, allowing the center to advance three spaces which woud put him out of the bishops way. Then, once black gets kinged he can force red into submision using a leg bar. Unless, of course, the bases are loaded and the ball gets duffed into the sandtrap. It could still be recoverable though, as long as your opponent isn't holding pocket aces.
Submitted by Viciousriffs (user info) at 2005-05-23 13:12:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
quality.
Submitted by mikethescottish (user info) at 2005-05-21 13:40:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Way to go against my expectations dude. Good work.
Submitted by matrix2681 (user info) at 2005-05-21 13:26:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-05-19 20:37:23 (#)
Ranking: 2
I was kind of expecting some sort of super-natural ending...
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So was I. Nice twist at the end there.
Submitted by Socialist_Joe (user info) at 2005-05-21 12:44:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
transparent
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2005-05-21 12:11:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice.
Submitted by Banga3386 (user info) at 2005-05-20 02:50:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Nice twister there
Submitted by ellsmall (user info) at 2005-05-20 00:52:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice twist. I bought a guy's soul for 2 cents, figure I can barter it for a softer spot when I get to Hell.
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2005-05-20 00:18:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice tits.
Submitted by J4M3S (user info) at 2005-05-19 22:17:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'll give it a thumbs up.
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2005-05-19 20:47:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ending saved it.
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-05-19 20:37:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I was kind of expecting some sort of super-natural ending...
Not that I was disappointed.
Submitted by yermom (user info) at 2005-05-19 20:28:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Everything you ever wanted to know about lunarshadows
User id: 18481
Registered on or around: 2005-04-27 17:54:10
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Submitted by ICO (user info) at 2005-05-19 20:21:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
There is a large difference between people who denounce the bible and atheists, but you state that in the first line. nice plot-twist thingy at the end.
Submitted by Degreeless_Capibara (user info) at 2005-05-19 20:18:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
B@W
Submitted by tinactin (user info) at 2005-05-19 20:17:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Now there's a genius. Talk about missing the point.
Submitted by lunarshadows (user info) at 2005-05-19 20:14:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i'm not too much of an Atheist because God rules, so I would never be in a group like that