My Mother the Bitch....A Daughter's Epiphany (2649 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.7 on 52 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Manicmother (View user info) at 2005-06-07 10:58:08 EDT
Being a bitch runs in my family. Me, my mother, my mother's mother, a long line of opinionated, "take no prisoners" type of women. I stand at the end of the line peering into the future, my daughters' futures, and hope to god it is not the same for them. Those before me took on the roll for different reasons. Looking back now I can say I wish I had never needed the attitude, the dark looks and even darker thoughts that have protected the core of my personality for nearly two decades. The little protection being a bitch can afford is not enough for the burden you carry because of it. But it was all I had to battle HER, the Queen of Self Involved Martyrdom.
"Self involved martyrdom?", you say. "That doesn't correlate. The two are vast extremes on the personality poles. Oceans of personal characteristics separate the two. It's an oxymoron."
Yes, it is, but then THAT is my mother.
It is wrong for a mother to be jealous of her daughter, especially if it is derived simply from the daughter's existence. My mother did not like the fact that I was bright, inquisitive, adorable. You see it took away from her glory. A glory she reveled in, a glory that ended, in fact, long before I was born. I was a useful scapegoat. The reason for her ended reign at the top of the popularity ladder. She had to take care of ME, her little usurper of power, and that made her bitter. I refused very early to be what she wanted me to be and with my mother that is as good as turning my back on her. At 3 1/2 I became the enemy.
My brother was born that year. She finally had the clingy, completely dependent child she had always wanted. He worshiped her and she loved every second of it. I was the independant. I did not want her help. I wanted to do it all myself, something to be proud of in ANY offspring. Nay, there was no maternal pride here. Just the belief that I had shown her up because there was no credit left for her to take. And so I began the slow decline of my self image, my strenght and the love of a mother.
Fast foward now to the mid-80's. I had spent the better part of my years being screamed at for things I had nothing to do with. Years being smacked around for imagined insults. Years of harrassment and being told of what SHE could not have or do because of me. The lazy sow had let herself go by now, assuming that most of the house work was now mine and anything not taken care of was a black mark on MY record. The golden son could do no wrong. He struggled in school because he didn't care, even back then, because Mommy would explain away his short comings. " It's the teachers, they just don't understand." Praise was heaped upon his C's at report card time. I was ignored because there was a B nestled amongst the A's on mine. I was ignored a lot at this point unless there was something she could take out on me. I stayed away as much as I could because of it. By 10 I had my own thoughts, my own perceptions. The force was strong in this young one, you could joke.
But it was NO joke. I had to be strong or get swept away by her and her guilt. A jewish mother could have done no better than she at placing all her troubles on her daughter. I was the reason for all the world's ails, especially as they pertained to her.....or her son. You see, I had become his scapegoat as well. I was his amusement. His favorite? You'll love this one.....his destruction of just about anything and then hiding it in my room. Mom would snoop after his "suggestion" that I may have had it last. She finds the poorly hidden mess, usually while I was out running the hills, and waits with baited breath for her quarry to return. She'd begin nonchalant, and ask if I had seen the missing item. "No, I had not." I would reply. Then she'd grab my arm and haul me into my room with the offending destruction splayed out for me to see. She would have that sickly sweet smile on her face, a glow in her eyes spelling out my inevitable doom. I had not just broken something now, I had lied about it. I had DARED to lie to HER. The ultimate penalty would then be metted out. I remember her screaming about never being able to have nice things because I would destroy them. Berrating me for being selfish and not giving a damn for anyone or anything. How could I do this to her? Why did I do things that made her HAVE to punish me? And during these sessions of beating and screaming my brother would sit in the doorway, with the same evil smile as his mother.
I was usless. I was bad. I was a selfish bitch. That's how I spent the beginning of my life. It was after these instances that I truly began to doubt my own self worth. I would go through bouts of depression throughout my adolessence, striving the only way I could through school and the secret hope of escape come graduation. I let it slip....once. "You are never going to get into college with you're grades. You'd better get yourself a damn job because we're not paying for it. You better get a full ride otherwise you're not going anywhere." Ah, the sounds of my teen years. It was always what I wouldn't get to do, what I can't do. Every dream I had lay broken at her feet just as my self esteem lay shattered in my soul. High school was hard. She ripped me away from a place that I had friends and a wonderful record going. Teachers who understood who and what I was, and even more important....how I had become that way. Friends I could trust. A future that would have ultimately thrust me above the fog and into the light. Even my brother had been doing considerably well with this, one move among many.
