Traveler's Guide to Israel (Large Picture) (1537 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 1.69 on 52 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Avals (View user info) at 2005-06-04 09:06:58 EDT
User Reviews
Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2006-01-09 14:54:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I can't believe I missed this one...this was great.
My current girlfriend is jewish and has relatives from Israel. Uhhh...that's all I have.
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2005-08-21 14:05:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by EvolvedChicken (user info) at 2005-08-19 22:05:49 (#)
Ranking: -2
You will kick my ass? Do you realize how insignificant your comment was? This is so funny.
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http://www.ubersite.com/m/73200#1526853
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Not only are you incredibly childish and easily insulted, but you're also as dense as a brick. Seriously, you have the mental capabilities of a mushroom. I've seen seaweed that GETS IT quicker than you do.
Submitted by EvolvedChicken (user info) at 2005-08-19 22:05:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You will kick my ass? Do you realize how insignificant your comment was? This is so funny.
Submitted by WillZone (user info) at 2005-08-12 15:19:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
somewhat disturbing.
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2005-08-02 06:59:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
rad: Give your neighbour the middle finger and toss another pork steak on the grill. It's what I do.
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-07-31 08:50:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Rad: Come to Aus. Everyday's a barbie day.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-07-31 08:27:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome. Still.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-07-31 08:23:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I just noticed zombie jesus.
On a side note.
My neighbor gets all mad at me when I BBQ on saturday afternoons.
When I explain that I am a satanist to him, it doesn't help.
WHAT AM I TO DO?
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-07-31 08:09:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Still funny.
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2005-06-09 10:43:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-06-08 18:18:34 (#)
Ranking: 0
It seems the cease fire is about to end with the killing of some palestinian leader and their retalitory mortar and rocket attacks yesterday.
The funny part is my wife's step father, who was around from her 1st till her 20th birthday, was a Palestinian, actually from Lebanon during the wars, so she has been exposed to quite a bit of the culture.
He isn't dead, he left her mother and three younger siblings, and they wish he was.
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End? Unlikely. It's not really all that different from a lot of the stuff that's been going on during the ceasefire. It's certainly not the first batch of Quassam rockets since it began. Nah, I think we're "safe" for the time being.
Then again, our definition of a cease-fire doesn't seem to match up to that of anyone else's.
Sorry about her dad. I'm getting drafted soon, so if they really want I can try and arrange something for him... *wink* *wink*
That ... that wasn't a really good joke, was it?
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-06-08 18:18:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It seems the cease fire is about to end with the killing of some palestinian leader and their retalitory mortar and rocket attacks yesterday.
The funny part is my wife's step father, who was around from her 1st till her 20th birthday, was a Palestinian, actually from Lebanon during the wars, so she has been exposed to quite a bit of the culture.
He isn't dead, he left her mother and three younger siblings, and they wish he was.
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2005-06-08 15:30:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Well, that's reasonable. I mean, mass transit is a shitty place to be at any time of the day.
But come on - Israel?! It's safe. Honest.
Another thought is that you might want to take advantage of the "cease-fire" while you can, because once the disengagement starts it's all going to go to shit.
And Xcuses: No, it doesn't. There's something wrong with your head; you're seeing vaginas everywhere.
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-06-08 14:44:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yea I tried the chicken thing, I doesn't work. We're talking about someone who is afraid to ride Mass Transit by herself in the middle of the day
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-06-08 14:32:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
If you start the picture from the bottom...slowly scrolling up....it looks like a woman's vagina-FYI
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2005-06-06 11:48:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-06-06 11:42:38 (#)
Ranking: 2
I really want to go to Isreal, my wife is scared though.
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What is your wife, French? Who other than the French could be such a pansy-ass chicken?
Tell your wife to man up and fucking deal with it. You can even make the 'Bock bock bocock' sound to drive the point home.
Fuck, man, I might even consider meeting you and serving as your tour-guide. Provided I get to have sex with your wife, though. I mean - she's French; and French chicks are HOT. Also, I'm not a very good tour-guide.
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-06-06 11:42:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I really want to go to Isreal, my wife is scared though.
