How Diana's Soused Chauffeur's Bitch Cousin Ruined My Life (an explanation of sorts to my dear Merlina) Part VIII (552 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 2 on 15 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Danger Ranger <harveyra.at.iprimus.com.au> (View user info) at 2005-05-26 18:57:17 EDT
http://www.ubersite.com/m/59308 - Part I
http://www.ubersite.com/m/59757 - Part II
http://www.ubersite.com/m/60745 - Part III
http://www.ubersite.com/m/63158 - Part IV
http://www.ubersite.com/m/63266 - Part V
http://www.ubersite.com/m/63344 - Part VI
http://www.ubersite.com/m/65915 - Part VII
The Jeep of Faith lurched around the corner and shot down the street. As we neared the T-intersection at the end, we watched as two squad cars, sirens wailing, blazed past on their way to save Tom from the unruly monitor smashing mob.
Hidden slowed, indicated, and gently turned left. "Where to now?" he asked, winding down his window.
"1997.." Thorpe replied, nervously looking over his shoulder through the rear window at the quickly disappearing police cars.
"Relax, Mao Tse Tung," said Hidden. "We've been through shit like this before. They're hardly gonna put out an all-points-bulletin for dropping a monitor."
"Take me to Pryde Street." I said.
"What's Pryde Street?" asked Hidden, resting his arm on the frame of his open window.
"His last address before buying that house." Gob Job responded. "It'll all good, it has double-street access and we can park in one of the driveways."
"Pull over, I think I'm going to be sick.." I said, and turned and vomitted in Williamson's lap.
"OH. FUCK. OFF." Williamson moaned.
"You fuck off, Williamson," Hidden started, "Get any of that on my upholstery, and you're fucking walking to 1997. You okay Danger?"
"Y-yeah... I'm alright.."
"You sure?" asked Thorpe, "We can stop.."
"No, it's cool.. I'm just a little.."
"Pull over and let him stretch his legs, Hidden. A bit of fresh air might help." said Gob Job.
"I'm alright, really.."
"You look pale.." Harold was genuinely concerned.
"I CAN'T FUCKING BELIEVE THIS!! I'M COVERED IN THIS CUNT'S BILE!!! Are you okaaaaaaaay, Danger? Maybe if you FUCKING THROW UP ON ME AGAIN WE'LL BOTH FEEL FUCKING BETTER!!!!!!!!!!"
"Shut the fuck up, Williamson!" Gob Job, Hidden and Thorpe chorused, winding down the remaining windows.
"Leave him alone." added Harold, "Can't you see his sick?"
"Ohhh, no - I didn't actually fucking notice." Williamson sneered, gingerly trying to balance a lapful of 3 dozen regurgitated oysters and a six pack of Grolcsh. "Thanks for the heads-up, Grampa.."
I lent back and rested my head on the seat. "I recognised them.." I said, closing my eyes and rubbing my forehead.
"Recognised who?" asked Gob Job, turning in his seat.
"Tom and Ellen.. from a photo.. one of the open-house inspections... I saw a photo... what's the fuck's going on?"
"I told you.. we've travelled back in time.."
"Take me home. I want to see H.."
"Who's H?" asked Hidden.
"HIs wife.. " replied Gob Job. "Danger, we're a year behind, remember? It's important... it's not 'tonight' anymore... you okay with that? She'll ask questions.."
"Just take me home.."
Five minutes later we were pulling into my driveway. It was lined with mango trees on one side and wattles on the other. "This'll do, Hidden." Gob Job instructed. "No need to use the garage, we're safe enough here." He turned in his seat and looked at me. "Right then, in you go. You have to come back though, Danger, we need to get back to the LAN party.."
"Yeah, no probs.."
"I'm not sure about this.." said Thorpe, craning his neck and scoping the house that sat above the sloping lawns and driveway below. "What if he runs into himself?"
"Don't worry, he won't." replied Gob Job. "He's a lousy husband - he's never home.."
Glossary Rad? - Will be continued for the recalcitrant handful.
User Reviews
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-09-19 05:54:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
:(
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-05-27 03:06:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
well done m
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2005-05-27 00:56:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey! I was in one of those police cruisers. The unmarked one with all the dents.
WTF!.............
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2005-05-26 23:41:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
well....
Ok, Danger. Just remember that you were the one who insisted on them.
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2005-05-26 23:25:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2005-05-26 22:30:45 (#)
Ranking: 2
next time, let's not be crazy frunk when the banana gets pulled out then...
or maybe we should just skip the banana altogether
--------------------------------------------------
No bananas, no Danger.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2005-05-26 23:22:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
yeah - I notice how that worked out on my camwhore for you williamson
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-05-26 22:41:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The reviews end when I say so, damnitz.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-05-26 22:34:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
and heres where the reviews end
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2005-05-26 22:30:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
next time, let's not be crazy frunk when the banana gets pulled out then...
or maybe we should just skip the banana altogether
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2005-05-26 22:17:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2005-05-26 22:00:18 (#)
Ranking: 2
only three reviews?
I'm not completely caught up with the series, but here's a sympathy +2.
Mostly for the banana
-----------------------------
The banana was supposed to be for you.
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-05-26 22:06:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2005-05-26 22:00:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
only three reviews?
I'm not completely caught up with the series, but here's a sympathy +2.
Mostly for the banana
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-05-26 19:51:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Why am I always picked on? *sobs*
Submitted by Saxon (user info) at 2005-05-26 19:36:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I thought Harold drowned somewhere. Or is he back on ramsey street?
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-05-26 19:02:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice. You should make these longer but.