Hatemadness - CookieLass, you dirty whore. (2018 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: uber-related
Rating: 1.9 on 56 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Circe <fickle.muse.at.gmail.com> (View user info) at 2005-05-31 08:45:50 EDT
( http://www.ubersite.com/m/67169 )
I'd like to start with a poem I found dedicated to CookieLass in an old book of Dutch poetry.
"CookieLass met een kut als gegrilde kaas,
die kan zuigen als je ouwemoer,
heeft herpes.
als je haar neukt, zoals zo velen,
vul dan eerst haar doos met bleekwater,
en zorg dat je een leren condoom bij je hebt."
Cornelius Harmszoon, anno 1521
Yes, she's been around for nearly five hundred years. With herpes. And a cunt like grilled cheese. And let's face it, she looks every day of it.
But let's not focus on her checkered past - it has no bearing on us if the silly little trollop has spent the last five hundred years screwing her way all over Europe in exchange for bus tickets and antibiotics.
Let us, instead, take a trip down memory fucktunnel and recap some of the highlights of her time here at Uber with us.
Cookie - or, as she prefers to be known by her friends, close associates, and clients at the "I fuck for free" charity whorehouse, "Stinky" - first came to our attention when she declared her somewhat negotiable "love" for a fellow uber user. Naturally, this ended rather quickly, due to the fact that he wouldn't allow her to continue the bestiality that made her feel like a real woman. After all, when you look like a warthog, how better to feel comparitively attractive than by making it with a Yak?
This was followed by her "lonely redhead seeks luvvins" post, which went heated - much like the raging genital infection that has plagued her since she was five years old and humping the bathroom fixtures - and stayed there for a while, influenced no doubt by her claims of having big breasts and no gag reflex and I think she offered anal too I don't remember quite exactly NO DON'T GO AND CHECK STAY HERE WITH ME
STAY
STAY
stay....
Okay.
She claims to be an artist, but I could make better "art" by slathering paint all over my oddly shaped bosoms and rubbing against a wall like a cat in heat. The incessant sexual innuendos have the effect of making men feel like hunted, cornered breeding stock - make no mistake, my friends, Stinky is a sexual predator. She's been seen frequenting strip clubs and offering herself to the men who leave, horny and unsatisfied.
AND THEN SHE EATS THEIR HEADS.
But hey, she's filled a niche, right? You've got the good girls, the bad girls, and the foulmouthed bitches. You've got the popular girls and the pretty girls and the girls that don't care what you think. And then you've got the women. But until Stinky came along, nobody had filled the niche of "medicated nympho". Honestly, is there any single claim that's going to get any more attention than that one? Oh, wait - big boobs. Well, she's made that claim, too. Kinky? Made that claim. In fact, she's come out and stated EVERY SINGLE THING that could possibly attract male attention, with the exception of "morals", and who wants one of those moralistic bitches anyway, right?
She has a boyfriend now, though - a real one, who can actually fist her in physical reality. But unless he can clone himself into an army of Stinky-worshippers, I'm not holding out a lot of hope. The attention of one man is never going to cut it, as far as she's concerned.
You don't have to take my word for it. Below you will find actual testimonials from well known Uberers who've fallen prey to this gaping maw of raw sexual need.
User Reviews
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2008-04-15 20:52:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh sweet Jebus I miss Hatemadness.
The bottle-rocket-bum-chair-on-fire bit made me laugh out loud.
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2005-06-04 14:17:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Any comment I would have, couldn't compare with this.
Submitted by matnotharry (user info) at 2005-06-02 15:25:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
super
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-06-01 16:47:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
haha great
Submitted by DonovanMD (user info) at 2005-06-01 02:34:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This rocked so hard! Hahahaha
Submitted by tinactin (user info) at 2005-06-01 02:08:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Greatness
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2005-06-01 01:13:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
http://www.ubersite.com/cgi-bin/message_get.cgi?message=111755025348223607#1356405
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-05-31 22:22:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Adam's image is his ubedirectory pic - there were yellow flowers in the background, and since Stinky ate his head I just clone stamped them all over him.
Submitted by transhuman (user info) at 2005-05-31 19:47:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
this rocks
Submitted by DanielH (user info) at 2005-05-31 17:42:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You write with the decorum of fire.
Speaking of fire, this is like holding your hands near the blazes when the fireplace is roaring and sending sparks spiraling. You can feel the heat five feet away.
(But there's a zebra throw on the floor, you two could kiss and make up.) Speaking of fire...
Submitted by Technoboy (user info) at 2005-05-31 16:57:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Is her name really Stinky?
Submitted by dodahdave (user info) at 2005-05-31 15:20:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Winner.
And not just because of the pics, but also because of the "NO DON'T GO AND CHECK..."
Excellent hate.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-05-31 14:42:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
What's the image represnting Adam? Looks like a close up view of a car flasher light.
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-05-31 14:31:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-05-31 13:04:37 (#)
Ranking: 2
AUTO +2 for throwing my name out there.
What am I BTW?
Cookie,
Please give my head back
---------
As soon as I'm done pooing it out
Submitted by Ducky (user info) at 2005-05-31 14:28:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is just...so, good.
Submitted by WhoLetYouIn (user info) at 2005-05-31 13:58:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-05-31 13:23:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Affinity (user info) at 2005-05-31 13:12:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hot hate
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-05-31 13:04:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
AUTO +2 for throwing my name out there.