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2005-06-06 11:22:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This cracked me up.
I have never seen the situation in the middle east, especially between egypt and israel described so thoroughly and accurately.
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2005-06-06 11:16:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-06-05 16:05:10 (#)
Ranking: 2
I knew a jew once. He was very special character. He had a corner store. He kept publically belittling his wife. A couple of times he screamed at the radio "shut the fuck up faggots" when the host read news about palestinian casualties during the big fuss over Jenin. He also once told me "I've been in the army for a long time, I was in the Six-Day war and Yom Kippur! Then I realize there were no use to kill people" That kind of disturbing so I just said "Um...ok...have a good day!" Then I surrendered, just in case.
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You're on drugs again, aren't you?
GODDAMN IT CAUL, YOU SAID YOU WERE THROUGH WITH THAT SHIT!
Sounds like an awesome Jew, though. Crazy one. Those are the best kind.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-06-05 16:05:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I knew a jew once. He was very special character. He had a corner store. He kept publically belittling his wife. A couple of times he screamed at the radio "shut the fuck up faggots" when the host read news about palestinian casualties during the big fuss over Jenin. He also once told me "I've been in the army for a long time, I was in the Six-Day war and Yom Kippur! Then I realize there were no use to kill people" That kind of disturbing so I just said "Um...ok...have a good day!" Then I surrendered, just in case.
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2005-06-05 13:57:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Do you think it's wrong that I crave attention like a junky craves his next fix?
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2005-06-05 09:15:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-06-04 20:48:35 (#)
Ranking: 2
why would tourists go to Israel?
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Are you kidding? It's the world's foremost hotspot and the region is seeing its biggest boom in the field yet.
Oh, I'm sorry, I thought you asked 'why would TERRORISTS go to Israel'.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-06-05 05:41:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Israel!
Fuck Yeah!!
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-06-04 20:48:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
why would tourists go to Israel?
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2005-06-04 17:43:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
good stuff
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2005-06-04 17:23:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Nice one, ICO! I was wondering whether someone would notice that.
What do you win? Uhm ... how about a warm, fuzzy feeling inside? Failing that, I can offer you a blowjob.
electrictoothsyndrome, you're off your meds again, aren't you? AREN'T YOU?
Wait... Holy shit! HOLY SHIT! Circe is back! CIRCE IS BACK! THE MOST AWESOMEST WOMAN IN THE ENTIRE HISTORY OF AWESOME IS BACK! YEEEEEEEEEEEEEES!
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2005-06-04 16:25:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I have a bunch of friends going there in a few days. I'll make sure they all print out a copy of this and bring it with them.
Submitted by ICO (user info) at 2005-06-04 15:30:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Noodlewaffles!
What did I win, What did I win?
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-06-04 14:36:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No, Gene Simmons IS Isreali! He's the most famous Isreali of ALL TIME! Jesus couldn't spit fucking flames! Did Moses have 10" platform shoes with badass demon teeth on them??? NO!!!
Submitted by girlintheworld (user info) at 2005-06-04 14:14:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-06-04 13:42:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I love it
Submitted by Yams (user info) at 2005-06-04 12:34:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
How coincidental:
http://www.ubersite.com/m/67766
And rad! You goofy little flip-flopping John-Kerry-esque buttfucker, you're so unpredictable! I love that in a man.
Well, I would if I liked men, anyway.
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2005-06-04 12:30:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-06-04 11:04:42 (#)
Ranking: 2
If everyone in your country had your attitude, half of the world's problems would be solved......either that, or they would increase 10-fold. I'm undecided.
You know what you should do??? You should start a terrorist organization who hates Jews, Christians, and Muslims alike, then you could present a common enemy for all three. What better way to bring warring tribes together than the presentation of a common enemy? Your leader should claim he is the incarnation of SATAN, look really scary, wear lots of makeup, and talk really loud and forcefully like Hitler. He should also wear outrageous outfits and spit blood and fire... He should also know how to use majick to woo plenty of disgruntled followers, and offend the religious authority. (Turning the Dead Sea to blood would be a nice trick.)
