The Circle's End (1502 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: bestofsteve
Rating: 1.83 on 42 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Scuba Steve's House of Crabcakes (View user info) at 2005-06-01 02:25:44 EDT
-Now-
He was so tiny.
All Will could think about was how tiny the baby was. His small hands would grasp at the air as his fragile body fought for life.
He was fighting. And he was losing. Tubes were everywhere. Will didn't understand any of it, only that his son was dying.
Will knelt next to the incubator, resting his hands on the plastic. He longed to hold his son. He longed to hold the boy in his arms and feel the warmth before it grew cold.
He could feel it all slipping away.
"No, Billy, hold on," Will whispered, feeling his hands curl into fists.
His son's eyes flickered open. For a moment, a second, the big blue orbs locked with Will's...
A second was enough.
- Age Two -
"Car."
Will heard it. He heard it loud and clear, "What did you just say, Billy? Did you just say car?"
"Car!" Billy repeated, resting his hands against Will's red corvette. "Car."
Will laughed, slumping to sit on the ground. He laughed again and shook his head. "You love that car too, huh?"
Billy tapped against the door, smiling.
An idea crossed Will's mind. His wife was determined to get him to sell that car. He might just have something that could save his dream car.
"Come on, Billy-boy," he scooped his son up into his arms. "Let's go tell mommy what you just said."
- Age Five -
"Am I ready for school, daddy?"
Will looked up from tying his son's shoes to smile at him. "Of course you are. They'll teach you how to tie your shoes, so I won't have to do it anymore."
"Daddy!" Billy frowned. "I like it when you tie my shoes."
Will smiled at his son. "Don't worry. I promise I'll still do it every now and again."
Will studied the boy for a moment, trying to drink up the moment. His mother was waiting outside, ready to take a first day of school picture when their son got on the bus. They'd have to hurry, Will realized. He stood and helped Billy to his feet.
He watched his son get on the school bus then he waved until he couldn't see it anymore.
-Age Nine -
Billy slammed the door when he got in the house. Will looked up from his paperwork to see his wife open the door and give Will a frustrated look.
Billy was already up the stairs to his room.
Will was after him in a heartbeat.
He knocked on his son's door and only opened it when he heard Billy tell him to come in. The boy was almost ten. He needed to know that he could trust his parents.
"Hey, Billy-boy," Will stood in the doorway and cleared his throat. "What happened at school?"
Billy was sitting on his bed, leaning against his headboard. He was twisting the life out of one of his teddy bears. He looked up at Will with unshed tears glistening in his eyes. One was swollen and red. His first black eye, Will thought with a hint of irony.
"It wasn't my fault," He whimpered, looking away again.
Will's stomach knotted. He moved to sit on the edge of the bed and frowned. "Do you know why I'm up here, talking to you?"
Billy shook his head, "Because you hate me?"
"I don't hate you," Will replied instantly. "Billy, I know the fight wasn't your fault. But we both know that fighting is wrong. I thought I told you to walk away. Brock is always going to win if you fight back, son."
Billy's bottom lip quivered. "He calls me names, daddy. Mean names."
Will nodded. "He's getting into trouble right now, so don't worry about him."
"Daddy, do you still love me?" Billy asked.
Will smiled. "No matter what you do, son, I'll love you."
Billy nodded and looked away. "I promise not to get in another fight, dad."
"Good," Will said as he stood. "Now come downstairs and we'll get some ice for your eye."
-Age Fourteen-
"But everyone else is going to David's party," Billy was standing at the top of the stairs, glaring at Will, who stood at the bottom. "Why won't you let me go?"
Will frowned, folding his arms across his chest. "It's a school night, Billy. We don't want you going across town on a..."
"You just don't want me to go! That's an excuse!" Billy shouted. "Don't lie to me!"
"William Gregory Anderson," Will's voice was low and sharp. He never yelled. He couldn't yell at his miracle son. "You will not shout at me. You will not treat me with disrespect. I'm your father and I'm not letting you go to that party."
Billy's eyes darkened. He sneered when he spat out his next words. "Fuck you, dad."
Then he turned and stormed up the stairs.
Will heard him try to sneak out of the house that night.
He was surprised to find his son in bed the next morning.
He inwardly wondered what stopped him from leaving.
-Age Sixteen-
Billy pressed the button on the garage opener and the door slid open, like the curtain on a grand production. Billy caught a glimpse of what was inside and turned to Will with shock in his eyes. He shook his head and tried to form words.
"It's...it's the car," Billy said, grinning. "I thought you got rid of it!"
Will reached into his pocket and gave his son the keys. "We kept it at Uncle Sam's. It belongs to you now, Billy-boy. Happy birthday."
Billy held onto the keys like they were going to disappear. He wrapped his arms around his father, grinning like a fool, before he sprinted to the bright red corvette. He jumped inside and started the engine, laughing and smiling the entire time.