SHE was not happy. SHE didn't have a life or friends because she refused to get off her now fat ass and do anything more than be a "stay-at-home" mom, which of course, was better for her children. She made no effort to adapt to her surroundings. And I paid for it with my wouldbe future. We moved, of course, back to the cess pit known as Detroit. I begged her to look for houses in certain areas, "Mom the schools out there are great. Look I found some places we can afford in this district. Mom, please...." I knew even then my opinion ment nothing but I had to try. I was still hoping that at some point she would look at me, take me in her arms and tell me she was proud of me. I still wanted to please her. She did not care. Those places were 10 miles or more away from her family, from all her old party buddies. She would not do anything that would cause more work for herself. My god, did I pay.
High school was a true horror. Severely depressed, I was placed in the "required" 9th grade curriclum, beginning the school year two weeks late.
"No files from your last school, yet? No problem. You can take ALL the same classes you did last year since we have no paper proof of your advanced classes from 8th grade."
"You say you're supposed to be in chemistry? In 9th Grade? Sorry dear but you'll have to take Biology again with your peers."
"The same book from last year? Well you'll be sure to get an A now won't you."
"Most of the 9th grade elective courses have been filled already, but you can take Building Trades. That way when you get out of college you can BUILD your own vet clinic"
Thus began my downfall in school as well as future. I could go on, at this point, with the horrors of my high school days but that is another rant for another time. We are sticking to the heart of the matter here. And that is Mommy Dearest. I will say for the record, however, that my experiences there are what caused me to begin honing the bitch skills found deep within my genes. By graduation, I was in top form and feared by those who had sought to destroy me in the great social game that is american high school.
By this time,I had begun to yell back at mother. Telling her exactly what I thought of her parenting skills. She'd get upset, she'd only done the best she could with me and I was such a trying child. Then when my guard was down she'd launch her attack, slamming me with everything I'd ever done to HER in my life. I'd break everytime. I'd walk out to try to make some sense of the total lack of logic in her world and why it continued to oppress mine. I never found an answer.
I escaped this world and spent several wonderful years with the man who is now my husband. The bitch in me is still there, protecting me when I need it. But HER....she still torments me and no longer even has to lift a finger. Her words from more than a decade ago haunt me. I'm crushing myself to be the ultimate mother, the mother I never had and more. I will make sure my girls know there is nothing they can't do in this life. They will have the things they need and learn to work for the things that are important to them. I will make sure that they do not become jaded too soon. They will learn that life is beautiful, not the hell that I see it as. That's my pledge to my girls and I will kill myself to fulfill it. The dark dreams of the past that stalk me will never touch them.
You'd think that after a childhood like that I'd have learned. I would accept the fact that my mother is a self-absorbed cunt and that asking for anything from her is asking for trouble. I have not. I'm not sure which is worst, giving up hope for a mother's love and understanding, or continuing to live in the dark praying for her to come around. I made a mistake recently. One that, pains me to even think about. It is such a small thing, nothing more than a good time to someone else, but to me it was to be the beginning of my rebirth as ME. Taking my life back from the shadows that whisper my failings, real or imagined. To make ME be important to me again. To know that total giving of one's self to a cause can be as damaging as ignoring it.
I....was going camping.
It was one little thing. Mother bitches and moans, to all that will listen, that she never gets to see her granddaughters. You see, they moved back to Chicago several years ago, leaving ther house they own here in the possession of my then 19 year old brother. Once again sonny boy got his own way. Now mother cries to everyone about how her grandchildren will never know her because they live soooo far. She's been beating my father with it for 4 years now in an attempt to force him to move back so she can be with her precious son. That's right, son, not granddaughters. She uses every advantage to get what she wants. I needed someone to stay with the girls while my husband and I went camping with the hordes of Uber. She would be in town for a week to work on my brother's house. She was my only chance and a poor one at that, but hope shone within me, however pale. I asked expecting an instant barage of reasons why she could not. She suprised me. She said yes.
