How to purchase and install a gas convection heater (18459 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: crap:humour
Rating: 1.97 on 97 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Circe <fickle.muse.at.gmail.com> (View user info) at 2005-06-07 08:40:55 EDT
An important first step - the most important step of the whole process, really - is to overspend your budget by exactly $243.56. No more, no less. More, and the anal retentive Dutchman to whom you've shackled yourself in the no-other-sex-with-anyone-ever hell that is marriage will explode immediately. Less, and you won't feel bad enough to make the rest of the process as interesting and instructive as it could be.
So. Overspend by $243.56 on a gas convection heater with a nifty LCD screen and a remote control and two program settings and all sorts of wonderful things that don't mean much to you like "Lo-Nox" and "Cool Touch Convector" and "Doesn't spontaneously combust much." Buy it mainly because the saleswoman is cute and cheerful and her mouth looks like something you could probably spend the next few weeks violating in every way one woman can violate another, and when she says "Lo-Nox" her upper lip does this quivering thing that would taste like honey on your tongue.
Lose the seven year old somewhere in the plasma screens over the other side of the store while you hand over almost a thousand dollars to the sweet mouthed little blonde with streaks in her hair (she wanted me, I know it) and watch her ass as she carries the damned thing to your car.
Locate the seven year old, where he sits crosslegged in rapt and attentive worship at a seven foot full color widescreen altar and drag him bodily to the car as he mumbles electronic brand names under his breath. Assist the blonde goddess in putting the heater into the back of your station wagon. Have the following exchange:
"Do you think it'll fit?"
"Yeah.. we'll just.. lift this.. and shove this in there..."
"Oh, getting rough, huh?"
"They like it that way."
"Who doesn't?"
Decide to come back later and follow her home, and then return to your Castle of Marital Bliss and Family Perfection. Have a brief "discussion" with the Dutchman that involves this:
"Look how pretty I am."
"Oh god what have you done?"
"No, really, look at my pretty boobs."
"What did you... oh lord those are nice... what did you spend?"
"..I find you very attractive."
"GODAMN YOU, YOU FUCKING IMPULSE BUYING BITCH!"
"With great tits."
"Well, I didn't marry you for your cooking."
Wrestle the heater inside and hook it to the gas and electrical outlets, as per the crystal clear and non-translated-from-the-original-polish-by-an-illiterate-indian-telemarketer instructions. Gently explain to the two year old twins that having Gladiator battles with the Styrofoam packaging isn't a fun idea. Switch heater on.
Observe, with dull surprise, the pretty blue LCD flash with "Flame fail. Press reset." Press reset like the appliance told you to, because doing what appliances and wildlife tell you to do has never steered you wrong before.
Repeat.
Repeat.
Cry.
Put the twins in seperate corners because they were trying to beat each other to death with pieces of the box the heater came in. Blame the Dutchman for this mess, because he interrupted your masturbation last night and if you'd had an orgasm you might not be all tense and frustrated and willing to buy dodgy heaters from hot little saleswomen.
Reread the instructions. In a moment of inspiration, spend a productive half hour tearing them into teeny tiny pieces and sprinkling them around the heater in a pagan ritual of fertility. Then try and explain this to the Dutchman without using the word "medication."
Go outside and beat a stick against the wall where you assume the gasline runs. Come back inside flushed and triumphant after beating the wall into submission, and turn the heater on. Watch the little blue screen flash "Flame fail. Press reset."
Press reset.
Repeat.
Repeat.
Repeat.
Call the gas company and scream at them for supplying dodgy bayonets. Scream at the Dutchman for asking if you put it in the wall properly. Scream aimlessly at walls and furniture and pets. Sit on the floor by the heater, stare grimly at the television, and repeatedly press "On. Reset. On. Reset." For an hour and a half. Snarl at the Dutchman when he suggests you give up. Mumble something about air in the gas pipe and persist in your monotonous "On. Reset." meditations.
Start trembling with orgasmic joy when the fucking thing finally works. Gloat. Try to program it only to realise that you need the instructions to do so. Conveniently forget about the teeny tiny pieces and blame the Dutchman.
Dance around smugly until you're threatened with divorce.
