Hatemadness: an Ubercontest (includes Pentameter vs. Tinactin bonus) (1953 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.64 on 56 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Tinactin (View user info) at 2005-05-26 10:53:46 EDT
Hello, Uber. Tinactin here. After reading Teeph's recent post regarding hate, it dawned on me that I have never written a hate post, nor to the best of my knowledge, had a hate post written about me.
With that in mind, I've decided to have a small contest. I'm looking for a few people who would be interested in participating in a tournament. If I get at least 8 people, I will randomly pair them up, and each person will write a hate post about the other. They will then be posted at the same time, and everyone can vote on which they think is hatier.
So far I've confirmed the following people: Tinactin, Pentameter, Circe, Donkey on the Edge, Godlovesalittlelovin, and Cookielass. If you're interested, leave me your email or AIM name in the forum below. Now, I'm not Razor. I don't want to have to manage a billion people. My goal is basically to do as little work as I possibly can.
Now, since this post otherwise lacks content, Pentameter is helping me write a short example of what a hate post battle theoretically looks like. Don't vote on this or anything; it's not official.
Pentameter:
tinactin is really dumb
i can't stand him
he's mexican you know
that's right, i said mexican
FEAR.
________________________________________________________________________
Tinactin
________________________________________________________________________
Pentameter and I were once very close. It was mainly because she doesn't understand the idea of personal space. Every time I try to explain the concept of breathing room to her, she takes another step in my direction. Making it much worse, every time she opens her mouth, those lips fold at weird angles like origami paper, sucking in all of the available air and blowing her gastronomy problem back in my face.
Forget about looks, though. I'm not going to comment on her attractiveness. I'm not superficial. But keep this in mind. Looking at her posts, the following categories of people saw Pentameter and thought, "you know what, I've got a pretty good shot at this": high school wrestlers, roofers, old, bespectacled men, dungeons and dragons fans, skaters, retards, and Donkeys on the Edge.
In her defense, she's had quite a rough life. As a tribute, I'll summarize her past entirely in haiku form. I realize that haiku is not pentameter, but trust me, she'll never know the difference.
No joy in Mudville
Pentameter is alone
With terrible breath
She goes to Asia
Looking for someone to love
And rash ointment
Has sex with android
Wired man caves in forehead
Her face pours syrup
Jobless, sticky-faced
She must turn to street magic
And prostitution
Chinese businessmen
Slap newspapers on her face
To read the headlines
A crying newborn
Disrupts man's stock market reads
Behind a dumpster
The trash-can baby
Bundled up in soy packets
Has no MSG
She finds her soulmate
But the baby rejects her
A year later, dead
A sordid tale, indeed. Is she deserving of your pity? Fuck no! Let me tell you something that you may not know about Pentameter. She is personally responsible for everything in your life that you dislike.
You know how when a female gains weight and her nipples stretch, the outer rim tends to hold a different color like some sort of chewy gobstopper? Disgusting, right? Pentameter is entirely responsible. She monitors women who spend a lot of time in fast food restaurants, second trimester pregnancies, and those who stop shaving their legs. At opportune moments she's on the scene with a pair of pliers like an alternate goatse.
Dog shit on the ground? Pentameter has a lot of animals, and they're all on high fiber diets.
You have a unibrow? She's tainted the gene pool.
Look, I can't go through all of your fucking problems. The point is, she's responsible. Do not feel bad for her. Make her the enemy that she deserves to be.
Now, if this were the actual contest, Uberers would then be asked to vote on which was the better hate post. The criteria is purely subjective, but comedy and vitriol are always good ways to score points. Also, the pairings will be matched up completely randomly. You dont get to choose who you hate. If nobody's interested, well then fuck you all. I normally dont try anything like this. Let me know what you think. Email or AIM name if you're interested.
User Reviews
Submitted by jet_stream_nz (user info) at 2005-08-23 11:39:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Not into the hate again ...
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-06-02 22:02:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
my losing entry: http://www.ubersite.com/m/67645
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-06-02 05:42:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
POst the results!!
Submitted by tinactin (user info) at 2005-06-01 22:10:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Pretty much, yes. No need to linkwhore, I caught your post.
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-06-01 21:55:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
hmm, i never linked on this post.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/67459
i assume i won by default?
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-06-01 10:14:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Thou Shalt Post The Winners, weinerhead
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-06-01 02:27:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
this is a beautiful thing.
1. Hatemadness - CookieLass, ...
2. Buy Now, Pay Later: Socio...
3. HATEMADNESS, Jesus Christ ...
4. Hatemadness: The gloves ar...
5. Ever Been Deep Throated......
6. Hatemadness: Pentameter (S...
7. HATEMADNESS: Electrictooth...
8. HATEMADNESS: JGreening
9. Tinactin's UberHATE... Do...
10. tinactin's uberhatemadness...
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2005-05-31 23:10:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/67473
Fuck you back, Rad.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-05-30 20:28:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/67382
Fuck you AJ
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-05-28 13:35:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
heh....
heheh....
hehehehhe....
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA......
MUUUUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA........
MUHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA.......
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-05-28 13:29:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I have some MSHate brewing up for Donk...
Although I will ask for forgiveness afterwards...
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-05-28 13:14:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
tuesday, baby. Tuesday.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-05-28 13:07:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Roll on Tuesday.
Cookie, I've got all kinds of hate lined up for you, darlin'. Don't let me down.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-05-27 13:55:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I have to verbally destroy my living God?
This should be good...
Submitted by Vulva (user info) at 2005-05-27 11:19:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'M IN
Submitted by Dead_0hi0_Sky (user info) at 2005-05-27 11:14:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
meh.
"the first rule of fight club is..."
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-05-27 11:12:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Great idea. I had it first.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/66983#1344911
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2005-05-27 11:09:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This sounds a lot like 'D-PRIME Madness,' except you've certainly never seen that, and every one doesn't hate this.
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2005-05-27 09:50:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't know anything about Siren... Looks like I'm going to have to do some research.
I was hoping I would get Jgreenhorn or Zakalgay.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-05-27 09:43:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
this contest, by far, will show what we are all made of, and who can screw the courage to the sticking place.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-05-27 09:42:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh man its fuckin on!
I'm gonna show you how much I hate you by writing you love poetry.
Then I'm gonna pulverize you with my death ray!
then IM GONNA ROP BATEL YO STANK ASS!!
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2005-05-27 09:25:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHAHA
You're a dead man, rad!!!
Goddamnit... someone I can actually stand in the first round.
Why couldn't you have given me Lisa or um... well... actually just Lisa.
See you bitches in the finals.
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-05-27 08:37:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Dude. Circe?
If anyone needs me, I'll be the one curled up in the fetal position, sobbing like a crazyperson in the corner.
Submitted by tinactin (user info) at 2005-05-27 05:44:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
That's entirely up to you. If you dont have anything on him, you can always make up a bunch of lies. Or, you can go in this direction: http://www.ubersite.com/m/66932
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-05-27 05:40:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
kazzeraz? what the hell can you say about him?
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2005-05-27 05:39:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Teacher, I don't think Kazz understands the assignment.
Submitted by Kazzerax (user info) at 2005-05-27 05:30:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow, nice job with those nude posts, Zakalwe. I mean really. Posting porn.
Wow, honestly.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-05-27 05:17:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey look, me and AJ are on top of Pentameter.
w00!
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2005-05-27 04:56:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Woot! You're going down, jerk off.
Submitted by tinactin (user info) at 2005-05-27 04:55:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Ok, the following people are in:
Tinactin, Pentameter, Circe, Donkey on the Edge, Cookielass, zakalwe, adamdidit2u, ets, jgreening, sphagnum, ladyplural, siren, AJ, Lisa, rad, kazzerax
If I cut you out, it's probably because I forgot to write down your email address and it wasn't left in this post.
