That Cold Footed Bitch... (1254 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -0.17 on 17 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by bulldog (View user info) at 2005-05-19 20:53:58 EDT
OK, I have been reading about everything posted here.. I hope you enjoy.
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The "new" Marlboro's...
OK, I am trying, [read: struggling] to understand, manage, and muddle my way through (and administer) an actual budget for myself. First one!! Yippee. Right.
I decided that I can cut back on cigarette quality, get my nic-fix, and still save some coin before I could ever compromise on beer and food quality. In that specific order. I know my priorities.
This evening I perambulate up to my local Quik Trip and look at the vast array of cancer sticks. I have never really paid attention to the variety of the brands available.... normally it's "Gimme a carton of Marlboro Lights, box."
That's about it.
I am sure there are other ruffians who are buying some rancid, slack-jawed brand of cheaper "what-the-fuck" cigs, but I never pay attention.
"Just look straight ahead and place you order, please." Convenient store Nazi; like the Soup Kitchen guy on, well, you know who I'm talking about...
Someone said there's a brand called Enlightenment? Or Entitlement? Shit, I don't know. Didn't have to care back in the day.
Anyhow, so as I'm perusing shelf after shelf of smokes (Jeebus - there must be 500 brands!), the guy behind the counter says, "Whatcha want, bud? Carton or a pack?"
"I dunno. A buddy of mine said I could get smokes that taste just like Marlboro lights but they're cheaper. I don't know the name."
"Have ya tried the new Marlboro Seventy - Two's yet? They're lights and they're cheaper. And they're the same thing."
Cool. Cheaper, same brand, same full toasty-nicotine-laden flavor (why cheaper, you'll soon read...)
So I say "Huh. Yea, lemme try 'em. What the heck. Can't remember the name of the other one's anyhow. Gimme a carton."
He brings me ten packs (that's what's in a carton for all you non-believers of smokes-really-do-make-you-look-cool-and-chicks-really-dig-the-tobacco-stained-teeth-look peeps) and I ask, "You gonna charge me the carton price, right?"
He obliges.
As he is ringing up the order, I notice it appears my hands have grown!! I mean, my hands looked like Andre the Giant's, holding that pack of coffin nails, for criminy sakes!!
He gives me the receipt, and I say, "Hey, do these look smaller than regular cigarettes?"
He gives me one of those sophomoric, condescending grimaces and says, "Uh, yea bud, that's why they're cheaper. And that's why they're called Seventy-Two's. Y'see, instead of the regular full length of kings, they're shorter."
I fully expected him to add "...like you..." but he didn't.
I look at these little punky cigs, now thinking, "Well...shit. These must be 72% (? or so) of capacity! Smart friggin' marketers at Phillip Morris! A discount price for a discounted smoke size. Brilliant!"
So here I sit drinkin' a beer, banging this out, and I swear - these little cheap-shit cigarettes burn up like propane-infused tissue paper. Like crepe paper!!.
And they taste good, but damn, I'm gonna end up smokin' twice as much...so much for the budget.
I do, however, feel like a much bigger, taller man.
User Reviews
Submitted by Feijuada (user info) at 2005-05-22 02:40:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You retarded cunt.
Submitted by Dead_0hi0_Sky (user info) at 2005-05-21 23:20:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
that goddamned rotten tooth done stole my lil girl's virginity?
nigga!
Submitted by Feijuada (user info) at 2005-05-21 22:15:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by BillsSBChamps (user info) at 2005-05-21 17:16:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
AND THEN SHITFUCK IS GOING TO MAKE RAPE WITH YOUR CORPSE!
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2005-05-21 17:10:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
AHAHHAHAHHAHAHAA
Snuggles is going to kill you.
Submitted by BillsSBChamps (user info) at 2005-05-21 17:09:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
SUCK MY ASS YOU FUCKING RETARDED COCKSUCKER!
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2005-05-21 16:59:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Shut the fuck up you inbred fool.
Submitted by ThineJericho (user info) at 2005-05-20 19:11:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Go for Djarum Blacks.
Best in the world.
Submitted by bulldog (user info) at 2005-05-19 22:24:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
wrong header, sorry. shoulda been "Big Me". i'm just a n00b.....
Submitted by Saxon (user info) at 2005-05-19 21:55:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
My grandfather found some condoms in my room once. i told him they were a water proof cover for my ciggerettes and he could get them from a chemist.
When the chemist asked him what size he wanted he replied.
"Oh big enough for a camel"
Submitted by Sofa_Ace (user info) at 2005-05-19 21:48:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm not a smoker (I know. it was my new years resolution to start smoking, but I can never keep those damn things.) but I can see how the habit can add up. Have you tried rolling your own? I understand you can save quit a bit, or smoke a lot more while spending the same amount of money each week, your choice. Not to mention it's kind of bad ass to roll your own. I bet you God rolls his own Cigs.
Submitted by MyIdiom (user info) at 2005-05-19 21:35:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I do, however, feel like a much bigger, taller man.
cute.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-05-19 21:31:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
SMOKE!
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-05-19 21:29:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
good show
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2005-05-19 21:19:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
dont listen to that foreigner, he's just bitter for being non-american
Submitted by Degreeless_Capibara (user info) at 2005-05-19 21:09:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
B@W
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-05-19 21:02:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Kind of shitty...
If you had put (SPT) in the title, i would have given this a 0.
Find something better than cigarette length to talk about.