I had a threesome and yes, I'm still in complete shock. (3105 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 1.84 on 71 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Phallic Cymbals (View user info) at 2005-06-07 03:44:35 EDT
And before anyone asks, yes you can get a picture of it at http://www.lemonparty.org
But on with the show.
Here in Australia it's finals time at College, and the 200 Americans that have spent the last semester in my dorm on a "Study Abroad" (in most cases, 'Study a Broad') program, are heading home.
Saturday night was a big farewell for a bunch of them, and more than a few people were teary, beery and bleary. People from my college had taken over the local bar and were doing what young people do best when placed in the vicinity of alcohol and the opposite sex.
Anyway, I was indulging in my usual routine of getting way too drunk, way too quickly, dancing like an idiot and then passing out at home by 11pm, when a bizarre, wonderful and... unusual chain of events led to one of the most singular occasions of my young life.
My booze-fuelled meanderings had somehow placed me next to an attractive young lady named Sara*, and my consciousness came together long enough for me to realise she was making all the right signals. We were in a small booth in one corner of the bar (It's done "Wild West" style so most of the tables are booths) and had the benefit of a little privacy.
I was shooting off about something or other, no doubt some extended drunken tirade with little to no purpose, when another pleasant looking female placed herself on the opposite seat. She slid to the end, allowed me to finish my sentence, then grabbed Sara by the arm and slid her to the far side. They commenced standard giggly-girl relations, and i sat bored as they chortled and huddled away from me. I thought i recognised the behaviour. This new girl was the "wingman", and she was giving Sara her "objective" analysis of me and whether I looked like a mistake on legs (which I am, but luckily i don't look like one).
After a short period of me sipping my beer and staring into space, Sara returned to my side. Strangely, she was holding the other girl's hand and dragged the third party onto the seat next to us. My behavioural analysis unit came up with only one answer. She was going to blow me off, and was holding her friend's hand for reassurance.
"Peter," she said, "This is my girlfriend, Hazel*. Can she sit with us?"
...
...
Libido Holocaust.
You know way back when when all those Jews and stuff died? That's what happened to my penis. I could almost hear the wet sucking sound as my testes raced each other up into my bowels.
Now, some of you may be thinking "Score", but the fact is, I had at that point assumed the impossible would never happen. I wasn't about to sleep with two girls at once, was i? No, of course not. Of course not, right? What i was thinking at the time was that i'd just wasted 45 minutes trying to woo a Gashfeaster.
"You're... you're lesbians?" I ended up spitting the words out, and i must have had a disgusted look on my face (having just seen my sexual aspirations for the night molded into a two-way dildo and thrown in a river) because they both recoiled a little, laughed, and then Sara leaned into me and said, remarkably sexily, "We're bi".
Even at that point the little torch of possibility refused to flare in my mind, and i brushed it off, assuming she was just being a tease.
The conversation moved on and, a few hours later, i was a little more sober than when i met them but still fairly well preserved.
We'd established that the girls were from Sydney (an hour or so from where i live) and i got around to asking them how they planned on getting home, cconsidering the last train had left.
The girls looked at each other. You know in movies when there are two cute girls talking to guys and they give all these looks to each other? This was kinda like that, but not. They looked at each other like i look at a large pizza. With mind-consuming lust.
"Actually," said Sara, sultrily, "would we be able to come back to your place."
*Click*
At that point, my brain snapped. The force of the realisation slammed into me like a 50ft wall of water into a small tourist village (too soon?). OK, the force slammed into me like superman being bucked off a horse and landing on his nexk. There, thats better.
I didn't miss a beat. "Sure, that'd be cool. You guys wanna get a cab now?"
They agreed, and we all stood. Interestingly, my main priority at that point was not to wallow in my own good luck, but to search around desperately for a male friend to whom i could point out my "dates" for the evening.
None of my guy buddies were distractable. Damn. As the old adage says "It never happened till you tell your mates."
15 minutes later. Subdued light. Music. Getting High.
Me. My room. Two... TWO girls.
Obviously, it's a big male fantasy, but once you're standing in your bedroom with TWO cute girls it's actually pretty fucking intimidating. I mean, if you fail, they can easily just please each other. Also, girls (especially girlfriends) know each other's bodies a lot better than us clumsy adolescent males. Luckily for me, these girls were both really good at what they did and i never felt left out or anything.
In a threesome, some awesome things happen. A few of the cool moments worth recounting were:
-I'm making out with Hazel who is lying on top of me and my hands are occupied undoing her bra. her hands are on my chest, when suddenly i feel my pants getting pulled down and a mouth around my cock. It's hard to recount the sensation of what starts like normal sex suddenly getting that extra dimension. It's like Hazel's pussy just got a mind of it's own, ripped off my pants and started slurping my dick. Just remembering it makes me want to fuck an alien...
-hearing TWO girls moan. Fuck i love that.
-Being ridden to orgasm while having a pussy glued on your face. My fucking God, it's like being digested by pussy.