I have worked doubley hard to make it as smooth as silk for her to do this. I'd leave her my suv, tank full, to do whatever she wanted. I'd bring the girls by my brother's house and drop them off with the car so she didn't have to "waste" gas to come out here. We we're only going to stay two nights instead of three to make it easier on her. We'd pack up and leave early on Sunday so she would only have aprox. 48 hrs. where she would be responsible for them. She responded well, so I went on and made plans with the uber masses on our impending "meeting of the minds". I was hopeful, I was happy, for the first time in over a year I was looking foward to something. The light of possibilities began to clear away some of the gloom. And then she kicked me.
"I can't do it."
WHAT!?! What do you mean you can't do it? We've been planning this for over three weeks. How could you..... Why did you.... She began with problems in getting the counters replaced in my brother's house. "If so and so can't do it I'll have to be there that weekend to stay with somebody else putting them in." Ok, deep breath, it's not as bad as it could be. It's a ligitmate reason. I tried to thank her,trying to hide the disappointment in my voice, but she caught a wiff weakness and went right for the throat.
"Don't get angry with me."
"I wasn't angry, mom, just disappointed."
Bullshit she says and the torent of excuses decend from on high.
Then she made a mistake.
"It's not as if watching the kids is quality time for ME!"
I told her to shut the fuck up. I told her thank you for trying. I told her I would call her sometime next week, and I hung up on her as she railed away on why was I such a bitch to her.
It stunned me, what she had said. The girls were nothing more than her next bid for attention. She didn't want to see them, just to use them any way she could. She says she loves them and in her twisted mind I'm sure she really does. I will not allow them to become pawns for her love. I will not allow my girls to think that love is conditional upon aproval.
I believe the woman has cause enough damage here. I don't think I will be calling her again. My children are not toys. I will RIP THE FAT CUNT'S HEART OUT WITH MY BARE HANDS IF SHE EVER HURTS THEM. There's the bitch. It doesn't just protect me anymore but the girls as well. There is a calm and a peace within me that I have not had in a long time. There is no hope for "us", I know that know. I have left it by the side of the road, it's trash day.
I'm sorry Corrine, but my husband and I will be unable to attend. I am sorry for the inconvience this will cause you and the others. I wish it to be different but....we all know that wishing is useless.
But I did gain something from all of this. The leash has been torn off. The dark whispers of failure will go quiet. I will be remade into that which I was supposed to be. It's a new day.
User Reviews
Submitted by phauna (user info) at 2007-01-02 21:44:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That is one sucky mother.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-12-18 00:09:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-03-03 12:40:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
your mom is the reason i think some people should be sterilized instead of being given something as innocent and impressionable as children. glad you're not a fuck up. congrats on freedom, gonna ignore her forever now?
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2006-03-03 12:33:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It's scary how you and I have nearly identical experiences with our mothers. Mine is a little sister and not brother though.
Congrats on cutting the ties that bind. My father still asks why I turned my back on my mother, but I think deep down, he knows the reasons. Sometimes having certain people around, hurts more than it helps.
Submitted by erosion_rules (user info) at 2006-03-03 12:19:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Your mom sounds like my grandmother...Except instead of the insults and beatings, she would slip ipecac in all my food. Spending most of my childhood praying at the porcelain altar was great. She also would dress up in freakish costumes and hide in the closet when I went to sleep. Nothing like traumatizing your grandson, you should try it sometime. The only terrible thing left now is that I know she's still alive, albeit 1800 miles away.
+0 because no one smiles when remembering shit like that, and I should be honest if nothing else. But definitely a worthwhile read.
Submitted by leilani (user info) at 2006-03-03 11:47:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i was just rereading this and i really like it and meant to give a 2 last time! my bad.
Submitted by leilani (user info) at 2005-09-22 15:10:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
whoaaa. that was f---ing awesome.
Submitted by Obscured_by_Clouds (user info) at 2005-08-25 23:04:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Homer: I'm sorry, Marge, but sometimes I think we're the worst family in
town.
Marge: Maybe we should move to a larger community.
