The Perfect Day (701 hits)
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Rating: 1.73 on 28 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Corn Nugget (View user info) at 2005-06-01 22:47:16 EDT
I've had two families my whole life. The first family is my biological family. The aunts and uncles and cousins. The second family is my parents friends.
Looking through their old photo albums, I can watch their friendships evolve. There are pictures of a group of teens, reclining along the beach, joints hanging from mouths, hand holding. The women all had long, flat hair, and the men all had afros which competed in largess with their mutton-chops.
Then I turn the page, and I see my dad in his purple velvet tux. I see him standing at the altar with my mom, who looks like a flower child, the small baby that sits in her belly is imperceptible, but I know it's there. Rob is the best man, and Sue is the maid of honor.
The next page is from Rob and Sues wedding. This time the purple tux is replaced with a tan suit, and the flowerchild dress is replaced with an antique gown. The rest looks the same. Hippies marrying greasers.
Further on, I see my dad at the hunting lodge with his buddies. Beers held up to the camera, cheers all around. The guys are starting to weild some control over their unruly hair, yet their mutton chops still sit predominantly on their cheeks. If they are still smoking weed at this point in their lives, they've decided to no longer document it on film.
Then there are the pictures of the moms with their children. There's my older sister playing with the Doberman. I toddle along next to Jami, who is just six months older than I am- the product of Rob and Sues marriage.
There are also many vacations saved among these album pages. It's as interesting to see how the adults evolve as it is to watch the children grow. There we are at the Grand Canyon. I remember my mother yelling at my dad because he posed us too near the edge. Then we stand before Mount Rushmore, in our frilly bathing suits for some reason.
Most of the pictures are from camping or barbecues. My parents friends, including still, Rob and Sue, their children, and a few dogs. There is a picture of pre-teen Corinne and Jami, walking along the shore of the beach. And a picture of the adults playing Tonk. And a picture of Rob grilling steaks.
That was how I grew up. I grew up with a few sets of parents, Rob and Sue being the closest to blood. Jami being like a sister.
Last weekend they invited me over for a barbecue. The weather was perfect; clear sky, light breeze, warm air. The smell from the steaks wafting across the grill, and into the yard. Now, we are all adults, yet of course, as offspring always do, I separate myself from the "adults". I'm still a kid. Jami is still a kid.
The kids, Jami and I, specifically, sat in the hot tub, and discussed her upcoming wedding. Her parents stood over the grill, playfully arguing about the steaks. Their other friends sat at the plastic table and played Tonk. The dog stood, fettered, near the back of the yard.
It was a perfect day. A day that reminded me of my youth, of past summers, and it made me utterly content.
Jami and I hopped out of the hot tub, toweled off, and organized a game of bocci ball. We rounded up six other people, and headed to the field out back. Rob and Sue wandered over to watch the game, to mediate, and to tease the losing team.
The ten of us ran around the field, laughing, tossing balls around, and enjoying the company of close friends, and great weather.
As I was reaching down to retrieve my ball, I happened to glance over to Rob and Sue. They had huge grins on their faces and laughter in their eyes. I could all but feel their happiness.
Then it hit me. It hit me like a child from a broken home must be struck when he visits his friend with the happy family. It's almost as if he were at the zoo, admiring the beautiful specimens in the cages. Watching how they interact. Watching their happiness. He must feel a bit jealous, melancholic, sad and angry. A big ball of feelings that he tries to rationalize, to ignore, to dismiss.
In all this joy of a summer barbecue, there were two things missing.
My father and my mother. My father was lost to an accident, and my mother is slowly fading away into her own misery.
All I can do is try to ignore it. All I can do is hide away and choke my sobs so it's easier for everyone else to ignore it, too.
User Reviews
Submitted by SkyLaR (user info) at 2005-06-02 15:26:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-06-02 10:30:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sounds like Uber is YOUR family to share your thoughts, feelings, and emotions with. I know how writing this down can be theraputic.
Submitted by jumpinjellyfish (user info) at 2005-06-02 10:08:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hang in there kid...life has a way of turning around when you least expect it.
Submitted by funk_boy (user info) at 2005-06-02 08:37:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-06-02 08:16:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-06-02 07:51:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
cool
Submitted by Jungle_Jimanee (user info) at 2005-06-02 07:51:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by UrbaneMischief (user info) at 2005-06-02 07:28:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 motherfucker!
Submitted by tehgareh (user info) at 2005-06-02 01:41:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2005-06-02 01:00:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
"monday morning..."
Submitted by YELLOW-MAN (user info) at 2005-06-02 00:55:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2005-06-02 00:26:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Mick? Well, it may have been written elsewhere? I have no idea. I just thought of it as I was writing, but it does seem to be a common enough phrase.
Thanks munkey!
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-06-02 00:22:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I love your style.
Submitted by MickGinny (user info) at 2005-06-02 00:12:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
not about your dad in particular but this; The second family is my parents friends.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-06-01 23:58:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was beautiful and happy and sad.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2005-06-01 23:52:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by MickGinny (user info) at 2005-06-01 23:43:14 (#)
Ranking: 0
i have read this before.
***
I have posted about my dad before, yes... this particular post, no. While I was writing it, I thought, "Uber has heard enough of my sob story, I wont post it"... but, fuck it, it felt good to write, and I dont mind posting it.
Submitted by girlintheworld (user info) at 2005-06-01 23:49:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by MickGinny (user info) at 2005-06-01 23:43:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i have read this before.
Submitted by Wiggles (user info) at 2005-06-01 23:35:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Maybe in your next life you will be reincarnated as a gnat, and you won't have to deal with emotions.
Don't know why I thought of that, but I did, so I wrote it.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2005-06-01 23:24:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
iddqd- right on... in some instances it probably is better. Not every man is fit to be a father, and I know many people who are bitterly disappointed by their parents. Even my mom... she hasn't talked to her own mother in years (with the exception of my dads funeral, which was a very uncomfortable reunion between the two women), and she's better off not having a relationshp with her mother... her mother is nuts.
Submitted by MoneyG (user info) at 2005-06-01 23:23:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2005-06-01 23:19:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
fair enough. i guess that i say that because i havent met my own. pause for sympathy. im not particularly worried by this. given a preference, sure id have liked to have met him and hung out, but if thats not how its to be, then thats ok.
Submitted by Lechuga (user info) at 2005-06-01 23:09:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by PokeyPecker (user info) at 2005-06-01 23:04:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"It hit me like a child from a broken home must be struck when he visits his friend with the happy family."
+2 for that alone. Been there, done that, all those years ago.
Lost my wife. Lost my children. Lost my father. My mother stares at the walls in her home alone.
I seem to stare at walls a lot too, these days.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2005-06-01 22:57:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Wooooahh iddqd... I disagree. Had I never met my father I would have never... met him.
He was the most influential person in my life. I couldn't even begin to list the reasons I was lucky to have had him.
It sucks that he's gone, and it sucks that my mom is slowly going away, too... and of course, I wish he was still here... but, in order to feel real pain you must have had real joy.
I know this pain is here because of all the joy I've had. I hope to feel more pain like this in my life, if it means I've had equal amounts of joy.
Submitted by transhuman (user info) at 2005-06-01 22:57:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-06-01 22:53:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
this was depressing
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2005-06-01 22:51:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
be glad of the memories you have documented on film. im terribly sorry for your loss, i think its preferable to have never met your father, then to lose them. i think ill write a post about photographic memories also.