FedEx, Oh How I Hate Thee... (with extra Shamone!) (801 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 1.85 on 15 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by calbearspolo (View user info) at 2005-05-27 14:12:40 EDT
I just had a rousing conversation with the FedEx people. Let me tell you what I have learned about FedEx Ground over the last few days:
1. Just because the label says "FedEx Ground Customer Service" and contains a phone number, you should not expect the number to actually connect you with FedEx Ground Customer Service.
2. After calling said number and scheduling a pick-up, because you did not specify "ground transportation," they will automatically flag the package as "express."
3. Express pick-up vans are physically unable to lift the 2 pound package and put it in their truck if the envelope does not specifically have an "express" label on it. This is likely due to the pigment difference in the "ground" versus "express" labeling making the gravitational density drastically different.
4. When you call "FedEx Ground Customer Service" back and explain the problem, they will tell you it was YOUR fault that you called the wrong number and didn't know to specify the difference between the "express" and "ground" at the initial pick-up scheduling. Mind you, you were, at the time, under the impression that the customer service number on the label that you called was correct--because really, who would print up millions of faulty labels incorrectly and not fix the problem?
5. The operator's name, and I kid you not, will be "La Fawnda." (She is probably Chinese)
6. When La Fawnda promises to schedule a pick-up the next day at 5:00 pm with delivery by the following morning by 10:00, what she really means is: Pick-up will be promised to be by 5:00 pm, but really it could be anywhere from 1-5 business days because the 'driver couldn't make it' when they were supposed to.
7. When you call, yet again to the "FedEx Ground Customer Service" number to find out what the f*ck happened, they will blame YOU for not being able to pick-up the package on time and balk at your pointing out that "guaranteed 24 hour pick-up window" generally means within 24 hours, and is not subject to the driver's salon appointment.
8. When you threaten to never use FedEx Ground and demand to speak to a supervisor, La Fawnda has the authority to swear, question your sexual orientation, question your virility, and hang-up on you.
9. The word Shamone! isn't universally understood as a good thing.
User Reviews
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2005-05-27 19:00:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
sounds vaguely familiar...
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2005-05-27 18:03:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuck FedEx. Fuck them right up their goddamn ass.
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-05-27 16:25:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Perhaps I should write a story at some point soon about the dance of death I do with Fedex on a daily basis. Today was particularly bad. They pissed me off so much that I ended up yelling at my boyfriend when he didn't even really do anything wrong, then made my boss grouchy all day because they're stupid and don't help, which ultimately led to me, curled up on the floor of our unisex and crying like a small child for 20 minutes.
I would like to state for the record that L'Oreal VolumEyes mascara isn't as waterproof as the label leads you to believe.
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2005-05-27 16:02:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
just the right amount of shamone!
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2005-05-27 15:21:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
B@W?
Submitted by BobLobla (user info) at 2005-05-27 15:19:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I fucking hate courier companies
Submitted by calbearspolo (user info) at 2005-05-27 15:15:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2005-05-27 15:01:31 (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/61901
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I wonder how many more people have stories like this. Thanks W_Q_P
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2005-05-27 15:01:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/61901
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-05-27 14:57:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
FedEx sucks.
UPS is even worse.
Submitted by Girlwithaclue (user info) at 2005-05-27 14:57:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fed Ex is teh suck!!
Submitted by yermom (user info) at 2005-05-27 14:49:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Quick story, I shipped a laptop for my job from Cleveland to LA, Fed-Ex Ground, the driver picked up the box, but never scanned it, it was never entered to their system, and I was accused of stealing the laptop. After 10 days in thier warehouse, and almost losing my job, the package was found. it took them 18 days for it to get to LA.
Fed-Ex can lick my balls.
Submitted by blank_mind (user info) at 2005-05-27 14:42:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Made me smile
Submitted by vodka7tall (user info) at 2005-05-27 14:26:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
UPS is even worse. I think you have to be declared legally insane in order to drive a truck for them.
Submitted by calbearspolo (user info) at 2005-05-27 14:26:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It's a package delievery service in the U.S. It stands for Federal Express.
Submitted by Draqus (user info) at 2005-05-27 14:22:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
What is this, how you say, "FedEx"?
No, seriously though, I've just never used the thing.