On set with Johnny Depp (1513 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesRating: 1.56 on 24 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Jungle_Jimanee (View user info) at 2005-05-20 05:39:29 EDT
This is a long and detailed account of my experience as an extra on the film "The libertine", if you are one of those gentlemen that can only handle one paragraph, please leave now. This is part one, the introduction, there may be more (possibly even a camwhore) depending on feedback.
6PM I get a call from a friend of mine who happens to be a qualified aspiring actress; there is a casting for extras in a nearby pub.
She pleads for a lift, I oblige, and we make it just in time. Well she did, I ambled in about fifteen minutes late, I knew it was a one in a million chance and wasn't particularly bothered.
Picture taken, form supplied, lets see relevant experience and qualifications for Hollywood films, well I had acted as the main Bad Guy on a 3D Animated Blue Screen independent production (a favour for a friend of mine), two school plays and a blue belt in Japanese Martial Arts.
Everybody is packing up, the main casting lady calls me over, would I be interested in a fight scene? "Sure", I reply "that's why I was picked for the 3D animated film, I know how to get beaten up convincingly, either that or the director had a grudge", we shared a chuckle.
Four months passes, I am working like a multi-tasking dog for my multi millionaire boss on his multi million farm/ factory estate. I get a call from Karen, I spend a confusing two minutes thinking that this must be a girl who I have given my number to, who I can't remember and must not let on that I don't remember her, this for her own sanity.
Once she asks if I would I be interested in two days work in May and mentions a costume fitting I work out that this is not some one night stand (unless she was so impressed that she wanted to be my pimp (this has happened before)).
At 80£ per day this is well worth taking a few days off for so after yelling "Ivan (my Russian bosses name) can I have two days off in May to act in a Hollywood blockbuster, oh and a day off earlier for my costume fitting" and receiving an affirmative, I readily agree.
I am to turn up earlier for a costume fitting; I shall be the butler to Johnny Vegas (small time English comedian) and in a fifteenth century period drama, WOOT!
On fitting day I drove to a village hall in the middle of the countryside, kids running around in the sweltering heat, the place is packed with costumes on rails. I am given a number, herded like cattle into the middle of the room and ordered to strip.
I am thin but in perfect shape and shed my clothes with a quiet pride, attracting a fair share of admiring glances and get my shit promptly ruined by the three body builders who disrobe after me, all three looked like Greek Gods. Feeling the sting of pride fucking with me I don my costume. Hey not bad, light blue velvet with gold and a HAT. There was a number next to me checking his costume.
I turned to number 52 and offered a compliment on his costume, he grinned the look of the truly ecstatic and replied "I'm going to be Johnny Depp's butler".
Time froze, Johnny Depp, the thinking woman's shag piece, one of the few credible mainstream male actors ever. Shocked by the wave of jealousy washing over me, I pause, then offer the congratulations in the form of a realization "you will get shagged by any female student you want with that story".
"I know" he grinned, literally glowing, sitting happy on top of his mountain. "We are in the same scene, along with John Malkovich" he chortled.
John Fucking Malkovich the other credible mainstream male actor, him of "Being of John Malkovich" (for it could be no other), me in same scene. Waves of jealousy washed away by a high tide of happiness.
I gurgle with pleasure, sat staring at my fifteenth century reflection, as I get fitted for my wig. Ireality snaps back into focus as the wig combined with costume turns my image from man to that of an ugly woman, argh.
A few wigs later I realized I really should have been a fifteenth century nobleman, I look the shizzness.
A few days later I get a call from Karen " I'm sorry James we don't need you in May after all, the director felt that the scene needed a black man in your part".
I agreed, one thing that I can't be is black.
To be continued.....
User Reviews
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2005-06-26 01:53:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Malkovich is the man.
Depp's OK too, I guess.
He smokes a good brand/type of cigarette.
Submitted by Jungle_Jimanee (user info) at 2005-05-23 05:55:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-05-20 14:49:33 (#)
Ranking: 1
+1 because I feel betrayed.... you were never actually on-set with him, now were you? At least not in this segment. So pah.
I seem to be cranky.
Ah come on now, I know you are cranky but I will deliver. Too much happenend for it to be confined to one very large post, you were warned it was an introduction.
without giving too much away:
1)Introduction (no Depp)
2) Extras get ready (no Depp)
3) Enter the Set (tiny bit of Depp at end)
4) Enter the Depper (lots of Depp)
5) The eighteen takes (more Depp goodness)
6) The Aftermath
As I feel that a decent story has a point, there were two such points I could have made with this.
