I'm from the south or boy i sure do got a purty mouth (552 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 0.23 on 17 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Twiddle is another name for a ~ (View user info) at 2005-05-25 07:46:27 EDT
I can't stand living in the "dirty" south home of more redneck "peckerwoods" than any other region of the world. I've lived here my whole life and always felt diffrent. Never had an urge to fuck my sister, farm animals, or Ned Beatty while he squealed like a piggy. I live in a shithole town in a shithole county and a shithole state ,it is one of those red ones, and being a blue person it makes me a rebel of sorts. I attended a shithole school and had "cornholers" for classmates. You know the type:
plain rednecks, wigger rednecks, jock rednecks, and bible thumping rednecks so getting to the point the place was redneck central. I don't fit in all at. I've lived in this place since August 9th 1979.
I was born im the redneck doctor run hospital. I hope you get the picture.
On the plus side I don't live in a trailer home, RV, or camper sans vehicle. Most of my neighbors do.
The term "white trash" applies to my county effectively. I've learned the 3rd day of the month is a bad day to plan on any type of shopping activity. This is the glorius day when WELFARE checks arrive in some of the redneckiest mailboxes on the face of the planet. We are a factory town and you too can idle your life away for $6.50 an hour at numerous "houses of sweat". We have a Wal-mart and I pride myself on never haven stepped foot inside. We also have a crappy mall, which I worked in 6 of the shops through high school and summers off from college. They are inspiration for various stories which I hope to share later.
My dad moved here from Chicago and my mom from New Orleans. They met,fucked and here i am. Throughout my childhood my only means of ESCAPE was visiting relatives as my dad does not belive in vacations. In recent years I have lived in numerous parts of the country: Wyoming, North Carolina, New Orleans, and most recently Birmingham,AL so I've seen the country to some degree and have to agree with myself my home state of o.k. I'll give you a hint we have the highest rate of teen pregnancies and syphilis in the U.S.A.
Thats right M.I crooky letter Crooky letter I. crooky letter crooky letter I. humpback humpback I.
or to the uniniated MISSISSIPPI. Told you I was from a red state. Anyway i get off the subject.
The town I live let's call it Shit Towne has this way of bringing you back to it. We call it the hook. That's right just like that Blues Traveler song. You can leave but, yep you guessed it the hook brings you back. The way the RIAA is these days i probably owe royalties on the use of the previous words.(FUCK EM SUE ME) To quote the popular phrase "i digress". People leave with little fanfare and often return with their tails tucked between their legs. Me, I came back for a high school sweetheart. Yeah I'm a hapless/hopeless romantic type,always have been . Long story short i came back got shit upon and I'm stuck for the time being anyway. I am currently looking for a job in another state preferably North of the Mason-Dixon, I won't be too choosy though I'm desperate.
Here are examples of some crazy redneck activities I've personally witnessed.
A trucks with huge tires and rebel flags,with rap music blaring, losing control and running over a car-hop at Sonic America's Drive In.
A man jump from a moving vehicle and tackle a fake deer used to catch poachers.
Cars with their bumpers and various other parts duct-taped on, some even use rope.
Bon Jovi is alive and well and plays really bad covers of 80's songs at a local bar.
I saw an eleven year old with a beard and then his obviously closely related mom and pop get booted from a resteraunt for filling a trash bag with the leftover food from surrounding tables.
I swore she was 20 please don't kill me sir I had no idea your daughter was 13,"It's not her age son it's the fact I didn't get ot hit it first".
The End
User Reviews
Submitted by Twiddle (user info) at 2005-05-25 23:23:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
To be perfectly honest The south isn't as bad as I've let on. A recent editorial cartoon in my local paper lead me to parody my own culture. There are backwards folks everywhere I've been. While all of this is my opinion I am entitled same as ......wait for it......yall. Thanks for the comments good and bad. Remember, I am new to writing for such a descriminate audience. I am here to enhance our shared craft.
Peace Love and Cheetos?
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2005-05-25 18:50:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm in a pissy mood - this just didn't do it for me
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-05-25 18:32:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
NEEDS MORE GHEY
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-05-25 14:37:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Move to Alabama.
Submitted by jumpinjellyfish (user info) at 2005-05-25 13:27:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
"I saw an eleven year old with a beard and then his obviously closely related mom and pop get booted from a resteraunt for filling a trash bag with the leftover food from surrounding tables."
This was upped from a 0 to a +1 by the above comment.
Submitted by Vulva (user info) at 2005-05-25 11:42:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"Holy deuling banjos and biscuits n' gravy, Batman!"
Submitted by Dead_0hi0_Sky (user info) at 2005-05-25 11:37:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
peckerwood.
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2005-05-25 11:29:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
You can move up here to Cleveland to live with all these filthy thieving boofers.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-05-25 09:48:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I thought this was pretty funny.
The South isn't all bad though - it has some good points. If you hate it so much, move somewhere else. I'm sure you'll find that white trash, stupidity and backwardness are not the exclusive provenance of the South.
Submitted by freebie (user info) at 2005-05-25 09:41:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Better than the blog spot/chatroom shit that passes for posts on uber now.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-05-25 08:42:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-05-25 08:42:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
+0.5
Submitted by Totally_useless (user info) at 2005-05-25 08:20:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
+1 for the writing.
But don't knock Wal-Mart. Many a night, stoned and/or drunk, Wal-Mart has opened her automatic doors and let me into her 1,000,000 watt lighting.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-05-25 08:11:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I've read worse. The bit about tackling a deer-doll from a moving car was funny.
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-05-25 07:59:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-05-25 07:55:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You sure do suck, boy.
For being a blue person, you are really intolerant of other's culture.
And the self-loathing? Horrible.
Submitted by phronemophobia (user info) at 2005-05-25 07:53:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment