I leave my life in the hands of Ubersite. Please don’t kill me. An Uber poll.....sort of. (4621 hits)
Category: Science & EnvironmentalRating: 1.71 on 80 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Jonukah (View user info) at 2005-06-01 02:39:52 EDT
There are many decisions to be made in life, from the medley of little choices we are faced with daily to those momentous decisions that will have a huge impact on our lives, such as:
Should I continue education or take a current job offer?
Should I take the cash prize, or go for the "Mystery Box"
Should I repair my Daewoo or put the hamster in the wheel to sleep?
Should we get married or throw it in a dumpster?
The impact of the decision is never truly clear. Will it become as a ripple of water in a stream, or trigger a chain reaction like an avalanche or bad Keanu Reeves movie. Some of these decisions can be reversed or nullified.
But then, there are the choices that just. Plain. Suck.
I lump the decisions into two categories.
1. Bad or Worse aka Lose/Lose.
These include your classic comic-book hero dilemmas. Some evil villain always pulls the choice on the hero at some point, like when Two-Face is holding Batman's love and Robin over separate pits of certain death, should Batman
A. Save the girl and Robin
B. Save the girl and let Robin die.
You see, with choice A, you still have to put up with Robin's "Holy Rusted Metal, Batman!" while with choice B........
Okay, bad example. But you get the point.
The second category of shitty decisions is Russian Roulette, or various incarnations of it. With this, you know the impact of the right decision and the wrong one, but you have no fucking clue which barrel that bullet is in. Heads you live. Tails you die. There is no logical conclusion. There will be no hint, no hunch, no epiphany that will suddenly strike you after a moment's meditation. Your life is simply in the hands of chance, or luck, if there is such a thing.
And this second category is the sort that I am faced with today. I have a dilemma. I've been working through this problem systematically up to this point, using logic and deductive reasoning skills to get where I am now, but that can carry me forward no more. I am at a fork in the road. On path means life and victory, and the other means certain death.
I am, of course, talking about a game of Minesweeper. A game, if you can call a twisted, tortuous, malicious device, whose sole purpose is naught but to distract you from productivity, whisk you away from a healthy social life, deprive you of sleep, and devour your soul A GAME.
It is now 2:15 a.m standard eastern time. I must wake up in four hours, but I've spent the last four hours, which should have been spent sleeping, trying to conquer this foul, sadistic program.
I have conquered it many times before. My best times in Beginner, Intermediate, and Expert are something like 10 seconds, 140 seconds, and 370 seconds, respectively. I'd double check now, but....well, I'll get to that in a minute.
Tonight, beating Minesweeper has been like putting a reluctant cat in a tub full of cold water. And by "tub", I mean "two liter pitcher," and by "cat" I mean "1100 pound Liger."
There are some games of Minesweeper that simply cannot be beaten without guessing, and tonight, I've hit those consecutively more times than I can now remember. And then, of course, I started getting tired and making careless mistakes. But this last one, I had a good feeling from the beginning. I was tearing my way through it, confident of my impending victory. In the corner of my eyes, I watched with glee as the mine counter went down.
5 mines....4.......3.....2......1......
........
?
Oh, no. No. It can't.....wait......aw fuck. No. NO NO NO NO NO NO NO! Awwwwwww, maaaaaaaaaaaaaaan COME ON!!!!!!!!!!!
Wait. Calm down. Lets check over once more, systematically.
Nope. Fuck. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK.
Two more squares. One mine. One not. No way to deduct the answer.
And so, Ubersite, after 4 hours of making such guesses and FAILING, I now leave my life in your hands.
I have labeled the top uncovered block "A" and the bottom uncovered block "B." Whichever gets the most votes will be CLICKED ON, NOT FLAGGED. You are voting on life here, not death. My life.
Do a good job. Do a good job. Do a good job. Do a good job. Do a good job.
User Reviews
Submitted by Kale (user info) at 2006-08-17 00:24:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Only now do I understand this man's passion for Minesweeper
Submitted by seanfogy (user info) at 2005-06-03 11:52:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i havent looked at my start bar in a while, but I have just noticed that none of my standard windows games are there anymore.
how sad
Submitted by Freight_Train (user info) at 2005-06-02 23:25:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
my record is 108 sec
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2005-06-02 17:00:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Firstly 411 secs is your fastest? Harhar.
secondly +2 for managing to write this post post it count up the votes and click in 7 seconds flat
Thats impressive
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2005-06-02 15:55:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Razor: Don't try to guess which one is the mine - that's impossible. Instead... only try to realize the truth.
Jonukah: What truth?
Razor: There is no mine.
Jonukah: There is no mine?
Razor: Then you'll see, that it is not the mine that bends, it is only yourself.
Jonukah ponders this for a moment, looking at his reflection in the monitor. Then, with revelation dawning, he clicks on B. The mine explodes, game over.
Jonukah: WTF?!?
Razor: Shamone, bitch!
Submitted by Gnat (user info) at 2005-06-02 12:57:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh god this was funny.
Choose A!
Submitted by Squijee (user info) at 2005-06-02 04:43:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
So far, my 92 reigns supreme. Supreme, like the pizza.
"A boat is a boat, but the mystery box could be anything...it could even be a boat!"
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2005-06-01 23:04:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I can nail expert in 128 seconds. I don't even use the double-click method. I think that is right up there with the most awesome internet nerds in the world.
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2005-06-01 19:58:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2005-06-01 18:58:29 (#)
Ranking: 2
Should I take the cash prize, or go for the "Mystery Box"
--Cash prize. (You don't strike me as the "lucky type" for some reason. Maybe it takes one to know one.)
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this reminded me of this:
sales guy: yes yes, you could take the boat, or you could get whatever is inside of the "mystery box"
lois: are you kidding? we'll take the boat.
peter: whoa whoa lois. a boat is a boat, but who knows what is contained inside the awesomeness of the mystery box.
Submitted by jonukah (user info) at 2005-06-01 19:57:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
And the fate of Jonukah is...
http://www.ubersite.com/cgi-bin/message_get.cgi?message=111767018719419272
Submitted by jonukah (user info) at 2005-06-01 19:50:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Alright, it looks like A wins by a decent margin, so here goes.....
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2005-06-01 19:34:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Click A.
Submitted by CoreaPeekay (user info) at 2005-06-01 19:23:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
B.
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2005-06-01 18:58:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Should I continue education or take a current job offer?
--Education. (As if you really had to ask).
Should I take the cash prize, or go for the "Mystery Box"
--Cash prize. (You don't strike me as the "lucky type" for some reason. Maybe it takes one to know one.)
Should I repair my Daewoo or put the hamster in the wheel to sleep?
--Kill it. Move on. Don't look back. (As if you really had to ask).
Should we get married or throw it in a dumpster?
--Lose her. (As if you really had to ask).
xoxoxox
L
Submitted by jonukah (user info) at 2005-06-01 16:53:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-06-01 15:23:36 (#)
Ranking: 2
Correction:
Having a bomb at 'B' is even LESS, NOT MORE, likely because it would only add to that, making it (11), which is more of a statistical anomaly.
Click B.
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Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-06-01 15:17:32 (#)
Ranking: 2
That's an unusually large structure of contigious bombs in that region. (10) Having a bomb at 'B' is even more likely because it would only add to that, making it (11).
Click B.
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Unfortunately, given that those other bombs are already there, the anomaly is moot.
Submitted by notoriousbrett (user info) at 2005-06-01 16:06:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
B for Brett. That's reason enough
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2005-06-01 15:57:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Go for A dude, let us know how it turns out.