(Congratulations on purchasing the new Everdure Lumina Convection Cool Touch Lo-Nox LCD Easy Program Spawn of Satan Tool of Destruction! We're sure you'll find that your new heater is as easy to use as the average nuclear reactor. If you have any problems, don't call us. Ever. We don't exist.)
User Reviews
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-03-31 00:44:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This was hilarious.
Submitted by givekidsmeth (user info) at 2006-02-16 00:13:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
this was funny as fuck. you've obviously just built off a mundane impulse buy, but it doesn't matter if the rest is a complete fabrication.. it made me laugh.
the pseudolesbianism you probably hoped to get hits off couldn't hold a candle to "Go outside and beat a stick against the wall where you assume the gasline runs."
probably the first article on boredatwork i've taken the time to comment on. good shit.
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2006-01-09 16:36:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I've been waiting a long time to +2 this post. Ever since I was a wee lurker. Satisfaction is mine.
Submitted by jinhenkim (user info) at 2005-07-10 05:04:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
mmmmmm, "hot little saleswomen". rggggggg.
Submitted by stupidsexyflanders (user info) at 2005-07-10 04:51:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh man I'm gonna get banned!
Submitted by Pseudovillain (user info) at 2005-07-10 04:49:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Is you have to set it to combust, it's not spontaneous, now is it?
BTW, nice tits.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-07-10 04:26:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Word to your mother.
Submitted by rdn4 (user info) at 2005-07-09 18:53:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Might as well keep it high
Submitted by strider (user info) at 2005-07-05 18:05:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I enjoyed it.
Submitted by BillsSBChamps (user info) at 2005-07-05 17:52:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Looks like I wasn't the only one.
Submitted by Spooner (user info) at 2005-07-03 15:51:57 (#)
Ranking: 2
+1, but I feel bad about bringing your score down.
Submitted by ohfukmeh (user info) at 2005-06-12 23:45:46 (#)
Ranking: 2
+1(+2)
Submitted by CanucksFan (user info) at 2005-06-12 16:32:12 (#)
Ranking: 2
I didn't really get it-- but I'm not one to break a +2 streak
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-06-07 11:48:56 (#)
Ranking: 2
I didn't understand this post :-(
Don't you call me beaverfrog again!
congrats on B@W I guess
Submitted by BillsSBChamps (user info) at 2005-07-05 17:28:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Sorry folks but this is not the best ever it was barely even worth reading. I have no idea how this is on b@w and has a perfect +2. This is a case of rating the poster and not the post.
Sorry Circe but this isn't even your best let alone the best ever.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-07-04 02:13:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Looks like Cigarr's rating no longer counts, putting this in it's rightful place among the best.
Submitted by Spooner (user info) at 2005-07-03 15:51:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+1, but I feel bad about bringing your score down.
Submitted by VodkaFace (user info) at 2005-06-23 10:48:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sweet. Ubersweet.
Submitted by FWFIV (user info) at 2005-06-17 10:32:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
PRETTY BLUE LCD FLASH, FUNNY AS CAN BE
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-06-16 01:06:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I hope cigarr is banned.
Submitted by cigarr (user info) at 2005-06-16 00:57:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-06-13 21:18:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by transformer (user info) at 2005-06-13 08:09:10 (#)
Ranking: 0
Booyeah!
-----------
Way to fuck over a Best Ever.
Submitted by pantsarestupid (user info) at 2005-06-13 15:00:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeehaw
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-06-13 10:29:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Circe, the only reason this is on B@W is because of the lesbianism.
Little do they know that the salesgirl had little titties and peechfuzz on her lip.
Submitted by transformer (user info) at 2005-06-13 08:09:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Booyeah!
Submitted by ohfukmeh (user info) at 2005-06-12 23:45:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+1(+2)
Submitted by CanucksFan (user info) at 2005-06-12 16:32:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I didn't really get it-- but I'm not one to break a +2 streak
congrats on B@W I guess
Submitted by gina (user info) at 2005-06-12 15:41:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
sorry. Sheesh!
Submitted by DanielH (user info) at 2005-06-12 09:44:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Buy it mainly because the saleswoman is cute and cheerful and her mouth looks like something you could probably spend the next few weeks violating in every way one woman can violate another
- - -
Spontaneous/convection +2
Submitted by Freight_Train (user info) at 2005-06-11 12:18:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2005-06-11 09:47:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuck, Ser-sea, you're funny as shit. 2 on 71 reviews.
Submitted by choc_bongo (user info) at 2005-06-11 09:27:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2005-06-10 11:29:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Congrats on B@W
Submitted by jack11058 (user info) at 2005-06-10 05:51:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i'm a dutchman too!
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2005-06-10 03:38:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy moly you crack me up!... I love the way you refer to him as the dutchman... I don't know why.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2005-06-09 18:21:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
pure Gold...
Submitted by KillerTofu (user info) at 2005-06-09 17:19:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Simply awesome Circe
Submitted by the_lone_stranger (user info) at 2005-06-09 17:05:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I love spontaneous styrofoam gladiator battles.
Submitted by SiskelandFatboy (user info) at 2005-06-09 14:27:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Congrats on B@W, Circe.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-06-09 14:08:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Look! This is best post evar!
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-06-09 09:05:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
He doesn't think it's mean... he pets my head and says "Awww, you're all psychotic and stuff."
Submitted by BigCore (user info) at 2005-06-09 08:32:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Are you really that mean to the Dutchman?
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-06-09 07:55:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hahahahahah that rocks.
Thanks whoever nominated it.
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-06-09 05:21:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey! B@W! Woo!
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-06-08 20:42:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2005-06-07 21:00:24 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Bickerstaff (user info) at 2005-06-07 20:10:33 (#)
Ranking: 2
And here I thought "install a heater" was some Aussie euphemism for jet propelled, nuclear
female masturbation: strangely appropriate material for a Circe post, let's be honest.
Imagine my disappointment when I found that this post was actually about installing
a heater.
That's the problem with Circe, her posts are always so disappointing...
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Guess who's back, back... for the first time.
--------------------------------------------------------
I hope you're down for UberMadness, you'll have just gotten in.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-06-08 20:19:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
everything costs £200 more than you want to spend- it's the law.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-06-08 19:57:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That's entertainment.
Submitted by blank_mind (user info) at 2005-06-08 16:14:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I am in tears from laughing.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-06-08 12:55:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2005-06-07 21:00:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Bickerstaff (user info) at 2005-06-07 20:10:33 (#)
Ranking: 2
And here I thought "install a heater" was some Aussie euphemism for jet propelled, nuclear
female masturbation: strangely appropriate material for a Circe post, let's be honest.
Imagine my disappointment when I found that this post was actually about installing
a heater.
That's the problem with Circe, her posts are always so disappointing...
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Guess who's back, back... for the first time.
Submitted by Bickerstaff (user info) at 2005-06-07 20:10:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
And here I thought "install a heater" was some Aussie euphemism for jet propelled, nuclear
female masturbation: strangely appropriate material for a Circe post, let's be honest.
Imagine my disappointment when I found that this post was actually about installing
a heater.
That's the problem with Circe, her posts are always so disappointing...
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-06-07 19:58:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I must apologize for letting you down in HATEMADNESS 2005.
Oh and good post too
Submitted by matnotharry (user info) at 2005-06-07 19:31:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
gold
Submitted by transhuman (user info) at 2005-06-07 19:05:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you are the best.
Submitted by Deidra (user info) at 2005-06-07 17:40:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I love you.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-06-07 17:18:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I always forget - you're a Dutchwoman, living in Australia, yes?
Or the other way around?
Submitted by Stin (user info) at 2005-06-07 16:41:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That's it, you're installing any further gas appliances I ever purchase.
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2005-06-07 15:42:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yes I relax quickly. (I am consulting a doctor).
The +2 stands.
------------------------------------
Submitted by Bellebrown (user info) at 2005-06-07 09:31:49 (#)
Ranking: 2
hehehe I do the thing with the boobs when I spend too much too...
Ahhh men. They're so stupid for boobies.
------------------------------------
We are and may I say you have a lucky Dytchman.
-Dave
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2005-06-07 15:35:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
OK.
I got as far as "Honey on your tongue" and now I have to go and "relax".
Will finish shortly. (The story I mean).
-Dave
Submitted by SiskelandFatboy (user info) at 2005-06-07 13:36:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
very very funny.
Submitted by hairycoo (user info) at 2005-06-07 12:16:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you said a lot with so few words. exceptional.
Submitted by missflibble (user info) at 2005-06-07 12:12:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
rockin
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-06-07 11:58:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Knows how to install heating units...
Reason #1472 why you rule.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-06-07 11:48:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I didn't understand this post :-(
Don't you call me beaverfrog again!
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-06-07 11:29:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Dear lord, why would you want to do a pagan ritual of fertility? It would either result in you suddenly becoming pregnant with, I don't know, septuplets, or the heater reproducing. And the one of them sounds challenging enough. More would probably take over the world.
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2005-06-07 11:20:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
He is right about singapore airlines, that was one of the best things about working there.
I am pretty sure he wouldn't mind your overspending if you brought the sales girl home.
Submitted by Ainkara (user info) at 2005-06-07 11:00:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I like you. *purrrr*
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2005-06-07 10:52:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2005-06-07 10:39:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Now this! This was fucking good stuff. Western Australi produces much iron ore.
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2005-06-07 10:38:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Heh. "Lo-nox" is a funny word.
Submitted by ess-arr (user info) at 2005-06-07 10:29:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by interchange (user info) at 2005-06-07 10:26:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
1. Move to Florida
....
No, scratch that,
1. Get a club
2. Drive to the store you bought the heater
3. Find the hot chick and give her a quick knock on the head with the club
4. Tie her up and put her in the car
5. Move to Florida
6.
7. Perform gratuitous acts of lesbian pleasure in my living room for all eternity
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-06-07 10:18:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2005-06-07 10:14:57 (#)
Ranking: 2
Now I'm off to fix my John Deere. Mmmmmmmmm.....axle grease. :)
__________
I just whimpered.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-06-07 10:18:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sorry Circe, I didn't mean nothin'. I take it back.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2005-06-07 10:14:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-06-07 10:10:03 (#)
Ranking: 0
Tool belt, heels, and a smile, Mike.. hair all pinned up, face flushed with exertion.... full mouth parting in a slow smile at the sight of you, and then I'm kneeling on the floor, eyes shadowed with lust and passion and need and something darker.. hotter.. dangerous...
(I feel so fucking dirty right now, I can't even tell you.)
That did it. Thank you, honey.
Now I'm off to fix my John Deere. Mmmmmmmmm.....axle grease. :)
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-06-07 10:10:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Tool belt, heels, and a smile, Mike.. hair all pinned up, face flushed with exertion.... full mouth parting in a slow smile at the sight of you, and then I'm kneeling on the floor, eyes shadowed with lust and passion and need and something darker.. hotter.. dangerous...
(I feel so fucking dirty right now, I can't even tell you.)
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-06-07 10:08:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
So it blew up, right?
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2005-06-07 10:04:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Did you wear a tool belt when installing it?
Please......tell me you wore a tool belt and nothing else..........hurry......I'm almost there.......:)
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-06-07 10:02:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Berty, it's like this. He's dutch. I'm me. He is very very cautious, I am very very.... not cautious.
when we set a limit on something, he says "X" and I say "Y" and we settle somewhere in the middle.
$200 over budget on a one-off purchase isn't gonna break us. Really, we have it under control.
And I always clean the bath.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-06-07 09:56:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well I for one consider overspending a mental illness, just like cleaning the bath. Don't get me wrong, you shouldn't budget every single purchase and whip out a calculator and note pad everytime you buy a coke, you just need to allocate a budget that your going to piss away on toys (or whatever).
Being in debt is not something that adds 'zest' to a marriage. Nor does cleaning the bath for that matter.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-06-07 09:47:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Vulva (user info) at 2005-06-07 09:43:04 (#)
Ranking: 2
Did you and the sales chickie ummm...you know -
_________
I've only been married 2 months. I think I'll give it a year before I go picking up women and bringing them home as pets.
"Honey, can I keep her? She's so well behaved... she only pees on the furniture when I tell her to..."
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2005-06-07 09:46:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I love you, and if you don't get on MSN RIGHT FUCKING NOW I'm going to kill you slowly using nothing but a rusty hacksaw, a spool of razor wire, and a whole lot of rubber tubing.
