Ever Been Mugged................at Taco Bell (539 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.39 on 13 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Twiddle is twice the man your mother is. (View user info) at 2005-05-31 05:41:23 EDT
My sophmore year in high school I had a job at the mall. Good ole Burger Supreme the food sucked and they gave me this crap about only making $4.35 an hour because they were not a fortune 500 company. Minimum wage at the time was $4.75 an hour so I felt cheated and stole food all the time.
Anyway, this girl worked there with me let's call her ,Heather, because that was her name. She was a fox and incredible to stare and drool over. I worked up the nerve asked her out,long story short we had a date. I arrived at her house on a Sunday night, the mall closes at 6:00p.m. on Sunday so we had an early start. We decided on a movie and dinner. The movie was Jerry "show me the money" Maguire and the food was, her choice not mine, Taco Bell. We walked in the resteraunt around 9:45, it was close to closing time and both of us being food industry employees were quick to order and planned on eating fast. Taco Bell closed at 10:00p.m. in my town in 1996. I remember my order exactly, as it was my usual, two chilito's and a medium Dr. Pepper, with a side of nacho cheese. She placed her order and I paid for it and took a seat,waiting for my order to be called.
At 9:59 A thugged out guy struts in and tries to order ,"sorry sir we're closed for the night."
He replied "Yall must be racist, these honkies got their food" in spite of the fact everyone there was black but Heather and I. He then proceeds to come over to our table and pick up her half eaten taco and finish it in two gulps. I stand up quite prepared to defend her honor and then it happened he pulled out a GUN. It was shiny and black and at that moment the biggest one I had ever seen. He said bag all your food up and give it here. So I did,would you want to get shot over tacos, me neither so I cooperated with him until he grabbed Heather's tit. "I sure wouldn't mind playing with these tig ol bitties" he said. I exploded in rage, those are my titties damnit, I swung the tray as hard as i could into his gun and dislodged it. I went for it and grabbed it.
What happened next is pure fact, I pistol whipped him in the nose and the gun went off, lodging a bullet into the cash register causing it to open. He ran toward it and reached around only to find it empty. It was closing time so all the money had been taken to the office. As he drove away the police caught up to him and aressted him for attempted robbery. I went down to the police station and identified him in an impromptu line-up right then. He was still bleeding from my well placed pistol whip and apparently Officer "Whitey" had given him a few well placed blows to the teeth, this guy was pissed and his ass was kicked twice in one night.I later testified and he recieved 20 years he was on parole for the rape of his cousin.
Of course, I was heralded for my heroism, but we know the truth I was only after them titties.
She offered me all the booty I could handle on our next date and they were spectacular and the funny thing is, Heather had a mole the size of Texas on her forehead I had never noticed before due to the awful hats we wore at work and her stratigically placed bangs , untill we got naked and rowdy. I immediately lost it and not even spectacular titties could keep me up, so no booty for me. And, to top it all off I saw her the other day and she had the mole removed and those tities were as pert as ever 9 years later. I'm such a loser
User Reviews
Submitted by Twiddle (user info) at 2005-06-02 07:25:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You know Titties and Beer was the first CD my parents ever confiscated from me
Submitted by starforbram (user info) at 2005-05-31 11:23:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Reminded me of Frank Zappa's "Titties and Beer".
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-05-31 10:01:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
That's what you get for taking a date to taco bell, no matter who suggested it. I hope you got the runs too.
Submitted by YELLOW-MAN (user info) at 2005-05-31 09:28:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-05-31 07:48:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Grammar sucked. Story has been told before. And this line: "let's call her ,Heather, because that was her name. " That's so fucking lame.
Alter.
Submitted by UrbaneMischief (user info) at 2005-05-31 07:35:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
damnit pen_name!
you beat me to it
Submitted by Jungle_Jimanee (user info) at 2005-05-31 07:16:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I had fun
Submitted by UrbaneMischief (user info) at 2005-05-31 07:14:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
this title made me think of the movie Half Baked
ever been mugged...... ON WEED!?!?!
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2005-05-31 06:56:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
the title reminded me of half baked. intentional or not, it deserves recognition.
ever been mugged?
i don't know, man.
ever been mugged....on weeeeeeeeeeeeeeed?
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-05-31 06:53:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Solid 0.5.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-05-31 06:50:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Were you 16 at the time you had this job? Employers can pay less than minimum wage if you are under 16.
Submitted by Huber_the_Nose (user info) at 2005-05-31 06:30:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
wow....good job
Submitted by Twiddle (user info) at 2005-05-31 06:07:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This is a totally true story