My Date with Tigerlilly (1385 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 0.78 on 46 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by jayjonze <crazfool003.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2005-06-01 07:12:34 EDT
Dear Ms. Lilly,
I would like to take you on a date, I know you are a very busy girl so I have planned it all out. Email me, I don't have your email anymore.
Friday: 7:00pm
Tigerlilly meets Jay at his favorite bar. They get appetizers but not before a healthy amount of jeagermister.
8:00pm
Small talk, regular date bullshit. More alcohol.
9:00pm
Halfway through her 2nd martini, Lilly realizes that jay has already drank enough to kill a large bovine. She is quite impressed.
9:30pm
Jay forgets he is on a date and starts to flirt with a 19 year old waitress. As Lilly is about to leave, he reels her back in with pictures of his dog and his 2 nephews.
10:00pm
Music starts, it begins to get quite loud. Lilly inches closer to jay due to the fact that it was hard enough to hear him through his slurred speech.
10:30pm
Jay and lilly go to the dirt bar down the street to play pool and drink cheap booze. Jay swears he was better at pool before his fight with a bear that had wandered into his lawn.
10:45pm
Jay kisses Lilly. She falls in love with him instantly
11:30 pm -1:30 AM
Scene Deleted
Saturday 7:00 am
Lilly drives Home
The End
User Reviews
Submitted by gld1320 (user info) at 2005-06-01 11:55:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
she drove home while it was still dark out?
....shitty date
Submitted by Draqus (user info) at 2005-06-01 11:30:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
S you're no longer a virgin?
Good shit man. Way to blow it.
Submitted by Ducky (user info) at 2005-06-01 11:26:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice.
Submitted by Feijuada (user info) at 2005-06-01 11:18:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ha.
Submitted by nitty34 (user info) at 2005-06-01 11:11:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm such a badass that if I were a chick I would fuck myself.
I'm glad I'm not, because what with the drinking, the gambling, and the golf Shlongy would be all over my redneck ass.
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-06-01 11:05:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
nitty, if you were a chick.....
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-06-01 10:59:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My semen is tequila flavored. Drink up!
Probably.
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2005-06-01 10:55:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
geez! you've got 2 straight hours alone with Uber's hottie-in-residence and all you can describe it with is "SCENE DELETED"?
come on man...
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-06-01 10:54:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
She prefers animal...
I don't know why, she's wierd...
Submitted by WhatTheHell (user info) at 2005-06-01 10:50:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-06-01 10:39:42 (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh, also, if you want to get into her heart, along with the tequila, bring underware.
NOT YOURS, SICKO!
----------------
So does that mean to get into her underware, I have to bring a HEART??
That's kinda gross don't ya think??
(Human or animal?)
Submitted by nitty34 (user info) at 2005-06-01 10:42:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Then Platinum it is. I didn't know what color to use, I always just order the best Patron they have.
And no training wheels, mind you. Salt + lime = cuntbubble
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-06-01 10:39:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh, also, if you want to get into her heart, along with the tequila, bring underware.
NOT YOURS, SICKO!
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-06-01 10:34:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Jay swears he was better at pool before his fight with a bear that had wandered into his lawn."
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-06-01 10:33:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Silver or Platinum, nitty....gold is the low-level garbage.
Submitted by nitty34 (user info) at 2005-06-01 10:17:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
1. I want the next date. That's an act I know I can follow.
2. Patron Gold, folks. That's the only tequila we'll be drinking.
3. I'm slightly jealous.
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2005-06-01 10:14:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
11:30 pm -1:30 AM
Scene Deleted
--------------
At 01:15, you were recorded saying "It's never happened to me before! I should be ready by now! 5 more minutes!"
Submitted by jayjonze (user info) at 2005-06-01 10:06:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
----
*sigh*
-------------
Whats the Problem, You should be so exited to get to hang out with me....
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-06-01 09:52:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by fudgepacker (user info) at 2005-06-01 09:33:10 (#)
Ranking: 0
cute
----
*sigh*
Submitted by fudgepacker (user info) at 2005-06-01 09:33:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
cute
Submitted by jayjonze (user info) at 2005-06-01 09:31:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Just making sure...
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-06-01 09:26:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You obviously think I am stupid. Of course I got
your 'worm' joke. Asshat! ;)
Submitted by jayjonze (user info) at 2005-06-01 09:23:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Great!!! I buy the tequila, you eat the "worm"...
------
There is no 'worm' in cabo wabo. Silly goose! ;)
-------------------------------
You obviously did not get the joke.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-06-01 09:19:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by jayjonze (user info) at 2005-06-01 09:11:10 (#)
Ranking: 0
----------------------------------------
Great!!! I buy the tequila, you eat the "worm"...
------
There is no 'worm' in cabo wabo. Silly goose! ;)
Submitted by jayjonze (user info) at 2005-06-01 09:11:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-06-01 09:09:21 (#)
Ranking: 2
Ah the power of tequila!! Makes my head silly. I love it.