Submitted by Bellebrown (user info) at 2005-06-07 09:43:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-06-07 09:42:28 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-06-07 09:29:12 (#)
Ranking: 2
You know if you'd just bought the heater you ahd originally budgeted for you could have paid for an engineer to fix it, thus saving both you and your Dutchman a lot of stress.
----
I'm with Circe on this one.
There is little point in budgetting if you don't occasionally over spend... life would just be too boring.
Submitted by Vulva (user info) at 2005-06-07 09:43:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Did you and the sales chickie ummm...you know -
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-06-07 09:42:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-06-07 09:29:12 (#)
Ranking: 2
You know if you'd just bought the heater you ahd originally budgeted for you could have paid for an engineer to fix it, thus saving both you and your Dutchman a lot of stress.
_________
Berty, that's not how you bring the fun! One has to work to bring joyful conflict into a marriage. I do it by spending too much money, he does it by calling me names in front of my mother.
It's actually a very beautiful thing.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-06-07 09:41:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
There should be a button or knob where the gas enters the igniter/pilot light assembly. Push that and hold it in for a minute or two.
Or, you can just let the gas run until you can smell it (not a good thing) or it lights.
Submitted by Mr-Boo (user info) at 2005-06-07 09:37:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This gave me naughty images:
"Buy it mainly because the saleswoman is cute and cheerful and her mouth looks like something you could probably spend the next few weeks violating in every way one woman can violate another, and when she says "Lo-Nox" her upper lip does this quivering thing that would taste like honey on your tongue."
Yummy.
Submitted by Bellebrown (user info) at 2005-06-07 09:31:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hehehe I do the thing with the boobs when I spend too much too...
Ahhh men. They're so stupid for boobies.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-06-07 09:29:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You know if you'd just bought the heater you ahd originally budgeted for you could have paid for an engineer to fix it, thus saving both you and your Dutchman a lot of stress.
Submitted by Soley_Trinity (user info) at 2005-06-07 09:19:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Dance around smugly until you're threatened with divorce."
I manically rubbed my hands together whilst rocking back and forth after reading that line.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-06-07 09:16:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Your tales of "domestic bliss" never fail to amuse me.
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2005-06-07 09:13:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
GODAMN YOU, YOU FUCKING IMPULSE BUYING BITCH!"
"With great tits."
"Well, I didn't marry you for your cooking."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-06-07 09:10:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2005-06-07 09:02:05 (#)
Ranking: 2
so this heating up water on the stove to bathe with, how is that going?
__________
Hahahaha.
"Bathe."
Silly loki, bathing is for civilized people. We just lick each other and pick the lice off.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-06-07 09:09:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-06-07 08:58:13 (#)
Ranking: 2
You didn't purge the air out of the regulator and lines.
_________
I just dragged the Dutchman up here, pointed at that review, and screamed in his face "I FUCKING TOLD YOU, MOTHERFUCKER!"
I don't know how to purge air out of anything, so all I could do was keep lighting it, so just for future reference, how does one do that purging thing?
Fabit - Yes, he does fly, but only Singapore Airlines because "those tiny little hostesses all have such perfect perky boobs and they're just SO eager to please." You know, I can't stand that man sometimes.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2005-06-07 09:02:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
so this heating up water on the stove to bathe with, how is that going?
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-06-07 08:58:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You didn't purge the air out of the regulator and lines.
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2005-06-07 08:51:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Clearly if you'd added the proper amount of napalm applied via precision aerial bombardment, you could get rid of those pesky "flame fail" messages, and get the added bonus of finally getting some money out of that bloodsucking insurance company.
Submitted by hobbs (user info) at 2005-06-07 08:50:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hehe, boobies.
Submitted by Fabit (user info) at 2005-06-07 08:47:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you rock, as does your dutchman.
Does he fly? I've always wanted to meet a flying dutchman. I thought i had on a plane once but he was from belgium.
Good post young lady
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-06-07 08:46:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Do you think it'll fit?"
"Yeah.. we'll just.. lift this.. and shove this in there..."
"Oh, getting rough, huh?"
"They like it that way."
"Who doesn't?"
I had to beat off after that...
WHAT???
Submitted by SilvrWolf (user info) at 2005-06-07 08:46:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I could love you...
if you weren't insane.
Aw, what the hell.