My Friends are Idiots (743 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 1.75 on 13 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by yermom (View user info) at 2005-05-26 13:36:04 EDT
Did you ever have that one friend who you knew you couldn't take out into public anywhere? No matter where you go, or what you're doing, they always seem to do something stupid. Well, pretty much all my friends are like that. I can't help it, I think it's the funniest thing watching them get into trouble, and I just thought it'd be cool to share some of my stories, and hopefully hear some good ones in return. So it begins.
My friend Darin's claim to fame is his pants dropping bonanza, anytime he gets a little too drunk, there's some kind of magical switch that flips in his brain that tells him it's ok for him to take off his pants, regardless of where he is. I can't tell you how many bars and restaurants we've been kicked out of. But what can you do? He's standing there talking to people, sometimes perfect strangers, with his pants around his ankles, it's fucking hilarious, it's like the pie in the face, a classic.
My friend Chris once attempted to eat 80 puddings in 7 minutes. Yes Uber ladies and gents. This man thought that he could consume roughly 20 pounds of pudding in seven minutes. Just to break it down for you, that's eating nearly 3 pounds of pudding per minute. Not only did this prove to be impossible, but he puked/shat pudding for the next 2 hours, and he didn't even finish 20 puddings. What a pussy.
One of my best friends in the world, Zach, Is one funny mother fucker, especially when he gets drunk. Zach has 3 phases of drunk.
1. Good buzz- At this stage Zach is coherent, able to play games, and have a good time, but this is only limited in time by the amount alcohol to be drunk.
2. Zach the Insult Comic Drunk- At this stage, Zach will insult anyone. Main targets include: Fat girls, Mullets, Hippies, Meatheads, as well as anything covered by any racial slur ever created.
3. Belligerently Wasted Zach- Belligerently wasted Zach is one of a kind, he's still standing and talking, but the lights aren't necessarily on. It's at this stage, that Zach can be goaded into just about anything,
It's at stage three where Zach takes the cake. I remember being at a party where because someone told him that it was impossible for someone to purposely piss themselves in front of a group of people watching. It's at this point where he proceeded to piss himself in the kitchen of his own house to the astonishment of about 20 amazed viewers. You may think man that's retarded, but I beg to differ, that was on principal, there was no money involved, and although funny, could only be topped when he repeated the same performance yet again about 20 minutes later.
Anyway, I have a ton more, but I think I should actually get some work done today, and leave on a high note. By get some work done today, I mean continue to read Uber, so I hope you all enjoyed riding along on the short-bus of life that are my friends. Peace out.
Feel free to linkwhore or share your own stories of stupidity.
Google image of short bus:
User Reviews
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-05-26 18:08:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
el autobus por el retardo mexicano
Submitted by Dead_0hi0_Sky (user info) at 2005-05-26 16:26:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Hands_Rambone (user info) at 2005-05-26 16:26:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm like a mix of darin and zach, your friends sound like good people.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-05-26 16:17:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by MoonStone (user info) at 2005-05-26 15:26:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-05-26 15:25:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
This was not a bad post...reasonably entertaining but...I had to break up the perfect game with a single off the shortstops' glove.
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2005-05-26 14:19:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"My Friends are Idiots"
...birds of a feather...
Submitted by yermom (user info) at 2005-05-26 14:14:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Zach was my substance abuse trainer, without him, I wouldn't be where I am today.
Submitted by jumpinjellyfish (user info) at 2005-05-26 14:07:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Thanks...now I keep thinking about shitting pudding.
Submitted by Morlock (user info) at 2005-05-26 14:05:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by manicvelocity (user info) at 2005-05-26 13:49:06 (#)
Ranking: 2
Belligerently Wasted Zach is my new hero. Anyone who purposefully pisses himself twice in the same night just to prove a point is one badass mother fucker.
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Ok, so if the makes him a badass, then the drunk kid at a party 20 or so of us saw shit himself, eat some of it and then jerk off in a cup and drink it must be a GOD! (especially since he's dead now after racing his 5.0 into a bridge support)
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-05-26 14:04:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
They certainly are
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2005-05-26 13:59:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by manicvelocity (user info) at 2005-05-26 13:49:06 (#)
Ranking: 2
Belligerently Wasted Zach is my new hero. Anyone who purposefully pisses himself twice in the same night just to prove a point is one badass mother fucker.
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i don't know about badass, but someone I would like to party with...well as long as the party were not at my place and he wouldn't be crashing at my place.
Submitted by manicvelocity (user info) at 2005-05-26 13:49:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Belligerently Wasted Zach is my new hero. Anyone who purposefully pisses himself twice in the same night just to prove a point is one badass mother fucker.