I nominate Gene Simmons. He's Israeli....right?
Sincerely,
- Still Patiently Waiting for the World to Get Over it's Stupid Religious Superstitions
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Ooh, ooh! I wanna be the leader! I love looking really scary and I'm really good at speaking like that; I can even do it in fake German and everything! One thing, though: I'm not at all very good with that "Black Magic" stuff; can I get an assistant for that or something? Also, I'm not particularly keen on the whole "dying" thing, either, and I'm a bit concerned that that "leader of the world's most hated organization" gig would put a serious strain on my health. You know - like with bullets and stuff.
And no, I don't believe Gene Simmons is an Israeli. Isn't he that gay dude that sucks cocks on prime-time TV?
Caul - Most of the money that the United States gives us can only be used to buy stuff from them. And really, who the fuck wants to buy all that American garbage? Plus, I could always use some more money.
Submitted by Affinity (user info) at 2005-06-04 12:18:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-06-04 11:04:42 (#)
Ranking: 2
- Still Patiently Waiting for the World to Get Over it's Stupid Religious Superstitions
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I second coming that motion
Submitted by EatMeCompletely (user info) at 2005-06-04 12:07:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Saturday laughter at its best. Good post. I'll have to email this to all one of my Jewish friends.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-06-04 11:23:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"We could use the money"
Yeah right! The United States already transfer half their GIB to your country, you greedy jew!
Alain Ackbar!!1
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-06-04 11:12:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yar, religion = bad!!!
Right?
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-06-04 11:04:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
If everyone in your country had your attitude, half of the world's problems would be solved......either that, or they would increase 10-fold. I'm undecided.
You know what you should do??? You should start a terrorist organization who hates Jews, Christians, and Muslims alike, then you could present a common enemy for all three. What better way to bring warring tribes together than the presentation of a common enemy? Your leader should claim he is the incarnation of SATAN, look really scary, wear lots of makeup, and talk really loud and forcefully like Hitler. He should also wear outrageous outfits and spit blood and fire... He should also know how to use majick to woo plenty of disgruntled followers, and offend the religious authority. (Turning the Dead Sea to blood would be a nice trick.)
I nominate Gene Simmons. He's Israeli....right?
Sincerely,
- Still Patiently Waiting for the World to Get Over it's Stupid Religious Superstitions
Submitted by NetProphet (user info) at 2005-06-04 11:03:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for finally putting Zombie Jesus on the map.
Literally.
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2005-06-04 10:58:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Holy shit! I've never been nominated for B@W before. Thanks guys! I'm touched. No, really, I am! I'm so touched, in fact, that I'm not even gonna make a joke about being touched in a place where usually only a woman can go. AND THAT'S PRETTY FUCKING TOUCHED!
Ducky - What kind of work is your friend doing over here?
Submitted by indigogecko (user info) at 2005-06-04 10:53:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i'm sorry, my pelvis is allergic to cumquats - QUALITY!
Submitted by Kamargo (user info) at 2005-06-04 10:46:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I concur... B@W
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2005-06-04 10:36:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
OK that's some B@W right there. Heelorius.
Submitted by the_mysterious_stranger (user info) at 2005-06-04 10:29:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
B@W
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-06-04 09:57:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
B@W
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-06-04 09:38:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You should have included the giant concrete barrier dividing the Palestinian territories. Heh heh.
Submitted by hairjr (user info) at 2005-06-04 09:36:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
this gets better each time i read it
Submitted by hairjr (user info) at 2005-06-04 09:36:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
YARR MATEY!!
Submitted by hairjr (user info) at 2005-06-04 09:35:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"i'm sorry, my pelvis is allergic to cumquats"
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-06-04 09:26:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
B@W
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-06-04 09:25:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Great to know somebody in the Middle East sees the humorous side of the whole deal. Awesome post.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-06-04 09:17:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Great post- thanks.
Submitted by Ducky (user info) at 2005-06-04 09:13:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ga. One of my best friends is over there right now doing some sort of Baha'i religous work. This was very nicely done though.