Teephphah's Sad. Poor baby. (1137 hits)
Category: Humor -> Dirty HumorRating: 2 on 17 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by prophet (View user info) at 2005-06-02 16:26:37 EDT
So, Teephphah- you have decided to face me in open combat?
You really should have prepared yourself better. My kung fu style is best.
The challenge (taken from http://www.ubersite.com/m/67609):
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Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-06-02 14:44:06 (#)
Ranking: 2
You dirty fucking cocksucker.
First you completely disappear from this site, THEN you choose to RE-appear only AFTER *I* have valiantly plagarized the SHIT out of UberMadness (a contest in which I plan to decimate you in the off-chance you should even qualify - which is doubtful). Had you chosen to show your cowardly face before I had started the contest you WOULD have been in it, you scathing, cynical fuck.
Oh, but I know, you've been busy. What with your UNDERGRADUATE studies and all . . . oh, mama. Boy, those sure can be brutal. I know. Finding time to spend those three hours outside of class PER CLASS PER WEEK is a nightmare, what with all your fraternal and rectal-sodomy obligations.
Anyway, as for your "please consider this my "write-in" campaign for UberBadness! post, I'm afraid that iddqd is going to have to stand up for himself if he wants to. You and the Crocodile Hunter can go make sweet forbidden love somewhere's else. Preferably not in this country, as, and I'm sure you know, REAL beer drinking/video gaming American Heterosexual Males don't need a flyboy so obviously obsessed with the Mr. Erwin's nuts standing up for our cause. Thanks anyway.
As an additional aside, did you really feel ANAL retentive enough to correct Apollo's use of the technically and legally correct (even per your demonstraton in the replies) form of the pluralized "LEGO" and THEN go off and refer to Mr. Erwin's opponents, whom, we are told, were trained in the "delicate Samuraii arts" and THEN go and conclude that "seventeen honorable and fierce llama ninjas" were slain?
Samurai or Ninja buddy? It AIN'T gonna be BOTH.
Even people who don't know the correct pluralization of LEGO know that much.
In conclusion, fuck you you fucking fuck.
Good Day to you sir.
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Dear TEEPHPHAH,
Thank you for taking the time to write NetProphet, TEEPHPHAH. Your patronage is important to us.
Responding to your comments, in the order in which they were received:
"You dirty fucking cocksucker."
I think I've made it pretty clear through the majesty of the general awesomeness of my Apollo post that cock is not an item I enjoy sucking. However, I will not deny allegations that I am both dirty, and on occasion, fucking. I do feel the need to emphasize that when said fucking is taking place, it is solely in the company of a woman, or women. I am afraid that you will need to find a means by which to fulfill your cocksucking needs elsewhere.
"First you completely disappear from this site, THEN you choose to RE-appear only AFTER *I* have valiantly plagarized the SHIT out of UberMadness (a contest in which I plan to decimate you in the off-chance you should even qualify - which is doubtful). Had you chosen to show your cowardly face before I had started the contest you WOULD have been in it, you scathing, cynical fuck."
Yes, I disappeared for a while. It's nice to know that someone missed me so very much, but I would sleep better at night if you were a bit less obsessive about it. Once again, I am not going to put your penis in my mouth, so guilt-tripping me about leaving you pining for my presence just isn't going to do you any good. You could always try buying crack and taking it down to a seedy looking underpass... I imagine you will find plenty of hobos to satisfy your insatiable manlust there.
As for reappearing only after you pathetically sapped the life out of the most wonderful concept that is Ubermadness with your shameful and inadequate farce: you fail to realize that I posted a handful of items two months ago, and have been reviewing items sparsely in between posts. However, if you really must stroke your ego by imagining that I've come back just to be with you again, I suppose I'd prefer that to you stroking other things while you think of me.
To your decimation of me in the contest I never entered: I don't plan on qualifying, because I don't need to play. You've already lost. These words are your consolation prize. Treasure them forever.
In addition, I have it on good faith that my face, while often sexy and occasionally sweaty, is not cowardly. Munkeypants and TigerLilly, two highly credible sources, will both attest to this fact.
And yes, I am both laudably cynical and delightfully scathing when I want to be. Thank you for recognizing rapier wit when you see it. You are welcome to take notes if you think that it will help.
"Oh, but I know, you've been busy. What with your UNDERGRADUATE studies and all . . . oh, mama. Boy, those sure can be brutal. I know. Finding time to spend those three hours outside of class PER CLASS PER WEEK is a nightmare, what with all your fraternal and rectal-sodomy obligations."
Actually, I haven't been THAT busy. I just haven't cared enough about what is going on with the site to practically live on it like eighty percent of the users here do. Seriously- do you have your mail delivered here? I don't think I've ever seen you leave.
But to tell you the truth, I didn't go to class at all in the two months between my last posts and my recent triumphant return. I chose to stay at home, get wasted at eleven in the morning with my friends and fail all of my classes while pissing off my employer tremendously. And you know what? The world didn't stop turning. I'm still enrolled, I'll still make the Dean's List next semester, and I'm still gainfully employed at the company that I pretty much gave the finger to for two months straight.
You should try screwing around some time. Just watch yourself- doing it without fucking everything in your life up requires some serious pimp extrodinaire skills. It's not for the faint of heart, I can tell you that much.
