Ubersite
Home - About Us - Contact
I know you're lurking, Brian the Superhero.
Welcome to Ubersite!
Search Ubersite
Search for:

Most Recently Reviewed
  1. R.I.P. Corey Haim
  2. I fear my fellow citizens.
  3. I have a hangover.
  4. dear backwards yoga woman
  5. Boundary
  6. The TRUTH about: BCCC
  7. Catchy Slogan Contest! Pr...
  8. GOT IT!!! MY OLD A...
  9. "why JonnyX is a cunt" or..
  10. Iditarod vs NASCAR
more...
Most Heated
  1. Boundary (54 heat)
  2. Catchy Slogan Contest! Pr... (52 heat)
  3. I fear my fellow citizens. (43 heat)
  4. Even More of My Art (Conti... (26 heat)
  5. Thought and Memory (23 heat)
  6. The Hissing (22 heat)
  7. I have a hangover. (21 heat)
  8. Why I'm an Atheist (and a ... (20 heat)
  9. Ground-horse has a new fre... (19 heat)
  10. I Still Got The Work (18 heat)
more...
Most Viewed Messages
  1. The Ultimate MS Paint: It... (1235169 hits)
  2. "If I cum now, will it be ... (796082 hits)
  3. How The Hell Do I Get Out ... (537561 hits)
  4. Exploiting Peer-to-Peer Ne... (434184 hits)
  5. Motivating the Weekend (394206 hits)
  6. How To Pick Up Chicks (358396 hits)
  7. Masturbating on Skype with... (336002 hits)
  8. Knockoff porn movie titles (333620 hits)
  9. My J-Date Misadventure (322191 hits)
  10. Badass Australian Cows (279830 hits)
more...
Most Viewed Authors
  1. win (1624963 hits)
  2. Bart Cilfone (1595310 hits)
  3. Razor (1576449 hits)
  4. JMG114 (1523079 hits)
  5. THE Sideburns (1506236 hits)
  6. MickGinny (1431553 hits)
  7. loki (1168126 hits)
  8. Jonukah (1114602 hits)
  9. VACANCY (1106967 hits)
  10. (V) (1088495 hits)
  11. Shit... (1049414 hits)
  12. Yankees! (1017711 hits)
  13. Peter Fucking Graves (1017661 hits)
  14. Tom (940727 hits)
  15. THE MIGHTY APOLLO (868477 hits)
  16. I am apparently back, bitc... (852517 hits)
  17. ++TIGER++ ++LILLY++ (833336 hits)
  18. Wally (831609 hits)
  19. Sorrell (819804 hits)
  20. Phallic_Cymbals (797595 hits)
  21. RIP™ (794210 hits)
  22. Tremble, hetero swine! (777752 hits)
  23. RON PAUL 2008! (763991 hits)
  24. HIDDEN101 (754756 hits)
  25. Will Zone (751324 hits)
  26. TToM is Not Back (735283 hits)
  27. User Blocked (733813 hits)
  28. iddqd (729297 hits)
  29. Snoop Dogg (705053 hits)
  30. kaos-king (687934 hits)
Click here to return to the list of messages.

My Date with Tigerlilly (1395 hits)

Category: Romance

Rating: 0.78 on 46 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Labels:

Submitted by jayjonze <crazfool003.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2005-06-01 07:12:34 EDT


Dear Ms. Lilly,

I would like to take you on a date, I know you are a very busy girl so I have planned it all out. Email me, I don't have your email anymore.

Friday: 7:00pm

Tigerlilly meets Jay at his favorite bar. They get appetizers but not before a healthy amount of jeagermister.

8:00pm

Small talk, regular date bullshit. More alcohol.

9:00pm

Halfway through her 2nd martini, Lilly realizes that jay has already drank enough to kill a large bovine. She is quite impressed.

9:30pm

Jay forgets he is on a date and starts to flirt with a 19 year old waitress. As Lilly is about to leave, he reels her back in with pictures of his dog and his 2 nephews.

10:00pm

Music starts, it begins to get quite loud. Lilly inches closer to jay due to the fact that it was hard enough to hear him through his slurred speech.

10:30pm

Jay and lilly go to the dirt bar down the street to play pool and drink cheap booze. Jay swears he was better at pool before his fight with a bear that had wandered into his lawn.

10:45pm

Jay kisses Lilly. She falls in love with him instantly

11:30 pm -1:30 AM

Scene Deleted

Saturday 7:00 am

Lilly drives Home




The End

Submit to Digg Submit to StumbleUpon

User Reviews


Submitted by gld1320 (user info) at 2005-06-01 11:55:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

she drove home while it was still dark out?

....shitty date

Submitted by Draqus (user info) at 2005-06-01 11:30:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

S you're no longer a virgin?

Good shit man. Way to blow it.

Submitted by Ducky (user info) at 2005-06-01 11:26:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Nice.

Submitted by Feijuada (user info) at 2005-06-01 11:18:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Ha.

Submitted by nitty34 (user info) at 2005-06-01 11:11:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

I'm such a badass that if I were a chick I would fuck myself.

I'm glad I'm not, because what with the drinking, the gambling, and the golf Shlongy would be all over my redneck ass.



Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-06-01 11:05:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

nitty, if you were a chick.....

Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-06-01 10:59:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

My semen is tequila flavored. Drink up!

Probably.

Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2005-06-01 10:55:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

geez! you've got 2 straight hours alone with Uber's hottie-in-residence and all you can describe it with is "SCENE DELETED"?

come on man...

Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-06-01 10:54:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

She prefers animal...
I don't know why, she's wierd...

Submitted by WhatTheHell (user info) at 2005-06-01 10:50:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-06-01 10:39:42 (#)
Ranking: 0

Oh, also, if you want to get into her heart, along with the tequila, bring underware.

NOT YOURS, SICKO!
----------------

So does that mean to get into her underware, I have to bring a HEART??

That's kinda gross don't ya think??


(Human or animal?)

Submitted by nitty34 (user info) at 2005-06-01 10:42:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Then Platinum it is. I didn't know what color to use, I always just order the best Patron they have.

And no training wheels, mind you. Salt + lime = cuntbubble

Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-06-01 10:39:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Oh, also, if you want to get into her heart, along with the tequila, bring underware.

NOT YOURS, SICKO!

Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-06-01 10:34:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

"Jay swears he was better at pool before his fight with a bear that had wandered into his lawn."

Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-06-01 10:33:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Silver or Platinum, nitty....gold is the low-level garbage.

Submitted by nitty34 (user info) at 2005-06-01 10:17:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

1. I want the next date. That's an act I know I can follow.
2. Patron Gold, folks. That's the only tequila we'll be drinking.
3. I'm slightly jealous.



Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2005-06-01 10:14:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1

11:30 pm -1:30 AM

Scene Deleted

--------------

At 01:15, you were recorded saying "It's never happened to me before! I should be ready by now! 5 more minutes!"


Submitted by jayjonze (user info) at 2005-06-01 10:06:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

----
*sigh*
-------------
Whats the Problem, You should be so exited to get to hang out with me....

Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-06-01 09:52:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Submitted by fudgepacker (user info) at 2005-06-01 09:33:10 (#)
Ranking: 0

cute

----
*sigh*

Submitted by fudgepacker (user info) at 2005-06-01 09:33:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

cute

Submitted by jayjonze (user info) at 2005-06-01 09:31:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Just making sure...

Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-06-01 09:26:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

You obviously think I am stupid. Of course I got
your 'worm' joke. Asshat! ;)

Submitted by jayjonze (user info) at 2005-06-01 09:23:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Great!!! I buy the tequila, you eat the "worm"...
------
There is no 'worm' in cabo wabo. Silly goose! ;)
-------------------------------

You obviously did not get the joke.



Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-06-01 09:19:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Submitted by jayjonze (user info) at 2005-06-01 09:11:10 (#)
Ranking: 0

----------------------------------------
Great!!! I buy the tequila, you eat the "worm"...
------
There is no 'worm' in cabo wabo. Silly goose! ;)




Submitted by jayjonze (user info) at 2005-06-01 09:11:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-06-01 09:09:21 (#)
Ranking: 2

Ah the power of tequila!! Makes my head silly. I love it.

----------------------------------------
Great!!! I buy the tequila, you eat the "worm"...

Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-06-01 09:09:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Ah the power of tequila!! Makes my head silly. I love it.

Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-06-01 09:04:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1

Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-06-01 08:21:12 (#)
Ranking: 2

Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-06-01 08:13:48 (#)
Ranking: 0

If you wish to woo TigerLilly, you must have tequila.
Lots and lots of tequila.
No Jaeger.
NO nothing else.
Tequila.
Trust me.

------------------------------------------

more specifically cabo wabo
----------------
I never thought I would be more glad that I have 2 nearly full buttles of 2 types of Cabo Wabo. Reposada, or blanco?

Submitted by jayjonze (user info) at 2005-06-01 09:03:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Tequilla It is!

Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-06-01 09:03:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Submitted by AwesomeJohnson (user info) at 2005-06-01 09:00:57 (#)
Ranking: 2

It wasn't serious, but hey, knowing is half the battle, right?

----
True. And I am full of useless information.

Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-06-01 09:03:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Submitted by AwesomeJohnson (user info) at 2005-06-01 09:00:57 (#)
Ranking: 2

It wasn't serious, but hey, knowing is half the battle, right?

----
True. And I am full of useless information.

Submitted by AwesomeJohnson (user info) at 2005-06-01 09:00:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-06-01 08:57:04 (#)
Ranking: 2

Submitted by AwesomeJohnson (user info) at 2005-06-01 08:44:19 (#)
Ranking: 2

Hey, anyone know where you can rent petticoats?

----
Ok. I am going to answer this assuming it is a serious question.
You can rent petticoats at just about any costume shop. I would
give that a try or try a bridal/tux place. I hope I've helped ;)
-----

It wasn't serious, but hey, knowing is half the battle, right?

Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-06-01 08:57:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Submitted by AwesomeJohnson (user info) at 2005-06-01 08:44:19 (#)
Ranking: 2

Hey, anyone know where you can rent petticoats?

----
Ok. I am going to answer this assuming it is a serious question.
You can rent petticoats at just about any costume shop. I would
give that a try or try a bridal/tux place. I hope I've helped ;)


Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-06-01 08:46:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-06-01 08:21:12 (#)
Ranking: 2

Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-06-01 08:13:48 (#)
Ranking: 0

If you wish to woo TigerLilly, you must have tequila.
Lots and lots of tequila.
No Jaeger.
NO nothing else.
Tequila.
Trust me.

------------------------------------------

more specifically cabo wabo
----

They certainly do know me well. *Smiles*

Submitted by AwesomeJohnson (user info) at 2005-06-01 08:44:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Smart move to delete the part where you sit on the toilet and cry for 1 hour and 55 minutes. Of course, I could write anything I want here, and no one would care. I don't even know you! (that's where the +2 comes in).

Hey, anyone know where you can rent petticoats?

I forget my point.


SAN DEMIS HIGH SCHOOL FOOTBALL RULES!

Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-06-01 08:36:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

IHAKF?

Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-06-01 08:21:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-06-01 08:13:48 (#)
Ranking: 0

If you wish to woo TigerLilly, you must have tequila.
Lots and lots of tequila.
No Jaeger.
NO nothing else.
Tequila.
Trust me.

------------------------------------------

more specifically cabo wabo

Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-06-01 08:13:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

If you wish to woo TigerLilly, you must have tequila.
Lots and lots of tequila.
No Jaeger.
NO nothing else.
Tequila.
Trust me.

Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-06-01 08:08:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

I would have closed the deal a helluva lot earlier than that.

But then again, I'm Shlongy, dammit.

Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2005-06-01 07:51:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1

Submitted by hairycoo (user info) at 2005-06-01 07:45:37 (#)
Ranking: 0

Lilly drives Home ... sitting on an icepack
.............................................................

haha, combined with the roofie joke, it reminds me of "me, myself, and irene."



"Why i am peeing like i spent all night having sex"




"I turn my back for one moment then you stick it up my ass. Literally!"

"For your information, you stuck it in your own ass!"

Submitted by hairycoo (user info) at 2005-06-01 07:45:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Lilly drives Home ... sitting on an icepack

Submitted by jayjonze (user info) at 2005-06-01 07:44:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

I thought putting in breakfast would be arrogant, how about eggs, potatos, english muffins and bacon?

Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-06-01 07:42:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Wait a minute....no breakfast. Bah. No date!! ;)

Submitted by hobbs (user info) at 2005-06-01 07:37:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

She is a minx.

A fox with only her cunning to protect her.

Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-06-01 07:36:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2005-06-01 07:16:21 (#)
Ranking: 1

you missed the roofie you gave her somewhere between 10:45 and 11:30.

---
BWUAHAHAHA...that would be me slipping him the roofie.

This was cute Jay.

Submitted by Maningham (user info) at 2005-06-01 07:33:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

huh?

Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2005-06-01 07:16:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1

you missed the roofie you gave her somewhere between 10:45 and 11:30.

Submitted by Williams_2004 (user info) at 2005-06-01 07:14:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOK


Marge: You don't have to join a freak show just because the
opportunity came along.

Homer: You know, Marge, in some ways you and I are very different
people.

Homerpalooza