"Get your shit out my driveway, and the fuck outta Dodge" (1066 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: crap:humour
Rating: 1.8 on 33 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Circe <fickle.muse.at.gmail.com> (View user info) at 2005-06-01 14:05:00 EDT
This was going to be "Pointless Picture Wednesday" like all the rest of you bastards. But as I searched for my digital camera cable, moving my heavy desk chair with my heavy ass on it back and forth, I realised slowly that the ever lessening "bump" was the bit that connects to my camera. I am nothing if not technically proficient. I squished it flat, and spent the next twenty minutes fruitlessly trying to jam it onto my camera anyway. THERE WERE PLIERS INVOLVED. I think I might have done long term irreparable damage to the camera, but it's okay. I'd take a picture of the wreckage, but my camera just kinda sobs when I turn it on so I've put it in the freezer. What? It works on kids, motherfucker.
The pictures were of the heavy earthmoving equipment in the street outside. They leave it there overnight, and I want an award for not blowing it the fuck up. They're putting in deep sewerage, which is a worthy cause and a great boon for our fair city. BUT WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE RIGHT OUTSIDE MY HOUSE? DO I SHIT MORE THAN ANYONE ELSE? There's piles of sand on my front lawn, and getting out of my driveway is an exercise in delicate manoeuvering. It's even worse when I take the car.
They put a tripod for taking levels in the middle of my driveway, and applauded when I reversed around it. I hate them. I want to drop them in their fucking crater out the front and use their infernal machines of doom to backfill half the street over them.
They park on my lawn. I have a golf club. Do the math.
They start up at 6 am and while I admire a strong work ethic as much as the next person, I need to sleep. I mean, I REALLY need sleep. What the fuck is the point of making deals with my husband like "I'll do the night feed for the twins if YOU get the boy to school" when THOSE FUCKING ANIMALS KEEP WAKING US UP?
They're there every day. They walk all over my yard. They dig holes in things and flood other things. There's water all over the road right now and it's 1.30 in the morning.
Wait.
It's 1.30 in the morning.
Nobody's around.
...
...
Leave any recipes for explosives in the reviews.
(Use your fucking imagination when looking at this pic, okay?)
User Reviews
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-06-14 14:01:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
sounds nice where you live
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-06-02 13:39:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Rad has watched too much fight club.
I am Jack's smirking revenge.
I am Jack's cold sweat.
I am Jack's raging bile duct.
I am Jack's complete lack of surprise.
I am Jack's wasted life.
I am Jack's inflamed sense of rejection.
I am Jack's broken heart.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-06-02 05:14:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
First boil some fat. Then cool in the fridge. The fat will seperate.
The clear layer is glycerin. You can mix glycerin back in when you make soap. Or you can skim the glycerin off.
You can mix glycerin with nitric acid to make nitroglyerin.
You can mix nitroglycerin with sodium nitrate and sawdust to make dynamite.
You can mix nitroglycerin with more nitric acid and and parafin and make gelatin explosives.
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2005-06-02 04:30:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Your black cloud of earthmoving machines, like a quantum electron cloud around, say, an atom of fluorine, is a triumph of abstract impressionism.
Submitted by DanielH (user info) at 2005-06-02 01:51:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by transhuman (user info) at 2005-06-01 19:46:43 (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for making me snort porridge up my nose.
- - -
Porridge? Do you live in Nursery Rhyme Land?
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2005-06-02 01:18:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
A Cat D-11 can, be your friend.
Submitted by gld1320 (user info) at 2005-06-01 23:30:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
offer them lemonade while they are working
with snot it it of course
Submitted by NocternalDragon (user info) at 2005-06-01 23:05:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I shouldent be telling you this BUT, Take a slice of balogna and cover it in salt, then place it on offending vehical let sit, preffibly in the sun so do it after they leave at 2pm or whatever. Once they try to remove it it comes off with great ease, unfortunetly for them it takes paint from under it was well with it. Or so Im told hehehehe
Btw if your even more pissed, take a tube of the squeezable vasaline, the economy jar dosent work. Spread a layer on offending vehicals windshild wippers. Once they go to use them it spreads it out all over there windshield making it VERY difficult to see and or drive. Great for when it rains and your pissed at your boss.
Acording To CSI you can put cloroform in offending vehicals tires and they will eventually blow out, but that one hasent been confirmed. No wait none of these have not by me least of all!!!
Better yet forget you read any of this. :)
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2005-06-01 22:56:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
How come when you rant and act all crazy people want to have sex with you and when I do it I get called a psycho.
Goddammit.
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-06-01 22:30:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Darling, the solution is almost painfully obvious. Give them their sand and their tripod and their cars and most certainly their bulldozers back.
And by 'back', I mean drop it all down the Pit Of Doom in the road.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-06-01 22:20:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Something about the acidity content of your anger makes me so damn hot for you.
I'm pretty sure it would end in my terrible and brutal death, but I want to make sweet sweet love to you.
Submitted by Saxon (user info) at 2005-06-01 21:37:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Alcohol fixes most situations.
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2005-06-01 21:21:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
One part road crew.
One part Circe.
One part Sleep Deprivation.
Combine in small area and shake vigorously.
Let me know how that works.
Submitted by transhuman (user info) at 2005-06-01 19:46:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for making me snort porridge up my nose.
Submitted by Ducky (user info) at 2005-06-01 15:09:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Deidra (user info) at 2005-06-01 14:57:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2005-06-01 14:51:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You're so stupid it's funny... or funny it's stupid.
Or, how about this:
You're funny, Circle.
I mean CIRCE.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-06-01 14:46:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I say, small calibur, close range. You already have the hole, right?
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-06-01 14:42:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That's a lot to go through just to get out that......your bush is green
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2005-06-01 14:37:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Something's wrong with you, woman. Something's seriously fucking wrong with you.
Which makes me all the sadder about you not getting on MSN anymore.
You're gonna make the gay man cry, and that's just fucking mean. Meanie.
Submitted by richsghostdog (user info) at 2005-06-01 14:30:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Fucking GREAT hole
Submitted by WhatTheHell (user info) at 2005-06-01 14:22:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by tinactin (user info) at 2005-06-01 14:18:49 (#)
Ranking: 2
I bet you're still awake right now, reading this
=====================================================
Naked, oiled up and diddling your clam with a paper towel roll filled with liverwurst.
No??
Oh well, maybe next time
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-06-01 14:22:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-06-01 14:10:56 (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice bush
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2005-06-01 14:21:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
your tax money at work
Submitted by tinactin (user info) at 2005-06-01 14:18:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I bet you're still awake right now, reading this
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2005-06-01 14:16:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahaha.
Bush.
You can kill them in the morning. I won't tell a soul.
Submitted by WhatTheHell (user info) at 2005-06-01 14:15:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Can I see your bush?
what?
I already did??
Well, that's no fun now is it.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-06-01 14:14:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Feijuada - you said you were going to stop reading my posts. I was happy. You ruined it. You fuckhead. Stick to something next time. A wrecking ball, for preference.
Submitted by YELLOW-MAN (user info) at 2005-06-01 14:13:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by wookie (user info) at 2005-06-01 14:12:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nothing like a good road raping...
Submitted by Feijuada (user info) at 2005-06-01 14:11:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
This was teh lame.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-06-01 14:10:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice bush
Submitted by jumpinjellyfish (user info) at 2005-06-01 14:10:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I love the way you write.
Your bush is green?