Part - time entertainment (509 hits)
Category: Humor -> Dumb JobsRating: 1.5 on 4 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Zackstersmackster (View user info) at 2005-05-21 23:03:54 EDT
Maybe I should have posted this for SPT, but meh...what the hell. I have 3 jobs. I work a career type job for 40 or more hours a week, and then I work a regular part - time job in the evenings, and to cap it all I have an occasional gig driving limousines. I do this so I can 1) pay off my debts faster and 2) not sit on my fat ass every night and lurk on Uber and drink beer. What I will talk about is my observations at the "regular" part - time job.
This job is in a nationally - recognized home improvement center...the orange one. Now, it's not a bad place to work, except that their latest bullshit employee motivation slogan "improve everything we touch" doesn't match with the philosophy in the store where I work, which could be "Everything's fucked up, misplaced, and out of stock, and we don't care". People come in and ask for stuff, and the computers show that we have, say, 7 of these things, but you can't find them because there's no rhyme or reason to where these things are stuffed into the rafters. This results in people getting pissed because they just HAVE to buy this piece o' shit China - made patio furniture set RIGHT FUCKING NOW and we can't find the goddam thing. People get pissed at me for this, but I don't care because it's only retail. People with really fucked up priorities are getting bent because of STUFF they can't have right away. There are people dying left and right all over the world, our troops are in danger, and these fuckers are just dying to tap their credit cards and they'll get pissed if someone or something gets in their way.
It's a great place to people watch. You see pretty people, ugly people, fat, skinny, and everything in between. I like dealing with older people that come in because they have learned that patience is a virtue. The employees ("associates" as they're called by the company) are just as fun to watch. You have guys like me who work part time and it's a "mad money" job, so our approach to the job is pretty casual. Some people who work there are absolutely rabid about the job. There's a guy who bitches about "losing a sale" on a lawnmower. What a joke. We don't work on commission, we don't get any recognition for selling anything, so who cares? We don't even get a discount for Chrissake. I don't give a rat's ass what I sell or how much. All I am concerned about is that I get paid on time. Doing a good job at that place is like pissing you pants in a dark suit - it gives you a warm feeling but nobody notices.
The job provides me with extra money and some good laughs at the expense of idiot customers and die - hard, kiss - ass employees who think they will be something someday in the future if they bend over backwards for the Big Orange Machine. I wish I could take one of the orange aprons they make you wear and modify it. The apron (I'm sure you know what it looks like) has white lettering on it that says "Hi, I'm _______" (you take a Sharpie and write your name in the blank space). Here are some things I'd write on my apron just for laughs:
Teh ghey (even though I'm not)
Psychotic
Packing a gun
Stoned
User Reviews
Submitted by jumpinjellyfish (user info) at 2005-05-26 20:34:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm going to find a reason to use this line soon:
"Doing a good job at that place is like pissing you pants in a dark suit - it gives you a warm feeling but nobody notices.
It's classic.
Submitted by MyIdiom (user info) at 2005-05-22 02:02:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"improve everything we touch"
That's such shitty HR propaganda.
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2005-05-22 01:39:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I personally enjoy putting those nice Purdy brand paint brushes in my cart, among other
"things", of course, under the bag of concrete that I do, pay for.
Altough those damn little white "tags" stick to my fingers when I flick them off in the
garden department.
O.........by the way
Thank You.
<camptownracesalldaylong>
<odadodaday>
Submitted by MrWillard (user info) at 2005-05-22 00:19:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
"Hi I'm Packing a Gun"
Thats funny