the hydrolysis of a glowing seagull (556 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 0.17 on 6 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by dwype (View user info) at 2005-05-22 04:15:29 EDT
lets see if there are any people out there who like random things that sound pretty when they're wet and floating in the dark (matrix style)
sunshine, lollipops and, rainbows everywhere, and
i once met a man named True,
he'd never been in a canoe;
he tried out his luck,
got stuck in the muck,
and returned to his modern-day loo.
now. i'd never seen a glowing seagul, or ever thought one could be turned into a seagul popscicle. but them good old genetics are doing their number on everything. http://www.forbes.com/2001/02/02/0202transgenic.html there's even splicing peanut genes into salmon to make them grow bigger. http://www.relfe.com/GMOs.html but back to the seaguls. they're every-bloody-where, they're annoying (which would make it all that more satisfying to pop them), and they get chased by little kiddies a lot, so they have lots of muscle in their wings from all the practise they get flying away. kinda like canada geese up here in canada. on my university's campus, they shit _everywhere_. there's this one field that they all like to aggregate on, and there's a 200 metre pathway by the field which is the fastest way from residence to the buildings on campus. it's easier to forget about all the shit getting on your shoes when you're late and rushing to class. but oooh man, the way back from class is niiice and sloow, dodging every little shit to and fro.
did that with jogging too. started jogging in the rain recently. at first i was trying to dodge all the puddles. and the worms. after a while i was so wet and covered in worm guts that i just didn't care anymore, and took to enjoying the rain on my face, and the fresh smell of lake ontario wafting in from the shore. a lesson from my highschool science teacher: he once went jogging up a hill by his house in the rain. he thought it would be smart to wear a raincoat, having forgotten that he's human, and that humans get hot and sweaty when they engage in certain physical activities. the result was him being more wet than he would have been without the raincoat (as raincoats are a useful way to keep out rain, wind, and cold - quite the opposite of what one desires when letting one's body thermoregulate under extreme conditions of ATP hydrolysis.
oh hydrolysis. it's a really cool way to kill stuff. filling something so full of water that it explodes. mostly with cells, like bacterial cells. it happens when they're put into an environment that has less salt in it that the inside of the cell. but what about seaguls? sure, there are the good but old ways of discombobulating these yellow-beaked salad-dodgers. cherry bomb up the ass. find an old microwave and watch it burn. tie it to a brick and watch it drown. but hydrolysing a seagul. now that's an endeavour worthy of beholding with awe. and now i randomly remember that i once took a wasp and tied it to a string and took a video recording. pook bastard got stuck in a tree when we let him loose.
so. the seagul. step one: find a genetically modified seagul that glows flourescent green. step two. wait for dark. step three smoke up. step four, shove a hose down its throat (no probs with throat size - i've seen them swallow whole fish! if only humans had similar gag reflexes). step five, ducktape the hose real good to prevent it from getting loose before the completion of hydrolysis. step six, crank the hose. and who can guess what step seven is? (no, it's not move to a new country on account of all the hate male from animal lovers and people who are generally against violence). ps i wouldn't actually do this. it's just cool to think about. i might, however, consider building me a squirrel cannon. if i have time one day. just because things flying that shouldn't is cool. http://dotnetjunkies.com/WebLog/richard.dudley/archive/2004/12/23/38611.aspx
"Ambition is like a venus fly trap. If a frog were to sit on it, the fly trap could bite and bite but it wouldn't hurt the frog because it only has tiny little plant teeth. Then some other stuff could happen and that would be like ambition." - jack handey
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User Reviews
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2005-05-22 17:13:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I thought this was about hydrology.
Cause I'm having a little problem with................
<anobody>
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2005-05-22 04:54:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
AHAHAHHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHA
GET FUCKED.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-05-22 04:30:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I suppose
Submitted by Zoidberg (user info) at 2005-05-22 04:25:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Im way too tired
I read your title and I was thinking "Why would you want to remove hair from a seagull?"
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2005-05-22 04:22:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
There is a stream of consciousness here but I gotta ask, what have you been smoking?
Submitted by tinactin (user info) at 2005-05-22 04:20:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I am floored by your coherency.