----------------------------------------
Great!!! I buy the tequila, you eat the "worm"...
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-06-01 09:09:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ah the power of tequila!! Makes my head silly. I love it.
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-06-01 09:04:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-06-01 08:21:12 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-06-01 08:13:48 (#)
Ranking: 0
If you wish to woo TigerLilly, you must have tequila.
Lots and lots of tequila.
No Jaeger.
NO nothing else.
Tequila.
Trust me.
------------------------------------------
more specifically cabo wabo
----------------
I never thought I would be more glad that I have 2 nearly full buttles of 2 types of Cabo Wabo. Reposada, or blanco?
Submitted by jayjonze (user info) at 2005-06-01 09:03:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Tequilla It is!
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-06-01 09:03:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by AwesomeJohnson (user info) at 2005-06-01 09:00:57 (#)
Ranking: 2
It wasn't serious, but hey, knowing is half the battle, right?
----
True. And I am full of useless information.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-06-01 09:03:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by AwesomeJohnson (user info) at 2005-06-01 09:00:57 (#)
Ranking: 2
It wasn't serious, but hey, knowing is half the battle, right?
----
True. And I am full of useless information.
Submitted by AwesomeJohnson (user info) at 2005-06-01 09:00:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-06-01 08:57:04 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by AwesomeJohnson (user info) at 2005-06-01 08:44:19 (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey, anyone know where you can rent petticoats?
----
Ok. I am going to answer this assuming it is a serious question.
You can rent petticoats at just about any costume shop. I would
give that a try or try a bridal/tux place. I hope I've helped ;)
-----
It wasn't serious, but hey, knowing is half the battle, right?
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-06-01 08:57:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by AwesomeJohnson (user info) at 2005-06-01 08:44:19 (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey, anyone know where you can rent petticoats?
----
Ok. I am going to answer this assuming it is a serious question.
You can rent petticoats at just about any costume shop. I would
give that a try or try a bridal/tux place. I hope I've helped ;)
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-06-01 08:46:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-06-01 08:21:12 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-06-01 08:13:48 (#)
Ranking: 0
If you wish to woo TigerLilly, you must have tequila.
Lots and lots of tequila.
No Jaeger.
NO nothing else.
Tequila.
Trust me.
------------------------------------------
more specifically cabo wabo
----
They certainly do know me well. *Smiles*
Submitted by AwesomeJohnson (user info) at 2005-06-01 08:44:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Smart move to delete the part where you sit on the toilet and cry for 1 hour and 55 minutes. Of course, I could write anything I want here, and no one would care. I don't even know you! (that's where the +2 comes in).
Hey, anyone know where you can rent petticoats?
I forget my point.
SAN DEMIS HIGH SCHOOL FOOTBALL RULES!
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-06-01 08:36:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
IHAKF?
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-06-01 08:21:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-06-01 08:13:48 (#)
Ranking: 0
If you wish to woo TigerLilly, you must have tequila.
Lots and lots of tequila.
No Jaeger.
NO nothing else.
Tequila.
Trust me.
------------------------------------------
more specifically cabo wabo
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-06-01 08:13:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
If you wish to woo TigerLilly, you must have tequila.
Lots and lots of tequila.
No Jaeger.
NO nothing else.
Tequila.
Trust me.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-06-01 08:08:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I would have closed the deal a helluva lot earlier than that.
But then again, I'm Shlongy, dammit.
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2005-06-01 07:51:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by hairycoo (user info) at 2005-06-01 07:45:37 (#)
Ranking: 0
Lilly drives Home ... sitting on an icepack
.............................................................
haha, combined with the roofie joke, it reminds me of "me, myself, and irene."
"Why i am peeing like i spent all night having sex"
"I turn my back for one moment then you stick it up my ass. Literally!"
"For your information, you stuck it in your own ass!"
Submitted by hairycoo (user info) at 2005-06-01 07:45:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Lilly drives Home ... sitting on an icepack
Submitted by jayjonze (user info) at 2005-06-01 07:44:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I thought putting in breakfast would be arrogant, how about eggs, potatos, english muffins and bacon?
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-06-01 07:42:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wait a minute....no breakfast. Bah. No date!! ;)
Submitted by hobbs (user info) at 2005-06-01 07:37:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
She is a minx.
A fox with only her cunning to protect her.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-06-01 07:36:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2005-06-01 07:16:21 (#)
Ranking: 1
you missed the roofie you gave her somewhere between 10:45 and 11:30.
---
BWUAHAHAHA...that would be me slipping him the roofie.
This was cute Jay.
Submitted by Maningham (user info) at 2005-06-01 07:33:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
huh?
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2005-06-01 07:16:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
you missed the roofie you gave her somewhere between 10:45 and 11:30.
Submitted by Williams_2004 (user info) at 2005-06-01 07:14:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOK