referendum on stories about golf (646 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.75 on 9 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by iltowi(JML) (View user info) at 2005-05-30 19:17:30 EDT
It was so nice outside today every time I took a walk out of my building at work or looked out my car window I felt like I was dreaming. Holy fucking shit winter sucks.
Finally I get off early to play a game of golf that I've been thinking about all week. I sign up pay my 20 bucks and a kid at the counter teams me up with two other singles.
This is gonna fucking rock. I'm gonna lose 8 balls shoot a 100+ but it's finally summer so fuck you.
Two guys at the tee introduce themselves as Glen and Josh. Glen is an older retired fellow and Josh is 30ish with glasses and a beer belly. My type of guys. By then end of 18 we'll have searched the woods together laughed at our duffs and complimented each other on our beautifly crafted drives that hit fairway. We'll be brothers for a few short hours. Let's roll Glen and Josh!
First tee we all duff. Nuff said.
Second tee. Josh goes first while I watch from a safe distance at least 10 yards away. But wait, Josh asks me not to stand in the area to the right or behind him. Apparently he saw me out of the corner of his eye on the first shot and that's why he duffed.
Ok Josh. I stand as far left as I can. Josh duffs.
We get to the second green and Glen's ball is right in front of mine just off of the green. I pick mine up so he has a clean shot. Josh informs me that I must incur a penalty stroke for marking a ball that wasn't actually on the green.
Ok Josh. (you cocksucking bastard) But I am polite and don't say anything. After all I don't really care what I score. It's May and I'm happy to be out.
Hole six, I'm helping glen find a ball. Glen tosses me a Top flight that he finds in a tree. "Thanks Glen!"
Josh informs me that it was likely the golfers coming the other way. I agree. I toss it back towards the tree near the other fairway.
But wait, Josh says the other golfer had a good lie before, and where I tossed it was unacceptable. I think of my options, do I try and put the ball exactly wherever Glen found it. Do I tell Josh to lick my balls. Do I tell them both I'm going to play through ahead by myself?
Then I feel the wind change slightly. I hear "FORE."
I've never seen anyone get hit by a golf ball before, and let me tell you it is a sight to see. Josh didn't see the ball or hear the call. He was starting to say something when it smashed into the side of his temple. Glasses flew one way the ball bounced another. Josh went straight to the ground. There was blood, moans and tears.
I would like to say that I forgot my frustration and ran to his aid but I'd be a liar. Glen just watched from the trees.
Eventually the Groundskeeper came with a cart and took Josh with him. Glen and I finished the round. We didn't keep score.
User Reviews
Submitted by doctorj24 (user info) at 2005-07-27 19:07:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
FUNNY (+1) but you need some grammar skillz (-2).
I love golf (+2).
Submitted by NumLock (user info) at 2005-07-14 16:27:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
haha nice
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-06-07 14:14:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
OMG JUST KIDDING>
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-06-07 14:13:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
christ you suck.
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2005-05-30 19:52:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
what a coincidence, i wrote a golf post.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/58557
it was totally awesome. Now it's just totally tubular.
Submitted by YELLOW-MAN (user info) at 2005-05-30 19:51:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-05-30 19:38:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well, you suck, but because of your topic, I'll plus 2 your shaky ass.
81 from the tips today at Belfair CC East Course with a 7 and a 6 on the two par fives on the back.
Submitted by mikethescottish (user info) at 2005-05-30 19:28:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ahhh... makes me want to dust off my clubs and spend long summer days trying to kill squirrels with golf balls again.
Submitted by Crap_Finder_Queen (user info) at 2005-05-30 19:23:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Best post of the day! Pure Genius! I totally would have been up that tree watching! Stupid dickhead!