Why I didn't win the Lottery (745 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 1.42 on 26 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by icepigs (View user info) at 2005-05-20 11:56:51 EDT
Dear Texas Lottery Commission,
I am writing this formal complaint letter due to the rude and unprofessional treatment I received from Girish Ambar at the 7-11 on the corner of 1st Avenue and State Street.
I went into the store on Saturday after I got my weekly paycheck from Mr. Gordon. You know, Mr. Gordon of Gordon's Lawnmower Repair? Anyway, I've been working for Mr. Gordon for about 7 years now and every Saturday for those 7 years I've been going to that same 7-11 and buying me a lottery ticket and a six pack of Old Milwaukee.
My method of picking my six numbers for the lottery is quite simple. First, as the bonus ball, I always pick the number 3 for Dale Earnhardt, may his rest in peace. It sure was a sad day when he passed. I guess God needed himself a racecar driver. Anyway, the next two is my wife's birthday and my momma's birthday. The last three numbers are usually different. I pick whoever won last week's NASCAR race, whoever came in second in last week's NASCAR race, and the number of points the Dallas Cowboys scored on Sunday (or during the summer, whoever came in third in last week's NASCAR race).
I bought my tickets and beer like always and went home. Later that night, when the lotto drawing was on the TV, I saw the lady pick the number 24 (Jeff Gordon came in first last week), 17 (my sainted momma was born on July 17), 40 (Sterling Marlin came in 2nd), 21 (my wife's birthday is March 21), and 14 (the Cowboys lost 14 to 27 to those cheatin' Redskins. Did you see that game? The refs must have been paid off.) and the bonus ball was 3. Dale must have been smiling down at me from God's turn #4.
You can imagine my joy at finding out that I had just won $13 million dollars. I immediately got my ticket and double checked. I almost got my pappy's shotgun and went down to that store when I saw that Mr. Ambar got my numbers wrong. He had 24, 17 and 3 correct, but put down 27 - the Redskins score, 20 - Tony Stewart didn't even finish the race, 13 that was my first wife's birthday. My current and soon to be ex wife thinks I did that on purpose, but I swear I didn't.
So I went back to that store and showed that my lottery ticket, expecting him to fix his obvious errors, but instead he just said "Congratulations" and tried to give me $5.00. I then told him about his errors and demanded he give me the rest of my $13 million and he laughed at me. Can you believe it? He laughed!
He told me that I should bring it up with you, so as you can see, I've enclosed the lottery ticket in question, along with the newspaper clippings of the Cowboy game and the finishing order of the RadioShack 500. I was gonna send you my wife's drivers license, but she's not speaking to me right now.
So if you would please send me the $13 million dollars you owe me, we can just chalk this up to having the wrong person working at that 7-11.
Thank You,
Billy Wayne Brubaker
User Reviews
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2005-06-23 11:05:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Those bastards.
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2005-05-21 09:09:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
So, did you get your $13 mil?
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2005-05-20 23:23:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome.
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-05-20 23:08:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-05-20 22:57:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sadly, I'm sure this has happened in real life before...
Submitted by Or_ (user info) at 2005-05-20 22:53:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2005-05-20 22:29:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Typically, this would only get a +1, but I was a good four paragraphs in before I figured out that it wasn't serious.
Submitted by Chroniclysm (user info) at 2005-05-20 22:18:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Haha. Nascar.
Submitted by lucid (user info) at 2005-05-20 15:57:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by icepigs (user info) at 2005-05-20 15:47:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yea - That's me. same name here as on Worth.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2005-05-20 12:31:20 (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.worth1000.com/cache/contest/contestcache.asp?contest_id=5981&start=1&end=10&display=text
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-05-20 13:27:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
that sucks.
Submitted by yermom (user info) at 2005-05-20 13:21:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Not bad.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2005-05-20 13:17:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ha! Very good!
Carry on then........
Submitted by HillBoyJr (user info) at 2005-05-20 13:12:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
+2 for Old Milwaukee.
-2 for Dale Ehenhardt (Elliot Sadler fo')
+2 for making me laugh as you at like my whole family and town.
damn NoWhere Va.
Submitted by tunafizzle (user info) at 2005-05-20 13:11:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Snypavat (user info) at 2005-05-20 13:03:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Great.
Submitted by clumeister (user info) at 2005-05-20 13:02:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Aw, being a clown sucks. You get kicked by kids, bit by dogs, and
admired by the elderly. Who am I clowning? I have no business being
a clown! I'm leaving the clowning business to all the other clowns in
the clowning business.
-- Homer Simpson
Homie the Clown
Submitted by freebie (user info) at 2005-05-20 12:48:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good one.
Submitted by HorseTrailer (user info) at 2005-05-20 12:34:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Funny shit, even to a NASCAR fan. I never thought I would type the letters N-A-S-C-A-R on uber...this place never ceases to amaze!!
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2005-05-20 12:31:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.worth1000.com/cache/contest/contestcache.asp?contest_id=5981&start=1&end=10&display=text
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-05-20 12:15:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Screw everyone else, this is fucking hee (as in "haw") larious.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-05-20 12:15:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Funny stereotyping.
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2005-05-20 12:14:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
"My current and soon to be ex wife"
Submitted by Chunker (user info) at 2005-05-20 12:06:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Always worth a go, made me laugh
Submitted by Crudite (user info) at 2005-05-20 12:03:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2005-05-20 12:00:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I was amused.