Thrice-damned donut indecision headaches (335 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -0.2 on 5 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Mister_Devious (View user info) at 2005-06-06 16:39:37 EDT
Begorrah! At every cursed rotation of the earth which brings forth the blighted sun like a cataract-y eye, I am brought to my scabby knees by the infinitely perplexing conundrum brought about by the bastard demon lords at Krispy Kreme.
I enter the nearby Open Pantry, adjacent to the local dealer's apartment complex, still wailing and blind from my horrific shower, and I am blasted in the face with synthetic mega-cool air that threatens to preserve me for future generations to mock. The creature behind the counter is 13% human, 87% the stuff you scratch off lottery tickets. It/she notes my height, just dying for the chance to summon the local constables and accuse me of heresy, witchcraft, and stealing pizza-flavored Combos. I ignore her, listening to the yelling voices in my head instead and bowing before the cubical plexiglass shrine that is the Krispy Kreme display case.
Chocolate glazed? Blueberry glazed? And what in the name of frog is the glaze made from? It must be the semen of the very gods themselves, wanking off the roof of Valhalla. Two? Four? An even dozen? The throbbing pain in my head grows stronger, and I fog up the glass on the case with my fetid, lusty breath, trying to lick my way through the doors. At last! It's too much! I can lose control and let my reptile-brain urges run amok! I distract the counter entity by setting the bathroom on fire, and then escape with my trophy, the entire fucking case is MINE MINE MINE MINE!!!! The air is filled with smoke, my mad cackling, and the stench of damnation emanating from my left armpit. At least my head doesn't fucking hurt anymore, but still, this happens every goddamn morning.
Don't even get me started on how I get my coffee...
MrDVS
PS: JELLIES!
User Reviews
Submitted by noconfidence (user info) at 2005-06-06 18:44:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
There are two kinds of people in this world: Those who have tried Krispy Kreme donuts, and ...
...
... some other kind of people, or something.
Submitted by indigogecko (user info) at 2005-06-06 17:04:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
0 for writing style, but you get a point from the (mostly) recovered sugar addict.
However, for future reference, arson is not the way to go. Crying because mom's looking after grandpa in hospital on the other side of the world works... admittedly it was the truth, but it got me a lot of free licorice bars!
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-06-06 17:03:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
One question.....are you a cop?
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-06-06 16:59:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
A donut problem?
You've come to the right place. We have a resident fatass donut expert on right here on Uber staff...on call 24/7.
He goes by the name of Kai.
Kai...help this poor bastard out. We have a donut issue.
Submitted by swamp_donkey (user info) at 2005-06-06 16:41:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
All this about a fuckin donut?