One was about jealousy, which I did not include because it made the story clunk.
The other is based on the "fuck gnomes, wizards get what they want because they earned it" theme, where I had a really good time and got the most out of this opportunity, like Fat Tony, without screwing anyone else over. To convey that it needed the full story.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-05-20 23:43:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yes, continue.
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-05-20 14:49:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
+1 because I feel betrayed.... you were never actually on-set with him, now were you? At least not in this segment. So pah.
I seem to be cranky.
Submitted by pantsarestupid (user info) at 2005-05-20 11:02:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
1. Please Continue
2. I was tricked into looking up this Vegas fellow...and "sexy bastard"? Well...at least
he's funny.
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-05-20 09:36:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hahahahaha "black people" hahahahah! ha!
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2005-05-20 09:26:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
of course not..
Submitted by Jungle_Jimanee (user info) at 2005-05-20 09:10:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Ha ha, I bet they never replied with an apology.
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2005-05-20 08:40:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
he he heh - exactly. I had comments like I should listen to 'good music like Pink Floyd'. Hey dude fuck you - I was at The Wall concert live when they were in nappies shitting themselves.
Submitted by Jungle_Jimanee (user info) at 2005-05-20 08:10:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yes just received this one on a post concerning musical development:
": Submitted by funk_boy (user info) at 2005-05-20 05:47:52 (#)
Ranking: -1
meh. commercial pap. "
Now I never stated that the music concerned was underground or even good, if I was going to compete I could have listed a whole world of brilliant stuff nobody has ever listened to. I didn't because that would make me an elitist snob. Anybody heard of Ghost, Jah Cure or Criminal Mindz? No, well so what?
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2005-05-20 07:41:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Jungle, I know what you mean - ages ago on the top of a lengthy post I mentioned I was sitting there listening to some band or other (it was a throwaway comment) and everyone replied "I hate that band -2" and didn't actually comment on the post itself. Irritating isn't it.
Submitted by Jungle_Jimanee (user info) at 2005-05-20 07:15:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by funk_boy (user info) at 2005-05-20 06:54:25 (#)
Ranking: 2
but u do care? jesus..
On one level of course not, but for many complicated reasons I wanted a post that does not get highjacked by some fool for no good reason.
First post, slammed because people do not buy music and because I spelt Marley wrong; not what post was about. (though admit in retrospect post was boring)
Second post, slammed because people thought I dissed Ren and Stimpy, who i love.
Fourth post, slammed because people thought I was being violent, then they reread it and changed their minds.
Fifth post, slammed because I named the wrong sea off Devon, something that had nothing to do with the story.
Sixth post, fucked by another wanker.
I think the message that I'm getting is that I should never name anything.
but yeah you're right it is a bit pathetic.
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2005-05-20 07:06:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by funk_boy (user info) at 2005-05-20 06:55:24 (#)
Ranking: 2
rad. Jonny Vegas is a mentalist British comedian. Google the fucker. He's a looker too.
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yeah, the sexy bastard..
Submitted by funk_boy (user info) at 2005-05-20 06:55:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
rad. Jonny Vegas is a mentalist British comedian. Google the fucker. He's a looker too.
Submitted by funk_boy (user info) at 2005-05-20 06:54:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
but u do care? jesus..
Submitted by Jungle_Jimanee (user info) at 2005-05-20 06:50:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
There you go and that that thing who has only reviewed twice gives me a minus 1. I know I shouldn't care about rating but...
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-05-20 06:47:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
who's jonny vegas?
Submitted by Jungle_Jimanee (user info) at 2005-05-20 06:43:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by I3reakneq (user info) at 2005-05-20 06:19:41 (#)
Ranking: -1
Jonny Vegas aint small time arsebandit
What? Most of the people on this site are American?
My apologies to Jonny Vegas followers, it's just that compared to johnny depp and Malokovich he is small time.
Fucking ruining my only fucking streak (well untill fuckface, shows up), thank you very much.
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2005-05-20 06:20:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yep, keep it coming...
by the way I know I Johnny Vegas (not personally) - he's mad
Submitted by I3reakneq (user info) at 2005-05-20 06:19:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Jonny Vegas aint small time arsebandit
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2005-05-20 05:55:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
very cool... i'm listening...
Submitted by Jungle_Jimanee (user info) at 2005-05-20 05:53:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks
Submitted by funk_boy (user info) at 2005-05-20 05:48:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ditto
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-05-20 05:42:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Continue.