Seven Days at Sea - Day 1 (343 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesRating: 0 on 3 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by SimianSidestep <SimianSidestep.at.yourmommashouse.org> (View user info) at 2005-05-27 01:03:33 EDT
Day 1:
Port of Departure - Miami, FL
Activity - Boarding
Destination - San Juan, Puerto Rico
"Laadies and gen-telmen please step farward and have ya passport and teekit ready!" Her jet black island skin echoed her accent. "I don't have my ticket. My sister is already on the ship and she has it." "I need ya name then." As she thumbed through the list of passengers I thought, how fucking stupid is this, here I am 25 years old and I'm staying in a room with my sister. She is going to put a serious crick in my social agenda. "You be in room 2656, keep ya passport ready." I only hoped that the room had separate beds and a thick privacy curtain.
I made my way through the throngs of floral patterned geriatrics their diaper sporting wives to the security check. I swear I did this before at the airport....Please remove any metal objects - knives, guns, bombs, and lighters are strictly prohibited onboard as well as your dignity so it's ok to strip and go naked through the metal detectors. A barefoot and sun-dried prune of a man was yelling at his wife on the other side of the x-ray machine "They said, 'TAKE OFF YOUR SHOES MARTHA!'"
"WHAT? I CAN'T HEAR YOU! LET ME TURN UP MY VOLUME!"
"NO NO! KEEP YOUR BELT ON JUST TAKE OFF YOUR SHOES!" Damn old people and their life-saving morning enemas. I hope robots eat their medication on the ship and they die waiting to get to shore for a refill. Makes for shorter lines at the buffet.
I didn't spot her until after I had signed away my chance to sue the cruise line for millions and given them my credit card number when I was in the line for the gangway. 5'5 with curly red hair pulled back in a ponytail, she looked about 22 but in the savvy way that a 30 year old woman looks 22. Kind of girl that slips you a smile and then pretends she can't tell you're interested. Her smile said hello as her skirt said goodbye. I've got a good mind to start a small fire in her panties if there isn't one there already. Just as I was wondering where the boyfriend was, there's the prince of darkness himself. Completely oblivious with his iPod going full blast and his already tanned arms around the girl. Pinch my nipples and call me Tattoo, welcome to the Love Boat. I tell myself I'll deal with it later.
The Miami sun was shining against an indigo sky off of the port side windows as I was boarding the ship. I heard the captain make an announcement, "Ladies and gentlemen welcome aboard. This is your captain speaking. We're making preparations to put to sea and would like to remind you that lunch is being served in the Windjammer café on the 11th deck. Also, would Mr. and Mrs. Fineman please report to the deck 4 courtesy desk immediately? There is a bottle of medication that was found at the security check...."
I guess tomorrow's buffet line will be a little shorter after all.
User Reviews
Submitted by jumpinjellyfish (user info) at 2005-05-27 12:45:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Being cynical isn't always funny.
Pretty well written though.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-05-27 05:37:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
S'alright. Could go downhill fast though.
Submitted by tehgareh (user info) at 2005-05-27 01:32:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
smash that chick