The Greatest Story Ever Told! Ever (927 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.24 on 22 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Mr Bungle (View user info) at 2005-05-25 00:12:59 EDT
A tear ran down the little girls face when she saw the wave crash into her magnificent sand castle. She had worked all day and all she had to show for it was a puddle of ruins.
A duck quacks in the distance. It is dissatisfied with your tone.
The little girl sits in disgust as her castle is buried like memories of ancient kings. A sea gull look down at her and imagines a time when the sun never went down. The girl sweeps sand together to begin the task of making a new beautiful sand castle. The sand sucks now and her castle is on the fats track to crappsville.
The duck bites some kids ear hard. A kid is born that hates you,
The girls mother calls for her child. Where could she possibly be? Could she still be at the beach playing with sand. Is it that fun? It will be dark soon. Dinner is getting cold at a really fast speed. The dad pushes the babysitter. What the fuck was she doing? The kid is at the beach we aren't paying you to see your face. Is dinner not fucking cold? Do something bitch.
The duck craps and eats it. The girl sees the duck and laughs.
The has now forgotten her sand castle got served by a big ass poison wave. Thanks Bush's clear water and air policies. The girl will be a democrat when she grows up. That duck will probably die when it's ecosystem is totally fucked but for now it amuses the little girl. The girl runs to the duck in complete happiness like only a little girl can experience. The duck flys away fast. The girl is broken inside. She didn't see that one coming. This isn't the smartest girl in her class by far.
The duck is hit by a big car. It lives and flys away. It hits a tree branch and dies quick.
The girls mother hits the dead duck in her car. The dad says, "did you see that shit." The mother is pleased with who she married. Some guy on the sidewalk says, "watch it I hate you." The duck comes back to life. It has so much money and gives it to the girl. The girl buys the biggest sand castle ever! It took 30 Mexicans 25 days to complete. By the time they did the girl had spent all her money on candy. NAFTA fined her for hiring illegal immigrants. The case went to the supreme court. They said a little girl wasn't liable and gave her candy. The Mexicans stole it. The duck was mad and built the Mexicans a sand castle. The mexicans said, "how the fuck amd I suppoesed to feed my kids with that sand castle. Fucking duck!" The duck didn't understand English and flew into the clouds.
The girl got rickets and started walking crooked. The duck got rickets and flew into stuff hard. He became famous from Americans funniest duck videos. He won so much money. He hates you so much. He quacks in the distance. Then the duck said, "if your reading this you're to damn close." then I realized it was me that said that the whole time. I love crack. Who am I babysitting. Porn. Pork. Pork pork.
The duck is Jewish and can't eat what I just typed. He loves bacon. His mummy gets mad at him for eating all bacon on wednesday. He calls it all bacon wednesday. He is not a creative duck.
The parents find the little girl and they all hug and talk about the sand castle adventure. Then the dad pushes them down and goes to drink.
User Reviews
Submitted by mechagodzilla (user info) at 2005-08-04 02:37:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow, I'm gonna give this a 2 under the pretense that I probably just don't get all of it. That's usually the way it is.
Submitted by fluff (user info) at 2005-06-22 06:44:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
okay...But unless you're Mike Patton please change your name....
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-06-19 19:18:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Mr_Bungle (user info) at 2005-05-25 19:47:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I told you this was the greatest story ever told
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-05-25 14:31:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
what?
Submitted by clumeister (user info) at 2005-05-25 11:10:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ride the Ferris Wheel!
Submitted by freebie (user info) at 2005-05-25 10:05:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is great, and it is a story. But it's not the greatest story. Still it isn't a livejournal/
blog entry so +2 for you.
Submitted by nitty34 (user info) at 2005-05-25 09:36:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
The story deserves a +1, but the fact that the first rating was you rating yourself dragged it down.
But not bad.
Submitted by phronemophobia (user info) at 2005-05-25 07:18:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
"The duck craps and eats it. The girl sees the duck and laughs. "
You made me laugh. Poor ducks.
Submitted by absolutzero (user info) at 2005-05-25 06:59:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
The Duck is gay...........
Kids are born out of farts
Submitted by Chillax (user info) at 2005-05-25 06:35:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Six days.
Submitted by whiskey_jack (user info) at 2005-05-25 03:19:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by SilvrWolf (user info) at 2005-05-25 03:08:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
one hardcore duck
Submitted by lordofthedance (user info) at 2005-05-25 03:01:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
If it took took 30 Mexicans 25 days to complete the sand castle. How many days would it take 8 Mexicans?
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2005-05-25 02:51:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Truly a tale for the ages.
Submitted by Bad_Dudes (user info) at 2005-05-25 02:30:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
this actually could be the best story ever
Submitted by lordofthedance (user info) at 2005-05-25 01:45:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You know what I like about this? I'll make a short list:
(a) Mr Bungle - good band.
(b) The duck was insane. He was on crack.
(c) Captain Foamy.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-05-25 01:14:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Quack.
Submitted by pushedbyboredom (user info) at 2005-05-25 00:44:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
okay
Submitted by lunarshadows (user info) at 2005-05-25 00:39:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Great story
Submitted by Duke_Diggler (user info) at 2005-05-25 00:19:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i liked this
Submitted by Mr_Bungle (user info) at 2005-05-25 00:14:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
great