There's No Disgrace Like Home
Submitted by Lechuga (user info) at 2005-06-27 17:44:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
TASTE THE FIRE PIT!
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-06-22 11:36:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
FYI
http://www.ubersite.com/cgi-bin/message_get.cgi?message=11193734667481184#1400876
Submitted by TheEvilleprechaun (user info) at 2005-06-13 00:35:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
wow, intense.
Submitted by WellFedEthiopian (user info) at 2005-06-13 00:17:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow. Best of luck to you.
Submitted by Freight_Train (user info) at 2005-06-13 00:08:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
stop blaming your mother for everything that you've done wrong
fucking GET OVER IT
Submitted by kai070169 (user info) at 2005-06-12 23:53:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2005-06-12 09:21:34 (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by kai070169 (user info) at 2005-06-11 23:14:50 (#)
Ranking: 0
But don't do it. "A Jedi craves not these things" as bart would say
-----------------
Kai, how many times this week are you going to quote that line from Bart? Did it actually make someing click in that head of yours, or are you just a Star Wars nut?
--------------------------------------------------------------------
This nigga's got prawblemz........
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-06-08 00:17:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
THAT
FUCKING
SUCKS
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-06-07 22:07:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you bitch
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2005-06-07 19:09:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My wife's mother is the same way. It's my experience that people like that lack the ability to learn, though I confess I've never attempted to train one using a shock collar or thumbscrews.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-06-07 18:58:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I will say, at first, I was expecting the pic to be of your mom, flipping off the camera.
Then, I read the post, and man, that was worse!
You know what I would do if I were you?
I would tell my kids that Grandma died, then NEVER let her see them again.
If you don't want your children to become diseased, then don't expose them to contamination.
I'm being quite serious, btw.
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-06-07 18:15:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I suppose a "good luck" is in order
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2005-06-07 17:59:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah, but you take it in the ass no questions asked.
Submitted by Obi-wan (user info) at 2005-06-07 16:33:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
You could always push her down some stairs
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-06-07 16:31:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Thank god my mom is sane. From the sounds of it, yours is more along the lines of uh, a government official for North Korea. Maybe not that bad, maybe, like, godammit, I gotta quit drinking on weekdays. Always remember, I am GLALL. say it out loud, say guhlahl, yeah, DURRRRR.
Submitted by Deidra (user info) at 2005-06-07 16:06:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I had no idea my Mother had a twin!
Submitted by 2x4fun (user info) at 2005-06-07 15:49:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Self involved martyrdom?", you say. "That doesn't correlate. The two are vast extremes on the personality poles. Oceans of personal characteristics separate the two. It's an oxymoron."
another oxymoron is manly shlongy.
Submitted by Girlwithaclue (user info) at 2005-06-07 15:39:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sounds like my life.
I will elaborate at another time....
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-06-07 15:25:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Lay off the pipe, before your next picture, though. If possible.
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2005-06-07 15:14:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I feel truly blessed to have had the two most amazing parents.Yet I feel how you must relate to your mother.
That is seriously harsh.
Awesome post and amazing picture.
I was listening to "When Doves Cry" as I read this and it couldn't have worked better.
You post far too infrequently.
Good Luck, hope you make the trip.
-Dave
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-06-07 15:08:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Great Post MM. Do something cool with the kids instead. You sound like a great mum.
Submitted by Affinity (user info) at 2005-06-07 14:47:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
time for a smiling camwhore don't you think?
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-06-07 14:23:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It is unfortunate that she has failed you so. Well done in overcoming adversity. \when the bitch whithin you finally dies you will be truly free of your mother. That bitch whithin you is her, her malice and pain, living on in you. It is not your freind. It is a legacy of a time that is no more. As you said; you don't need her anymore.
Your great Manic. I wish I was half the human being you are.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-06-07 13:42:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Couldn't you just take the kids along?
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2005-06-07 12:55:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
As I told you earlier... don't be sorry. I'm sorry you can't camp, but I do expect to see you and your man and your babies on Saturday. They will love swimming and playing at the beach.
Not everyone is fit to be a parent. It's a sad realization, I'm sure. Every time I hear things like this it makes me feel so lucky to have had "normal" parents, because it seems like most parents are just grown ass kids.