I hope this doesn't become a bandwagon.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-06-01 15:34:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
no... A
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-06-01 15:34:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
B
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-06-01 15:23:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Correction:
Having a bomb at 'B' is even LESS, NOT MORE, likely because it would only add to that, making it (11), which is more of a statistical anomaly.
Click B.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-06-01 15:17:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That's an unusually large structure of contigious bombs in that region. (10) Having a bomb at 'B' is even more likely because it would only add to that, making it (11).
Click B.
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-06-01 15:13:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I would click on B, but I suck at that game.
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-06-01 14:57:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I would pick A............no no no B, yeah B, definetley B.....shit, no wait, A.......yes A it is, or maybe B
Fuck it, I don't know
Submitted by DJMattB241 (user info) at 2005-06-01 14:55:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
shit. i must be tired. i meant to say: i'm going to wager that B IS THE BOMB!
so click A.
Submitted by DJMattB241 (user info) at 2005-06-01 14:54:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i'm going to wager B. let us know what happens!
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-06-01 14:50:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Just close it, you don't wnat the stress of this decision
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2005-06-01 14:39:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Damn
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2005-06-01 14:39:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
pick b
6
63
143
Submitted by Speed2oo1 (user info) at 2005-06-01 14:33:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
B
Submitted by Dead_0hi0_Sky (user info) at 2005-06-01 13:02:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
dumpster the damn thing.
oh, and pick A.
Submitted by cuberat (user info) at 2005-06-01 12:34:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
A
Submitted by alfakyle (user info) at 2005-06-01 11:59:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for doing so damn well.
Submitted by alfakyle (user info) at 2005-06-01 11:40:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Simple. Just press the following seven keys in this order: x y z z y x [right shift key] The top left pixel of your screen will tell you. A white pixel is safe, a black pixel is a mine.
Submitted by Sinistral (user info) at 2005-06-01 11:26:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Click A.
+2 because minesweeper is a badass game that only a select few can play.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-06-01 10:59:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Close your eyes and let the force guide you.
alright. I say click the top one.
Submitted by Rainer (user info) at 2005-06-01 10:57:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I never understood Minesweeper.
A!
Submitted by Chillax (user info) at 2005-06-01 10:47:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
You get a 1 because that's a fucking awesome amount of minesweeper - I always die before I get near that.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2005-06-01 10:22:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
How do I know?
I Don't. I never really liked or played this game. You get +1.5 because I see you tearing your hair out at this decision, and that's very much hair. :)
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2005-06-01 10:20:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
It's B.
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-06-01 09:44:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Skate ot off.
Submitted by jonukah (user info) at 2005-06-01 09:28:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
As of Loki's review, here is the tally:
A: 16
B: 7
C: 1
Never finish the game: 7
Looks to be landslide to me, but I'll let the votes go until tonight, so we'll see.
The minesweeper clock actually stop running when minesweeper has been minimized, so it is still around 410 seconds or so.
And I am definitely planning on posting the result.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2005-06-01 09:09:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
A
Submitted by Jungle_Jimanee (user info) at 2005-06-01 08:56:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wait a moment Jonukah, I've just spotted something that everyone's missed:
It must be at least an hour since you posted, your score is already ruined. I suggest you just flip a coin and start a new game. You've got to be quick off the mark in that game.
Submitted by Fabit (user info) at 2005-06-01 08:46:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It's defniately B! I can feel it in my water!
Submitted by UrbaneMischief (user info) at 2005-06-01 08:42:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i say you should quit life, move to an island a fuck hot sluts for the rest of your life
..but that's just my opinion
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-06-01 08:32:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
So this game has been open for quite a while now huh?
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-06-01 08:26:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I say B.
But I suck at minesweeper///
Submitted by ess-arr (user info) at 2005-06-01 08:24:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
let robin die.
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2005-06-01 08:16:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It doesn't matter which one you click.
A: You win the game, but the once latent mine sweeper virus that is stored in your computer will activate and it will delete all your nudie pictures of Angelina Jolie.