Beside him, Will's wife shook her head. Will turned and smiled at her.
"Aren't you glad we kept it now?"
-Age Twenty-One-
Will's eyes didn't leave the wall when Billy came in the waiting room. Billy took a deep breath and moved to sit next to his father. Billy didn't know what to do. He was caught up in his own grief, but the lines on his father's face broke his shattered heart into even smaller shards.
"She...she didn't suffer," Will croaked out. "Your mom...she died on impact."
Billy saw tears welling in his dad's eyes. "It's not your fault, dad."
Will's head dropped. His body shuddered and he wiped his eyes. "She's gone, Billy."
Billy could only sit back and stare at the wall.
The silence surrounded them both and threatened to cut a rift between them.
Then Will spoke. "We're going to be okay, Billy, I promise."
Tears stung Billy's eyes. "No, dad, I promise you."
- Age Twenty-five -
Will watched as his son paced in the dressing room.
"She's the one, son. You've told me hundreds of times that she's the one," Will smiled. "Your mother would be so proud of you."
Billy stopped his pacing and smiled brightly. "I know that her and Jessica would've gotten along. I can just...feel it."
Will stepped forward and clasped his son's shoulder. "You're going to make a great husband, Billy. You're everything I could be and more."
"This is the best day of my life," Billy said. "She's my forever."
Will gave his son's shoulder a small squeeze, "Well, then let's get you out there. Forever will not wait."
-Age Twenty-Seven-
Will held his first grandchild and smiled for the picture. Little Grace watched her grandfather with a gleam in her eyes.
"She's beautiful, Billy," Will grinned. "She's perfect."
Billy was beaming with pride, but Will could feel the nerves when his son took his daughter back into his arms. He tried to hide it when Will looked at him, but Billy couldn't hide a thing from his father.
"You're going to be a great dad, Billy. She's going to be just fine and so will you," Will said as he stood from his chair.
"It's just so much, dad," Billy shook his head. "She...she's so small. What if I drop her? What if I forget about her?"
Will laughed. "You won't forget about her, Billy-boy. She's your life now."
Billy's eyes brightened. "She's my life."
- Age Thirty-Five-
"Dad!" Billy scolded. "You shouldn't have given her all that ice cream. She's going to be sick!"
Will waved off his son and chuckled as he sat down. "It's my job to spoil my granddaughter, son. Let me do it well."
Billy had watched his father buy Grace a giant ice cream cone from the ice cream cart set up on the edge of the park. Grace took her giant cone straight out onto the playground. She was happily munching on it as she sat on the edge of the sandbox. Will sat next to Billy at a picnic table across the park. Both smiled as they watched Grace try to keep the ice cream from dripping down her hands.
"So," Billy cleared his throat. "What did the tests say?"
Will tried to shrug it off, watching Grace rather than his worried son. "Nothing major."
"Dad," Billy's tone was even. "Don't lie to me."
Will turned and sighed. "It's spread. They want to try something new, but..."
"But nothing!" Billy slammed his fist against the picnic table. "You try whatever they tell you to try. You do whatever they tell you do to do. Dad, Grace needs you. I need you. We all need you to be here and..."
"Son," Will slowly shook his head and tried to smile. "If it's meant to happen, it's meant to happen."
Billy could only shake his head and look away.
They watched Grace drop her ice cream in the sand. Both had to stop her from trying to eat it again.
- Age Forty-
"Careful, Gracie," Billy warned. "Grandpa is very weak right now."
Grace hugged her grandpa as gently as she could. "I love you, grandpa. You promise you'll be at my concert, right? It's next week. I saved you a ticket."
Will tried to smile. "No matter what, Gracie, I'll be watching you at that concert."
Grace smiled and nodded. She stood back and her father ushered her out of the small hospital room. Billy stood facing the door for a few minutes, before turning to face his father.
"This isn't fair, dad," Billy was shaking. "There has to be something."
Will shook his head. "I'm too old, son. I'm too fragile. The cure is worse than the disease."
Billy moved to sit on the edge of his father's bed. He took the old, callused hand in his and traced patterns in the skin. "I'm not ready, dad."
"You're never ready, Billy-boy," Will watched his son with a small, sad smile. "But life isn't about being ready. It's about learning and watching. It's about acceptance and forgiveness. I've done my best to give you a good life, son."
Billy met his father's eyes. "I've had nothing but the best, dad."
They felt a ghost in the room.
And Will closed his eyes.
And Billy cried.
-Now-
Will saw it all.
In a flash he felt it all.
It was all there, flooding across his memory. The senses were brilliant and bright. He heard his voice and sensed his touch. He felt every tear and each caress. For that moment, everything was complete.
But it was the life that never was.
It was the life that never would be.
Because Billy closed his eyes.
And it was Will's turn to cry.