I had a friend in highschool with an alkie mother, and a father that refused to admit that she was his daughter. He insisted that her mother had had an affair, and ignored the fact that my friend looked just like him.
When my mothers father died (when she was 30), she told her mother that she was afraid to get close to her, because the death of a parent was so hard... So my mothers mother said, "Okay, we won't talk again", and they didn't talk for nearly 15 years.
Another friend of mine grew up listening to her dad say, "Meg, you are so fat. You're ugly, too... that's sad. I wish you were at least fat and pretty, because then you'd be able to find a husband."
etc
Anyway... we'll hang out sometime, we live close enough, and I'll be working in Livonia soon, which is even closer.
You're a strong girl, so use that strength baby!
Submitted by PokeyPecker (user info) at 2005-06-07 12:40:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ok, I read it now. That sucks. Makes me think of Eminem's mother.
Submitted by Draqus (user info) at 2005-06-07 12:26:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm afraid I'm really only concerned with the "self-involved martyrdom" comment.
It's not an oxymoron. And this is for why:
If you a martyr for religious purposes, then surely you feel some sort of eternal reward is imminent upon your death, and the cynic in me can't help but feel that there is a hell of a lot of self-involvement in that kind of action. Non-religious martyrdom is just the same, but the dividends are in a different form.
Selflessness is non-existent.
Submitted by paxlaurien (user info) at 2005-06-07 12:18:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
and with that realization, you've just saved a fortune in therapy costs.
congrats! Now if only I could manage the same for myself.
Submitted by YELLOW-MAN (user info) at 2005-06-07 12:17:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
that picture is just Wow....
Submitted by jojojojoan (user info) at 2005-06-07 12:15:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hey at least she doesn't smoke the crack like mine does.
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-06-07 12:10:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Where in Detroit do you live that is that bad?
Submitted by girlintheworld (user info) at 2005-06-07 12:06:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh, God. Is this what the next ten years of my life would be like? Hm. Thanks for the horrid insight.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-06-07 12:00:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I <3 Circe.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-06-07 11:58:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'll babysit!
Ship them out here to Australia and oh the fun we'll have. You can stay the whole three days. Hell, stay a month. Seriously, dude, I have this huge house and yard and okay I might be a little bit odd sometimes but my kids have turned out fine and oh PLEASE can they come over PLEASE???
I'll let them dress the twins up like dollies and put them in "Last Twin Standing" cage matches! Little girls love that shit.
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-06-07 11:45:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Um. I'm not quite sure what to say here.
I'm sorry about your past?
Congratulations on your new future?
Thanks for being a kickass Mom for your kids?
"You go girl?"
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-06-07 11:39:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
noobian princess.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-06-07 11:34:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ouch, that sucks. I feel very fortunate to have been given the parents I had. They aren't perfect but they always put me first when I was growing up.
Your mother is a toxic influence on your life and your happiness. You are a successful woman now, with a happy marriage and great kids. You proved her wrong, and you don't need her anymore. Let her rot.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-06-07 11:33:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Read it all.
Rating the post.
Vote for Jay Peg (jgreening) for UberMadness.
Submitted by PokeyPecker (user info) at 2005-06-07 11:30:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No! I won't! And you can't make me, asshat.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-06-07 11:21:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh. STFU NOOB!!
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-06-07 11:20:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I want nekkid pics.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-06-07 11:19:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
How about if I don't read ALL THAT, and just give you a +1 for those naked pictures you sent my way.
Submitted by PokeyPecker (user info) at 2005-06-07 11:16:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
First of all, Rad, you penis-lovin goober, I'm hardly a n00b.
Secondly, I CAN read, quite well. It's one of my favorite hobbies, in fact. Since I'm at work however, I can't take the time to read anything but smaller posts, not the Great American Novel that is this post.
No offense, and all my lubbins to you Manic.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-06-07 11:11:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
stfu n00b. Not our fault you cannot read.
ll
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Submitted by PokeyPecker (user info) at 2005-06-07 11:03:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Good fucking Christ, Manic. I love ya and all but I'm not reading all that!! Jeeezus man. Never hear from you and then BAM! You write War and Peace.