You know what? I take it back... you should probably stick to what you've been doing. Your life is safe and unexciting. I'd hate to see it go down the shitter just because you can't juggle staying out all night, waking up at noon to a frosty beer and not bothering to call out of work. I seriously doubt you have the skills to maintain employment after a single day of that, let alone two months of it. But then again, few people can.
Furthermore, the rectal-sodomy obligations of my fraternity are a closed and secret matter. If you want to join in the fun, you're just going to have to pledge like everyone else.
"Anyway, as for your 'please consider this my "write-in"' campaign for UberBadness! post, I'm afraid that iddqd is going to have to stand up for himself if he wants to. You and the Crocodile Hunter can go make sweet forbidden love somewhere's else. Preferably not in this country, as, and I'm sure you know, REAL beer drinking/video gaming American Heterosexual Males don't need a flyboy so obviously obsessed with the Mr. Erwin's nuts standing up for our cause. Thanks anyway."
I had to fix your quotation marks in this one, because you somehow managed to dick it all up. Sorry about that- I'd like to represent you accurately, but I have to keep proper quotes throughout so people don't mistake your retarded ramblings for words of mine. I have plenty of retarded things to say on my own, thanks much.
Now believe you me, if I were a chick, I wouldn't have much choice but to make sweet love to the Crocodile Hunter. His powers are inescapable among eligible young ladies. Sweet love with the Crocodile Hunter is rarely forbidden, though, save for by the parents of all the heartbroken skanks he's bedded over the years. But please, don't piss all over his awesomeness and astounding testicular fortitude with your rampant jealousy. A strong man can remain confident in the successes of others without feeling invalidated by them. Look-- you can always make yourself famous for other things, like being the first hermaphrodite to fit an entire erect elephant penis in your ass. Good luck with that; I'm sure all your years of oily, oily training will finally pay off.
Oh, and one more time-- much as you'd like a real challenge in this little game of yours that you've somehow gotten half the site signed up for (and I imagine that an amount of the people on the bracket didn't even ASK to be signed up), I simply don't need to play. You've already lost. Please assuage your intense grief with the knowledge that there was simply no way for you to win, and so therefore it's not your fault. You were destined to fail, like a Jerry's Kid entered secretly by his parents in the National Spelling Bee. It's unfair, I know, but some day you will come to terms with your inadequacy, and won't that be a wonderful day for us all.
"As an additional aside, did you really feel ANAL retentive enough to correct Apollo's use of the technically and legally correct (even per your demonstraton in the replies) form of the pluralized 'LEGO' and THEN go off and refer to Mr. Erwin's opponents, whom, we are told, were trained in the 'delicate Samuraii arts' and THEN go and conclude that 'seventeen honorable and fierce llama ninjas' were slain?
Samurai or Ninja buddy? It AIN'T gonna be BOTH.
Even people who don't know the correct pluralization of LEGO know that much."
Come now, Teeph- let's be honest with each other for a moment. Have you REALLY met Samurai Llama Ninjas?
No, you haven't. And now you're just being rediculous.
The superllamas are an underground secret organization who have dedicated their lives to shrouding their mystic abilities in fear and wonder among the populace. Do you REALLY think that they're going to let you in on the true nature of their strange and fantastic powers?
Of course not. And this is precisely why you are ignorantly unaware of the sect of Llama Ninja who studies the Samurai way. We will all forgive you for that.
"In conclusion, fuck you you fucking fuck."
You've certainly illustrated the diversity of the word.
[Boondock Saints]
Oh- and it's "legos", bitch. I won't say it again.
Yours truly,
NetProphet
User Reviews
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2005-07-07 13:03:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Now I know I need therapy....
This post turned me on.
Submitted by NetProphet (user info) at 2005-07-07 12:38:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Teephphah's Sad. Poor baby. (666 hits)
Category: Humor -> Dirty Humor
Rating: 1.64 on 14 reviews (Rate this item) (View all ratings)
Submitted by prophet (View user info) at 2005-06-02 16:26:37
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I think that really says it all.
Submitted by NetProphet (user info) at 2005-07-07 12:37:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Still no word from Teeph.
What the hell man ,when u hate on someone its like whar teh fcuk did they go, uh
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-06-22 16:27:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2005-06-22 16:22:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh baby, how the hell did I miss this?
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-06-22 16:09:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by ProgramGeek (user info) at 2005-06-22 14:15:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Your fucking terrible.
Submitted by Rads_wife (user info) at 2005-06-13 23:05:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/68315
WINNER!!!
Submitted by NetProphet (user info) at 2005-06-09 17:00:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Wow. Looks like I drove him from the site permanently.
Go me.
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-06-02 22:49:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Rockage.
Submitted by Dead_0hi0_Sky (user info) at 2005-06-02 17:00:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
holy fucking shit dude!
Submitted by girlintheworld (user info) at 2005-06-02 16:53:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-06-02 16:47:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHAHA....awesome!!
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-06-02 16:43:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Shit, I already knocked him out of the competition a few days ago...
http://www.ubersite.com/m/67391
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-06-02 16:38:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHA google!!!!!
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-06-02 16:36:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
QUEEFPUFF
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
omg that's awesome.
Submitted by WildcatMcGee (user info) at 2005-06-02 16:32:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHAHAHA Google kicks ass.