-The general feeling of flesh, boobies and pussy everywhere you turn. It's really surreal, like you're in some sort of meaty venus fly trap.
Anyway, i woke up the next morning feeling like i was Hugh Hefner. The two girls were wrapped in my sheets and snuggled together. That one image is one of the hottest/cutest things i have ever seen. Lying there, i realised that i had probably just had the best sexual experience i would have for a long time.... and realised i needed to tell someone!
I crept into my buddies room and woke him up (it was only about 7am). Ignoring his mumbled complaints, i dragged him to my door. He glanced inside. His jaw dropped. He looked from me, to the girls, to me, and started grinning like a maniac.
"Dude!!!" he said, "I was next door last night! I basically had a threesome!"
I patted him on the back and climbed back into bed. One of the girls let out a little sound ("one of the girls", i love saying that:) that made me fall in love with bi-curious hotties all over again. A little sun was shining through the window. Life was very, very good.
It's funny, but if you start your day waking up next to a pair of naked women, nothing seems to go wrong. I think... I think I'm in lust.
Coda:
Having had a day or two to think about it, i think i was strongly assisted in bed by being a bit fucked up. I don't remember any awkwardness beyond the usual, and i don't remember anyone getting left out, but this is possibly due to the mind altering capabilities of drugs. Maybe it wasn't such a beautiful thing anyhow.. Having said that, there are plenty of ways it could have been less of a success. As such, i advise any young male to do the same. Threesomes: 8.5/10
User Reviews
Submitted by iambetteratit (user info) at 2008-07-26 08:03:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My name is Iambetteratit, and I approve this post!
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2008-07-26 06:55:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh, hotness.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-07-26 01:14:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
not if it was me and two other chicks, sac
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2008-07-25 21:15:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ChickS? That'd make it at least a foursome, wouldn't it, Ex? Kinky.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-07-25 20:28:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i pick the chicks
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2008-07-22 20:44:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-07-23 00:14:25 BST (#)
Ranking: 2
i want one
---
Alright then.
wait...
two chicks at the same time right?
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2008-07-22 19:32:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The non-awkward (and in my case, non-random) threesome is a rare and beautiful thing.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-07-22 19:14:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i want one
Submitted by matnotharry (user info) at 2006-09-20 19:21:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
yes m'boy!
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-09-20 19:08:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-07-02 08:06:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Go on google. Type "ubersite"
See what you get as your second result.
Submitted by cumguzzler (user info) at 2005-06-26 00:55:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The world is jealous of you and your penis 4EVA.
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2005-06-26 00:06:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
GO SON!!! Woooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!! PLUS TWENTY FOUR ELEVENTY!!!!!
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2005-06-25 23:38:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-06-07 03:48:50 (#)
Ranking: 2
Welcome to this elite club, my friend.
******************
You have now qualified for the bronze 'finish'.
Silver is 3
Gold is 4
Platinum is ??????? uh...we've never even heard................
Submitted by Vengance (user info) at 2005-06-16 22:51:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2005-06-09 13:50:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Do not do threesomes with straight girls.
The word is not.
I imagine one bi and one str8 would be even worse.
Lucky bastard
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-06-08 11:35:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-06-08 11:02:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Suck me.
Submitted by NerfHerder (user info) at 2005-06-08 00:12:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm proud.
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2005-06-07 20:44:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2005-06-07 09:51:51 (#)
Ranking: 2
The only threesome I've ever had is when the dog jumps up on the bed.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
HAHAHAAHHAHAHA Dogpoler!
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-06-07 17:04:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Lucky bastard
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-06-07 16:44:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Freight_Train (user info) at 2005-06-07 15:41:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-06-07 15:19:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
UberGeeks are getting a UberStiffy!
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2005-06-07 14:30:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Affinity (user info) at 2005-06-07 14:06:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
i'm to lazy to go through all that palaver.
I just got me a girl that goes off like a
rocket if you blow a rasberry on her muff.
Life is easier that way.
Submitted by Chroniclysm (user info) at 2005-06-07 13:45:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Welcome to the club. Your secret decoder ring is in the mail.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-06-07 12:20:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
GLALL, we all *know* you didn't catch herpies, but you forgot to mention that you *did* catch the clap.
Gotta tell the whole story, man...
Submitted by missflibble (user info) at 2005-06-07 12:07:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I would have given you a minus something for lemonparty and me not being able to remember what it is...and being AT WORK, but my terrible memory is not your fault.
so there you go.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-06-07 11:45:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2005-06-07 11:38:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
dude, arizonas is a fucking pit. stay the fuck away from there. sure, it worked this time, but there a million better places to go.
threesomes rule. im bnot a good looking guy, far from it, but somehow ive managed to stumble into it twice now. god bless british backpackers, god bless them.
Submitted by SiskelandFatboy (user info) at 2005-06-07 11:27:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Was it as much fun as it appeared to be in the instructional videos I purchased from Vivid Entertainment?
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2005-06-07 10:29:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
a Threesome a day keeps the doctor away
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2005-06-07 10:26:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Boing.
Submitted by BobLobla (user info) at 2005-06-07 09:54:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
FUCK YEAH
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2005-06-07 09:51:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The only threesome I've ever had is when the dog jumps up on the bed.
Submitted by Ejryuu (user info) at 2005-06-07 09:42:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Textual perfection. Way to make my morning wood resurface.
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-06-07 09:38:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Shit, this ain't nothing to brag about. Not getting STD's from an event like this? That ain't either. Seven hundred girls in one room while getting high, and NOT catching the herpes? That's a godamn miracle.
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-06-07 09:37:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
BASTARD
Submitted by Mr-Boo (user info) at 2005-06-07 09:28:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well written and perfectly executed. Have you stopped smiling yet?
Submitted by blank_mind (user info) at 2005-06-07 09:15:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Oh God, my eyes, from the link, on the other hand quality story..
Submitted by Vulva (user info) at 2005-06-07 09:11:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Would you do it again? Once is enough for me!! I say that now, but...
Lay that pipe my good man -
Submitted by Burn (user info) at 2005-06-07 08:43:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I cant be fucked to rate anyone today, but this deserves a +2.
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2005-06-07 08:42:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-06-07 07:19:00 (#)
Ranking: -2
Fuuuuuuck yoooooooooou for that link.
Fuck me for clicking on it. I sensed danger but proceeded anyway.
___________________________________________________________________
HAHAHAHAHHAHA ahhhhhhhhh sorry man, that was low...
...but you just made my night.
Avals: I call everyone 'guys'.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-06-07 08:18:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ceas...
You clicked Lemonparty?
C'mon maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan......
Great story BTW, PC. And I hate you for it.
Really really.
Submitted by Mario (user info) at 2005-06-07 08:17:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Congrats, you can cross that off your "Things To Do Before I Die" list. Glorious.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-06-07 08:11:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It's all downhill from here, buddy.
Just kidding. Congratulations, I'm very proud of you.
Submitted by Soley_Trinity (user info) at 2005-06-07 07:58:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is too good...
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-06-07 07:43:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Like many things, the euphoria will wear off in a month or two, then you'll be pissed that you can't re-create that scenario. This, in turn, will cause you to go into deep depression....eventually killing yourself.
Congrats dude
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-06-07 07:24:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Another +2 for 'Libido Holocaust' and 'Gasheater.'
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-06-07 07:23:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My petulant outrage has worn off. Upon reading it, this is a magnificent post. You give hope to us all.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-06-07 07:19:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Fuuuuuuck yoooooooooou for that link.
Fuck me for clicking on it. I sensed danger but proceeded anyway.
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2005-06-07 07:04:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Libido Holocaust.
Brilliance.
Although I think you've peaked too early - Everything in your life is going to be downhill from here on.
Submitted by Ducky (user info) at 2005-06-07 06:55:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Congratulations!
Submitted by hobbs (user info) at 2005-06-07 06:44:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2005-06-07 03:48:41 (#)
Ranking: 2
Well, I need new pants.
Thanks. Thanks A LOT.
Submitted by Chillax (user info) at 2005-06-07 06:41:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"The general feeling of flesh, boobies and pussy everywhere you turn. It's really surreal, like you're in some sort of meaty venus fly trap."
+2, but I still your lucky ass with every fibre in my (non-lesbian-threesomed) body. Git.
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2005-06-07 06:22:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Just requested it. others should do the same
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2005-06-07 06:19:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This had some beautiful lines in it, "to soon?" and "8.5 out of 10" most notably... Now I don;t often say this but B@W!
Submitted by Wazza (user info) at 2005-06-07 06:12:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah, ill pay that,now you are in the land of the living man!
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-06-07 06:06:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
*stares...*
...
...
*pats Phallic's back*
...
...
*walks away disbelieving and jealous*
Submitted by hairycoo (user info) at 2005-06-07 05:58:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
good times
Submitted by Bellebrown (user info) at 2005-06-07 05:49:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Spread the love but don't spread the nasties.
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2005-06-07 05:18:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good work, soldier.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-06-07 04:53:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
awesome.
Submitted by CLAIRE1 (user info) at 2005-06-07 04:23:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Congrats. I had a threesome once. But it was with two ugly chics. So I could not really brag about it too much.
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2005-06-07 04:19:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Sure, that'd be cool. You guys wanna get a cab now?"
Freudian slip?
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-06-07 04:06:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Dude!!!" he said, "I was next door last night! I basically had a threesome!"
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
This would have been my reaction to being told too.
Submitted by tinactin (user info) at 2005-06-07 04:03:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Rating 8.5/10 is hilarious. I could continue with a story, but I wont.
Submitted by Jutsin (user info) at 2005-06-07 03:56:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Just think; without University you may have never experienced this glorious thing.
University, we make threesomes happen.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-06-07 03:48:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Welcome to this elite club, my friend.
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2005-06-07 03:48:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well, I need new pants.
Thanks. Thanks A LOT.