What am I BTW?
Cookie,
Please give my head back
Submitted by myredmirage95 (user info) at 2005-05-31 12:50:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
loved it...especially the pentameter quote.
Submitted by satchel (user info) at 2005-05-31 12:46:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Now that's fucking funny as all get out. Circe, you rock.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-05-31 12:40:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You've got my vote. Because Cookie is Stinky, and because this post also happens to be completely true. I didn't know hatemadness would turn into journalism, but it has right here.
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2005-05-31 12:26:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Quality hate all around.
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2005-05-31 12:16:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I believe the Pentameter quote alone, should place you as the winner on this matter.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-05-31 12:03:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Now, guys, don't hate on each other. Does this look like the kind of post for that bullshit?
.........
.......
Oh.
Right, never mind. Carry on with the homoerotic hatefilled sexiness.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-05-31 11:51:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-05-31 11:25:36 (#)
Ranking: 2
the only secrets cookie could possibly know is the extent of how gay a guy is.
Oh.
Hey, Al, call me sweetie!
---
No problem sweetie. =)~
p.s. '~' = dripping cum
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-05-31 11:50:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-05-31 11:18:28 (#)
Ranking: 2
You know, Caul, for someone who begged me to ignore him and quit picking on him, you sure are slinging ALOT of shit today. I thought the deal was you keep your mouth shut and stay off my posts, and I won't tell anybody your secrets?
---
What secrets?
This?
http://www.ubersite.com/m/63134#1239556
That?
http://www.ubersite.com/m/50692#934856
Or dozens of other reviews in which I clearly stated trying the cock a few times?
OMG you so PWN me! Please don't!
I don't remember begging you, but I do recall that you make a lot of exagarations or just simply lie your ass off. Like how you capitalize "A LOT of shit" when I just made this review here and a zero on your post. Or how you will probably come up with your usual lame argument "if AIM had logs I could prove you how you are <insert negative adjective here>"
But hey, you're hawt shit, so I'm sorry. I won't do it again.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-05-31 11:25:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
the only secrets cookie could possibly know is the extent of how gay a guy is.
Oh.
Hey, Al, call me sweetie!
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-05-31 11:18:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You know, Caul, for someone who begged me to ignore him and quit picking on him, you sure are slinging ALOT of shit today. I thought the deal was you keep your mouth shut and stay off my posts, and I won't tell anybody your secrets?
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2005-05-31 11:16:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Circe, you hate like no other.
I tried writing my hate post, and I realized I'm very bad at hating. Mean+Corinne="no really, I'm sorry, I shouldnt have said that".
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-05-31 11:02:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The best part of this girl is how she's convinced she's hot shit.
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2005-05-31 11:00:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I vote for this one, because of the Rogues' Gallery/Wall of Shame, and because of the dutch poem thing.
Submitted by CLAIRE1 (user info) at 2005-05-31 10:51:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Um.... WOW!
Submitted by MickGinny (user info) at 2005-05-31 10:50:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
eat the label
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2005-05-31 10:45:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
This is very good as well. I have to say that I liked the poem from cookie a little better though.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-05-31 10:39:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.ubersite.com/m/67417
Cookie's "response"
Go vote.
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-05-31 10:31:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Your borders never cease to amaze me.
And the post wasn't bad either.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-05-31 10:26:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Har Har
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-05-31 10:26:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I understood the entire time, Rad.
I just thought yours sucked.
So sue me.
Then, blow me.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-05-31 10:22:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ahhh, so shlongy now understands.
only took about 16 hours.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-05-31 10:13:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I love how Circe's borders are always multi-coloured.
Submitted by WhatTheHell (user info) at 2005-05-31 09:57:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
DAMN !!
DAMN, DAMN, DOUBLE DAMN!!
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-05-31 09:44:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Goddamn, this was good. And pretty much 100% accurate.
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-05-31 09:37:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Who stole Pantameter's picture and put Lisa Grey's picture instead?
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2005-05-31 09:28:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Mmmmm, hatey.
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2005-05-31 09:27:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
She ate my head!!! ahahahahah
Submitted by YELLOW-MAN (user info) at 2005-05-31 09:19:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Vulva (user info) at 2005-05-31 09:14:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Another +2 for showing me how smokin' hot pentameter is...missed it in Uberdirectory
Submitted by Vulva (user info) at 2005-05-31 09:12:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You win!!
Submitted by freebie (user info) at 2005-05-31 09:11:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by phuzzygish (user info) at 2005-05-31 09:10:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Stinky's gonna have to bring her A-game to top this gem...
Submitted by Chillax (user info) at 2005-05-31 09:07:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Bathe in the blood of 1,000 virgins...ah, good shite.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-05-31 09:07:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I vaguely remember her offering to build a shrine to me in her bedroom so she could masturbate to it every morning.
Nice Hatemadness post.
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-05-31 08:57:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hahaha, that is a terrible picture of her. unless she actually has downs syndrome.
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-05-31 08:53:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The people at the furniture store love me now.
But I must say, the ability to release fire from my ass has come in handy many times. If I don't like someone, I lure them into my bedroom and tell them to lick my asshole.
Guess what happens next?
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-05-31 08:47:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Remember to vote! I'll link to Cookie's post when it's up.