B: You click and you die, but then you can still have a wank to your nudie pictures of Angelina Jolie.
The choice is pretty obvious.
Submitted by Slighty_Obnoxious (user info) at 2005-06-01 07:31:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I would go with C.
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2005-06-01 07:14:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i say close the fucking game and go play a real one, or even better masturbate in your own faeces.
what?
cool fucking post.
Submitted by mikethescottish (user info) at 2005-06-01 06:39:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
B. I got a good feelin' about this.
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2005-06-01 05:39:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
A.
I know that's absolutely no use to you, but it means I can say it was either one when you win / lose.
Submitted by Jungle_Jimanee (user info) at 2005-06-01 05:33:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Don't let the game (life) fuck with you, click both and laugh.
Submitted by hairycoo (user info) at 2005-06-01 05:25:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
so what I meant was - A is da bomb
Submitted by hairycoo (user info) at 2005-06-01 05:24:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Its A
The number 1 would most likely have its mine on the left.
Submitted by lordofthedance (user info) at 2005-06-01 05:16:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Don't listen to the retards. It's A.
Also....
www.captainfoamy.com
Submitted by hobbs (user info) at 2005-06-01 05:11:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Befor you can click A or B you must learn to click your self.
This goes deeper, its not about the game, winning, loosing, its about life, who you are, where your going, where you've been.
Im counting on you.
Submitted by KillMe (user info) at 2005-06-01 05:01:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for complete originality; it's been quite a while since we've had the proverbial breath of fresh air. as far as which one, use the force.
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2005-06-01 05:00:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I'd click........well I'd click off your computer and go and get some fresh air... look at some clouds and flowers.... breathe... relax... and forget that computer games like that exist.
It doesn't matter if its A or B really. Nicer things out here..... ahhhhhhhhhhhh.
(and yes I'm a hippy)
Submitted by Squijee (user info) at 2005-06-01 04:57:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My best times are 6, 30 and 92. Oh yeah.
Play Freecell.
Submitted by hobbs (user info) at 2005-06-01 04:54:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Its A (the bomb) trust me...
Submitted by hobbs (user info) at 2005-06-01 04:53:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuck, no no no, A is the bomb!
Submitted by hobbs (user info) at 2005-06-01 04:49:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
B is a bomb.
Well written, you kick ass!
Submitted by Ducky (user info) at 2005-06-01 04:43:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Click on A.
Submitted by funk_boy (user info) at 2005-06-01 04:19:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
dude, ask Larry
Submitted by MoonStone (user info) at 2005-06-01 03:33:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-06-01 03:31:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
When I found out what this was leading to, I cracked up. You HAVE to post the screenshot of the completed/lost game.
Choose A.
Submitted by CLAIRE1 (user info) at 2005-06-01 03:31:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You are fucked dude!!! Good story though.
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2005-06-01 03:29:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Half of me says A.
Submitted by supadupapupa (user info) at 2005-06-01 03:23:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
choose A, B is for bomb
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2005-06-01 03:13:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
it's b
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2005-06-01 03:09:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-06-01 02:54:23 (#)
Ranking: 2
click the big X in the top right.
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Hahahaha!!
Hey, I did something strangely similar to this once... only better.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/33213
Submitted by tinactin (user info) at 2005-06-01 03:09:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The minesweeper thing has been done before on here, but in any event this was well written.
Submitted by lordofthedance (user info) at 2005-06-01 02:58:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It's fuckin' A. Ahahahaha. Get it? Anyone?
*whimper*
No seriously. A. Do it.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-06-01 02:56:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
B
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-06-01 02:55:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
click A. B is the bomb
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-06-01 02:54:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
click the big X in the top right.
Submitted by Kre8rix (user info) at 2005-06-01 02:53:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Go with 'A'
and don't hate me if I'm wrong, it's happened once or twice before...
Submitted by Chroniclysm (user info) at 2005-06-01 02:52:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Click on B.