User Reviews
Submitted by sparkle_pink (user info) at 2006-07-02 08:11:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This made me cry.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-07-02 07:40:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I really do.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-07-02 07:40:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Still love this one.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-06-24 03:20:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I forgot this one, what was it about?
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-03-26 07:11:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Fucking hell, Stevie. I forgot this.
Anyway, re-rate, and listed for Uberbook.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-07-09 02:10:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
fuck this one was sehr gut
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2005-06-14 01:58:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I like to change it up every now and again and work outside the box.
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2005-06-14 01:31:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Dude, there was no cat in this, OR mention of "skate it off". You're slipping, buddy.
Submitted by FunnyAsCancer (user info) at 2005-06-14 01:28:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That took too little time. Dammit. Another random +2.
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2005-06-14 01:26:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Slaughterhouse-Five?
Submitted by FunnyAsCancer (user info) at 2005-06-14 01:01:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I wanted Billy's last name to be Pilgrim...
Subtle reference there. Who will catch it?
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2005-06-05 20:38:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Or_ (user info) at 2005-06-01 21:44:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No, you're not a crap post kind of guy. I've got that covered, you go ahead and keep up the brilliance. God this was good.
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2005-06-01 15:16:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
See, I'm too much of a perfectionist to throw out a crap post. But I'm going to have to...eventually.
Submitted by girlintheworld (user info) at 2005-06-01 14:49:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
amazing.
This reminds me of a book called "The Life Before Her Eyes".
Submitted by engine13 (user info) at 2005-06-01 14:23:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow.
Submitted by Mop (user info) at 2005-06-01 13:44:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wee
Submitted by ruthless (user info) at 2005-06-01 11:44:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-06-01 10:38:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-06-01 10:16:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm gonna give you a small taste of what I go through on this website....
"PUSSY!"
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2005-06-01 09:44:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Son of a....
Excuse me. I have something in my eye.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-06-01 09:17:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You know what movie that's from, right? Scuba Steve?
Big Daddy? With Adam Snadler?
Helloooooo
Submitted by Jungle_Jimanee (user info) at 2005-06-01 09:02:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fucking hell crying at work again. Somewhere he lived.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-06-01 08:33:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Mother fucker...
Why do you have to keep proving time and time again that you have much kickassitude?
Seriously, you get annoying...
God damnit... It's fucking duxty in here...
Allergies...
SHUT UP I'M NOT CRYING...
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-06-01 08:31:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
<wipes away tear>
damn you scuba steve!
Submitted by iradney (user info) at 2005-06-01 08:09:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
stunning
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-06-01 04:54:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
And you wonder why people think you are a little cocksmoker.
Submitted by lordofthedance (user info) at 2005-06-01 04:36:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
This made me throw up on my screen.
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2005-06-01 04:17:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2005-06-01 04:09:46 (#)
Ranking: 2
this is long and i don't know if i have the will power to read it.
anyway, i had to stop in because i saw your name and giddly thought "whoa, it's 'hey steve!'
---------------------------------------------------------------------
ghey
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2005-06-01 04:09:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
this is long and i don't know if i have the will power to read it.
anyway, i had to stop in because i saw your name and giddly thought "whoa, it's 'hey steve!'
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2005-06-01 04:08:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I KNEW this would be a sappy piece of... good stuff.
Yes. Old Bay doubles as table salt here in Baltimore.
Submitted by tinactin (user info) at 2005-06-01 03:39:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Will and Billy are both bitches
Submitted by Kre8rix (user info) at 2005-06-01 03:22:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh and thanks...
Now my son is awake and wants to play power rangers and my dad is pissed at me for call him and waking him up at 12:20 in the morning.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2005-06-01 03:16:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2005-06-01 02:26:37 (#)
Ranking: 0
Just a quick break from all the Hate, m'kay?
---------------
refreshing
Submitted by Kre8rix (user info) at 2005-06-01 03:16:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuck you dude...
just...
fuck...
I gotta go...
Stupid emotions...
Dammit...
fuck...
Sometimes, I really hate that you write this well.
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2005-06-01 02:52:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-06-01 02:46:14 (#)
Ranking: 2
I am now crying EMO tears.
..and you just had to read it. THIS CAME OUT OF MY BRAIN. MAKE IT STOP.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-06-01 02:46:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I am now crying EMO tears.
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2005-06-01 02:45:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-06-01 02:44:23 (#)
Ranking: 2
Steve_Has_A_Paternity_Fetish
--
I don't go to the park and think about stealing kids...no...no I certainly do not.
Not the ugly ones, anyways.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-06-01 02:44:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Steve_Has_A_Paternity_Fetish
What?
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-06-01 02:31:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Make sure you put "Old Bay" on them, or the Maryland uberusers will hang you by your toenails.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-06-01 02:30:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I always put too much syrup on them and get sick of them halfway OH DID YOU SAY CRABCAKES?
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2005-06-01 02:26:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Just a quick break from all the Hate, m'kay?