No bitching. Random selections have set up the following bracket:
Adamdidit2u
vs. _____________
Lisa
Circe
vs. _____________
Cookielass
Jgreening
vs. _____________
Donkey
Zakalwe
vs. _____________
kazzerax
Tinactin
vs. _____________
Ladyplural
Rad
vs. _____________
AJ
Pentameter
vs. _____________
ETS
Siren
vs. _____________
Sphagnum
I'll email all of you any further instructions.
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2005-05-27 04:06:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'd do it, but you'd have to guarantee I get pitted against Dervel, and if we were going to do that you could just visit any one of my posts and read through the reviews. I think we have this contest running already pretty much on a daily basis.
Submitted by tinactin (user info) at 2005-05-27 04:05:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
That's enough volunteers. I'm already a few over the 16 I wanted. I'll have to cut a few people out randomly. Sorry.
Submitted by Lisa (user info) at 2005-05-27 03:57:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This should be easy as pie, I fucking hate all of you fuckers. Lisa_marie7.at.hotmail.com
Submitted by Kazzerax (user info) at 2005-05-27 03:48:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I.Rule.Hard.at.gmail.com
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-05-27 03:31:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I would, I really would, but I cannot write hate.
There is no hate in my heart.
rad1101.at.gmail.com
Submitted by tinactin (user info) at 2005-05-27 03:06:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hmmmm...maybe I will do it after all. I need like two more people.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2005-05-27 03:06:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Why not?
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2005-05-27 03:06:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
C'mon people, let's get the hatin' on! Oh, so much pent up hate... muahahaha! This is the single best idea ever.
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2005-05-27 02:53:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy shit! I'm in...
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-05-26 23:36:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sure, what the fuck. I'll try it.
lady.plural.at.gmail.com
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-05-26 19:27:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Your hate-haiku was literary magic for me. Rock on.
Submitted by tinactin (user info) at 2005-05-26 17:23:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Ahhhh well, forget it. Not enough people seem to have any interest.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-05-26 16:12:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It's your child versus mine! The winner will be showered with praise,
the loser will be taunted and booed until my throat is sore.
-- Homer Simpson
Lisa on Ice
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2005-05-26 13:25:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
So shall it be written, so shall you be dumb.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2005-05-26 13:22:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm going to love reading it, but I'll refrain from entering because I'd lose - badly.
and much like Circe, I now feel the need to go check for gob-stopper like rings...
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-05-26 12:40:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
And anyone can be tooted?
-- Homer Simpson, on tutoring
The Way We Was
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2005-05-26 11:46:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
sphagnum.at.antisocial.com
You've got to be in it to win it (Whatever "it" is)
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-05-26 11:31:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
If there is still room...
mister.jay.peg.at.gmail.com
And if I can be randomly selected against Donk or GLALL, I promise I'll forfeit.
I mean WON'T forfeit...
Yeah...
Thaaaaaaaat's the ticket...
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-05-26 11:22:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by tinactin (user info) at 2005-05-26 11:05:59 (#)
Ranking: 0
You're right, but she's one of my best friends. It's a lot easier when you actually hate someone.
------------------------
Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
You know I'm in.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-05-26 11:15:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'd leave a longer review but I need to go and check my nipples for gobstopper-like color changes.
You know I'm in.
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-05-26 11:10:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
OOOPs I forgot
lintona1.at.comcast.net
Submitted by tinactin (user info) at 2005-05-26 11:05:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You're right, but she's one of my best friends. It's a lot easier when you actually hate someone.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-05-26 11:05:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sure, why not...
electrictoothsyndrome.at.gmail.com
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-05-26 11:03:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
this is brilliant
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2005-05-26 11:03:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I would be game, but I am going to be traveling for work for the next week, so I might not have the time.
By the way, that was a hilarious hate post, but not enough venom.
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-05-26 10:58:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I would like to take part. My e-mail is senator.kong.at.gmail.com